Three

I fear that school will start to fill me with morbid dread. I shouldn’t fear so much for my life as I already pronounced myself dead but this acute emotion is so foreign to me. I rarely feel and when I do it’s usually always hate. It’s funny that now the next thing I feel is fear. I wonder, do people see the hate that often burns behind my eyes? Because I certainly think they can see the fear.

Tao looked at me with such tender concern when he and his friend, who I learned is a bassist named Kris, took me to the infirmary. I saw a worried look in his eyes completely unlike what I’ve ever seen even on the face of my own mothers.

How does a delicate one such as this boy survive in this world? Music may sometimes sound delicate but it often cuts deep. Tao’s viola must weep sweat and tears and yet his sunny disposition had yet to melt away.

“Sehun.”

I snatch my hand away as soon as he touches it and move to sit up on the rickety cot.

Tao doesn’t seem to notice my discomfort. He’s unaware of how his touch has affected me. I’m so unaccustomed to the feel of another flesh and blood human. All I know is the hard wood of the finger board and frog of the bow.

Can the human body be played like an instrument? Do sounds and notes ring out according to how you touch and where?

I can feel the ghost of his fingers still on the back of my hand.

“You should go home for the day to rest,” Tao suggests. “You shouldn’t practice with your stomach like that.”

Oh yes, my stomach. My stomach is the cause of this.

I shake my head. No, I have to practice and—

I swing my legs off the bed and grab my instrument case before even slipping on my shoes.

Yes, home. Tao’s right. It’s best I practice at home.

I manage to get away from Tao and begin my walk down the hall. While in the infirmary I heard not a thing but outside in the hall, the further I go, with each single step, the pulse of that thing grows louder. I reach where I will have to pass the practice rooms. I don’t want to go any further.

I can feel it whispering my name but it sounds so far off that I brace myself to cross the hall. I walk slowly at first but as I near the room it gets louder, faster and more frantic. I squeeze my eyes shut and break into a run. The air around me grows cold and then I feel it! Hands on my shoulder and cold breathe along my ear!

“Sehun.”

A strangled cry issues from my mouth and I turn to face the demon but the hall is blank. Fresh, bright, clear sunlight pours through the windows and illuminates the hall completely. There are no shadows.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

The voice is so crisp and alive! I turn again and standing two meters away is what appears to be a flesh and blood teenaged boy but the very sight of him makes my hair stand on end. He has his hands in his uniform pockets and his hair is bright blonde.

“Who are—“

“You know me,” he says.

“P, passion,” I whisper.

He smirks.

He approaches me but I can’t move. The physical form of all that I hate stands before me and all that initial fear is gone. Instead it’s repleaced by the suual hate. My eyes harden into a glare and I want nothing more than to strangle him.

I hate this creature. I want it to feel it. I want it to suffer.

“My name is—“

“I don’t care,” I cut it off.

“I just want you to play.”

“I already do,” I reply.

It’s surreal and I should be more shaken up than I actually feel but I suppose after the earlier shock I’ve crossed the threshold into insanity.

Yes, that’s it! I’m insane, crazy and deluded. The years of nothing but playing has finally severed the last bit of rationale left in my mind. I reel at the revelation. Should it be true what would it mean?

“I want you to play for me.”

His body looks solid but when he moves it’s like liquid and air. He’s beside me and when he touches me I feel and see his hand pass through and into mine. It’s not hand holding. It’s as if we’ve merged into one.

“I want you to feel me and play.”

I shake my hands to get him out but he doesn’t budge and strange feelings are washing over my body. My face heats and I want nothing more than to get away but at the same time I want more.

I need him inside of me. I need it. It feels so… delicious. His hands slide up. I can feel it in memoving through my arms. My face flushes bright red. Foreign sounds issue from my mouth. My lefs feel weak but I manage to remain upright.

“Sehun… Sehun.”

I realize I’m panting and I can’t stop not even when the demon’s face pauses right in front of my own.

He’s not smirking though. There isn’t even a smile. Instead his eyes are earnest and soft. He’s pleading with me so why do I feel like I’m the one who has lost?

“I want to feel you,” he says. “Play.”

And at the moment, intertwined in Passion’s poisonous embrace I never wanted anything more than to play! I curse myself and the hell I let myself be brought into. I curse God for having forsaken me, my mother for pushing me, my uncle for all his well-meaning yet unneeded encouragement. I curse myself for having gone along with it and I curse mybody for refusing to die.

I willed my soul into my violin and yet I still feel this pain. What good was it all?

Now all I want to do is truly die! Body and soul should die; spare not one part of me. I don’t want to think, feel or breathe. I want passion to strangle me and take away my life. I don’t want to feel! I don’t want to feel him!

A sob escapes me and I sag against the demon. His hands no longer feel me from within. He pulls me into his steady grasp. I note grimly how I’m taller and he hugs my heads into the crook of his shoulder. I manage not to cry but I still wonder how this all looks from the outside. Am I alone in this hallway?

If I’m so crazy why do I know it?

I’m pulled into the practice room. Passion is with me as I unclasp and open my violin case. He watches as I tune and then set my sheet music upon the stand. It’s eerily silent.

The room no longer pulses. The walls do not throb.

When I lift the instrument to my shoulders I feel his body move towards me. I tense and he shakes his head.

“Relax,” he instructs.

I have no choice but to do as told and he comes even closer.

“Play for me,” he commands.

“Passion,” I say but am cut off as like a wind he suddenly moves behind me.

His arms encircle my waist.

“Kai,” he says into my ear. “Call me, Kai.”

-to be continued-

AN:  even though there is so much going on in the fandom I still  decided to continue. thanks for all the subs though I didn't get any comments. I hope it was good ;~; I guess this is a weird story so I guess that why no one comment hahaha