:(

sorry guys 

Soonkyu’s

       I couldn’t get a wink of sleep last night. Hyomin called and told me how happy she was. From my surprise visit and her dad seemingly relented about our relationship. The latter really made me confused. On the very same day, he told me I didn’t deserve her daughter, but then he told her that he was okay with everything?! I really didn’t know what’s the old man thinking. I didn’t tell her about my confrontation with her dad though. She was so happy that I didn’t have the heart to burst the bubble.

         Even though I was glad to know she liked my surprise visit, but her dad’s words kept me awake the whole night. Add more to that, the gossip that spread around the office about her dating Jang Wooyoung and how they look good together.

         At campus, all I heard from the people were how unsuitable me and Hyomin looked as a couple. So to hear that some other guy looks good with her just killed me.  

         The next couple of days didn’t help at all. She got busier with her work and suddenly my professors gave us tons of assignment to do. The worse thing was, I knew she was spending her busy days with him. Whenever I called to ask had she eaten, her answers would be: ‘Yes. Wooyoung bought food for the whole staff.’ or ‘Don’t worry, Wooyoung took me to lunch before meeting.’ All I heard these past few days were ‘Wooyoung this’ and ‘Wooyoung that’. I was getting really jealous and she knew it. But it was inevitable since they’re working together.

Hyomin’s

         The next couple of days were hectic and it was not just me, but Sunny got busy with assignments also. We couldn’t even spend the weekend together.

         I realized his increasing jealousy over Wooyoung. Since I spent my working days with him, so when Sunny asked how was my day, I would answer honestly and of course the name ‘Wooyoung’ popped up.

         He got irritated and annoyed, but I didn’t see what’s the fuss about because I wouldn’t cheat on him and I trusted Wooyoung wouldn’t do anything funny to me. He knew that, but I guess his insecurity got the best of him again. We ended up fighting a lot and I felt a little bit distant.   

         I noticed that despite the fact my dad’s already cool with us, but it didn’t matter if Sunny and I couldn’t work our problems.

         He had got to trust me and lose his insecurity!

         It was Friday and work was done earlier than usual. I asked Sunny to meet up because we haven’t seen each other for days. I missed him. He told me he was almost finished doing an assignment in campus. So I told him I’ll pick him up there.

         I arrived and sent him a text that I was waiting on the parking lot. I the radio and I could hear Katy Perry singing her song.

You make me feel like I’m living my Teenage Dream

         I smiled and daydreamed about my boyfriend. He’s my teenage dream indeed.

Let’s go all the way tonight, no regrets, just love

         I blushed. We never did that. Well not yet. I blushed harder. I never did that with anybody before. Don’t be too surprised. Things I did with my flings back then were really innocent. I never went further than making out. The same went with Sunny. I knew I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I guessed I want a promise first before we went all the way. A promise that he wouldn’t leave. A promise that he would always be mine until death do us part.  

My heart stops when you look at me

         I caught a glimpse of him walking toward my car. I could finally see him clearly as he approach closer to my car and we made eye contact. He’s the only guy that could make my heart stops and make the butterflies in my stomach do somersault even until now. Those ex flings could do that to me too but it would stop in 2-3 weeks. But with him, it’s been years since we dated each other, but yes, he could still do that to me.

         He entered my car and I instantly smiled, “Hey~”

         He smiled back at me, “Hi, beautiful.”

         I felt goosebumps thanks for the endearment. 

         He leaned in and kissed my cheek. After that he buckled his seatbelt and I started to drive.

         “How was your day?”

         “The usual. How was yours?”

         “Not so good actually.” I contemplated a little bit but then decided to tell him honestly anyway. No matter how jealous he got, but I would never keep a secret from him, “There’s a little bit problem, but luckily-” he cut me off.

         “Wooyoung was there to fix it. Wasn’t he?”

         I stole a look from peripheral vision. As I suspected, he was annoyed and our fights were usually went off like this.   

         “He is more experience than I am in that field, so yes, he could handle the problem easily.” 

         He scoffed, “Well Wooyoung saves another day~” he said in a mocking tone.

         “Stop it, Sunny-ah. How many times should I tell you not to be jealous? I did spend my days with him, but he’s just a colleague. I’d rather spend every minute of every day with you, but we both know that’s impossible. So you need to stop being such a baby about it.”

         I was tired and I raised my voice a little bit without me even noticing, but I had enough of his insecurity.

         The car was silent. I guessed he was surprised of my outburst. I was going to open my mouth to apologize, but he spoke out.

         “You’re right I’m just a baby, while you need a real grown-up as your life partner.”

         What? I looked at him through the rearview mirror, “What are you talking about?”

         He looked as serious as ever, gone was the annoyed face.

         “Maybe we shouldn’t be together after all.”

         That made me pulled over and stopped the car. I looked at him incredulously.

         “What?!”

         “You said you want a future with me. But I don’t even think about it. I love the way we are now, so why should we worry about the future? And marriage..... I... I don’t think I’m ready for that even when I graduated. Hell, to be honest, I don’t think I would ever be ready for marriage.”

         Another silence. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing right now. This was not about his jealousy and his insecurity. I knew he was not ready in the near future. But......... he was saying he would never be ready? 

         So all along, I was willing to wait for nothing? Sunny didn’t want to think about the future, let alone a future with me. My eyes got moist and tears threatened to come out.

         “I’m a fool for letting myself believe that we will last forever. I’m such a stupid stupid fool for dreaming that one day you will get on one knee and propose to me.”

Soonkyu’s

         “Stop being such a baby about it.”

         That struck me hard. We got into these silly fights and usually it would end up with her soothing me and making sure that Wooyoung was nothing compared to me.

         But now, all I could think about was her father’s saying to me. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I should rethink about my priority. These last few days all we did was bickering and every day I think to myself, could I give her what she wanted? A marriage and a family of our own?

         No, I didn’t think I was ready for that.  

         “You’re right I’m just a baby, while you need a real grown-up as your life partner.”

         “What are you talking about?”

         I prepared myself before I said the next words.

         “Maybe we shouldn’t be together after all.”

         She pulled over and stopped the car.

         “What?!”

         “You said you want a future with me. But I don’t even think about it. I love the way we are now, so why should we worry about the future? And marriage..... I... I don’t think I’m ready for that even when I graduated. Hell, to be honest, I don’t think I would ever be ready for marriage.”

         I wanted to kick myself and cursed. That look on her face was heartbreaking. Angry, sad, disappointed, & hurt. Oh, no. 

         Please don’t cry.

         I knew I hurt her. I loved her and I just wanted to make her happy. But that’s all I could give her.

         You deserved someone better than me.

         “I’m a fool for letting myself believe that we will last forever. I’m such a stupid stupid fool for dreaming that one day you will get on one knee and propose to me.”

         She rested her forehead on the steering wheel and I didn’t know what to do.

         We fell into silence again. I could hear the humming of the air conditioner. 

         She finally said something, but I never heard her speak as cold as now, “Get out.”

         I didn’t budge from my seat. I wanted to hug her and just made her happy. But her father was right. In order to make her happy, I needed to give her what she wanted. But I couldn’t do that and I knew somebody else could do the job much better than me. 

         She closed her eyes and a lone tear came out.

         I felt my heart also breaking. But this was the best for both of us.

         “Hyomin-ah...”

         “GET OUT NOW!” she shouted, still with her forehead on the steering wheel and she tried to wipe the tears with her hands.

         I unbuckled my seatbelt hesitantly and looked at her for one last time before I went out from the car.

         I stood at the sidewalk and watched her car sped off. Leaving me there, leaving our relationship with broken hearts.