Hyomin’s

         Monday came too fast. Too damn fast. I stayed in my room all day on Sunday. Only came out for meals and not long after dinner, my mom came to my room, making sure I was okay. I couldn’t hold it any longer, so I told my mom and yes, I foolishly did so while crying again. I told her it’s our decision, mine and his. That was of course a lie. My mom soothed me of course and told me if it’s meant to be then it will be. I didn’t want to think about that. Even if in the future we were meant to be, it would be way waaaaay in the future. And this talk about the future reminded me of him again.

         I wanted to clear my mind. I had to work today. I needed to clear my mind and did my work. I couldn’t take a day off just because of this. My dad would think that I’m irresponsible. Wait. My dad. I hadn’t told my dad yet. I wondered what his response will be.

         I took a long shower and got ready. It was the usual breakfast and my dad looked normal.

         “Good morning, dear.” He looked up from the newspaper.

         “Good morning, dad.”

         My mom went over to give me a hug, “What do you want for breakfast, sweetie? I’ll make anything you want.”

         See? This kind of gesture triggered the waterworks inside my eyes. But I couldn’t cry here, on the dining table, in front of my dad! So I held it back as hard as I can.         

         “Thanks, mom. But I’ll just have cereal.”

         I sat on one of the dining chair and my mom my hair gently before she went back to her seat.

         My dad didn’t say anything. He just looked at me and then backed to his newspaper.

         I was halfway on finishing my cereal when my dad put the newspaper down and said, “What did he do to you?”

         Sighed. I looked down on my cereal. I knew my mom would tell him. I didn’t exactly ask my mom not to tell him, so it was not her fault.

         “Hyomin-ah, what did he do to you?” he asked again in a more stern voice.

         I still looked down and started to play with my spoon, “He did nothing to me, dad.”     

         “Did he hurt you in any way?” he asked again.

         It took me a moment to answer him. That guy hurt me so much and I was sure dad will do something to him if he knew. But I didn’t want something bad happen to him. Let alone my dad was the cause of that. So I let out a sigh before I answer his question, “No, he didn’t, dad.”         

         “Don’t lie to me. If he didn’t do anything to you, then why were you crying your eyes out like that?”

         “Because we broke up! It was a mutual decision! Happy, dad?! I don’t have a ‘little kid’ as my boyfriend anymore! Are you happy now?!” I didn’t know what came to me but I snapped at my own dad and tears start to pool again.

         Through my blurry vision, I could see the shocked faces of my parents due to my outburst. But my dad gaze was soft now and he put his palm over my hand.

         “No, I’m not happy, Hyomin-ah. I’m happy if you’re happy and I just want what’s best for you. I’m only looking out for my precious daughter here.”

         I saw that fatherly look on his face. Before I could say anything, he opened his mouth again,

         “I don’t want to say I told you so, but-”

         SERIOUSLY?! He wanted to play the ‘I told you so’ now?! I abruptly stood up and kept my voice steady.

         “I’m going now. Bye, mom.”

         I dashed out from the dining room and I could hear my mom said to my dad, “You really need to say that?!”  

         And his reply was, “What?! I am right about that boy!”    

         I ran to my car and got away from the house as fast as I can.     

 

         I tried not to think about anything else than my job when I was at work. When it’s time to lunch, Tiffany sent me a text, asking me to join her for lunch, but I chose to just stay in my office. My assistant also came to my room to ask if I needed anything, but I didn’t feel like eating.

         I focused on my work and not long after I dismissed my assistant, Wooyoung came barging into the room.

         “Good afternoon, Ms. Park.” He greeted me cheerfully.

         I glance at him for a moment and gave a small smile, “Hi, Wooyoung-ah.”

         “Whoa, what’s wrong?” he sat down in a seat in front of my desk.

         “Nothing’s wrong.” I answered him without taking my eyes from my laptop.

         “Your eyes are as big as tennis balls and you lie to me. There’s something wrong.”

         “There’s nothing wrong.”  

         He didn’t say anything and I could feel he was staring at me, not budging until I said something else.

         I sighed and looked up at him, “Just drop it, Wooyoung. It’s nothing, okay?”

         He furrowed his brows, not believing what I said. But I was not backing down either. I couldn’t tell him here at the office. That was the last thing everybody wanted to see, a future CEO crying her eyes out because a silly break up.

         “Fine.” He finally relented, “Let’s go have lunch before the meeting then.” He started to stand up.

         I was back to my laptop, “Not hungry. You go.”

         “Okay, something definitely went wrong! You don’t want to eat?!”

         I let out another sigh, “I don’t want to talk about it right now. We have a meeting in an hour and I don’t want to get distracted.”

         “But you still have to eat, Hyomin-ah.” He looked worried.

         “I’ll be fine.” I used the stern tone to let him know that I really didn’t want leave my office.

         He stood there looking at me for some time before finally left my office room.            

         I went back to my laptop and I didn’t know how long it was but Wooyoung came back with plastic bags on his hands.

         “If you don’t want to have lunch, then I’m bringing lunch to you.” He smiled at me, “Don’t want my business partner to get sick.” And he winked.

         I laughed, “You really have to wink at me?”

         “Got you laugh, so I will do it again.” And he winked at me again.

         I laughed some more.        

         “I think I knew you enough from our lunches together to know what you like, so...” he trailed off and pull out the container from the plastic bags.

         He was really a nice guy, wasn’t he?

         He finally sat down again in front of my desk and had chopsticks on his hand, ready to eat his food.

         I put my laptop aside and gave him a smile, “Thanks, Wooyoung-ah.”

         He smiled back, “You’re welcome.”

         We started to eat and my mind wandered off. Argh! I needed to distract myself.

         “So, how’s the girl?”

         Last week, Wooyoung told me he wanted to ask this girl out.

         “What girl?” he asked me back.

         “The girl you wanted to ask out last week! Don’t tell me you chickened out?”

         He laughed, “I’m not a coward, Miss Park. I did ask her out and we did went out last Saturday.”

         I gave him a big smile, “That’s great! It’s a relief when you told me about wanting to ask a girl out. I almost thought that you’re gay, you know.” I chuckled.

         He nearly choked on his food, “Seriously?!”

         I laughed, “You never talk about girls and you always look neat.”

         “Well it’s not easy for me to like someone.”

         “I’m just kidding. So come on, tell me about her! Will there be a second date?”

         “Nope.”

         “Whaaaat? Why?! I thought it’s not easy for you to like someone, but you asked her out, so you must like her in the first place!”

         “I did. But... she ordered salad when we eat.”

         “What? So?”     

         “It’s a turn-off!”

         “Why????”

         “I like girls with big appetite. Well doesn’t have to be food lover or anything, but at least girls who would eat enough. And she even refused popcorn when we watch the movie! I think that girl is anorexic.”

         I chuckled, “Didn’t know that about your preferences. Hmmm, I have a friend with big appetite! Really big.” I smiled remembering my old housemate, Sooyoung.

         He laughed, “Trying to set me up with your friends now, Miss Park?”

         “Why not?”

         He shook his head, “Oh, wait. It’s not your friend that ate with us some time ago, is it? Tiffany?”

         I smiled, “She eats well within her proportions.”

         “She’s pretty.” Wooyoung commented.

         “Sorry, but it’s not her. She’s taken, Mr. Jang.”

         “Awh, too bad. I would’ve said yes.” He snapped his finger jokingly.

         We talked and laughed about trivial things. It took my mind off him and I’m relieve Wooyoung didn’t bring up the topic about my swollen eyes anymore. 

         Work did me real good but once I came home, everything came back to me again. I felt like crying again, I felt empty again.

         I lay down on my bed without changing my clothes or taking a shower. I was tired. I was tired of feeling like this. Feeling sad, disappointed, broken, angry, confused. Everything except one feeling he told me was his priority, which was happiness.

         I heard my cell phone beeped, indicating a new text message.

         I got up and took my cell phone inside my bag and flopped down on the bed again.

         It was from Wooyoung:

Good evening, Miss Park. Just want to make sure that my business partner is alright?

         I sent a reply to him:

Good evening, Mr. Jang. Your business partner is doing fine. Thank you for asking.

         He replied quickly:

You sure? It’s safe to say that we’re friends, now, right? You can tell me anything.

         I took a moment before I text my reply. Of course I wanted to tell him because he became one of my good friends now. But I was sure I would cry again if I retold everything. However maybe telling him by text message wouldn’t hurt that much.

I broke up with my boyfriend.

         He didn’t reply right away. I closed my eyes. The surge of emotions rushed through me again, but not that strong. Maybe writing it down was a better way to keep my emotions at bay rather than saying it out loud.

         My cell phone finally beeped again.

Wow, no wonder. Should I look for him and kick his ?

         That’s it? He’s not asking why or how? Maybe that’s how a male best friend was, huh? They didn’t really want to know the details. Well it spared me a lot of sad feelings. I read his text again and unknowingly smiled. I’m grateful to have friends like Tiffany and Taeyeon but having a male best friend was really nice for a change.

 

 

Soonkyu’s

         “What are you going to do for the long break?”

         Joowon, Minjun, Hyoyeon, and I were hanging out together on a Saturday. Without me really noticing, the semester was near to end.

         “Part-time work, I guess. How about you, Hyoyeon-ah?” Joowon said.

         “I’m going to do that short course on dancing!” she said excitedly.

         “Sounds fun.” Minjun commented.

         “Sure is! What about you? Don’t tell me you’re just going to laze around.”

         “That is exactly what I’m going to do!! Can’t wait.”

         “Gosh, you’re such a lazy-bum, Minjun-ah.”

         “Hey, at least I have a plan! Better than Mr-Broken-Hearted-Because-His-Own-Stupidity here.” He retaliated and nudged me.

         I told them about my break up and they try to cheer me up, but even after months, I still couldn’t move on. My own words were eating up on me. How could I enjoy the moment when my mind kept replaying the scene of that hurtful look my loved one gave me. That look on her face showed the opposite of what I promised her, which was happiness.

         “Soonkyu!”

         Hyoyeon’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

         “Huh? What?”

         “You’re spacing out a lot lately, man.” Minjun commented.

         “Sorry. What are you guys saying?”

         “What will you be doing for the long break?” Joowon asked me.

         I shrugged, “I don’t know.”

         “See? Told you he doesn’t even have a plan.” Minjun said.

         Hyoyeon let out a tired sigh, “Soonkyu-ah, it’s been months. I’m tired seeing you moping around and spacing out like this. This is not you.”

         I answered her tiredly, “Then what do you want me to do?”

         Hyoyeon and I got into this kind of argument a lot lately. I was a messed and I didn’t even want to do anything. I went to class and did the assignment like a robot. Even my moms started to get worry.  

         “Get a life! Move on.” 

         This time I was the one who let out a sigh, “It’s not that easy, Hyoyeon-ah.”

         “You’re not even trying!” she said frustratingly.

         “Well maybe I don’t want to move on!” I said back at her. Joowon and Minjun just watched us in silent.  

         “Then what do you want?!”

         “I don’t know!”

         “Do you want her back?”

         I looked at her and an answer came instantly on my mind. Yes.

         “I can’t.”

         “Why?”

         I gave her an exasperated look, “You know why! Her father told me that I’m no good for her daughter and-” she cut me off.

         “Every time you told me that, I always thought his father was wrong about you. But now, I guess he’s right.”

         She took a breather before she said her next sentence, “You proved him right.” She started to stand up from her seat, “I’m done trying to talk sense into your head. Everybody’s right, you don’t deserve her. She deserves more than this self-pity-loser-boy.” With that, she got up and left.

         I balled my fists. She’s right, wasn’t she?

         Minjun stood up and patted my shoulder before he went after Hyoyeon.

         “Hey, she didn’t mean that, Soonkyu-ah. You’re not a loser.” Joowon said. I could see that he’s genuinely honest.

         “Maybe I am.”

         “Prove her wrong then. Prove his father wrong! Be the guy that’s good enough for her.”

         “How can I do that?”

         He shrugged, “You can start by planning your future first, maybe? From what you told me, I guess his father got really concerned because you didn’t have a plan for a future with his daughter.”   

         “I didn’t.”

         “Do you have a plan now?”

         These past few months, I couldn’t help to think about my future. Well more about the what ifs. What if I had a family with her? What if I did marry her? Honestly, I wanted to have a family with her, imagining her as the mother of my children. I felt giddy and tingly in a good way every time I thought about it.

         But was I too late? It’s been months. She probably didn’t have any feelings for me anymore, she probably didn’t love me anymore. She might have a new boyfriend, that business partner of hers, to be likely.

         “Even if I do have a plan, she might belong to someone else by now.”

         Joowon shrugged again, “You’ll never know if you don’t ask her.”

         We fell into silence. I hadn’t contacted her at all. I didn’t have the courage and I guessed we’re not really in a good term right now. I did break her heart.

         I leaned back in my chair. I didn’t want to think about this right now.

         “So..... you’re really going to do part-time work for the long break?” I asked Joowon to steer the conversation away from the heavy topic.  

         “Yeah. How about you? You really don’t know what you want to do?”

         I shook my head, “I don’t feel like doing anything.”

         “How about doing the part-time work with me? Better than doing nothing.” He offered.

         It took me some time before I answered him, “I guess I can.”

         “Nice. At least Hyoyeon won’t complain to me how her best friends are all lazy- guys.” He smiled.

         I smiled along. We talked about the part-time work some more and my mind started to wander. Could I prove his father wrong? Was I good enough for her?