Hello awesome readers,

I have not been writing much lately. I have not found much inspiration lately (since I lack the talent I tend to cling to this hope). I have not had enough of B.A.P recently. They are not doing concerts, TV shows and the authors that I fallow have not updated L. I know the struggle. Anyway, here is my new story. Please excuse its lack of quality, but I do try. As always, I love comments and subscribers so do not be stingy and show some love!

Enjoy,

Whateverisnextisokay

                                                                                                                     ~*~

The heavens were crying. There was no other way to describe the sight and the sound of the gloomy drops of water that were falling from the sky. It was as is every liquid droplet fell torturously towards the earth. Would it be twisted to think that the droplets looked relieved to become part of the bare earth? As soon as they touched the dry ground they were no more, the darkness of the sky, the howling of the wind, the mourning of the heavens was no more. Their end was the salvation of others.

How he wished that it was the same for him. He wanted to go too, to disappear, to become part of the soil and give life to plants and animals, but, more than anything he wanted to be with him, his only love, Kim Himchan. What was he doing here standing under the rain, braving the strong winds of the monsoon season, observing the desolate raindrops become part of the soil that way that he so much yearned for?

The promise. Yes, it was Himchan’s fault that he wanted to stop living and it was also Himchan’s fault that he continued to struggle through life. Sleeping, working, eating, and repeat all over again. That was Youngguk’s life. Did he have any friends left? At the beginning many were calling or at least he thought so. He could not be sure; his life after Himchan was indistinct.  Yeah, Dae might have called a week ago, and didn’t he close his apartment’s door on Jae’s face just this morning? Or was it a month ago? Who knows? Time is no longer a concern. He is just waiting, not always patiently, for the day in which he can meet him once again.

Two years ago when his love had been in his death bed Bang Youngguk made a promise. He promised that he was going to continue living for Himchan. In exchange, Himchan would patiently wait for Yongguk on the other side.

Soon after their last goodbye Youngguk’s desire for oblivion became too great. He forgot about his promise, and attempted taking an overdose of medication. He clearly remembers walking towards the cabinet, taking the bottle of pills, opening the lid, and promptly falling to his knees grasping at his chest whiling in pain.

Himchan had left a message for him in the bottle.

 Yongguk had not made another attempt since then.

On his good days, when his thoughts were a little less scrambled Yongguk wondered if he was keeping his promise to Himchan. He was breathing after all he could definitely feel a weak beating on his chest. Then a cheerful face with almond shaped eyes would intrude his thoughts. It was then when he starting doubting himself. He did not think that Himchan would think that his pathetic attempts at living were worthy of his notice. However, Yongguk was doing his best. He was working, he no longer cried or went into ranges when someone mentioned Himchan’s name and he was sure that he had called Zelo to wish him a happy birthday.

Who the hell was he trying to convince? Himchan? Not likely, he never took any bull. Yongguk had finally arrived to the bridge that he was looking for. He had no memories to tarnish in this place. To someone else the water under the bridge would look stormy and dangerous, but to Yongguk’s soul it promised relief, relief from pain, from broken promises, from meaninglessness.

Yongguk climbed the rail separating him from the welcoming waters. His manner almost careful. He looked at the river one more time while praying for forgiveness. He wanted to keep his promise. He had, for two tortuous years, but the pain only became worse. He was ready to go. He was ready to let go.

A strong wind flew from the north chilling his bones, he could care less about the cold, he was not planning on staying at the bridge for much longer. But his body had different plans. In a reflex to the cold his arms bundled up his jacket and soon found their way into his pockets. Yongguk flexed his legs ready to jump. Then his right hand found a piece of paper.

He froze.

 It was THE note, the note that he had found two years ago when he made his first failed attempt. Waves of pain wrecked his body once again; he slowly took out the folded paper trying to protect it from the wind and the rain. He lost the battle, the note soon disintegrated, but this time there was no need to read the message. He clearly heard it in the sound of the rain and the howling of the wind…

“I love you. Be strong and be happy because I will wait for you.” 

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*Wondermikichan, I guess that the sequel to chapter 4 has not materialized itself yet... sorry.