Chapter 18 Cowardly Love

Third week of March

The last time Kyungsoo ended up lying in the hospital was almost four years ago. He remembered clearly what happened that day, every single moment of painful gasps he wheezed out when oxygen failed him, and until today, Baekhyun was still feeling bad about what he did. It was an honest mistake, but the poor boy was still so distraught over forgetting the one important fact that could potentially kill his best friend. It had been a special day. They were celebrating Baekhyun's mum's birthday, and he had ordered a velvet cream cake for her. It had all the best fruits decorated on top, so from the outset, it really looked like a fruit cake.

In the midst of all that excitement, Baekhyun had forgotten about Kyungsoo's allergy, and when the boy accidentally took it without a second thought, they ended up spending the rest of the day in the hospital. Baekhyun's mum was kind enough to watch over Kyungsoo, while her son soaked in his own misery, feeling like a complete for almost killing his friend. No one blamed Baekhyun for it though, and Luhan had to constantly -slap the boy until today whenever Baekhyun brought it up again. Even Kyungsoo forgave him the moment he woke up in the hospital.

But Baekhyun still couldn't live it down, and since then, he forced himself to dislike certain cakes he used to love. 

Being in the hospital again brought back old scars, not only for Kyungsoo, but for Baekhyun too. Seeing his best friend in such a state scared him less, because there was nothing he could do to take that pain away. He felt helpless when Kyungsoo gasped for help, and while everyone panicked over the boy, he simply stood aside like a rock, tears pouring down his cheeks.

"Baek, come here." Kyungsoo called over.

Thanks to Minseok and Luhan, he was placed inside a private ward instead, and he didn't have to face any other sick motherers that could infect him with their illnesses. The other guys were also there, looking gloomy and upset, but Baekhyun looked like he was about to burst out crying again. Kai also seemed a little shaken, and Kyungsoo supposed he ought to comfort him too, but after he dealt with Baekhyun.

"How are you feeling, Soo?"

"Like a god." Kyungsoo snorted. "These wires are annoying as hell! And I don't see why I need the breathing mask right now. Don't cry, Baek. I'm fine, really."

"You don't have to make me feel better, Soo." He could see that Kyungsoo still had a hard time to breathe, even with the mask on. "It's just that...I keep remembering what happened four---"

"Don't you even dare to bring that up." Kyungsoo warned him. "I told you. It's all in the past. You're forgiven, and I love you. Now, do something useful for me and call Kai over. I need to tell him the same I told you back then."

Baekhyun simply nodded, and beckoned for the soccer player. "Hey Kai. Soo wants to talk to you."

Kai had been noticeably worried about Kyungsoo since the moment he witnessed the love of his life writhing in pain. He felt helpless and confused at first, still trying to process what Baekhyun said because everything happened so suddenly. And then guilt washed over him like a storm rolling in from the sea, and his body moved on autopilot. The next thing he knew, he was being whisked away in the ambulance next to Baekhyun and Luhan, cramped at the side while paramedics tried to save the boy on the stretcher. The other guys said that they were hitching a ride in Kris's car and Minseok's motorcycle, and by the time they arrived, Kyungsoo was safely placed on a white-spread bed in a private ward, a breathing mask tied around his mouth to aid him. Kai had never felt true fear until he finally felt his heart calming down when Kyungsoo eventually woke up.

He sauntered over immediately when Baekhyun called for him, and his first instinct was to apologize for his stupidity. He should have asked the older boy first if he could eat the cake, but instead he shoved it down Kyungsoo's throat without a care in the world. "Hey, I'm really sorry about the whole cake thing, hyung. I didn't know. Oh god, I'm so sorry for hurting you. If I'd known, I would have---" A finger flew to his mouth a second later to shut him up.

"Shh...let me speak first. It's not your fault, Jongin. There's no one to blame over this. It was bad luck, and I ate something I shouldn't without checking first. So please don't be upset over it  Anyway, I'm fine now. Sort of. I'm not dying or anything." He chuckled in amusement, wondering why he was doing all the comforting when he was the one lying in the hospital bed.

"You looked like you were." Kai said, tearing up.

Holy , I made him cry. "Uh, well, technically I was, but you guys saved me just in time, so don't sweat about it, ok. You can buy me bubble tea next time if you want to make up for it. I love bubble tea."

"Me too!" Sehun chipped in, raising a hand. He blushed when he realized that Kyungsoo wasn't talking to him. The others laughed at his impeccably bad timing of stating his love for bubble tea, and Kai felt a little better already. In fact, thanks to Sehun, the gloomy atmosphere around the room appeared to have lifted a little, and no one was frowning now. They didn't try to steer Kyungsoo's attention from Kai away though, knowing how the boys had feelings for each other. It was just a waste that Kai was the only clueless one in the bunch. The soccer player brushed off the unshed tears in his eyes, and nodded his head.

"That's a promise, hyung. I'll get you ten bubble teas of any flavour you want. And I'm sorry about all this. Again."

"Please call me Soo. I prefer that over hyung." Kyungsoo chuckled. "You wanna know something new about me?" He asked, shifting a little closer to Kai.

"Besides the fact that you're allergic to colouring? If it's another allergy, then you should tell me before I make another mistake." Kai said, sitting down on the bed beside Kyungsoo. He placed a hand on Kyungsoo's forehead, using his fingers to sweep back the stray locks cascading over the older male's eyes. Kyungsoo could feel the butterflies inside him starting to swell like the es they are, making him all twitchy and nervous.

"Uh, I'm n-not really sure what other allergies I have, but if I f-find out anything else, I'll let you k-know." He stuttered, smiling nervously. Kai seemed to have forgotten about the other grinning morons in the room. Everyone was staring at him now, but to his eyes, there was only Kyungsoo. "Anyway, that's not really what I wanted to say."

"Then what is it?" Kai asked, continue to Kyungsoo's hair.

"Uh, well, the thing is, uh..." , he was getting nervous. Kai's fingers on him felt like heaven. He didn't know having someone touch him this way could be so electrifying. "Well, you see.."

"Soo's not dating Kris." Luhan suddenly burst out, and Kai immediately whipped his head around to look at the Chinese male. His eyes widened in surprise, not expecting to hear that out of the blue. He switched his focus to Kris after that, and the blonde senior simply shrugged.

"What he said." Kris said, pointing to Luhan. "Kyungsoo doesn't like me that way. And I guessed I was delusional for chasing after him." He shot a wink at Kyungsoo, and Kai turned his attention back to the boy on the bed.

So Soo's not with Kris? Then who does he like?!

Kyungsoo wanted to tell him the truth, but his cowardly self was resurfacing again. And he ended up biting on his lips instead. "Soo, care to explain what they mean?"

"Uh, I'm not with Kris?" He repeated dumbly. Way to go, dumbsoo.

"I see that. But...why are you telling me this?" As far as Kai knew, he was the only one who thought that Kyungsoo and Kris were together. No one knew about his 'love guru' activity. Ok, someone already found out about him, but...wait, it couldn't be. Is Kyungsoo the person who knew?

Kyungsoo had to think fast. His cover was about to get blown, and why oh why did his brain stop functioning at such a crucial moment?!

"I told him, Jongin." Chanyeol's deep voice suddenly said, breaking the much anticipated tension in the air, and Kai released the air he didn't know he didn't know he was holding. Well, at least that explained how Kyungsoo knew about that issue. For a second there, he honestly thought Kyungsoo was his secret love guru. That would be weird, wouldn't it? After all, his secret love guru knew about his crush towards Kyungsoo, and the older male would have confronted him about it by now if he was really the love guru.

Kyungsoo was honestly relieved over the quick save, and from the corner of his eyes, he could see Baekhyun giving his boyfriend a loving peck on the cheek. Kyungsoo would have done the same, but ew, he wasn't about to go around smooching some other people's boyfriend. For now, his secret was still safe, and Kai didn't know about him being the love guru yet.

Kai, on the other hand, seemed to glowing with happiness all the sudden. It was a complete and utter 360 degrees change in a matter of seconds, and Kyungsoo could almost feel the joy emanating from the younger's face. Kai was obviously happy to know that Kyungsoo was not with Kris, so it meant that he still had a chance. But who does Kyungsoo like then?

"If it's not Kris, then who is it? You said it was a guy." He casually asked.

Kyungsoo's face turned beet red at the question, but his tongue was tied, refusing to make him speak. He couldn't tell Kai the truth yet. If he wanted to confess, it shouldn't be in the hospital, with ten pairs of eyes on him. It should be in a garden somewhere, with daffodils and daisies blooming at the side, and a fountain in the middle where they could sit and relax, and no one would be there to his advances on Kai. After crushing on Kai for almost a year, it seemed fitting to confess his feelings romantically.

Kai had a pained look in his eyes when Kyungsoo refused to meet his gaze and opted to stay silent instead. "Still can't trust me enough, huh?" He asked in a whisper, his heart hammering against his chest painfully.

Dark clouds fell over the room once more, and no one could say anything this time to make Kai feel better. If anything, Kyungsoo should be the one to explain his feelings to Kai. No one should interfere in another person's love life. Luhan and Baekhyun somehow felt sorry for Kai. The boy didn't deserve to be kept in the dark. He was obviously in love with Kyungsoo, and the latter felt the same way too, but it was also obvious that Kyungsoo wouldn't be the one to blurt out his confession anytime soon. If anyone, it should be Kai.

"I'm just glad you're okay, Soo. Well, sort of." He cringed at the wires attached to Kyungsoo's wrist; one to supply liquid while the other to supply a healthy dosage of medication. The pale look on Kyungsoo's face was also disappearing slowly, colour returning to his cheeks. The doctor said that once the older male was deemed safe to breathe on his own, they could leave the hospital. It might take a few more hours, and Kai had time to kill. He wanted to start reading the book he borrowed. "Anyway, I'm staying with you until you're discharged."

He turned to the others. "You guys can go home. I'll take care of him tonight."

Some of them was relieved to hear this. They were tired after spending a whole day at school earlier, so sleep was all they needed right then. Baekhyun was still worried about Kyungsoo, and he almost offered to stay the night when Luhan dragged him by the wrist. It's fine. Kai can handle it. He gave a telepathic look at the younger male, and Baekhyun understood.

All of them left after that, save for Kai and Kyungsoo. The two of them sat in comfortable silence for a while, listening to the beeping sound of the heart monitor placed nearby, and the soothing hum of the air-conditioner above Kyungsoo's bed. Kai was the first to break the silence. "How are you feeling now, Soo?"

"Tired." Kyungsoo replied honestly. He had to attend a club meeting this afternoon so most of his energy had been drained. The exams were also drawing near, and they only have two more months to study. Kyungsoo was glad that he could usually recover from his allergies fast. He needed the extra time to study, instead of resting in bed.

"Me too." Kai said. "Just hold on a little longer. You're almost halfway done." He indicated towards the bag of drip with medicine inside, the one that the doctor said would help clear his stomach. Kai wasn't sure what he meant by that.

"Jongin, could I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"How would you confess to the person you like?"

"W-what?" Kai stammered, eyes widened in surprise. "Why are y-you asking me this?"

"I need to know....uh...how I should confess my feelings too. But I'm not really sure how to do it." Kyungsoo muttered, and the expression on Kai's face fell.

The soccer player tried his best to answer it anyway. "Well, for starters, I'll take him to a garden. Or at least someplace secluded."

"Are you planning to him?" Kyungsoo snickered, and the younger male almost choked on his spit.

"What?! No way. I guess I'm just a er for romantic confessions. I can't do it properly if someone else is there to everything. My head gets all fuzzy if people stay to watch me confess."

"I can totally relate with you. I hate ers getting in the way too, and you know how Luhan and Baek everytime. They're devils in disguise, I swear."

"Then that makes two of us. Chanyeol and Sehun try their hands on anything to annoy the out of me."

The both of them shared a good laugh over their best friends' antics, and fell into a comfortable silence once more. Time seemed to pass faster as they chatted away into the night, and eventually a nurse came in to check on Kyungsoo.

"Well, I see that you're done with the drip, Mr Do. I guess it's fine for you to go now. Let me take off your breathing mask." She carefully removed the contraption on his mouth and told him to breathe on his own.

"I feel better now." He said, yawning. "God I feel so sleepy."

"Then I'll tell the doctor to discharge. You can pack up whatever you brought. Make sure you don't leave any belongings behind." The nurse said kindly.

Kai helped Kyungsoo out of bed, and the both of them checked out from the hospital. It was already past midnight by then, and both boys were tired. They still had school in the morning, so waking up might be a bit of a challenge. When they finally got back to the dorm, Kai gave the older boy a tight hug before bidding him good night. It was a warm and friendly hug, and it made Kyungsoo crave for more, but asking Kai would totally backfire his plan on getting Kai to confess first, so he refrained himself from doing so.

No matter. By the time they finally pick up the courage to confess to one another, Kyungsoo will make sure that he'll give Kai more hugs than the boy could ever expect. He went back to his dorm, and his best friends were already asleep by then. Not wanting to wake them up, he tiptoed to his room, but almost got the shock of his life when he heard a beeping sound next to the television set.

Baekhyun's phone was charging there apparently. Kyungsoo checked the inbox to see who it was.

From: Kim Jongin

Guess what. I had the best night of my life! I learned so many things about Kyungsoo today, but I still don't know who he likes. At least it's not Kris. He told me so. How do I find out about the person he likes? He doesn't trust me enough to tell me yet.

To: Kim Jongin

Make him trust you then. Make him feel special around you. Your feelings towards him will never be known unless you confess to him, and who knows, what if he likes you back?

From: Kim Jongin

Then I'll find some time next month to tell him. Do you think it'll be too late by then?

To: Kim Jongin

No, it's never too late. Why don't you find time to study with him? Ask him out on a study date. Spending time together will always make people grow fonder towards each other. Have fun in school tomorrow. Nite nite.

From: Kim Jongin

Gudnite. >< And thx.

A/N:

We'll see if Jongin confesses in April. XD