Acquiesce

The day is not split up into three parts. For Kim Sunggyu, there are eleven. 

The day starts off with a Dark Dawn, which is the morning before the sun rises. Then there is Dawn itself, the sun painting the skies a light yellow and turning them softly blue. Then there is Morning, and Afternoon. Maybe hours later, you’d hear him classify this as the “Midi” or ‘middle afternoon’. Late afternoon comes next, following is Sunset; orange staining the skies as it makes its way to become purple and black. And once the sun is just almost gone, it is Dusk. Turning into Twilight, Night, and then Midnight.

You may ask him, why it is that Kim Sunggyu has so many times to classify in his days?  It all goes back to his own schedule. He hates the fact that it eats up most of his time, so he likes to think of the days more than just Morning, Afternoon, and Night. Categorizing the hours carefully to say he still has time for himself.

Rather than saying, “I only got half the night to sleep…” or “just a couple hours more”; Sunggyu devised his own system for time. So he wouldn’t have to say these sorts of things. Instead, he says, “I still have Dusk, Twilight, Night and Midnight to do this and this” or this and that.

It’s an illusion of sorts.

Detouring himself from the reality of things, he creates a fake time; a forged sense to fool himself. He rejects the laws that society has already constructed, deeming it too short for his overall view. He seeks more, he wants to live, he begs for recognition.

Yet, slaying those crazed thoughts, Sunggyu ventures forward with an open heart.

He isn’t introverted, nor is it other people’s problems. Maybe not even his own. He likes to talk, but gets tired after a while. Sports are fun in moderation and everything to do with the arts is interesting, but he wouldn’t dwell on them. He tries everything, tasting this or that for fun; if he’d enjoy it or not. Finding his preferences, and deeming them good or not. It’s all for himself, but he thinks of other’s first.

If it would be good for that person, if he let them go first. He’d open doors for others, regardless of age, gender, or status. It’s just a thing he does. And instead of sitting on that last seat in the train, he’d let whoever take it first; not even glancing at the seat. Keeping his music at a moderate level, so others wouldn’t be bothered, or be considerate of what the other person is feeling at the moment.

Being utterly honest and blunt to the simplest things, including himself.

If he deems that he is acting like a prick, he says it. He confesses to his friends and apologizes for his actions. They laugh, and forgive him. But that biting feeling doesn’t leave.

When he gets reprimanded, he’s only human. So, by instinct and cardinal defense, he fights back. Yelling questions and defiance. Of course, the other is hurt too and yells back with power. Once Sunggyu returns home, he sprawls onto his bed and cries to himself. Asking why he couldn’t just let the matter go and say “Okay.” Why does he act like this, and why can’t he just let it go?

There aren’t any dark thoughts like ending his life. He finds it cowardly to resort to death for problems. Even as those before him have all the reason to do so, Sunggyu can’t think of a reason like theirs to end his life. There is no purpose for him to do so. He doesn’t prove anything, he can’t show anything. He’s just Kim Sunggyu.

And just being Kim Sunggyu, he doesn’t think of himself all that interesting. Just a regular guy who likes the morning more than night. The Dark Dawn and Sunrise much more soothing than the overrated Sunset.

*

He wouldn’t say he’s tricking himself; no, he’s lying to everyone.

Lies slip off his tongue easily, much easier than the truth. If people were to know the real reason why he talks about the day in eleven, they’d look at him funny. He doesn’t like those looks. He’d rather stay the same, thank you.

Sunggyu tried everything out. He’s tried finding his way in life but it seems he’s too indecisive, because everything he tries loses interest. Easily swayed by other people’s opinions, Sunggyu deems himself as a leaf in the wind. Just going along wherever he’s blown.

It’s a good feeling, but sometimes it gets old.

Right now, he lays in the semi-tall grass of mid-spring, feeling the light breeze ruffle the sandy locks of hair and the grass tickling his skin. A notebook beside him, a pencil in hand; Sunggyu lets his eyes stay open staring at the puffy clouds over head from hours before a shower had happened. They look less gray now, whiter. Sunggyu feels jealous.

His back is wet from the damp grass, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Besides, the black sweatshirt should be able to hide the stain rather well. He thought back to what his cousin, Henry, offered. Maybe he should have accompanied him to France. It would be a nice change from the ever changing Seoul of Korea.

He wonders what it’s like to see the California sunset, or the Siberian winter. What is actually in Canada, and if deserts are really that dry? What does it feel like to stand at the top of a mountain? He wants to experience, but can’t seem to put that one step forward. Those small café shops in the streets of Paris sound very nice at the moment.

He was writing about a story, a story about himself but in the eyes of another character. Halfway through, though, he lost interest. Liking to stare off at nothing much better. It felt like homework, yet at the same time, it didn’t. Contradicting, he likes it but then doesn’t.

Maybe I’ll try painting?

*

Couple months later, Sunggyu finds himself at a bar, playing jazz on the Clarinet. He learned back in middle school, but refined his skills after a friend rung him up asking him if he could play a gig. Next thing he knew, he was having a great time in a back alley bar. It was soothing, like sitting outside after the rain.

Sunggyu didn’t like being in the rain; he liked watching it though.

The band originally had a clarinetist, but he fell sick so Sunggyu took over temporarily. He fit in very well, having his hair styled up into a twirl and sitting there in his suit that still fit sharply. Playing tunes and notes that flowed out rather smoothly. He was surprised with himself, at the level he was able to play in a short amount of time. But rather, he was always quite shocked on how well he could do things.

Even as others say he was average, he wished he’d be picked as someone good. He sought in the back of his head for some kind of recognition, like anyone else, but still he’s just Sunggyu.

Just Kim Sunggyu.

And actually, he was okay with it. Most of the time.

He sees old friends on the streets sometimes, but it’s so awkward for him as he knows it’s been years since high school. He sees many of them with a girl under their arms and wonders if they’ll make it to marriage or when is the breakup going to happen.

Sunggyu isn’t too familiar with that side of life.

Though, he wants to see a break up actually happen. What really does happen during those minutes? He’s seen the development, he’s seen the aftermath. But really, what was the ? Maybe he could learn, so he wouldn’t do the same.

But then again, what kind of girl would want to hook up with little old, laid back Sunggyu?

*

Later, he has coffee with a friend. An old friend, named Jung Bunghee. He likes to be called G.O since his name sounds a bit funny. They trained together in high school, G.O winning at the end. Though Sunggyu felt thankful to him nonetheless, because G.O was the one who encouraged him to go about singing. Though, he never did make it like his friend across from him.

They sipped out of cups in a café, Sunggyu liking the Late-Afternoon sun.

G.O asked him about life, just like any other old friends would converse about. He answered simply; saying he’s been dabbling in writing, art, music, and generally anything.

G.O laughed, saying it’s just like him to do so.

The other now has a loving boyfriend, Sunggyu not so bothered by the fact that his friend is gay. He might as well be too, if he finds someone worthy to make him bent. Though, he keeps his options open. Looking at both women and men; if anything catches his interest he takes a closer look.

They part soon after, only meeting up for a chat and some coffee. G.O has a job to return to and Sunggyu has pavements to walk.

* Years later.

Putting on his suit, Sunggyu prepares for an outing. No, no longer for the bar. The original Clarinetist has gotten better, so Sunggyu returned to his wanderings.

He looked around his flat while adjusting his tie. The scattered books and paper. Critiqued drafts lay on his coffee take, a few dirty mugs beside it. His desk littered his art supplies and an unfinished painting canvas stood on the easel.

His laptop on the couch, still a little warm from his use just recently. The kitchen fairly clean, a few unwashed dishes sat in the sick. He remembered back in his bedroom lay a couple strewn clothes on the floor and his bed. The closet a bit messy from his scuffling.

His tie all tied up and smooth, blazer ironed to a crisp and his white button up stiffly folded on the collar, just a couple wrinkles there but not too noticeable.

Sighing, he checked the mirror one last time, making sure he looked presentable and fresh. Taking out the eye booger that somehow formed in the small amount of time he just cleaned them.  The human body still amazes him.

He stepped out of his flat, moving to his motorcycle.

*

As much fussing he did over his clothes and hair at home, he still arrived his fumbled hair and ruffled clothes. Smoothing it out with his hand and parking the motorcycle on the side, taking off the cool helmet he bought just for that effect.

He heard a scoff behind him.

“Still flashy as ever, Kim?”

Sunggyu huffed, stepping off the vehicle with the helmet under his arm, shifting his weight onto one leg, “Well, I do try. Now let’s not fight so early, Nam. This is a private event.”

The man across from his stood with a suit similar to his, only difference was the silk tie unlike his own satin one. The black raven hair that was styled with a slight curl, still rather pretty but Sunggyu liked his own better.

“Then you should come with intent, not interest, Kim,” Woohyun sneered, walking past him.

Sunggyu carried on, walking too toward the gates, “Nam, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't so easily accuse me of such intentions. I only come the way I can, which is motorcycle. It’s just something I have which I can to use. If I wanted to, I would take the bus as well but I was running late.”  

“The bus is an innovated way to reach a destination without taking up more gasoline than needed by human consumption,” Woohyun didn’t look at him. Sunggyu didn’t either.

They walked in, toward the large lavish building. The outside having roman columns and a white exterior design. The museum.

Which is hosting the art gallery this time.

Woohyun and Sunggyu were invited for the private showing, since their works were indeed placed inside on showcase.

Both under the spot light, right by each other to their dismay.

It isn’t that Sunggyu dislikes Woohyun; on the contrary, he respects the younger for his skill in art. While Sunggyu was only doing it just because he could and he needed some money. This of course, made Woohyun angry with him since he doesn’t give his heart to anything. He doesn’t devote himself to something.

Woohyun was a man of principle, while Sunggyu was a man who liked flow. The raven stood strong, a body that would pack a punch and a mind that was quite impressive. Sunggyu sits on the bench in the corner, watching Woohyun from a distance with lanky claps, droopy eyes, and a wandering mind.

He would think, Woohyun doesn’t stop to look at the sky or clouds. He doesn’t stop to look at his surroundings, drowning himself with work and deadlines. Sunggyu doesn’t like that, he wants to show Woohyun there’s more to life other than work and friends.

Yes, as much as friends are important, as much as family and love are priorities, there should be time for yourself. There should be a section out of the eleven time slots of the day to allow your own mind to let afloat in weightlessness.

Woohyun was too heavy with dragged worries and constant focus.

Entering in the building, Sunggyu first sought out his table, putting the helmet underneath his chair and then walking around trying to find the refreshments bar. Once he caught sight, he quickly made his way over to the free food and drinks. Liking the French twist in the little foods and fine wine.

Woohyun scoffed at him, giving him those eyes that judged his motives. Sunggyu sent a shrug back, continuing to take advantage of the free stuff so he wouldn’t have to buy dinner later. The younger sat at his table, right beside Sunggyu’s spot, and smiled at the people who came to see his work again. Asking for signs which Woohyun complied brightly.

Sunggyu sighed, pushing one last quiche into his mouth before running back to his own post to start greeting his own watchers, which many were also fans of Woohyun. He didn’t really care who they were, he was just thankful people looked at his stuff.

Woohyun’s large canvas contained a painting of a pond. A very authentic pond with trees shadowed along the edges and a yellow greenish light bouncing off everywhere. It was very soothing, Sunggyu liked it. He even upvoted it on the sign sheet when Woohyun wasn’t looking. His signature very much on the roster.

Though he checked his own, Woohyun’s signature was not there. He felt a little hurt; at least they should support each other as artists. Even though rivals… in Woohyun’s eyes.

His line was significantly shorter than Woohyun’s, though still pretty impressive. Every person who came up to him, he smiled and asked for a name. Writing a short note personally to each fan and then shaking their hand or giving a hug. Woohyun just kept signing away and smiling, thanking his fans.

Sunggyu wished he could be as professional as his rival, or so Woohyun deems him as.

The painting Sunggyu entered into the gallery was one of his favorites, though many people would say it’s plain. It’s because it’s plain that Sunggyu liked it.

A sky, the Dawn. The Sunrise. Clouds covered the sun, dark hills still cold from the morning christened with fresh dew and blades of grass hovered in the perspective. On the hilltop was a silhouette of a lone windmill. The stars dull in the sky and there was no moon.

Sunggyu thought it was pretty well painted, even by his own hand. But he guessed, not that many people thought the same. One of those was Woohyun.

He would pout if it didn’t have so many people around. Leaning back into his chair once all his fans were sparse. Woohyun was still busy, a short line still there. Sunggyu stood up to go back to the food when someone tugged his sleeve.

“Are you Kim Sunggyu?” the man asked. Sunggyu nodded his head. The other asked to speak with him privately.

They went into a hall, away from the buzz of the crowd. The man looked a bit funny.

“You know Nam Woohyun?”

Sunggyu nodded, “I mean, he’s sitting next to me.”

“C-could you give this to him?” Sunggyu was handed an envelope, the other man shuffling in his place. “Say it’s from ‘Water’.”

He stood for a second, not taking the envelope before pushing the hand away, “You should do it yourself.”

“No!” the guy shouted a bit too loudly, Sunggyu covering his sensitive ears with a wince.  “S-Sorry, but I can’t do that.”

“Well then I can’t either,” Sunggyu sighed, moving to go away. “Now excuse me, but I really want some wine.”

“Wait, please!” the man gripped his sleeve, Sunggyu almost reprimanding him for maybe damaging the suit. “Please, just give it to him. Put it in his bag, anything! Just please!”

“I don’t want to,” Sunggyu bluntly put, shocking the other. In his mind, Sunggyu wanted to slap himself for hurting another person’s feelings, but he really didn’t want to. “Woohyun doesn’t like me, so I don’t want to bother him. Okay? Just get into the line and hand it to him, I’m sure the guy would love your confession.”

“C-confession?!”

“Yeah, okay, bye.” Sunggyu left for the food.

When he re-entered the main hall, he got a couple weird stares, but being Sunggyu he was used to it. Making his way to the wine and foods, Sunggyu was more than content with free dinner. Until he felt a tap on his shoulder.

Then, once he put his glass down and gulped down his food; Woohyun twirled him around with a deathly glare and gripped his collar, “Kim, could you be any less considerate?”

“What?” Sunggyu blinked. 
Dammit, what did I do this time?

“I know you’re a jerk,” 
False, I’m just rude and simple. 
“But when someone asks you to do something that wouldn’t hurt, you should do it.”

“You were listening in, Nam?” Sunggyu sighed. “Then why didn’t you just come in with that dazzling smile of yours and swoop him away like usual?”

“It isn’t about that. It’s about your principle, Kim.”

Sunggyu glanced around, not too bothered by the fuming Woohyun he had on his chest. A couple people were staring, Woohyun’s fans whispering. Probably something about how he was being a stupid head to their precious Woohyun.

“Let’s take this outside, Nam.”

*

Feeling the night’s winds, Sunggyu was pushed not too nicely into the Rose garden. He sniffed the sweet petal scent, feeling already better by the simple area, but Woohyun was there to make him feel bothered.

“Kim,” Woohyun started, still with those hard eyes. “Really?”

Sunggyu sighed, scratching his head, “Really, what?”

“Don’t play on words, you ing indecisive. Could you be any more of an ?”

The pout was so dangerously tipping to show up on his lips, but the sandy blond stopped it. Woohyun would surely be angrier if he did it. Instead, another sigh and then he looked into Woohyun’s cold eyes with his smile, “Woohyun, I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t call me such vulgar things. I don’t think I’ve ever made an attack on you before.”

This made Woohyun step back a bit. Of course, Sunggyu’s never used his first name even being older and all. He was respectful since Woohyun wasn’t. Too negatives weren’t going to make anything better, so Sunggyu chose to be the recipient of the mean words. But hearing those were a bit too much.

Cursing should be done to people in whom they both hate, not just one. It hurts, it does.

“Shut up, Kim, and answer me.” A hiss came out instead; Sunggyu was looking for something more calm.

“Because I didn’t want to,” he looked up, clouds hovering around the moon like a mist. He sat down on the bench, beckoning Woohyun to join him. “Is that so wrong, to deny? He should stand up strong, like you.”

“I’m not strong,” Woohyun snapped back quickly, before running a hand through that perfectly styled hair, not sitting where he had asked.

Sunggyu pouted, tilting his head while staring at those stars he knew were there, “I’d beg the differ.”

“Why?” Woohyun continued to glare at him, probably because of the pout. “I thought we were enemies, why would you complement me? Is this some sort of way to hurt me?”

“Why is it that you always think the world’s against you, Woohyun?” Sunggyu glanced back at him, a soft smile gracing his lips. “I don’t ever want to hurt anyone, though sometimes I do unconditionally. I never thought of us as enemies, it was just you. “

Woohyun stayed silent. Sunggyu thought it was a mental denial the other was having at the moment, so he continued.

“I’m a lost man, Woohyun. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time, or where my life is headed. But that’s sometimes the fun of it. Doing this and that, just exploring. Finding myself is hard, I hadn’t a clue about a goal. But tasting everything is pretty fun too,” Sunggyu pointed up, to the moon and dark sky. “You should accompany me to look at the sky sometimes, maybe you’ll relax for once, away from that ridged lifestyle you’ve sculpted yourself.”

Another breeze danced past them, ruffling both their hair. Sunggyu closed his eyes, liking the way it felt. He heard a couple steps, and then a punch to the cheek. He fell onto the grass, groaning just a little. Maybe he should have seen that coming.

“You’re crazy, Kim,” Sunggyu saw from under his bangs a distraught Woohyun. The raven’s chest heaving with labored breaths. “Go back to your so called ‘burrow’ you’ve dug yourself and stay there, away from me. I wouldn’t ever want to spend a day with you, much less a cup of coffee.”

And then he heard fading footsteps.

Sunggyu sat up on his , still on the grass, holding his cheek. It stung, but maybe he deserved it. After all, he did kinda step out of lines. He should have just said okay to that dude back in the hall, instead. He should have just slipped it into the other artist’s bag when he wasn’t looking and it’d be all good and well. Instead, he chose the hard path and ended up with a bruise on his face.

He should apologize to Woohyun.

*

The next day, Sunggyu overslept on the Wednesday, waking up around Midi. He knew where Woohyunw as usually during this time, so he brushed his teeth, changing into a black sweater and some jeans, then headed out the door. Not forgetting to lock it and tie his shoelaces. Probably his bed hair would attract some looks, but he couldn’t care less.

Walking along the side walk, he indulged himself with the city life. People passing by either hurried or quickly, cars whizzing and honking, buses stopping and going. He got into one, paying the fare and standing in the crowded thing. Hearing bits and pieces of other people’s conversation.

Getting off near downtown, Sunggyu searched for that one Italian café that he heard about from Daehyun. The other’s told him Woohyun liked to frequent there, so he could devastate him with his face or something. Sunggyu laughed it off, but was thankful for the information so he could go there in times like these.

Walking through the doors, he heard the chiming bells overhead and then a welcome from one of the servers. Sunggyu just said he as there to meet a friend.

Looking around, he found Woohyun in a booth beside the table, headphones on and very concentrated on whatever book he had in his hands. Sunggyu tapped his shoulder.

Woohyun looked up, at first genuinely concerned until he saw Sunggyu’s face. Scowling and pushing him away a little, not saying anything.

“Woohyun-sshi,” Sunggyu called, tapping his shoulder again. But Woohyun ignored him. “Nam?”

“What?” the other irately spat, glaring at him. “Can’t you see I’m reading?” taking off his headphones.

Sunggyu nodded and then bowed ninety degrees, “I apologize for my actions yesterday and I’ll strive for improved activities in the future.”

“W-what?” a couple people around them stared at Sunggyu weirdly, whispering whatever comments they had. Woohyun sputtered, “Idiot, stand up! God, this is public!”

“You wouldn’t believe me in any other way,” Sunggyu stood straight again, darkened eyes staring into his soul. “You’re that kind of person.”

“What do you know about me, Kim?” Woohyun scoffed, pushing him away again. “Now leave, I don’t care about your person. Idiot.”

“Okay.” Sunggyu left.

After a while, Woohyun put back those headphones, trying to concentrate on his book but couldn’t. Sunggyu’s apology floating in his head and the bruise that was plain as day on the older’s cheek refused to leave his mind. He slammed his book shut, stuffing it into his bag and threw down a couple bills on his table. Rushing out of the café as well.

“He’s an idiot.”

*

Woohyun ran around the streets, looking for that familiar sandy hair that he thought irritated him but seemed to hurt his heart more as he couldn’t find it. He ran to the park, scanning the playground for a sign of the elder, but nothing. He was about to leave, until he caught sight of that simple sweater and poorly dressed man lying in the grass that was so easily disregarded.

The bed hair still there, obviously not combing it as he woken up just hours ago. The dirty shoes, the sides caked with mud from many walks off road, Woohyun deduced. He approached quietly, coming closer he heard some muffled deep breaths. A gasp for air and then stutters in the flow, another deep sigh. Then continued.

Sunggyu was crying.

Woohyun wasn’t one to picture Sunggyu as a person who’d cry, but the sight made his heart burn and eyes sting. The older was always talking nonsense about clouds, about the sky and light. About the wind direction and star constellations. About the trees and leaves, the small animals that scurried about. Always liking the free foods they were allowed to have at those galleries. Seemingly at peace everywhere they went, because the fool stared up instead of at the ground, always staring at the changing skies that Woohyun never understood what was so fascination about.

‘I’m a lost man, Woohyun.’

The statement found its way back into Woohyun’s consciousness. He then clicked together what Sunggyu was always trying to do, and why he did it. Being lost.

An aimless journey.

Mostly likely, the elder was just trying to find his way in this complicated world. Always somebody being better than you, always having to face difficulties. Sunggyu just wanted to live life as it was meant to be, painless. He was avoiding pain and hurt, because it made the body feel ten times heavier than it is when happy.

He didn’t know how to face Sunggyu, the elder always did it for him. The older painter was always smiling, always just wandering about, showing up at the most random of times.

“Kim?” he called.

A shock, then stiffened of the body, Sunggyu did. The older stopped with the harsh breathing, closing those lips in a tight seal, and then sitting up. Rubbing furiously at those small eyes, and then he heard another deep breath. Once sixty seconds past, Sunggyu turned around with a smile; Woohyun saw the bruise he caused the other day.

“Yes, Woohyun-sshi? What are you doing here?” The smile looked so real, but since Woohyun saw the other crying just a little bit ago, he wasn’t fooled. But he would have been if he called out first thing when he saw Sunggyu.

Woohyun stayed silent for a second, watching Sunggyu’s eye smile not falter. The other’s eyes were shaped up into crescents, in a cute way. But it felt as though it was just a barrier to cover those small eyes.

“Are you… alright?” he chose to say, but wanted to slap his face. Of course Sunggyu wasn’t.

“Yes.” Sunggyu’s immediate response was crisp and clean. Like the smile he had on. “Why do you ask? Are you feeling bad?”

Again, he stood there.

Taking a deep breath, he decided he didn’t like Sunggyu. No, he didn’t like this Sunggyu. He liked the one from the other night, the one who spoke of the sky like it was a potion to all ailments. He liked the one who signed his roster to support his painting when he didn’t return the favor. He liked the one who sipped wine and ate free food for dinner, being cheap. He liked the one who thought he was cool when he took off that helmet on that motorcycle, which he was. He liked the one who didn’t force a smile on his face when Woohyun scowled, the one who didn’t apologize for his actions.

The one who was stronger than Woohyun, the one who showed his real self all the time and liked to be just Sunggyu.

Not this fake.

“Can I…” Woohyun sighed. Stepping up the slope to drop his bag beside Sunggyu, sitting in the damp grass, “Can I watch the sky with you?”

Sunggyu’s eye smile faded, Woohyun liked that. Sunggyu stared at him with a surprised expression, he finally saw those hidden tears that the elder held in. The painter laughed a little, wiping away those stray tears with his sleeve, before nodding. Woohyun smiled.

“Okay.”