[Donghae's POV]

The creaking of the door echoed throughout the empty apartment as I removed my slippers and placed them neatly in front of the shoe rack before padding towards Sungmin’s bedroom. I’ve been meaning to return the watch I borrowed weeks ago but avoiding Hyukjae came at a cost; I didn’t dare to enter the dorm below mine unless there was a group session in fear of bumping into the last person I wanted to. The only reason why I had dared to venture into these territories alone today was because of Ryeowook’s assurance that the place was empty when he had left for his Sukira session.  Letting out a sigh, I let my eyes drift and took in the entire appearance of the living room with the misaligned couch and pillows littering the floor catching my attention. Looks like my worries were unfounded for, Hyukjae and his obsessive compulsive disorder would never allow for this to exist within his living space, I figured that meant Hyukjae hadn’t been around for a while.

Placing the watch back where I had taken it from, I made my way towards the exit, mentally reminding myself to clear up the mess in the living room on my way out. However, just as I was passing the archway separating the bedroom from the common space, a loud bang was heard from the adjacent room. Frightened by the sudden noise, my hearing senses were heightened and I started making out the sounds of sobbing and whining. I was close to suffering a heart seizure at the possibility of a visit from the netherworld when my rationality took over and reminded me that that was Hyukjae’s bedroom.

Sprinting the ten steps to my destination, my heart broke into two when I laid eyes on the love of my life sprawled on the floor flipping through the pages of a large pictorial book. All I could see was the mop of golden blond glistening in the moonlight as the hunched body bent over the pages, hiding its contents from my view. Despite being unable to see his face, the audible sounds of crying emitted from the shaking body was explicit evidence enough to know that he was in a middle of a serious break down; something which wasn’t a common occurrence from Hyukjae. Feeling my heart break into a million pieces, I subconsciously found myself being drawn to the frail-looking figure as he remained unaware of his surroundings.

“Hae…”

The soft whisper shot straight to my heart as my legs gave away, causing me to kneel beside the broken person. The close proximity woke my sense of smell up as my nose detected a whiff of alcohol and came to realisation; this was why Hyukjae was acting like this. Still unaware of my presence due to his drunken state, the blond continued wailing over the open book, grumbling my name in between and hence spiking my curiosity and pulling on my heartstrings. Pushing the feelings aside and sighing at his plight, I proceeded to cradling him into my warm arms as I ushered him onto his unmade bed. My action did not startle him one bit as he remained oblivious to his surroundings, wallowing in self-pity.

He remained obedient as I tucked him into bed before noticing his dirty clothes and remembering how much Hyukjae disliked uncleanliness and smell. Deciding to go the extra mile to ensure his comfort, I removed his soaked shirt and replaced it with a clean black singlet from his cupboard, glad that it was done partially in the dark so I wouldn’t be by his topless state. Removing his jeans with utmost expertise as it brought back memories, I pushed those painful images to the back of my head as I left him in his Calvin Klein boxers.

Giving one last glance at my masterpiece, I concluded my work by delivering a soft kiss to his cheek, something I couldn’t help myself from doing as I looked upon that finally settled expression on his face despite the obvious dried tear trail and dark eye circles.

However, just as I was leaving, the supposedly unconscious body reached out his arms, swinging it over my shoulders and pulling me down by my neck as he whispered the forbidden words into my ears, “I miss you, Donghae.” If the three words weren’t enough to trigger a flood of emotions, the punctuated ending with my name clearly pronounced did the trick.

Fresh tears sprung into my eyes as I clamped a hand over my mouth to prevent my sob from breaking loose. I knew he was hurting but I was hurting too, of course I was. “Breaking up” with Hyukjae was by far the hardest thing I have done in my life and standing here beside him and not being able to slide my body into bed next to him was the biggest pain. There were times when I imagined how it would be like if I hadn’t ended things between us the way I did; would we still be the happy couple basking ourselves in the wonderful company of each other, indulging in the mind-blowing and cuddling up to the warmth of each other’s hot and sticky body after an earth-shattering ? I wanted nothing more than to just crawl into the bed and pull the damaged person close to my heart but that would be wrong; our entire relationship was wrong and hence I had no reason to regret my actions.

Our entire friendship was based on and that was just incorrect on every level. Friends or even best friends do not sleep with each other and act as though it was nothing, friends with benefits would not care so much for the well-being of the other party, buddies wouldn’t have established such a serious relationship with one another and an idiot hopelessly in love should not have sacrificed so much for an unrequited affection. Yes, I decided that I’ve had enough and I didn’t want to be that idiot no more. Of course I had noticed the change in Hyukjae following our separation; he was evidently depressed. But that made no difference, I was still right in ending our affairs; it was downright unhealthy and truthfully, my heart could take no more. Even if there was a possibility that the time apart has led to Hyukjae developing feelings for me, I wouldn’t accept it; it was simply too late. My love for him had been genuine right from the start when I made the decision to give him my all; body, heart and soul without expecting despite hoping for something in return. Him on the other hand, had done nothing but hurt me time and time again as he used me, manipulated me and lied to me. Even if he told me now that he loved me, I wasn’t going to be stupid and fall for it; what are the odds of him wanting me back only because of ? Enough was enough, I was simply too tired to risk my heart again.

Removing his arm from my neck, I turned to walk away from him again; out of his life. But as I took a step forward, I clumsily tripped over the large book left on the floor. Catching myself before I ended up face-flat on the floor, I turned my head to inspect if the accident had woken the sleeping beauty up and heaved a sigh of relief when I heard him snoring softly. Diverting my attention back to the special book which had him bawling his eyes out moments ago, I felt my eyes pop out of its socket at the images the open page was displaying; intimate pictures of us from our recent trip to Paris.

Lifting the rather heavy book up to my chest for a closer look, I felt my heart swelling up at the fond memories the pictures brought about. The picture on the left page was the one he had captured with his phone with me and the pink flower in my head and I couldn’t control myself in letting out a soft short giggle at the recollection. The right page contained the gorgeous photo of us against the sunset on the romantic boat ride, an event I held closely to my heart. The fact that the sweet photos were being printed and compiled in such a neat and beautiful manner by the man of my dreams brought about a myriad of emotions as I contemplated the possible meanings it carried. If the knowledge of the existence of a personal hand-made photobook containing my pictures wasn’t enough to drive me insane, the caption found below the images certainly caused my heart to burst into flames.

The greatest beauty of all, the most stunning of all blooms; the love of my life.

Being able to witness the gorgeous sunset on a luxurious boat was made perfect only by the company I had.

Love. Perfection. My mind was spiralling in an outward tornado; does all this mean what I think it means?

A frantic flip through of the entire length of the thick book before going back to page one to have a proper read till page three was more than enough to confirm my assumptions and trigger my own emotional breakdown.

The very first page of the book held a solo picture taken during my performance for the SM auditions with the caption, “Does love at first sight exist because I think I might have fallen for this angel.” And the subsequent pages contained pictures of me and us with the cheesiest heart-warming taglines. I can’t believe I had accidentally stumbled upon this book; a book like no other, Hyukjae’s personal diary and beyond that it was entirely about me; about us. Overwhelmed with the new founded knowledge, I decided to return the book to where I assumed it belonged; the open bottom drawer.

Yanking the partially opened drawer, a treasure chest looking box caught my eye and despite knowing I was well and beyond trespassing personal boundaries, I couldn’t help but pick up the silver coloured bulky item. Bringing the rectangular case to his study table, I pushed his laptop aside to make space for the object of my interest and his desk lamp.  As the light shone on the reflective surface, I discovered a number lock hanging on the metal clasp, locking the cover shut. I understood that it was a clear signal for me to leave it alone but somehow the temptation of revealing even more hidden secrets was too huge especially since it concerned Hyukjae and I had just chanced upon some involving myself in the topic I was most interested in. Pulling on the lock, I sniggered and rolled my eyes at the fact that it was a six-numbered lock; how protective was Hyukjae over this box? I bet it contained a large stash of safety cash.

123456

The lock remained firmly shut.

000000

Nope.

040486

What else could it be if not his birthdate?

151086

A wild stab in the dark but with a click, the top half of the lock detached itself from the bottom with a pop. Even before I discovered the contents, my eyes started b with tears at the chosen lock combination.

However, despite the earlier discovery that my beloved had feelings for me right from the start and finding my birthdate as the key to unlocking this hidden treasu