Hello everyone,

Thank you so much to those who subscribed and commented. Y’all are great! I am sorry that it took me this long to update, but, the inspiration fairy has been very frugal with me. I really wanted to write the continuation to Shadow, but it did not come out very well. Therefore, I started writing something else. Please read the author note at the end of the fanfic I have a small comment to make J

Have a good read and do not forget to comment and/or subscribe.

Whateverisnextisokay

~*~

In the corner of a busy café sat a furtive ulzzangg. His face and golden strands of hair were covered by a black hat, too big for his small features. His soft, brown chocolate eyes were covered with a dark set of shades. Normally, nobody would pay attention to the lonely patron drinking an iced Americano but his secretive stance made people stare for a few seconds too long before they were drawn into the busy atmosphere of the café. Not many people knew, but the lonely patron was here for a rendezvous. In fact, there were only two people who knew about this secret meeting, the ulzzangg and his partner in crime. He had traveled an hour in order to arrive to their meeting location without being detected.

So much secrecy and efforts to hide the rendezvous would lead the unknowledgeable observer to conclude that two spies, or criminals where to meet. However, that was not the case. This was a meeting between two people, the one who had been abandoned and the person who had abandoned. One of them had suffered, cried, and for a long time felt a strong desire to die. The other had moved on quickly and set up a household with a cute partner who made him happy. Unfortunately, after some time, in what he called “paradise,” he decided that he was not that happy after all so he went back to look for what he had left. In the meeting there would be two males, one unsure of what he was doing, feeling apprehension about what he was doing and the other making future plans with his past.

The bell of the door rang for the fiftieth time, the sound only increased the feelings of guilt that were simmering in the ulzzang’s being, but he was brave and looked up. There, in the doorway was his first love. The individual that had brought him so much love, happiness, and why not say it, pain. He looked like three years ago when he told him that he needed to go, because they were no longer “working out.” They both needed to meet new people, he said. “I loved you” he said as he walked out the door without looking back and a smile of freedom on his face. The poor ulzzang had been broken by the departure and for more than a year he mourned the departure of his no longer requited love.

At the sight of his old love an invasion of mutant butterflies attached his stomach. The distracted man at the door had yet to see him so the ulzzang raised his hand to call his attention. After a couple of failed attempts the man finally spotted him. He smiled big as if those three years had never been. He looked good. He always did. His arms and body were well toned. His clothes fitted his body well, framing his many manly qualities, emphasizing his muscles. His face had never been the most attractive, but that distracted smile of his and that almost clueless gaze had always made the ulzzang melt inside. The man started to approach the ulzzang with assurance, never doubting that he would be received positively. The ulzzang did not know if he should be offended by this presumptuous assumption, but, at the end he decided that he would not have been his past love if he had been aware of the awkwardness of their situation. The ulzzang settled for a brilliant smile and a warm welcome.

“Hyung! I am so glad to see you again!” The man walked towards the ulzzang with open arms that were soon wrapped around the beautiful male who soon stiffened, as if waiting for the warm memories and disturbing feelings to attack him. However, the rush of feelings or memories never came; neither did his clueless companion notice the ulzzang’s stiffness. The cluelessness on his partner was no news. The feelings, the memories, however, were interesting. In that long year of mourning for his lost love the ulzzang had imagined his partner’s hands around him a thousand times, he imagined their warmth, comfort, and iness, but, now as he lay there wrapped in less than 6 feet of muscle he felt nothing. His brain and body soon moved on to a set of solid arms that made him feel secure and loved. Those arms offered him unconditional warmth and comfort. He suddenly started missing him. He should never have left his bed where he had been wrapped in the fluffy, compassionate, selfless, warmth that was Bang Youngguk. With a sign the ulzzang disentangled himself from his younger partner.

“Hi, Jongup. I am happy to see you.” Three years ago these words would have been sarcastic, and the ulzzangg would have felt like he was dying as he was saying them, but now, the ulzzangg noticed these words were no longer painful. He surprised himself meaning the words that he uttered. Jongup smiled, his trademark smile radiating the innocence of a puppy. Some years ago he would have done anything to get that smile`. Fortunately, that was no longer the case. He soon found himself longing for bright gummy smiles that came so often that he sometimes worried that these would become meaningless, but they never did, because to his owner even the smallest event was worth marveling and a smile.

The conversation soon moved to trivial topics, how happy Jongup had been with his new partner, how much he had missed the ulzzang’s food and smothering love, how much he wished that they could go back to what they had. The conversation went on and on, but the ulzzang was only half listening. He never noticed how superficial his relationship with the younger had been. It could have been that they had been young at that point or that they never quite clicked as a caring couple. He did not know. It was a funny realization because until an hour ago he had been almost sure that his time with Jongup had been the best of his life. He now questioned his belief. Jongup’s voice was lost as his mind started wondering back to the guy with the caring gaze. He loved talking to Bang Youngguk. He always looked at him as if he was the most intelligent, beautiful, and interesting individual in the world. With Yongguk he felt that he could say anything, even accept his darkest side, without being judged. This did not mean that Yongguk never got angry at him, he did, but he would always apologize if he was wrong and somehow the ulzzang would always end up calling the elder up in order to offer a shy apology if he was at fault. Sometimes he get away without really voicing an apology (Yongguk knew that it was hard for him to apologize), but not always, because sometimes he was a little on the evil side and Yongguk would not allow him to get away without a formal apology. At one time they had followed a lady ten bus stops after their stop to apologize to a lady that the ulzzangg had offended.

“Hyung? Are you listening to me?”

“Yes, of course, I am.” Answered the distracted male. He was tired of this. He could not believe that he had wasted two years of his life pinning for an idealization that he had created in his mind. As Jongup moved on onto a proposition to get back together the ulzzang realized that he no longer wanted to be with the younger male. He wanted to wake up every morning to a gummy smile and to a strong arm wrapped around his waist, he wanted wake up to a rough, deep, y voice wishing him a “good morning” and in good days he wanted to wake up with breakfast in bed and morning (not exactly in one order) with his soul mate. And in the not too far future he wanted to build a family with him. He always dreamt of adopting children. He suddenly had an image of a blond child with curly hair and dark brown chocolate eyes in the arms of Yongguk. They were both smiling as they were waiting for him to get ready for an outing in the park. At that moment his brain finally understood what his hearth and body had known all along. The man in front of him was his past, an important part of his life, yes, but not his future. His future was an hour away from him in a two story house facing the beach. At this hour he was probably locked in his study writing about love or social injustice. Himchan suddenly knew that he never wanted to hear a song about heartbreak from his favorite rapper, because that would mean that his (yes, his) Bang Yongguk had experienced pain and he would never allow that. The ulzzang stood up from his chair no longer caring about his rambling companion, he no longer cared about the guy in front of him. He was a man on a mission.

As he made a move to dash out the door he felt Jongup’s hand latch on his wrist.

“Himchan, where are you going? Do you not like me anymore?” Himchan looked at his old love; he took in his eyes, nose and lips and felt nothing. He turned to hug his old ‘love’ and planted a chaste kiss on Jongup’s forehead.

”Thank you, Jongup, for meeting me today. You have made me realize what I want.” With those words he left, leaving a confused (and heartbroken?) Junggup behind.  

Author’s note: I am sorry. I did not want to make Jungupie the other (not necessarily good) guy but I really had no idea of who else to use. I personally do not like any B.A.P couple that includes Zelo or Jungup (unless they are together) but I felt that it would be fine in at least one of my fanfics. Do not hate me too much, please. Have an awesome day!

P.S. You may want to check out Tablo's cover of Taeyang's Lips, Nose and Lips. It was awesome!