Luhan wasn’t sure how he managed to stumble his way back to the Castle. Somewhere in his mind, he remembered he still had to return the dress and wash off the make-up. All he remembered was his hand gripping the wig so tight it left imprinted lines on his palm, the bordering feeling that he was going to pass out, and the guilt filling his body in waves.

I didn’t even apologize once.

He hadn’t expected Sehun to be so understanding towards the whole situation, but he probably won’t be so nice after their little fight. Luhan had to push even harder to get Sehun to give up on him. That ended up with him saying a lot that he didn’t mean. Yes, he was aware he was a terribly mean and he felt horrible recalling the incident, but regret was one thing that didn’t pop up. If he decided to regret the decision now, Luhan wouldn’t be able to go on.

After Sehun chooses his bride, I’ll go and apologize, Luhan promised himself.  By then, he’d have moved on.

But an apology still didn’t ease the worry of how the aftermath will affect Sehun. However, no matter how hard Luhan racked his brain, he couldn’t think of a better solution.

He didn’t notice that he used the secret, dark passageway Sehun showed him back when he brought him out to the pool. Passing by the dining hall on the way to his room, Luhan was knocked out of his stupor when he bumped into Kyungsoo. The chef was unlocking the dining hall doors.

“Hey, Soo,” Luhan called out. Kyungsoo’s head shot up from pushing open the dining hall doors. They emitted a heavy, dragging creak that echoed through the empty hallway.

“Luhan?” Kyungsoo gasped, “What are you doing here? Why are you wearing a dress?”

“I had some things to take care of.”

The younger took in the sight of Luhan in a dress and make-up, wig in hand. The chef disapprovingly crossed his arms. “Don’t tell me you came back for Sehun.”

“Well…”

“Luhan!”

“Hey, I know what I’m doing, okay? Trust me, I won’t ever dress like this again. The whole thing with Sehun is resolved, by the way.”

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes, “Are you sure? What if Sehun chooses Ji-eun as a bride anyway? That is the most likely possibility right now, since it’s not like there’s any other girl he has an interest in. You can’t act through marriage and even then, it’s not like you can be there all the time-”

“I know.” Luhan held back a yawn, fighting back the drowsiness. He said, in an unintentional monotone, “Don’t worry so much, okay?”

“Just don’t lose sight of who you were in the beginning and what you wanted,” The chef advised, “I don’t know if you noticed, but you changed a lot.”

Luhan always got a bit more cranky when he was tired, and it showed as he said, a tad bit too sarcastic, “Thanks for your concern, Kyungie, but you should probably focus on your matters. Seriously, you don’t need to worry about my love life.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about how you’re ignoring poor Jongin these past couple of weeks, okay? I mean, don’t you think the guy deserves at least an explanation as to why he’s being treated this way? You’re going to be stuck working here with him for a long time; it’s not like you can avoid him forever.” Luhan’s volume started decreasing as his mind caught up to his mouth. “You changed, too, okay? Especially in his eyes.”

Luhan regretted for the nth time how he downed those soju bottles like water as he watched Kyungsoo’s expression harden. He had went too far.

The chef’s anger was calm and controlled, all ice and no fire as he said, “Yeah, I changed, but I’m still an underpaid chef while you, you’re living with your best friend and getting ready to go to university. You have a real life out there, outside of this castle, and you think it’ll be so easy to just cut Prince Sehun and the rest of us out of your life.”

Luhan tried to rub the weariness out of his eyes and apologized, “I’m sorry, Soo, that was uncalled for. I’m super tired and it’s like I’m fighting with everyone I talk to now.”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes, features relaxing easily. He looked at Luhan again with big, sad eyes filled with disappointment. “You think being in love with Jongin is the only reason why I have permanent dark circles under my eyes and burns and bruises all over my hands and knees? Welcome to the real world, Luhan, where people like me have to work an impossible number of hours to even get a fraction of the amount you received for being pretty and lucky enough that the Prince fell for you.”

Luhan looked away out of guilt that all of what Kyungsoo was saying was true. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of black move behind the corner. A chill ran down his spine, followed by annoyance at himself for foolishly talking about these things in the open.

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow. “Are you even listening? What are you looking at?”

“I’m not the only one who’s listening,” Luhan answered intentionally loud so the eavesdropper could hear.

The chef turned to see what Luhan was staring at, and his look of confusion morphed into horror as the last person he wanted to overhear this conversation stepped out from behind the wall with an apologetic smile and hands jokingly raised.

“Hey, Lu, Kyungie.”

“You-” Kyungsoo backed away in Luhan’s direction and glared at Luhan with betrayed eyes. “Did you know he was there?”

“Oh, no, no, of course not,” Luhan denied vehemently, feeling absolutely terrible. He tried to grab onto Kyungsoo’s arm but the chef pulled away. “I’m really, really sorry, Kyungsoo.”

The chef shook his head and with one last, heavy look in Jongin’s direction, he turned and bolted. It didn’t take long for Jongin to give chase. Luhan was left standing alone in the hall, stomach dropping at the thought of what he had just started.

¤¤¤

“Kyungsoo!”

The chef heard Jongin calling his name from down the hall and estimated how much distance was between the two. Rounding the corner, Kyungsoo spotted the dead end with dread and cursed himself for not thinking things through. Footsteps rang to his ears. Kyungsoo hastily scanned the hall to find a saviour of a door, otherwise known as the storage room. Bolting towards said room like his life depended on it - and it did, in a way - Kyungsoo immediately regretted shutting it behind him so loudly. Jongin definitely heard that.

A knock. “Kyungsoo. I know you’re in there and I’m going to come in.”

. I didn’t lock it.

Jongin entered and shut the door behind him, making sure it was locked this time, before turning back to deal with the troublesome chef. He took one large stride, forcing Kyungsoo to step back. “Was it true?”

“Was what true?” Kyungsoo looked absolutely scared and was looking around the room fruitlessly for anything to save him.

“You saying you love me.”

“I…” Another step forward by Jongin. “I didn’t say that.”

Jongin narrowed his eyes. “You’re lying.”

“Technically, I didn’t say those exact words.”

Kyungsoo expected the butler to roll his eyes at how stubborn he was being, but Jongin continued to steadily stare him down.

“Jongin, seriously-” The shorter boy widened his eyes when he realized he had been backed into a corner, metaphorically and literally. As in, his back was pressed right against the cold surface of a wall. Not to mention, Jongin was inches away and had his arms around the chef, effectively caging in Kyungsoo.

“I know you’re lying.” The butler’s voice dropped to a husky, low tone that sent shivers down Kyungsoo’s spine. “Why can’t you just say the truth?”

A burst of annoyance spread through Kyungsoo’s body at the question. He crossed his arms and summoned all the dignity he could in that situation, finally looking Jongin straight in the eyes. “Okay. Fine. You want to know why I can’t say the truth? I’ll tell you why. You love the Prince. And even if it isn’t Sehun you love anymore, it’s Ji-eun - or Luhan, more specifically. Everyone knows that and you expect me to put my heart out when I already know exactly what your response will be?”

“And cutting me off was your way of solving things.”

“What else was I supposed to do? Confess?” Kyungsoo asked sarcastically.

“Well, yes, that would have helped a lot!” Jongin ran his hands through his hair in frustration, uncharacteristically messing up his cleanly styled, usual up-swept bangs. “Imagine if your best friend for a good majority of your life suddenly decided to give you the cold shoulder without even an explanation why. I tried to find you and apologize for whatever I did but you never gave me the chance.  I thought it was something I did wrong. I thought you hated my guts.”

Kyungsoo scoffed disbelievingly, “You really didn’t know I loved you? Oh my god, Jongin, why else did you think I waited for you while you finished your unbelievably long shifts because the Prince was such a little ? And all those nights listening to you whine on and on about how Sehun kept chasing after those random girls. You really didn’t get it?”

“I thought you were straight!” Jongin protested in his defense, “You were always assigned to the new female kitchen recruits and you’re so popular with the staff.”

“That didn’t stop you from falling for Prince Sehun.”

Jongin groaned, “Let’s stop talking about my feelings for the Prince, okay? We’re here to talk about us.”

“Okay, sure. What other ways do you want to further humiliate me by?”

“Was it really that hard to tell me?”

“I didn’t want to make things awkward and you were busy with taking care of all the new future princesses. I didn’t want to be another burden,” Kyungsoo mumbled, bravado already falling, “Nor do I want to be your ego boost.”

“Oh, god, why would you think that? How can you be reduced to an ego boost when you matter so much to me? Can’t you see I love you?”

The chef’s heart stopped briefly at the word “love” but he knew better. Before he could stop himself, he muttered in a defeated tone, “But not the way I love you.”

Jongin’s uncomfortable silence told him everything he needed to know. He knew, he prepared himself for the pain, but even so, he still felt the overwhelming wave of humiliation and hurt crashing onto his being, leaving him shakingly confused as to how he didn’t fall over yet. It was a little much to suddenly confront Jongin head-to-head after weeks - after years, even - of running away.

Willing himself not to stumble, Kyungsoo shoved aside Jongin’s arm and made his way to the exit. He fought against the rising tide of embarrassment clogging up his throat. His voice was barely above a whisper, “This is why I didn’t want to tell you. I knew this would happen.”

The shorter boy reached out to grasp the doorknob with a trembling hand but was stopped by another hand covering his. Eyes widening, Kyungsoo turned to find Jongin right behind him, closer than he had ever been before. His heart thumped wildly in his chest as Jongin smirked, “Did you know this was going to happen?”

“Wha-”

And Jongin was pressing his lips against Kyungsoo’s, swallowing every word he could have spoken. The chef swore he would have fallen to the ground if Jongin wasn’t holding him up. Kyungsoo’s brain blanked out for a second, mind short-circuiting as he tried to regain sense of his bearings and why the was Jongin so good a kisser?

Kyungsoo managed to wrench himself free, eyes big and scared, as he wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. To his embarrassment, he belatedly realized his other hand was clenching onto Jongin’s collar. Letting go, he fumbled to unlock the door, mentally planning his self-burial.

“Wait, Kyungsoo, don’t-”

“Too late, you should have said that before you attacked me,” Kyungsoo managed out before slipping out.

He didn’t stay long enough to see Jongin raise his hand to touch his lips in a sense of bewilderment, before a smirk slid on.

“Oh, the chase is on.”

¤¤¤

On the way to his apartment, Luhan stopped by a trash can underneath a streetlight. The sky was lightening, the colours fading into a peaceful, passion tea pink, which Luhan appreciated as an ending to the crazy night he just lived through. He really couldn’t believe all of that spanned over the course of one single night.

Luhan was still holding onto the wig. Ji-eun had given it to him, saying it would be bad if someone spotted her with it. He stared at the curled locks, recalling the times he had worn it and how he looked. Before, he would have rather stepped into a pool than put on the wig and crossdress. The him from a year ago really wouldn’t have been able to imagine how long he had tolerated this disguise.

In fact, Luhan was almost a little fond of the Ji-eun he played. He was undeniably beautiful. And there was nothing wrong with that.

But there was also nothing left to do with this wig now, and Luhan could feel a huge weight lift off his chest as he dropped it into the trash can. He wouldn’t be missing this part of his life.

Once Luhan arrived at Jongdae’s apartment, he was in for another surprise.

There, standing in front of their door with a small suitcase, was Baekhyun. Behind him stood Jongdae, who was leaning against the doorframe with a displeased expression. Once he saw Luhan, he nodded in greeting before heading back inside to give them some space..

“Lu, where’ve you been all night?” Baekhyun asked, concerned. “I called you, like, five times but you didn’t pick up.”

Luhan recalled leaving his phone in Ji-eun’s room while he handled things with Sehun. He patted his pockets and felt his phone. Ji-eun must have put it there for him. “I was just out drinking with some of my friends.”

“You smell weird,” Baekhyun bluntly commented, wrinkling his nose.

“Yeah, that’s the least of my concerns,” Luhan drawled, “Hey, when did you get yourself a suitcase?”

“Oh, I’m moving out,” Baekhyun said with a smile that Luhan recognized as his don’t-freak-out smile. “With the money I earned in tips, I bought this case for myself.”

“You’re moving out? Why?” Luhan blinked. Did he hear that right? “You never said anything about moving out before.”

“Yeah, it’s a rather impulsive decision. But you know me, always loving spontaneity.” Luhan could see that it took a lot of effort for Baekhyun to grin.

He asked softly, “What happened, Baek?”

It took a while, as if Baekhyun was wrestling for the right words to say, before he settled with, “I just need a break from this area.”

“So you’re avoiding someone.”

Baekhyun didn’t respond, which Luhan took as a yes.

“Okay, I won’t ask who you’re avoiding. So do you have everything figured out? You won’t live out on the streets, right?”

“We both know Bucheon’s out of question. There’s this sharehouse a few bus stops south whose owner is friends with Jongdae and nearby is a bar that’s hiring singers.” At Luhan’s worried look, Baekhyun reassured him, “I think I’ve got a good shot, and worse comes to worse, I still have my savings to rely on.”

Despite all of Baekhyun’s claims of being arbitrary, Luhan knew his friend wouldn’t make huge, rash decisions without a viable reason and that he’d never change his mind on said decisions. Sighing, Luhan clapped him on the back. “Text me your address, okay?”

“Got it,” Luhan could practically hear Baekhyun rolling his eyes. He pulled away and lifted his suitcase, waving off Luhan’s offers to walk him to the entrance. “Don’t cry while I’m gone, loser.”

“Whatever, like I’ll miss your sorry face, punk,” Luhan returned with a scoff.

They shot each other matching grins before Baekhyun started his walk down to the elevator and Luhan entered the apartment and closed the door behind him.

The aroma of freshly-brewed coffee hit him, and Luhan’s head shot up in delight to see Jongdae standing at the kitchen counter behind the coffee machine. His roommate said kindly without looking up, “Go get some sleep. I can tell you didn’t sleep at all the entire night.”

“Thanks, Jongdae,” Luhan murmured back before slinking into his bedroom, now seeming a whole lot emptier with his friend gone.

But it was, in a way, refreshing in the sense that now there was nothing tying him back to the old life he lived.

¤¤¤

For the next couple of days, Luhan searched for a job and a future university to occupy his mind instead of focusing on… him. It took a lot of effort at first, especially the first three days, when he hid himself in a blanket burrito and occasionally got out to go to the bathroom or eat porridge. Eventually, he managed to drag himself out. It was better to keep himself busy or else he really didn’t know what he would have done with himself. Luhan had always chosen to sink into routine to cope. But some days, Jongdae had to remind him to slow down and not to skip his meals. Luhan didn’t notice, but he had lost six pounds already.

But all in all, Luhan thought he was doing pretty well. There were some instances when he got caught off guard, though. Like when he forgot that he packed that stupid little deer plushie and it would peek out from under his bed. Or when Prince Sehun took over the media so Luhan had to take breaks from his phone. It was unfair, that these little things would sneak up on him like this, but he was getting better at shoving those feelings into the filing cabinets in the very back of his mind.

He didn’t worry that much, even though he really should, choosing instead to focus on how difficult it was to recall all that he prepared for Seoul University that led to his acceptance. It had been about two years, after all, and Luhan feared the process had changed too much.

On the job front, however, he got lucky. He wasn’t too fond of working in the bar since Jongdae always came home smelling like cheap beer and Luhan would rather stay away from alcohol for a long while coming. But after a few tries at local stores and such, he managed to land a position at a small café. It was simple cashier work and cleaning while he learned how to handle the machinery. Jongdae had even offered to teach him how to make coffee since the younger had apparently worked as a barista.

Jongdae had always struck Luhan as a little odd. It wasn’t something he noticed quickly, since Jongdae was always friendly and kind. But maybe that was the problem. The guy was always kind, and it was weird how he just took Baekhyun under his wing, and now Luhan, too. Baekhyun hadn’t even paid rent for the first few days.

But Luhan didn’t have the chance to approach Jongdae about the topic, and if he did, he really didn’t know what to say about it either.

In the end, the opportunity presented itself in an unexpected way.

Luhan was watching Jongdae hand-drip his own coffee in utter fascination, one hand behind his back and the other expertly dripping the coffee in small, controlled circles. It was always fun watching Jongdae brew coffee because of the soothing environment filled with that warm, cocoa scent and the sound of trickling coffee.

Their session was interrupted by a phone call. Luhan glanced at the screen to see that it was his sister. Immediately, he got a bad feeling. Ji-eun hadn’t called him once after the whole incident, probably because she felt guilty and didn’t want to bother him anymore.

Luhan picked up. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! For once, can you believe it?” Luhan pulled the phone away to give it a weird look before bringing it back to his ear again. “The Prince finally selected his princess! I thought it was going to take way longer, to be honest, but you did it, Luhan! Right after whatever you said to him, he never spoke to me ever again. In fact, he barely spoke to anyone and just holed himself in his room.”

“What?” Luhan asked, sounding like someone had just kidnapped his puppy. “Didn’t he come out to eat?”

“Servants brought him meals, but I don’t know if he ate. I didn’t pay him that much attention.” Ji-eun paused, murmuring, “Now that I think about it, it’s weird. His older brother didn’t come out from his room either. I think I only saw him once ever since I got here, actually. Maybe it’s a royals thing?”

Chanyeol? Luhan got a sense he knew exactly why the Crown Prince was behaving that way, but right now, he couldn’t care less about Chanyeol and whatever he did to make Baekhyun leave.

“Right. So.” He in a breath, not noticing Jongdae watching him. Luhan focused on making his voice sound normal when he asked, “So who’s the princess?”

“Oh, that,” Ji-eun started laughing. “Oh my god, you won’t believe it. He picked Luna!”

“Luna?”

Luhan didn’t know what to feel. It did make sense, since Luna was close with Sehun and ranked first place in many of their tests. The citizens loved her, as well. And Luhan was the one who willingly left knowing that Sehun had to marry another woman. But for it to be someone he knew, someone he couldn’t bring himself to dislike… That was something Luhan didn’t prepare for.

“Yeah, one day, he just came out of his room to talk to Miss Bom and she declared that Solar and I can all pack our bags and go home, and that Luna better get used to living at the Castle because it’s her new home.”

Luhan stopped listening at this point as Ji-eun mentioned something about a party later on. Jongdae gently took the phone from him, said something in the receiver, and hung up.

“You doing okay?” Jongdae asked softly. He pushed a cup of coffee in front of Luhan.

“I… I think so.”

“It’d be great if you didn’t revert to crying in your bed for another few days.”

That snapped Luhan out of his daze. “Hey, I didn’t cry.”

“Right, manly sniffles,” Jongdae smiled. “You want to talk about it?”

Luhan took a sip of coffee and felt the warmth slide to his stomach. It helped clear his head. “The Prince is getting married to Luna.”

“And does that affect your plans in any way?”

“It shouldn’t,” Luhan said firmly, “I’ve already finished it and gone this far, I can’t turn around and take back everything I said. Even though sometimes I want to.”

Jongdae asked, “So why did you tell him about your secret? You could have just ended things as Ji-eun and he’d be none the wiser.”

“He at least deserves that much. And…” Luhan brought the cup up again, hiding his face. “I trust him.”

“That he won’t get you into trouble?”

“Yeah,” Luhan’s voice was muffled. He peered at Jongdae over the rim. “Hey, why is it that everytime I talk to you I feel instantly better?”

“I tend to be that person that everyone dumps all their troubles on.” Jongdae shrugged. “It’s fine, though. I like seeing people become happy.”

“But the extents that you go to are so extreme!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, like, how you just randomly helped Baekhyun out with basically straightening his entire life out even though he was a complete stranger, and how you’re offering to give up time to teach me how to brew coffee.” Luhan set the cup down. “I’m really grateful, of course, but I feel guilty, too, since you do all this for us but what do we give you in return?”

“Let me tell you a little story. It involves a young prince.” Jongdae shot Luhan a wink at that. “When I was young, this bar that I own used to be my parents’ restaurant. Before my mother married my father and opened this restaurant, she worked as a maid for Princess Victoria and was close with Queen Krystal - before she became a queen, of course. Our shop was to shut down due to our debt, but Queen Krystal caught wind of the news and popped up to save us. She brought her son along, Chanyeol, and said that in return, I was to be his play buddy since he doesn’t have many friends. Eventually, we grew up and I feel that I owe them. In return, I let Chanyeol hang out here whenever he’s feeling down. I give him an ear to listen to his rants.”

“So what does that have to do with Baekhyun?”

“Chanyeol normally never talks to anyone at the bar, but once Baekhyun showed up, he gave no second thought to sliding up to Baek’s side. And it was the widest I’ve ever seen him smile.” Jongdae poured Luhan another cup once he saw it was empty. “I just wanted Chanyeol to smile a bit longer, so Baek had to stay.”

“And me?”

“You, well, I was just being a friend,” Jongdae laughed, “And I wanted to show off my barista skills.”

Luhan smiled back and shyly took another sip from his cup. This was the most Jongdae had even spoken about himself, and he realized it was because he never really asked. Whenever they talked, it usually centered on Luhan or some of their mutual friends, but never Jongdae. Even if the younger didn’t seem to mind, Luhan still made a mental note to return the favour.

Here he had an amazing roommate living in a cozy apartment, a decent job, and a bright future, of sorts. Luhan really couldn’t believe how well things were going for him. Maybe it was the universe’s way of making it up to him for his crappy childhood (and maybe for losing Sehun, too).

¤¤¤

Sehun stood stiffly in front of the castle entrance, watching the last three contestants take their leave. He realized that the absence of Jongin bothered him more than the absence of his future wife.

He didn’t feel like going back into the stifling Castle which seemed even more empty now that the only people running about were the servants, so Sehun chose to go to his happy place. Or what used to be his happy place.

The Prince always walked the path through the garden to the pool to clear his head and get some precious alone time, but he really screwed things up. Sehun didn’t think this through. He shouldn’t have shown Luhan his special spot, shouldn’t have made it their special spot because now, whenever he’s breathing in the nauseating scent of roses and peering down at the shimmering pool reflection, he’d be drowning in memories belonging to a certain, doe-eyed boy. Wherever he looked, Luhan was there, hidden in the shadows.

And the burning, ever-present metal band around his left ring finger didn’t help at all..

“Why did I come back here?” Sehun asked himself softly. It was too soon to be back.

Lifting a hand, Sehun could almost see the Luhan he had been dreaming about for the past countless nights in front of him, smiling that adorable smile with the unforgettable twinkle in his eyes.

He sighed, “Do you know what I would have given up for you?”

Imaginary Luhan kept smiling cluelessly. Of course he wouldn’t know.

“How can you still be so beautiful after all you did to me? It’s unfair that I can’t do anything to get you out of my head.” Sehun curled his lips, laughing emptily. “So don’t you dare appear in front of me again. If you do, I might just foolishly run back to you again.”

¤¤¤

After his shift ended, Luhan quickly changed in the staff’s locker room. He ran through all the concepts he had to go over tonight as he slipped the apron over his head, a little anxiety peeking out since the university entrance exams are looming. Luhan talked it over with his father and decided that Seoul University wasn’t his best option. Now he was aiming for an international university in Japan. An overseas university would cost a bit more but the experience would be wonderful and money wasn’t the issue anymore so all Luhan had to do was study as hard as he could to get in.

He did feel pressured, but it was a good kind of pressure. And he was only twenty, if he didn’t pass the first time, he can try again the second.

Luhan waved goodbye to his co-workers and pushed open the door, hearing the usual jingle of the bell signalling a customer entering or leaving. The air was getting a little chilly, meaning that summer was coming to an end.

With a new season, he’d soon be in a new country.

But before any of that, he had one last thing to finish. Luhan had debated whether it was better to leave the Prince alone, but he had resolved to apologize and explain his actions. After the Princess was chosen, they were all in the safe zone. No one could get even more hurt. And after all he said and did, the least Luhan could give to Sehun was closure.

Pulling out his phone, Luhan scrolled down his contacts list until he reached the Prince’s name. His finger hesitated over the CALL option before pressing it.

He half-expected Sehun not to pick up, and after a few rings, he was about to hang up himself, but the click of the call going through shocked him still.

“Hello?” An all-too familiar, painful voice answered. He sounded so tired.

Luhan in a breath, hand clenching his phone a little too hard. “Hey, Sehun. Can you see me right now?”