"Donghae no, give me another five minutes, my head hurts," I whined as I shoved my face further into the pillow as an attempt to dull my throbbing head.

"Hey, it's Sungmin. We need to go for SM Town rehearsals."

The pain in my head was effectively removed by a sharper pain in the chest. I had almost forgotten what happened the day before. Almost. I wish I could completely forget about it.

After pulling myself together following a good ten minutes of sobbing into my pillow, I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed to wash-up. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I reflected on the happenings of the day before and convinced myself that I had done the right thing; Donghae did not deserve to be with me. However, the image of his pain-filled orbs haunted me whenever I closed my eyes and I had to recite the words repeatedly in my head; this was for the better, Donghae deserved better.

The continuous cycle was on a replay mode until I entered the kitchen to join the other members for breakfast and saw Donghae’s bloodshot eyes. No, this wasn’t worth it at all, nothing was worth Donghae’s precious tears, especially not if they were being shed for a whole night.

"Alright Super Junior, you're done with your first segment of songs, Shinee you're up next," the concert producer instructed us.

I immediately walked over to the table where the rows of water bottles were lined and grabbed one to hydrate myself. As I was gulping the liquid down, I saw Donghae approaching and naturally passed him my half empty bottle with a small smile. However, instead of receiving it with a thank you, Donghae simply ignored my outstretched hands and my whole being altogether, brushing across my shoulders and reaching over to take a new bottle himself.

That hurt. Badly.

I felt myself taking shorter breaths as I increased the grip on the water bottle, wide opened eyes following my ex-best friend. He had barely taken seven steps away from the table when an SM junior sprang up to greet him politely; Lay.

“Hyung! You were awesome on stage,” he started praising the cute male and the said person let out a toothy smile as he swung his arms around Lay.

I tried to ignore the sting in my heart.

“Aww Lay-ah, you’re too nice. You’re so much better than hyung, I need some help for the SM dance break choreography. What goes after this step?” Donghae asked the junior as he executed the first three steps for our second song.

As Lay shyly agreed to go through the steps whilst stepping out of his humble barrier, I found myself thinking back on how it had always been me he sought assistance from.

Donghae was an amazing dancer who had great body control and techniques but he lacked in the picking up of choreography. He was not able to pick up steps as fast as most of the dancers which led him to requesting for extra sessions with me; something I willingly agreed to every time. Of course I would, it was always nice to have some alone-time with the adorable creature. Although most of the time would be spent scolding him and being on the brink of losing my temper, I never did and the sessions always ended up fun. I was not a patient person and was rather fierce with some of the members including the likes of Yesung and Heechul but with Donghae, things were different. I might sometimes calling him names like ‘stupid’ but in my heart I would be squealing out how lovable he looked struggling with the choreography.

As Donghae’s cute laughter rang out and I noticed him grabbing Lay’s arms as a reaction to some joke, I had to tear my eyes away from them before anyone caught me glaring.

“You ok Hyuk?” I was too late in evading the strike of our evil maknae.

I turned my head in his direction and came face to face with a concerned expression pasted on Kyuhyun’s face and I knew I couldn’t escape. Kyuhyun always acted cold but we all knew he had a warm heart deep down inside. For him to actually express his concern, it only meant that he genuinely cared and I found myself unable to lie to him. Hell, I don’t think I could lie to any one of them, they were all my brothers. They were bound to realise something was wrong between me and Donghae sooner or later if they haven’t already did.

“I’ll be fine,” I eventually gave him an ambiguous answer.

Kyuhyun let out a long sigh before turning around, making to walk away from me. But it was only three steps before he changed his mind, stopping in his tracks to face me again.

“Are you sure? Just remember that we’re all here for you ok?”

I nodded but there was something holding me back deep down inside. Was Kyuhyun speaking the truth? Could anyone really be ok with me hurting Donghae? It would never be ok to hurt Donghae. It was ok for me to hurt but not Donghae.

After Kyuhyun’s short encounter, I decided that I didn’t want to face any other member so I found myself locked alone in the dressing room, concentration on my phone. I was browsing through my album, admiring all my photos with Donghae; pictures of two best friends having so much fun together. With each swipe of my thumb, I found myself missing him more and more.

I was pulled out of my reminiscence by the broadcasting system, “all artists to standby for finale.” Time had flown by so quickly. I wiped the tears I didn’t even realise had fallen and headed on stage.

“Alright Eunhyuk, I need you to take your place next to Taeyeon.”

“Erm Eunhyuk, could you shift to the left, move further out, there’s not enough place.”

Listening to his instructions, I held onto Taeyeon’s hand as I shuffled left towards the end of the stage, tugging her along with me. However, what happened next in the blink of an eye left me no reaction time to ensure both of our safety; Taeyeon tripped on her heels during her side shuffle, slamming her entire body weight into my sides and successfully sending me flying off the 1.5m high stage and due to our linked hands, the petite girl came crashing down as well.

I yelped in pain as I felt a searing sharp pain travel from my elbow straight up to my shoulders and it was also numbing the nerves in my brain. I could barely register who was touching my arms and rubbing my back as forms of consolation as my vision was impaired by the falling tears.

“Hyuk, hang in there, everything’s going to be ok.”

As the poking sensation slowly dissolved into a throbbing one, I barely managed to make out Leeteuk’s voice of assurance before absorbing the fact that my back was being supported by someone and someone else was holding my arm to keep it still. As my sight returned and I was able to focus once again, I registered our angelic leader as the one supporting me and the sweet eternal maknae as the temporary medic in front of me. I felt grateful for their care.

“Darling are you alright?” a voice heavily drenched in concern and worry rang out from my right as I turned to witness a young male running frantically in our direction.

Baekyun.

“Oh gosh noona, are you hurt anywhere?” he started fondling his girlfriend as she shook her head slightly and gestured to her ankle, explaining that it was just a small twist. But Baekyun did not stop his actions as he continued showering his girlfriend with light kisses all over her face as he enveloped her in a tight hug.

The lovey dovey couple ignited a small fire in my heart as I recalled how Donghae used to be the first person who ran to me whenever I got hurt. I thought back on the time I twisted my wrist whilst doing the one-handstand during one of the practice sessions for Mr Simple and Donghae had burst out crying because he insisted he had heard a crack and was terrified. We failed to calm him down throughout the entire hospital visit and the cry-baby only stopped when we were both back in my bed; our bed. Donghae had volunteered to feed me, dress me and even accompany me to the toilet; gestures which I thought were simply adorable and sweet, gestures I could now no longer enjoy. As I spotted the back of his white t-shirt fifty metres away from me, I decided that the heart hurt more than the sprained elbow.

I stubbornly insisted that I was fine and persisted in wanting to stay throughout the rest of the rehearsals. They left me alone on one of the chairs off stage to rest and ice my elbow to numb the pain after I promised Leeteuk that I would let him bring me