I've been searching for her for days, an endless journey of unknown horrors, a fight against time, a fight against myself. I still remember the feelings when she left me, to fight my horrors alone, to stand against the world with nothing but my own torturious mind. I never felt more alone, more terrified as I lost the woman I loved, the only woman who was able to plant a smile on my face without any consent. 

I recall her face, her scent and the way she'd made me truly happy. I remember her telling me we were about to have our first child, the way my face lit up as I placed my large hands on her stomach, knowing that it was my DNA growing inside of her. 

Although here I am, sitting on the peer of this pollution filled lake, the air is smokey, the wind cold on my bare hands. I haven't slept, I can't sleep knowing she is here, in the same city as me and not feeling any slight emotion for me being on the streets. I take a deep breath in, feeling pity for myself, as I am the only who will. 

I spent the whole day, passing couples, passing families, passing single men like myself. I'm not sure where I am heading, nor if I want to head there. I want to go home, but I refuse to leave without the woman who took my heart. All I know is that she lives here, in Brooklyn, New York. I'm unfamiliar with the city, although I'm getting used to the constant traffic, the rude people, the aweing eyes on myself. 

I look up, the sun is setting, leaving a dark sillouhette on the city's tall buildings. It's nearly time for me to find somewhere to sleep, although my pockets and my wallet are empty, I found a nice elderly woman that offered me hospitality, although I refused her kindness as I didn't want to be a burden to her. A few seconds later and the rain is falling lightly onto the skin of my face, it's cold and I'm worried as to where is dry enough to slumber for the night. I stand up, walking around once again, not taking much notice of the moon rising. In a few moments the street lights are on, everyone is panicking to get home for dinner, although not me. I haven't eaten all day, not being able to think of anything else but the girl I was searching for. I wondered if she had our child. I prayed she had kept it, as I too want something to do with what I see is rightfully mine.

My footsteps grow louder as other's disapeared into their homes, greeting their families, their partners, their pets even. I have no one, no one to talk to, no one to laugh with, no one to hold on these cold nights. I walk alone on the street, looking around as everyone was now inside, safe and sound. I pull out my last ciggarette, knowing it was my last sends worry and sorrow through my mind, although I feel as though I deserve it. 

The rain grew heavier as I lean against a dark wall in what seemed to be the pits of this confusing city, I sigh as I exhale my first drag of the stress relieving smoke. My jacket is becoming drenched in droplets of water, my shoes becoming soaked from puddles. I lift the hood of my jacket up over my head, not only trying to keep dry but trying to hide my face, my pain from the world. 

I hear laughter in the distance, children are running towards me. Smiles on their faces, not a worry in their pure, fresh minds. I can't help but envy them, they haven't had their hearts broken, they still have their entire life ahead of them, and mine is almost over. I remember when I was like that, happy and running through the dark streets with my group of friends, I was careless and didn't know much about anything, making me truly happy, although a different happiness to what I felt with the woman who crept her way back into my mind. 

"Excuse me sir." One of the children are speaking to me, her voice is pure, her smile is darling and her future uncertain. I look down at her, she is soaking wet, much more than I am. "May I borrow an umbrella?" She questions me, not knowing that I only own what is on my body. I smile down at her, leaning my ciggarette in my mouth. I begin pulling my jacket off, I lean down, placing it over her cold body. I free my smoke as I speak to her.

"I don't have an umbrella, but take good care of this for me okay?" I make her promise me she will take care of my belongings as I am now the one who is soaked from the rain. I have nothing on my body to keep me warm, nothing to protect me, although her needs are more important than mine. 

She nods at me, throwing her arms around my neck. I haven't had contact from another human in so long, I place my arm lightly around her back, returning the hug she was so pleased to give me. She seemed to notice the pain and emptiness in my eyes as she didn't let go of her grip, or maybe she was the one who needs support and not me. 

"I will, I promise." She kisses my cheek as she stood away from me, returning to her friends. A smile grows on my face, a true feeling of happiness for the first time in so long, although it doesn't last long. I return standing, to inhaling my ciggarette, to feeling alone although this time I am cold too. Goose bumps infect my skin as I lean back on the wall, throwing my leg up against it, supporting my weight. 

My thoughts returned to the girl who was causing me pain and misery, but had made me fall in love with myself just as much as her. The sun is completely out of sight, the rain still falling, the moon high in the sky. I finish my smoke as I begin walking away, back on my journey to find somewhere to sleep. I am stopped by a hand linking itself in mine, I look down to see my jacket and the little girl I handed it too. I stop walking as she does, her face is scared as she looks up at me. I bend down to her level, wondering what she is doing out still and not at home safe, in her bed.

"What's wrong, are you okay?" My voice is concerned, I place my hand on her shoulder lightly as she begins to look around, her eyes are open wide much like a deer in headlights. She looks at me, staring into my dark, pain filled eyes with her beautiful, smiling ones. She pulls me closer to her, putting her lips up to my ear.

"I'm scared of the dark." She whispers to me, throwing her face into my neck as tears start falling from her eyes. I wonder why she isn't home, where her parents are, if she has parents. I place my hand around her head, encouraging her tears to fall onto my already soaked shoulder. 

"Where do you live, I can take you home." I whisper back to her, no one is around and no one seems to be searching for her, the only way I know for sure she will get home safe is if I take her there myself. She pulls her face away from me, a slightly surprised emotion on her face. I smile at her, letting her know that I am nothing but serious and she will be okay with me. 

"I live a few blocks from here." She grips my hand tighter as I stand up, we begin walking. A small cry leaves her lips as she falls to the ground, tugging my arm as she did so. I felt concerned as tears exploded from her eyes once more, I leant back down to her level.

"What's wrong, have you hurt your ankle?" I question, my hands automactically reaching for her shoe.

"I think I broke it, running with my friends." She whimpered, I can't bare to see her in this amount of pain, I stand back up, looking around for anyone who looked as though they have medical expierence, although the streets are quiet. I look back down at the little girl with tears falling from her eyes, I wrap my arms around her as I lift her to my chest, holding her much like I imagine I would my own child. 

I walk slowly, trying to support the little girls weight in my arms. The rain cleared up, although the ground is still covered in puddles. We arrive close to her home, she tugs on my head, letting me know that her house is near. A young girl hurries out of a house, running towards us. I feel concerned as to who she is, if she is this little girl's mother. 

"Aiya, where have you been?" Her voice is just as beautiful as her face as she gets closer to me, holding what I think is her daughter. "I've been worried sick." Her eyes meet mine as she stands a few steps away from us. The little girl known as Aiya turns her head sharply, reaching for the young lady. 
The girl reached her arms out too, taking Aiya in her own grip and out of mine. Aiya places her head in the young girl's neck, much like she had mine. The young girl smiles at me. 

"Thank you so much sir, for bringing my little sister home safe." My eyes open wide, I had no idea that the girl was not Aiya's concerned mother. I smile back at her beautiful face, she seems to notice the pain that I so pathetically call a smile. I begin walking away, Aiya calls out to me. 

"You know Bom, he doesn't have a home." Aiya smiled at her sister, I am not sure as to how the little girl knows I am homeless, but I am shocked to say the least. I turn around, facing the two girls standing, staring at me in the cold. 

"Oh, well I was just cooking dinner." The girl now known as Bom speaks. "There's enough for three." She begins begging me slightly, thinking that she has to thank me somehow. Truth is I am hungry, but I feel as though I am intruding. 

"No, you two have a good meal." I try to decline her offer, although Aiya screams out once more as I begin walking away.

"You have to be hungry, I heard your tummy talking when you were holding me." Aiya smiled at me, her tears were now dry on her face. I feel cornered slightly, not knowing how to reply to the little girl's pure eyes. 

"Yeah come on, I am a good cook." Bom smiles while gripping my wrist and pulling me towards her home.