A/N : I'm gonna say this in advance. I'm sorry. Go ahead if you wanna kill me.

For the past few days, Jinki drowned himself in paperworks, creating a distance between Kibum and himself. He would often stay at work, longer than work hours. Kibum had asked him about it before, but he said that he was slacking and it isn't a good thing as a boss.

His heart pained as Kibum would leave the office with a frown. They used to go home together. But ever since that day in Kibum's house, he would leave the house early and arrive at almost midnight. His heart would also ache whenever he would see Kibum sleeping on the living room as he got home, a cold dinner waiting for him on the table.

He wasn't coping well with this arrangement. But it was better than to stick with his routine for the last couple of months. A year and a month was enough for him to get distracted from work. Even if working non-stop would take its toll on his body, he convinces himself that this was the right thing to do.
 

As for Kibum, he was a lot worse in coping with this as Jinki. He would space out all day, wondering where he had gone wrong. As far as he noticed, Jinki only acted this way after meeting his family. Did Jinki grew tired of him? Is it already time for him to leave?

He would always leave the office with a frown decorating his face. Talking to Taemin about it wasn't a good choice either, since the younger didn't even know what to do as well. He would continue on doing his routines as he arrive home. He would clean a bit, watch his favorite drama and cook dinner for Jinki and him.

But there are slight alterations to these.

He would clean the same part over and over again. He would watch his favorite drama, spacing out throughout the whole episode. He would cook dinner just for Jinki since he can't force himself to eat any kind of food these days. And he would wait for Jinki until midnight to come home.

The bags under his eyes were noticeable than before, to the point that no make-up could hide it anymore. His movements grew slower. His body feels weaker. He was losing too much weight.

But Jinki is too busy to notice.
 

It was a Friday night when Jinki came home drunk. This is the first time Kibum had seen Jinki in this state from all the months they were living together. And it was surely a shock for him that Jinki denied for his help.

This wasn't the Jinki he had known and loved.

This Jinki was a stranger.

Even stranger than the Jinki he had first met on the park back then.

"Jinki, wash up first before you go to bed."

"Shut up and leave me alone." Jinki's voice was cold. A total opposite of his usual cheery voice.

"But—"

"Why do you have to be so annoying? You aren't my mother but you act like you are." Jinki glared at Kibum. "Just leave me alone."

"Jinki, you're drunk." Kibum said, more like convincing himself to understand that this is the alcohol talking, not Jinki.

"I told you to leave me alone. Why don't you go back to your family? Why do you have to distract me? Why do you keep on messing with my mind? This is the last time I'll say this, leave me alone." Jinki said, emphasizing on the three last words.

"Okay. I'll just go." Kibum said as he put a glass of water and aspirins on Jinki's bedside table, walking out of the room without another word.

Kibum felt like Jinki's words were like knives stabbing his heart over and over again. He never thought it would come to the point that thing between them will come into this. He thinks that maybe Jinki is stressed, both from work and Kibum himself.

The younger cries himself to sleep that night thinking what had happened between them.
 

Jinki woke up the next morning with a throbbing head and no memories of what had happened last night. He silently cursed as he almost collided with the wall as he made his way to the kitchen. He mentally makes a note to never going out clubbing with Joon again.

Thankfully, the glass of water and aspirins that Kibum left on his bedside table works wonders. And that's when he realized that it was awfully silent for a morning of their day-off.

On a usual morning, Kibum would sing and dance to girl group songs while cleaning up the whole house. But right now, the booming speakers were off and the latter nowhere to be seen.

He thinks that maybe Kibum is doing him a favor of not being loud since he was drunk last night.

By the time he arrives at the kitchen, it was surprisingly empty. With only a tray of breakfast on the table. He thought he would find Kibum in here like he usually does when having his tea in the mornings.

Maybe Kibum is out, he thought as he took a seat on the dining table, lifting the food cover. That's when he saw a letter neatly folded just below the plate of pancakes. He knows it was from Kibum, seeing the neat handwriting of the younger on the envelope.

For Jinki, Kibum wrote.

And the words written on the letter almost drained the soul out of Jinki. Because his everything...

Is gone now.
 

Dear Lee Jinki,

All I was afraid of is saying goodbye. It was one of the things I was never good at. Goodbyes also mean forgetting. To move on. To let go of something. To accept the path that destiny made for each of us.

I'm writing this letter with a heavy heart. What do you think has gone wrong between the two of us? I'm sorry that I've been nothing but a burden to you all this time. I couldn't even do a thing to help you. I was always a distraction, just like you said last night.

Remember when I promised that I will never leave you back when we took a stroll together that cold night of December? I'm sorry for breaking it. I should've never promised such an impossible thing. How about when you promised to always be by my side back when we went to meet my family? Thank you for sticking to your promise. It was all I could say about this. Thank you so much.

Once again, I'm sorry. For this is my way of saying goodbye. I couldn't tell you personally since I know that my resolve would waver and I would surely hesitate to leave. Thank you for everything. For being my savior. For all those silly but happy memories we had created. It was time for me to go because I don't want to be a disturbance to you any longer. I don't want to trouble you anymore. I want you to remember me as the Kibum whom you had shared a lot of fun memories with.

A letter couldn't express my gratitude enough. Knowing you was one of the best things that had happened to my life. I would always treasure the last months I had been living with you. It will always be remembered not only in my mind but in my heart.

I hope there's a time in the future where we'll meet once again. You're probably married that time and I am probably a doctor, working my off to save patients. And when that time comes, I hope we could smile to each other and talk about what had happened after I left. You'll tell me stories about your family and I'll tell you how studying medicine is difficult but worth it. Do you think we could be like that in the future? Well, I hope so. I hope you do too.

I know that by the time you read this letter, I technically had already left. But my last words were not a goodbye. I hate you. You stole my heart and I want it back. Just kidding. Okay, I'm gonna get serious here.

I love you, Jinki. These are my parting words. I just wanted you to know. Please don't feel burdened by my confession. Live your life like how you do before you met me and it will put my heart at ease. Take care of yourself always.

I'm gonna miss you, Jinki. Always remember that there's someone who will miss you every single day that pass and that you deserved to be loved. Whoever the person you fell in love with is, tell her she's lucky. Because I'd give everything just to be in her place.

Love,

Kim Kibum