Chapter 5 The Love Guru? 

Fourth week of January 2014

"I swear he's the cutest little thing I've ever seen in my life." Kai remarked, shaking his best friend but Chanyeol purportedly ignored him.

It was only 10am, still two hours too soon to be talking about gay crushes and cute boys when something more important was happening in class. Chanyeol and Sehun were trying their utmost best NOT to gape at the teacher, but it was difficult when hormones got the better part of them. Ms Hyori only ever taught Math in school, and they didnt have the privilege of that subject everyday. Or at least, the privilege of seeing her everyday, whenever her back was facing them. That tight -hugging pencil skirt certainly showed off her prized possession, more than her five-inches stilletto heels could anyway.

Sweet holy mother of god....that heaven-gifted .

"Sehun ah, pinch me if I'm dreaming."

Sehun's eyes were still glued on those godforsaken twin globes from heaven when his hand moved to pinch Chanyeol's cheek. Hard.

"Ouch. That hurts, dammit. Yeah, I ain't dreaming."

She shifted her weight to her right leg and all the boys in the class held their breath, while the girls glared at the boys. Kai could only shake his head in disbelief, not at all interested to stare at his teacher's . She wasn't very good in Maths anyway. "Did you guys hear me?"

"Yeah yeah, we heard you once Jongin. Now go somewhere. Don't bother us."

"Idiots. All of you. I'm skipping class. This is a waste of time anyway. Her calculations are all wrong."

"Shhh..." Someone from the front shot a glare at him, and he had had enough. 

"Get back to your class, Park Chanyeol, or I'm telling Mr Jaesuk. You're not even supposed to be in this grade."

" you and your gay , Kim Jongin. Lemme sit in here a little longer."

Kai ignored his best friends after that and walked out of the class without informing his teacher. He was a little annoyed that no one---especially his best friends---had bothered to hear what he had to say about last Friday night. He wondered where that cute boy was right now. Hmm...probably in class, actually studying for his future. He seemed like the type---students who were actually serious about their studies.

He passed by the locker area near his classroom and found a piece of white note stuck to one of the lockers. Locker number 12. Do Kyungsoo. Funny how he'd never actually seen this Kyungsoo guy, or even heard of him until Baekhyun brought it up during lunch that time.

Hmm...speaking of Baekhyun, Kai could have sworn he saw the brunette hanging around with his boy crush once. Maybe it was just his imagination again, but he'd been seeing a lot of it lately. It couldn't have been coincidence. What if Baekhyun actually knew the boy? "I guess I'll have to find this Baekhyun guy then." He wondered to himself, before making his way up to the roof, where he usually spent his time spacing out to his thoughts.

> Did you discover anything new about your crush? I'm sure you did. Well, let's move on to phase 2 now. Make him notice you. What could easily attract his attention? Maybe dress up a little? I'll send you another note in two days. Well, good luck, Do Kyungsoo. God bless.

Kyungsoo sighed at the contents of his note this time. This was the challenging part. For two obvious reasons.

One, he was a fashion terrorist, mainly because most men clothes couldn't fit him properly and he ended up buying his shirts from the kids' department.

And two, he didn't actually know Kai's favourite colour.

Once upon a time, Kai had liked the colour black so much that he always wore a black tank top under his school uniform, so that right after the final bell rang, the buttons would come off and his tank top became visible to the world. But he stopped doing that a few months back, for reasons unknown to Kyungsoo.

And then there was a time when the soccer team won three matches in a month, and red became his thing because the Red Eagle's official colour was red, but he stopped wearing red the month later.

Now, he'd been seeing more bold colours on Kai. Sometimes the soccer player would show up in a navy blue shirt for soccer practice, and other times it would be a bright yellow jersey, or a dark mud-coloured brown when he felt like it. By then Kyungsoo had given up trying to guess his favourite colour. After all, guys weren't judged by the colour of their T-shirts.

We wear anything. Or none at all.

"Do Kyungsoo." An unfamiliar voice suddenly spoke beside him and he looked up...

...to a face with kind eyes and a warm smile. Kyungsoo couldn't help but smile back. "Uh, yeah that's me, and who are you?"

"Kim Jongdae. A fellow classmate actually, but we've never really talked. I've been watching you for a while."

Is he the love guru? Or a stalker? "Well, we're talking now. Were you always in my class? I've never seen you around though."

"I guess I'm the kind of guy who likes to lay low and observe others around me. You wouldn't notice me unless you bother to look behind. I'm three seats away from you. Usually."

"Ah....well, it's nice to meet you then, Jongdae ssi."

"Just Jongdae will do. Let's go back to class. Break time is over."

Kyungsoo eyed him suspiciously for a moment, wondering if he was the so-called love guru everyone had been talking about. Apparently, only one student at a time received the privilege of his advice and the end result was always satisfying, which was why no one ever knew who this 'love guru' was, and no one bothered to find out about him---or her. Let's assume it was a guy.

Apparently, that little dip went around sending little notes to his clients to give them stupid directions about getting the person they want, and he always used his signature white pen on a piece of white paper. The size of the paper didn't really matter, but if he had a lot to write, then be ready to shade a lot too.

Kyungsoo had asked around plenty of students to hear what they had to say about him, and the answers were always the same. We don't know him. But apparently, there are some students in school who do.

It's a he? I thought she's a girl?

You're getting love advices from him, huh? No one usually talks about it because it shows how pathetic you are with your love life. That one came from Luhan.

Some students try to hide near their lockers to see who the person is but they never really succeed. It's like the love guru knows they're watching him. Could he be watching you right now? God, that's creepy.

Love guru? I know nothing. Bug off.

Kyungsoo gave up asking around after that last one. It was no use. No one knew enough to tell him what he needed to know. Who exactly is this person? And why is he doing this? For what price?

As the teacher rambled on about the upcoming sports event in July, Kyungsoo thought about the advice he received. What could he do to attract Kai?

What could he do...?

What in the world could he possibly----

"Do Kyungsoo! Hello~? Earth to Kyungsoo, are you there? Hey!"

Someone nudged his elbow and Kyungsoo snapped back to reality. The whole class was staring at him right then, and his cheeks turned red out of embarrassment. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Baekhyun sitting three rows away, eyeing him with concern, and Jongdae had been the one who nudged him.

The teacher seemed a little pissed off. "Welcome back to earth, Kyungsoo ssi. Would you mind packing your stuff and march yourself off to the principal's office? He wants to see you."

The principal's office?

He exchanged worried glances with Baekhyun but the other boy merely shrugged in return. Thanks a lot, best friend. "Sure do, Ms Yoon." He got his things and marched out after that, wondering why the principal wanted to see him so suddenly.

Along the way, he passed by his locker and found a note on it. "Hmph, why am I not surprised?"

>I never really see my clients' faces, but I think I want to see yours. Would it trouble you to meet me? Text me.

Kyungsoo fished out his phone and texted back a reply. It was a good thing he went ahead and saved the number anyway.

To: Love Joker

No.

A minute later, he received a message.

From: Love Joker

No, you don't mind? Or no, you DO mind?

To: Love Joker

No, because I'm done taking advice. This is stupid and your advice are useless. How am I supposed to know what colour he likes?! And I almost got gang- last night when you told me to find out more about him.

From: Love Joker

Meet me after school. Football field. By the bleachers.

To: Love Joker

What point of no didn't you get? And you know where my locker is, so why can't you just meet me there?

From: Love Joker

I'm sorry but I can't. There's too many people around who would recognize me. I just want to apologize to you properly for all the trouble I've caused. Please meet me. I'll still be waiting whether you turn up or not.

This is stupid. Why should I even bother? It's not like I knew him personally. He's just a ing stranger who gives out random love advices that don't even work and god, I'm late. The principal's gonna kill me, Kyungsoo bit out, chucking his phone back into his pocket before running off to the principal's office.

"Mr Do, please take a seat. There's something I'd like to discuss with you." Kyungsoo sat down. "Now, I know this is short notice. But Eunkwang, our school's mascot boy, came down with swine flu yesterday and he won't be able to attend the Incheon match this Thursday. You're the only I know who could take over his place temporarily."

Kyungsoo stared at the principal in stunned silence as he continued, "The costume is in the sports room. Coach Yunho will explain what you have to do on that day so you'll need to see him after school."

"B-but why me?" Kyungsoo asked, finally able to find his voice.

"You guys have the same height, so the costume would fit perfectly. I would have called in Minhyuk, but he's one of the main players that day. Now off you go. Coach Yunho should be expecting you."

Kyungsoo got up from his seat, still a little dazed as he briskly made his way to the gym. When the last bell finally rang, students began to file out from their classes, and Kyungsoo had to snake his way through the crowd.

He found another note on his locker as he passed by.

>Don't forget. Field. Bleachers.

And Kyungsoo couldn't be bothered. He texted the dip and told him to meet another day.

From: Le

: (

That was the last message he exchanged with his love guru that day.

HM1

> Did you discover anything new about your crush? I'm sure you did. Well, let's move on to phase 2 now. Make him notice you. What could easily attract his attention? Maybe dress up a little? I'll send you another note in two days. Well, good luck, Do Kyungsoo. God bless.

HM2

>I never really see my clients' faces, but I think I want to see yours. Would it trouble you to meet me? Text me.

A/N:

Language bomb! We should do this often, yes? Let's learn more languages. Ok, remember last time I taught you guys how to say I love you? Well, here's a cruder way of saying it. Aku sayang kau. It's like how the Japanese have 'watashi-wa' for I am or me. And they also have boku-wa for a cruder way of saying I am or me. Boku-wa genki desu. Watashi wa genki desu. I am fine. Well, same applies. 'Aku' is a cruder way of saying 'I am' or me. Same as 'kau' is a cruder way of saying 'you'.

New word: Cute. In bahasa, it's 'comel' pronounced as cho-mel. So if you have a certain someone you want to compliment, just say 'Kau comel'. Add a 'la' at the back for a special Malaysian effect. 'Kau comel la'. or You're cute la. Hahahahahaha. But don't say 'Aku sayang kau la' because then it'll look like you're too laidback, or you're an . Just saying.

While comel is for cute, 'cantik' (pronounced as chan-tek) is for beautiful.