Ryeowook had a secret.

There was a knock on his office door, before it opened and Sungmin peered in. "Let's go. A body was found in the river."

Ryeowook got up from his desk and schooled his face into a neutral expression before following his partner out to Sungmin's car. The streets were mostly empty, having already passed the morning rush, so it took them less than half an hour to reach the other side of the city. Several cars were parked by the river already and a section of the shore had been taped off with yellow crime tape. 

Taeyeon waved and greeted them as they came towards. "Looks like it's been in there for a while."

Ryeowook grimaced while Sungmin asked, "Suicide or murder?"

"With the level of decomposition, it's hard to tell," Taeyeon replied. "Care to take a look? We pulled it out but left it lying there for you guys to see first."

How nice of them.

"Come on, Ryeowook," Sungmin said and the younger detective dragged his feet ever so slightly. Yuri was bending over the body but she nodded at them and stepped aside as they approached.

Ryeowook tried not to breathe as he stooped down beside his partner. He kept his eyes fixed on the ground at his feet as Sungmin pointed out the state of clothing, the bloated face, and-

"I think it's a murder," Sungmin said. "We'll need Shindong to confirm, but those marks at the throat there look like strangulation to me."

Ryeowook snuck a peek and immediately wished he hadn't. "Could still be a suicide," he said as he straightened and took a few steps back to put some distance between himself and the body. "They could have hung themselves."

"You can't jump into a river after you're already dead," Sungmin retorted. He gestured to Taeyeon and Yuri. "We're done here. Get this body to Shindong as fast as possible." 

Ryeowook didn't breathe again until they were safely in the car.

 Despite the pristine walls and hospital-like feel of the morgue, the smell of decay was even stronger as they stepped through the door into Shindong's dissecting room. Thankfully, a sheet was over the body as Shindong greeted them in his classic way by telling Sungmin his caffeine intake was shortening his lifespan.

"So what do we have?" Sungmin asked, blatantly ignoring the coffee critique.

"Victim is a twenty-five year old woman of Asian descent," Shindong replied. "She was strangled and her body was dumped into the river. She'd been in there for three days."

No one noticed the sickly shade of grey Ryeowook was turning.

"Strangled." Sungmin frowned. "With what?"

"Take a look." With that, Shindong flung the sheet back from the upper torso. Ryeowook visibly jumped backwards as Sungmin took a step closer and leaned forward. Shindong pointed to the throat. "It was a soft object that left only faint marks, presumably a scarf. The killer only had to grab both ends and pull. Afterwards, he cut the scarf away- there's a wound on her neck inflicted postmortem. There's no water in her lungs, so the body must have been dropped in the river. Presumably, the killer wanted to either destroy any evidence that might be on the body or he just wanted to get rid of it."

"Probably both." Sungmin turned towards his partner. "What do you think, Ryeowook?"

But Ryeowook was gone.

 Ryeowook retched again, but his stomach had already tossed up his breakfast along with last night's dinner. He wiped away the tears that had come into his eyes and coughed a few times. He flushed the toilet and leaned back against the stall door with a sigh.

Ryeowook had a secret. Despite six years in Forensics, despite countless solved cases and numerous bodies, he was still sickened when looking at death.

It was stupid. Dead bodies were his job, he saw them so often he sometimes wondered that there was anyone still alive in the city. But every murder reminded him of the fragility of life- how hard it was to live, but how easy it was to take that away from someone else. Listening to the others talking about "the body" or "the victim" took away from the humanity of the person it had once been and deemphasized the suffering the person had gone at the hands of his murderer. It just wasn't fair.

He had often debated transferring to a different department, considering his current job so often made him lose his last meal. But no, he couldn't. He had fought for this position and he loved it, with that one exception. No other department could offer the same satisfaction he felt when clapping handcuffs on the killer and hauling them off to prison for life. So why couldn't he just get over his aversion to death already?

He opened the stall door and went to wash his hands, only to see Chief Park standing by the sinks. "I was debating whether or not I should ask if you're alright."

"I'm fine," Ryeowook mumbled, quickly turning away and turning on the faucet. he scrubbed his hands for a while, then lowered his head and splashed his face a few times. He rinsed his mouth and turned off the water, trying his best to act like this was completely natural when Chief Park held out a hand to stop him.

"You're not the only one who gets sick looking at a body, you know."

It was creepy, the way his boss could read his mind every time without fail.

"Everyone gets sickened by death," Leeteuk continued. "You're not the first and you won't be the last. With more exposure, you can conquer that fear."

"I'm not scared!" Ryeowook protested. "And I've had plenty of exposure. It doesn't get better because...it's not fair!" Chief Park's eyebrows rose, evidently not expecting that. "This is a person we're talking about. She had a family and friends and people who loved her. She had a life and someone took it away. That's what makes me sick. The fact that someone could do it so easily and then discard the body like trash. How are there such terrible people in the world?"

Leeteuk smiled. "I'm glad you feel that way, Ryeowook. It's what makes you so good at your job." He patted the detective on the shoulder and walked out of the bathroom.

Ryeowook found himself smiling as he approached the morgue again. Inside, he saw Shindong and Sungmin still discussing the body. Taking a deep breath to steel himself, he pushed the door open and entered.

 A/N: Requested by chocolakay