Numbness
Thirty Symptoms of WithdrawalThere had to be some bad feng shui in clustering all these people together, Haruki mused as she slowly walked through the graveyard. Ever since she was young, she'd had the bizarre belief that the people you were physically closest to when you were buried would be the people you'd be stuck with for the rest of your afterlife.
She knelt down by Ga-In's grave first, which clearly hadn't been attended to in months. No family had spoken up after her death, probably out of shame of being associated with what they perceived as a crazed killer. Haruki had attended her small funeral, as she had done for Taemin and Hyuna. She bent down and wiped a few cobwebs away from the headstone, careful not to step on the mound itself. This was another superstition she had, that it wasn't polite to step on the bodies after they were buried.
Besides, under slightly different circumstances, it could have been her lying underground in Ga-In's place.
Crossing over to a different part of the cemetery, she found Tiffany and Siwon's graves, surprisingly close to one another. Someone had at least been tending the flowers planted around the headstones, though they hadn't noticed the weeds beginning to sprout up between them.
Chief Park had managed to spin Tiffany's involvement to make it sound like she was working undercover to expose the vigilante group and with the exception of her, Donghae, and Sungmin, no one else knew about Siwon's role. Ironically, the founding members of the vigilante group, who had overstepped the bounds of the justice they had sworn to carry out, were buried as heroes who had died doing their jobs. Haruki didn't like to think about it, but the thought often intruded into her head anyway. If she had taken up their offer and joined the group, would she have been buried with the same honors after she died or would she have been shunned as a serial killer?
Somehow, she was inclined to believe the latter.
With her bare hands, she pulled up some of the little weeds that were just sprouting and tossed them to the side. She debated whether or not she should water the flowers, then decided not to. They were growing fine on their own.
There was one final site to visit and for this one, she didn't even need to look up the coordinates. Her feet automatically began walking until she found herself standing in front of Taemin's grave.
The headstone was a simple slab, with his name engraved across the middle. Because of Chief Park's fears that people would deface the grave out of anger towards him, they hadn't put the headstone in until months after his funeral, when fervor over his crime had died down. The new marker was almost as new as Siwon and Tiffany's.
Haruki didn't flinch as she knelt so that she was eye-level with the hastily carved name. Instead, as she ran her fingers over the letters, she tried to recall his face to mind, but it didn't bring any of the usual heart-pounding fear that woke her up every night in a cold sweat.
She'd never be able to reconcile the sweet boy she'd mentored with the man who'd almost killed her, but it didn't matter anymore. She'd finally come to accept that it wasn't her fault he'd ended up this way. In a way, she understood why he had acted the way he had. After her own brush with the dark side, she understood how easy, how appealing it was to act like you were above the law.
"No one's above the law, Haruki," she could almost hear Chief Park reminding her.
She knew that now. It was a pity that Siwon, and Tiffany, Ga-In, and even Taemin had never understood that, but when she looked at their graves, she didn't feel any pity. They were beyond pity, beyond all emotions. How did her emotions affect them in any way at all now?
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was sorry for all of them. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was also grateful that she had been stopped before it was too late. She had learned from their mistakes, learned lessons she should have known to begin with. But as she looked at the mounds of earth, already covered over by grass so that the outline of where the grave began and ended was barely noticeable, she didn't feel anything at all.
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