Chapter Five

So, is this what she will be, a floating substance within the atmosphere, Something that passes through everything? Is this what she is fated to be? Is this what destiny had for her? Is she just going to be a ghost all my life? All her efforts were for nothing and now… she is nothing. Sunlight passes through her, people does, even Baekhyun passes through her. She’s like cold air just passing by.  She’s not even matter! Matter has something that has weight and mass, and she does not possess any of these. She really is nothing.

Here she is now, walking over South Korea after numerous rain showers for the whole day. She was so confused of what will life be like for her. This rainy afternoon, she felt rain pass through her. She left the SM Building after seeing Baekhyun had just been called by the CEO. Her main attention was to continue and proceed to stalking, but she’d changed her mind, she needs to think of how she will be. It’s so complicated and unsure. Is she supposed to be like this forever? Will she be collecting those damn emotions? And if she completes those emotions, what will happen? Will she progress to “heaven?”

It was getting to be a cold and a wet night. She didn’t like it one bit. Her eyes could feel people feeling cold, wearing thick raincoats. She wrapped her arms around herself at the sight of the people, but remembered not feel anything. It’s like constantly warm all throughout her body, actually not warm, she feel nothing. It’s either cold or warm.

Someone passed through her, and she angled her body, acting to avoid him, but then failed because he just passed through. She float, actually, her feet aren’t visible. “Oh, so will I be wandering around or collecting emotions, just like what the librarian told me?” I looked at the wet roads and saw the librarian with crooked eyebrows, but now without those thick glasses framing her frames.  “Do you want to move on or not?!” she angrily asked her, pointing with her pointy finger.

She was unsure of what she should answer. Does she want to move on or not? She just gave a silent nod and then shook her head. Confusion was invading her. Slowly, her body was trembling and she doesn’t why. I mean, she is a ghost already, how could she feel such thing? It wasn’t making any sense. Her vision became blurry and her legs became wobbly. She was lacking energy, which was impossible… because she can’t and she is not supposed to be.

She woke up in a familiar room. It was that wide brown room filled with books again. Under her head were three heavy, thick books, acting as her “pillow” and under her body were three usual wooden chairs that were just side-by-side to match her body’s length. The floor was still covered with books, still dusty, and a few meters away she saw broken glasses, must have been the librarian’s. From the other room, the librarian appeared, carrying books and was followed by a teenager.

The teenager was girl and had huge bags under her eyes. The librarian placed the heavy books on top and proceeded to the very last page. After a few of her pen, she handed the book over the teenager, and with a flash the teenager disappeared.

“Yong Jikyun?” she called. Jikyun tiptoed her way towards her through the scattered books and looked at the librarian, bewildered.  Not realizing why there is a need for her to be there again. And as if the librarian had read her mind, she quickly replied, “You lost energy and fell on the floor, oops, the atmosphere. So I picked you up.”

“Why did I faint? I mean, how I am supposed to lost energy if I don’t have any?” she asked, bewildered and confused as ever, thinking of possible answers.

“I am now invisible to the human eye, which makes me nothing, like bacteria or .  Before, I was nothing, but now I became more nothing… or nothing-er. I lived through my own world. The animation I have created through chasing my idol. In this world where I was useless, I became useless-er. If I could have just embraced my imagination-life, my little small realm, a big ball of happiness, I could leave happy and peaceful without any worries…But why must I needed to die?!

“’Ghost’ is not the inappropriate term, you should use spirit. Take note, these words have differences between them. Spirits are lost souls while ghost have nowhere to go. You’re a spirit, you have a destination.  And spirits lost energy too, every time they do not know where to go.” The girl behind those thick frames of glasses explained furthermore, Jikyun nodding her head all throughout. Jikyun didn’t quite catch up, but all he knows is that there is a correction: she is not a ‘ghost’ but rather, a spirit.

“So… what am I… supposed to do now?” she asked ferociously and slightly confused with her eyebrows curling downwards.

“You knew it, don’t ask me. It isn’t my responsibility,” the older lady answered with a straight tone, as if showing sign of expectation. That left her clueless. Hours passed and she just stared into space with mouth falling wide open, the librarian fixed the scattered book, and was on a go to the great outside.

“Don’t wait for your jaw to close itself, close it. And if you want to be outside, go out,” the girl in glasses instructed, and got her bag from the tale and left after closing the doors behind her.

Jikyun closed her jaw tightly with slight embarrassment. She bit her lips, tight her teeth against her upper lip. She looked around and found another room connected to the big dusty one she is inside of. She didn’t care if she already stepped on the books and just proceeded. She saw this room, the walls were lined with huge and wooden bookshelves. Labeled A-Z, each shelf. There was nothing else inside it, just the bookshelves around, covering the whole walls. She noticed this particular letter, “B” written on old Hangul.  
The labels acted as if they were card catalogue in a true library. She tried searching over the books and found a book with a familiar name.

She caressed the writing, having a slideshow in her mind of the memories she had. She wasn’t quite sure of what was the book about but she knew Baekhyun is somehow connected to it. All those memories showed, that night when she ended up chasing someone she had mistaken to be him when she was still a new fan, that day when it was raining but she still carried on, it all showed. 

On the first page, was a name written on Hangul, 변백현 (Byun Baekhyun), on the upper-right hand of the page. It was quite Americanized with a little bit of Asian. On the second line, was written his Korean age, and his date of birth, separated by a long horizontal . 

She carried on through the following pages and saw some weird indefinite pictures. She knew who was in the photos but still kept still and look through. She predicted what will be shown on the next pages to be a couple of pictures but instead, she saw 3 unknown numbers signifying dates.

09.20.28

“Nine, two, zero,” she silently read, rubbing the text with her thumb. It was written in printed typewriter but with a traditional Korean pen. It all occupied that whole page. On the lower-left corner was a Korean word written in very small size.

죽음 (Death).

Jikyun’s hair which covered her skin stood up. And she felt a wave of sensation washed though her. The air breeze was cooler than before. Her vision went all black and she wasn’t quite sure of what to do. It was the word death we are talking about here, the death of her favorite idol.

“I can die, but not him… I must prevent this.”

cuteismysterious' last words... for the chapter: Heyya, so I decided to proceed to making a sequel but decided to put it on the same link so it wont be hard for me anymore. I will be quite busy for the next months but I can assure an update two or three weeks later (OTL, really am sorry.) Anyways, did you like the continuation, I didn't really planned it out since my original plan was laready broken, so... I am not wuite sure of what'll happen next. 

THANK YOU VERY MUCH and COMMENT, SUBSCRIBBLES and UPVOTIES! For those of you who already subscribed thanks for giving my story a chance, I will do my best to not fail you. Thank you very much and have a good day!