Title: Beautiful Goodbye
Author: cutterpillow
Number of words: 7374 / 16 pages
Summary: In high school, Byun Baek Hyun loved Kim Ha Neul with all of his heart. After graduating from high school seven years ago,
Ha Neul made it impossible for Baek Hyun to move on, by all odds.   

 

“Yah. Kim Ha Neul.”   You tilted your head, meeting my eyes as you untangled yourself from me—putting a safe distance between us with that lovely smile of yours.   I feel a little bit disappointed for what I did: I could no longer feel your weight against me—all that was left was a stray of your hair, a crease on my coat and your scent that lingers around us.   “Waeyo?”   “Do you believe in reincarnation? The afterlife?” You didn’t answer. You just stared at me—dazed, and I didn’t mind. I wanted to keep the stillness of time. I wanted to stay in your eyes forever. I wanted you to stay by my side for the rest of my life.   “Maybe in our next life, we’ll be together.”   ---   Today, I woke up to gloomy skies and the sound of raindrops crashing on my windows.   Rainy days remind me of you: how you stood so close to me when I held an umbrella over our heads (and how that moment always stole my breath), how your warm hand fits mine— I never told you this, but I guess you knew, we both knew how crazy I was about you that I would stare at it at night, thinking I was very lucky— very lucky that I was the guy who hold you in times of warmth and cold.    Rainy days remind me of you, and when the grey clouds open up and send their tears down onto our bright lights and big cities, I hope they wash in memories of me. I hope they make you remember…   Remember of me, because I do, I do remember you. I cannot forget about you—or in the most honest and sincere form: I can’t unlove you.   “Yah, hyung.” I turn around and continue to button my left sleeve, it was Oh Se Hun yawning and leaning at the door sill. “How sure are you that she’ll come this time?”   I smile confidently at Se Hun’s question. I glance for the last time at the mirror and headed straight out to the door. As I breeze pass by him, I tap him on his shoulders and say, “of course I knew. I didn’t attend our previous home comings because I knew she wouldn’t be there, but this time – this time, she’ll be there. I’m positive and very sure that she’ll be there.” I gave him an assuring smile and pat him twice before I exit.   Of course, I always knew when it comes to you. After all, you are and will always be the best choice I have in my life.   -   We were in a different class most of our high school days, but of course, that didn’t stop us to be together.     Seven years have gone by, and still I can bring back every details of that day at the meadow, at the campus clinic and to what our first and unforgettable conversation—or to what people have said, the moment which the stars aligned for us and brought us together.   I was with my band mates at the campus field, under the shade of the oak tree (which after 2 months, we’ll be our tree) blending all the songs we knew into a one song, we were loud—we always are, singing, yapping, laughing. Fellow students who pass us by would sometimes, stop and listen to us, or they’d laugh at the unforeseen jokes we’d sputter.   It almost hurt to look at that far-off sky but nothing beats having your nose collide with a basketball ball.    Experiencing an accident was definitely something you can’t predict. One moment, I was smiling, singing, and the next thing I knew, I landed on the grassy pavement. I stood up, like it was nothing and excuse myself to go the campus clinic—I was hurt, no questions should be asked. I can feel liquids sliding down, I knew it wasn’t just liquid, it was definitely blood. I thought, I might need a surgery, but I knew I was just exaggerating—it was just a minor case of epistaxis.   Someone open the door for me when I got into the infirmary, it was Jo Sun Mi, your best friend. “Yo”.   “Hey.”   “I got into an accident, minor nose bleed, is the doctor around?”   Before Sun Mi could answer, we heard a faint chuckle. Slowly we walk towards that direction and then I saw you lying on your back with a towel on your face.     “I dreamt of Baek Hyun-ssi. I confessed to him, I said, ‘I like you’ and then he said, ‘I like you too for a while now.’”   I stop wiping my nose and Sun Mi-ssi, was in state of shocked. She looked at me apologetically and you continue to giggle. Outside, I probably look like I was in my cool-state posture, but deep inside my chest was banging against the rib cage loudly.   “Who would believe that? It’s so funny!” Sun Mi let out weak laugh and went closer to your bed to fix your blanket. You looked comfortable, and the smile on your face doesn’t seem to disappear, it made me smile too.   “Sun Mi-ssi…”    “Hmm?”   “What do you think? Should I confess to Byun Baek Hyun?”

“EH?!”   ---   I went back towards the field and I cannot tear off the words you said. I have to slap myself as well for squeaking too loudly inside the clinic.   I saw my friends still sitting at the field and everything was still normal— but I feel a little bit indifferent.   One of the things that these boys share in common with was they all had crush on you, Kim Ha Neul. From my point of view, you’re only slightly prettier than the other girls. You’re an honor student and I’ve heard from many people (ranging from our teachers, students and non-teaching personnel) that indeed you are very nice.   I sat on the same spot I had earlier and just daze. Ottoke?   “Yah!” Young Jae nudged me, waking me up from my intense thinking. “You, okay?”   I nodded and force a smile.  They were laughing at something again. The ultimate question that lies on my head was: how will I tell these idiots that their princess has a crush on me?  They will probably kill me.   “I saw Ha Neul at the clinic.” I started.

“Ha? What happened to her?” Ji Hoo was exaggerating. He was about to stand up and march his way towards the clinic.   “Over fatigue, I guess?” They started making fuzz about it. But I thought, it was the perfect opportunity to tell this. “By the way, at the clinic, I heard Ha Neul and Sun Mi talking.”   “About what?”

“Me?”   “What about you?”   “Ha Neul told Sun Mi that she likes me. And she would like to confess to me.”   There was a moment of silence. I could practically hear their breathings, as well as the cracking of the branches of the trees. After a long pause, they started laughing furiously. Ji Hoo was holding his stomach and Young Jae was smashing his fist on the ground, still chortling.   “What? What did I say funny?” I asked, completely confused.   “You. You’re the funniest person I have ever meet Byun Baek Hyun.” Ji Hoo says, gasping for air.   “Do you think, Kim Ha Neul really likes you?” Young Jae, second that notion, wiping his eyes.   “Actually, I don’t think so, but she was the one who told Sun Mi, not me, I just overheard them.”   Still chuckling, Ji Hoo shook his head. “Aigoo, Baek Hyun. How about this, if Ha Neul would really confess to you, then there’s nothing we can do and be happy for her choice. But—” he stopped, for a split second, I saw his eyes twinkle in something not delightful rather, evil. “—if you were bluffing and she did not confess to you within the day, you’ll treat us to lunch for one week.”   “What?! Why would I do that?!”   “Because you’re telling a white lie.”   “Oh come on. I am not.” I say, defending myself.     “Prove it.” Says Young Jae, giving me a devilish smile.   “Fine.” I say giving up on their childish antics. “Okay, let’s have a deal. We’ll wait for it to happen after class.”   After class, we stayed at the school ground on the parking lot for bicycles. We wait for you there, because normally every afternoon we see you there with Sun Mi.   4:00pm   4:30pm   5:00pm   5:30pm   We wait, and wait, and wait but neither Ha Neul nor Sun Mi went there. I heard two big voices on my back sneering. Soon, they tap my shoulder and I can still hear them guffawing. “Oh, I think I can save some money for a week, now that someone will treat us.”   I roll my eyes.   .   The next days, I tried to act coolly. I pretended it never happened, it was embarrassing as well. Maybe I was just imagining things that happened in the clinic. And so, every time I walk or pass by you, I would just smile.   One lazy afternoon, my thoughts were disturbed when I saw you at the parking lot, standing beside my bicycle. Ji Hoo and Young Jae stop their tracks behind my back.   Your hands were on your back and you were pacing in circles. When you raise your head and meet my gaze, you stood straight and try to smile.   “Ah. Baek Hyun-ssi.”   I bow in front of you and spoke your name, “Ha Neul-ssi.”   “I li—Do you think we ca—”   I don’t know why I said what I said next, it caught me completely off-guard as well. But I knew it seemed right at that time, I cleared my throat and open my mouth, “Ha Neul-ssi, will you go out with me?”   “Ha?” You shrieked, and the other two on my back yelp as well.   “I—Baek Hyun-ssi, uhm, that seems so sudden.” You let out a few breathless chuckle and tip toeing backwards.   “Huh?” I asked quite aloud.  I don’t understand.   Like a speed of light, you rode your bicycle and pedaling it as fast as you can, away from me. I stare at the thin air and watch as you go away. Way to go Byun Baek Hyun.   Out of nowhere while staring at you, you got into an accident and fell off your bike. I rush towards your direction. You were lying on the ground. I held both of your shoulders and try to raise you. “Are you okay?”   I brush off the strands of your hair, away from your face. “Are you hurt?” You shook your head sideways and smile. I examined your lower extremity just to make sure. Thank heavens. You did not have any scratches or anything.   You stretch out your right hand closer to me as if asking for a hand shake. “Please take care of me, Baek Hyun-ssi.”   I tried to hide my joy and ruffle your hair.   All the way home, we keep on telling each other stories about one self. It was fun. I walk you home, as we have told each other: this is our officially first date.   “So what does this makes us now?” I asked, just to be sure about everything.   You laughed and then I laughed too.   We both knew already.   ---   Today, I woke up to gloomy skies and the sound of raindrops crashing on my windows.   Rainy days remind me of you: how you stood so close to me when I held an umbrella over our heads (and how that moment always stole my breath), how your warm hand fits mine— I never told you this, but I guess you knew, we both knew how crazy I was about you that I would stare at it at night, thinking I was very lucky— very lucky that I was the guy who hold you in times of warmth and cold.    Rainy days remind me of you, and when the grey clouds open up and send their tears down onto our bright lights and big cities, I hope they wash in memories of me. I hope they make you remember…   Remember of me, because I do, I do remember you. I cannot forget about you—or in the most honest and sincere form: I can’t unlove you.   “Yah, hyung.” I turn around and continue to button my left sleeve, it was Oh Se Hun yawning and leaning at the door sill. “How sure are you that she’ll come this time?”   I smile confidently at Se Hun’s question. I glance for the last time at the mirror and headed straight out to the door. As I breeze pass by him, I tap him on his shoulders and say, “of course I knew. I didn’t attend our previous home comings because I knew she wouldn’t be there, but this time – this time, she’ll be there. I’m positive and very sure that she’ll be there.” I gave him an assuring smile and pat him twice before I exit.   Of course, I always knew when it comes to you. After all, you are and will always be the best choice I have in my life.   -   Part of me wanted to arrive late.   On this very special day, attention and being EXO’s Byun Baek Hyun was the last thing I wanted to be, and be just Byun Baek Hyun, the childish eighteen year old boy who’d chase you to infinite.                   The boy who stole kisses on your cheek, when you’re busy teaching me English and Geometry.                 The boy who make excuses to call you every 5 minutes.                 The boy who put love notes in your pockets when you’re not looking.   And there were many childlike things that I did for you.                  But then a part of me doesn’t want to make you wait.   What if I arrived late and you decided to leave? I will lose this opportunity to see you. I might never see you again—and I don’t want that to happen.   I don’t want that to happen.   I went inside the plenary hall and immediately saw Young Jae and the rest. We greeted each other, grabbing each other’s neck and giving a knuckle blow on the head, it felt like high school again, seven years ago.   Some of our batch mates immediately recognize me and ask to have a picture and I gladly pose beside them.   I lost count of the pictures that was taken. I was alone again. I scan the crowd looking for you, but you were nowhere in sight. I let out a heavy sigh and lower my head as I grab the nearest chair and sit.   “Kim Ha Neul won’t attend the reunion.” Ban Ji Hoo utter after he took a zip of his champagne. Everyone sneers.   I smirk at him.  “She’ll be here.”   “Says who? She has never attended any reunion.”   I know that. As much as I don’t want to acknowledge it, I’m starting to have this feeling that they were right, that you might not attend this reunion.     I silently pray and cross my fingers under the table. After quite some time, everyone on our table fell silent. I peek with one eye and everyone’s mouth hanging. I turn to my right and I could say I literally froze on the spot as I met the most beautiful brown eyes I’ve ever seen. I tried to stand up but I could not feel my knees. Butterflies were forming in my stomach and my breathing hitched my throat.   “Hi Baek Hyun. Long time no see.”   That voice.   The voice that I loved since high school. The voice that I wanted to hear every time I feel helpless. The voice that saves me from insanity.   They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that’s true.   I could only see you and everyone is motionless.  I could hear back ground music, it was the ‘There she goes by Sixpence None the Richer’ like someone played tricks on us and play this song. But then it was perfect, I have to thank that person later for playing such a good song for you—for us.   I chuckle breathlessly. Finally.   Then a questioned form inside my brain: how do you greet an ex-girlfriend? To be honest I came here unprepared. Should I just wave my hand in the air? Give you a hug? Or kiss you on the cheeks? I’m so washed up.   Instead, I settle with something I hope, civil. I stretch my hand, wanting at least a hand shake. “Kim Ha Neul.”   You laugh and cover your mouth your right hand. You’re still beautiful. “Ya, why so formal, Baek?”   Eh? Kim Ha Neul, what do you want me to do?   Then as if you could read my mind, you laugh and went closer to me. You wrap your arms around my neck and it fits perfectly and like it was placed on its perfect point—with me. I closed my eyes and buried my face on your neck—savoring this moment.   “Yah! Byun Baek Hyun! We didn’t saw Ha Neul for years as well. Can you please untangle yourself to her and be kind enough so that we could greet her as well?” I heard Jo Sun Mi’s piercing voice. I broke myself from you and I heard you giggle.     Sun Mi was squealing and soon both of you were wrapped in each other’s arm—hopping and the same time squealing again. I wonder why girls do that.   “Group hug! Group hug!” Young Jae shouted as he placed his arms around you and Sun Mi. Ji Hoo seconded the motion and urging me to follow.   Your eyes met mine, “come he