Plot: 8/20

Can I say sorry in advance? Since I'm going to start with the negative sides of the story.

Okay, so here goes. The plot of the story is actually nice and everything, but I don't get the ending at all. It's too much of a cliffhanger and the genres you put in don't make actual sense at all.

Why put romance when there is no romance at all? All Baekhyun did was save her nothing else. There were no mentions of love, crush or any other words that might make a connection with 'ROMANCE' 

I'm very sorry for the next things, but why did you put comedy? I'm a person that could laugh at any situation at all, I even laugh at the corniest jokes and things that don't even need a laugh. But, I really don't get the story. I'm sorry, but I don't get it. I know very well that in comedy nothing should make sense, but in this field I'm really experienced and my only comment is, "Wait, what?"

Now for the positive sides of the story, I loved the plot. I really did, it's because the main character, 'Menchu' or 'Panko-chan' thought that Baekhyun was dead because he got hit by a car. But, he is very much alive which makes readers jump to conclusions about how he survived like maybe he was an immortal, awesome and oh-so powerful god of the music scene. Or if they have no imagination at all, they would think that the doctors did their best, but what's the fun in that?!

So, if I rate your plot. It would be an 8/20 because there were more negative sides than positive, but don't kill me yet, please I have a life to live and fanfics to create and share to the world!! But, the problems stated above can be resolved and all you need is a sequel a very funny and fluffy sequel that could make sense or make no sense, but it's up to you if you want to create a sequel. I agree with your readers! You need a sequel, mi amigo!

Characters: 16/20

You didn't describe the characters flaws and strengths, but I have nothing against that. Okay, maybe I do have something against that. Which made me subtract some points because some readers who are still new to the life of fandom, awesomeness and craziness might not understand the characters. 

But, for me? You did a pretty good job! But the amateur readers need to understand them better, so my advice for you is to put a brief description of the traits of your characters, but make it rrrrreeeeeeeaaaaalllllllyyyyyyy brief so that they may grow into loving that certain character, then hate them or vice versa.

Flow: 9/15

It was too fast, then it became slow. Like, whaaaatttt?! The story is progressing, but the moment it started to progress it became slow which is a no-no to the readers who wants the story to have a romantic feel to it.

Maybe I should explain the romantic feel thing. Well, during the time that you skipped throughout the oneshot you could've put atleast a part where the girl yearns to see him again even though he's 'dead'.

Writing skill: 20/30

English isn't your first language so I may be a bit strict, it's a bit of a vice versa to what InvisiNinja put in here, but I'm a bit of a grammar nazi. But I added more points to what should've been your score since English isn't your first language.

Let's start with the grammar first, you messed up a bit in the word's past, present and future tenses which is a crime in my perspective. I could put more things in here, but that would rival what I thought about you plot.

In the spelling, you have no problem here.

Other than that, there was a word that should've been a whole, but you decided to put a space between them and in another word you forgot to put a space between two words, but those are just a smaller matter.

If English was your first language, I would've given you a 10/30.

Description/Forward: 4/5  Title: 4/5

Your description was amazing! Seriously, this is the very first story that was described in a poem and the title, I had nothing against it, but I find it weird and awesome and weird at the same time.

First impression: 2/5

Your very first chapter, paragraph is extremely important. That's why I'm strict here as well, it wasn't that attention-catching. But, I don't blame you. Okay, maybe I do, but don't take this the wrong way even if it does sound wrong already.

You started with the character saying something, which is okay. So, I started reading the next paragraph, still not attention-catching. I continued reading and the situations that were already appealing were in the ending and in the middle which means one thing, either you need patient readers or you need you character to be Nyan Cat. Since that cat could have your attention for hours meaning, you need to spice up your story and most importantly the first impression/paragraph.

Total: 63/100

-GRAzieO_o

@Reviewer's little corner@

Story Link/Title: Panko-chan