“Wait, Tiffany!”

Once again Tiffany had to stop when she felt her hand being tugged. She pressed her lips to one another, suddenly became so dizzy at the unexpected situation. The music that banged rather loudly from downstairs didn’t help much. She needed to get out. From here, and from the one she was afraid of the most.

Jessica Jung. Or Jung Sooyeon. Or whoever she is.

She turned around again, and soon regretted her decision.

Jessica smiled again, slightly wider this time, “Hi.”

Tiffany mentally screamed. Just a hi? A freaking hi?! Does she think they’re sort of old friends or something?!

“What do you want?” Tiffany asked, voice cracked.

“I just--”

“Leave me alone.” Tiffany wanted to walk away but Jessica’s grip was strong.

“Where are you going?”

“Where do you think I’m going.” Another try Tiffany did, but she still couldn’t free her hand.

“Do you know your way home?”

Great. Tiffany mentally slapped herself because no, she didn’t know. Cool. It was their first time meeting in years and Jessica could read her weak point easily just like she used to.

Just like she used to.

“I can take a taxi.” Tiffany said, avoiding Jessica’s eyes.

“Which hotel do you stay?”

“Why do you even care?!”

“Because I--” Jessica sighed, “wait, you don’t stay in hotel, do you?”

Tiffany scoffed. How could Jessica read her this easily?

“You know your apartment’s neighbourhood is a quiet place. And it’s late. It’s--”

“None of your business, okay?! Just go away, Jessica!”

“I’m offering you a ride, that’s it.” Jessica gripped her wrist even tighter, “Please?”

Tiffany silently flinched. Her sane mind still couldn’t believe of what was happening. She looked at the woman in front of her, to Jessica, the only one reason for her to leave a whole country. Tons of questions kept popping in her head, screaming in silence, tortured Tiffany until she felt like banging her head onto the wall as hard as she could.

But Jessica kept demanding her with those sharp eyes. Tiffany looked down, hesitated. Her eyes caught the cigarette in Jessica’s free hand, slipped between her slender index and middle fingers. That made Tiffany’s head spun even faster.

“Please?”

Jessica asked again, voice low with so much demand inside it. Tiffany felt her knees growing weak hearing Jessica’s smooth and soothing voice she missed so much.

Wait, what?

“Okay?” And another offer came from Jessica’s thin, pink lips.

Tiffany only exhaled a heavy breath with her eyes on Jessica’s.

Jessica smiled again, “Okay, let’s go.”

And Jessica is still Jessica. She could read Tiffany easily as if the latter was an open book to her. And Tiffany hated it. Hated it so much until the point she wanted Jessica to lose all her memory about the past.

So Jessica pulled Tiffany with her, they stopped a while in front of the bar stall, in front of Yoona who had hung open. Because her other hand was holding Tiffany’s, Jessica put the cigarette in between her lips to take out some money from her pocket that she didn’t exactly know how much, threw it onto the bar stall, and grabbed her handbag before they headed to the elevator.

Tiffany looked back at the surprised Yoona who couldn’t say anything. Yeah, mind blowing much, Tiffany knows.

-

“Let’s go.”

Jessica opened her car door for Tiffany. She has a white BMW and Tiffany’s train of thoughts suddenly brought her back to years ago when Jessica got her driver’s license, brought Tiffany to drive with her for all night, and also taught Tiffany how to drive, patiently bearing with her clumsiness…

“Come on, Tiffany.”

The voice snapped Tiffany’s thought as she nodded, still avoiding Jessica’s eyes, and got inside the car. And as expected, Tiffany’s head spun even more as her nose sniffed Jessica’s scent mixed with the air-freshener inside. It was a good kind of dizziness actually, but Tiffany didn’t like it. Damn, why can’t she be immune of this woman?

Jessica closed the door and walked to the driver seat, like a sergeant, Tiffany’s favourite. She opened the door and was about to get in before she hesitated.

“Oh, right.”

Tiffany turned her head at Jessica and saw the latter dropped the cigarette onto the ground and stepped onto it. Tiffany was relieved. Jessica knows she hates cigarettes. Tiffany of course couldn’t stand being in the same car with a smoker. Then Jessica got in and without saying any words, she started driving.

It was quiet. Jessica the radio to at least fill the so uncomfortable silence. Tiffany tried to look at the window, or her feet, or to the front, somewhere else but Jessica. Her heart was still beating in a high speed. She still couldn’t believe it. She then bit her lip, and unconsciously stared at Jessica.

She has dark brown hair now. Her hair was way lighter back then. She has gotten skinny, even though not in a scary kind of skinny. Her veins on her neck and hands were obviously visible. Tiffany’s eyes then landed on Jessica’s collarbone that exposed a bit thanks to the ed buttons of her white shirt.

Oh God.

Tiffany quickly looked down and she saw a sight of Jessica’s cigarette pack peeking from her jeans pocket. Right, how could Tiffany forget? Jessica smokes. The thing that Tiffany never knew Jessica would do. Again, all Tiffany could do was asking herself in her mind. Why does she smoke? How could she? When did she start?

“Are you cold?”

Jessica’s voice surprised Tiffany. She gasped a bit before she forced herself to stop staring.

“H-huh?”

They stopped in a traffic light and Jessica turned her head to Tiffany with a smile,

“Want me to turn on the heater?”

To be honest Tiffany was indeed cold. And Jessica was the one at fault.

“Sure.”

Jessica the heater and when the lights turned green, she continued driving.

“So, umm…” Jessica hummed, “when did you come here?”

“Nineteenth.”

“Ah…” Jessica nodded her head, “I see.”

She didn’t continue talking after that. Tiffany tried her best to read Jessica, to at least know what the later was thinking, but she couldn’t. In fact, she never did. If Tiffany is an open book, Jessica is the opposite. They’re polar opposites, after all. Tiffany should’ve realized it earlier.

Suddenly Tiffany heard a buzzing voice and it came from Jessica’s phone. Jessica looked at the phone screen before she only smiled and put it on her lap, ignoring it. Tiffany peeked to see who it was, and ‘Sooyoung’ was written on the screen.

Tiffany wanted to ask how they know each other, if Jessica knows Sunny too, and do they realize that Jessica has something in the past with her. But in the end she didn’t. She ignored her questioning mind and decided not to care.

She wouldn’t. No, not again.

-

Jessica was right, though. The streets around Tiffany’s apartments were empty. Literally, empty. It’s placed in a secluded corner of the town, Jessica said. Tiffany looked at her phone to check the time, and the night wasn’t young anymore. Somehow she was kind of glad Jessica drove her home.

They stopped in front of the front entrance and Jessica turned off the car. She looked around and found no one was seen.

“Should I walk you--”

“Thanks for the ride.” Tiffany grabbed her purse in a hurry, “Good night, Jessica.”

Tiffany reached the door knob and pulled it open but she had to stop when Jessica tugged her left wrist,

“Tiffany.”

That voice. Jessica’s voice calling her name. It echoed through the emptiness of Tiffany’s heart, mind, her whole being. It was nothing more than a low whisper in their awkward silence but Tiffany couldn’t help but shiver under it. See? Tiffany knows exactly why she’s afraid of this woman. Jessica has no idea what she’s capable of Tiffany.

When Tiffany didn’t respond, Jessica continued,

“It’s… nice meeting you.”

Tiffany slowly looked back at Jessica. She was smiling her usual small smile. Her thin, pink lips formed it perfectly. Tiffany’s mind reacted late to what she said. Seeing Jessica this close after years surely didn’t help her mind to comprehend everything quick.

Realized she had been staring for too long, Tiffany jerked her head to the door and yanked her wrist off of Jessica’s grip, “Y-yeah.”

In another hurry Tiffany got out the car and walked to the entrance door. She heard Jessica followed her and said,

“Good night, Tiffany.”

Tiffany froze hearing that. When the glass door opened automatically in front of her, she forced herself to just walk away, didn’t bother to look back, and headed straight to the elevator. When it opened Tiffany was completely glad because no one was inside.

The elevator closed and brought her upstairs. After she finally reached her room, she closed her door weakly behind her and leaned against it. Soon she was sitting on the floor with her back on the door. Tiffany heavily sighed and closed her eyes.

It wasn’t a good idea because all she could see was Jessica’s gorgeous face.

-

“Fany? Fany, it’s me. Open the door. Fany, please.”

Sunny kept knocking Tiffany’s apartment door but she got no answer. Great, now Tiffany wouldn’t talk to her. Is she angry? Is she upset? Sunny was the one who insisted Tiffany to come, and now the unexpected meeting happened, so it’s basically her fault. Sunny indeed teases Tiffany a lot about her past, but it doesn’t mean she wants her best pal to remember it any longer.

All Sunny wants for Tiffany is for her to move on. So she could recall it, without any unnecessary feelings attached onto it.

“Fany, please?” Sunny sighed, “At least let me--”

The door cracked open.

“--in.”

Tiffany appeared, still in her pink pyjamas. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were half opened. Sunny kept silent seeing the sleepy Tiffany.

“How dare you disturbing my sleep.”

“Well, I was just--”

“Get in.”

Tiffany walked back inside and Sunny followed her, closing the door behind. The sleepy woman then dropped her body back onto the bed and hugged the bolster tight, eyes closing. Sunny chuckled. So Tiffany was still sleeping.

“How could you’re going back to sleep when I’m already here, huh?” Sunny sat down on the bed and ruffled Tiffany’s hair.

“Shut up. I’m sleepy.”

Sunny bit her lip, “Err… what time did you go home last night?”

Last night. Tiffany’s eyes opened instantly. Of course she still remembers what happened. She even could tell the very detail. Well, Tiffany did go home late. But she slept even later because all in her mind was Jessica, Jessica, and Jessica.

Damn, that woman.

“Fany?”

“I know what you’re going to talk about.”

“Okay… so?”

“So, what?”

“So tell me.”

Tiffany groaned, turned around so her back was facing Sunny.

“I thought you knew.”

“But not from you.”

“Well, so, I met Jessica Jung and she drove me home. The end.”

“Just that?”

“Yeah, what else do you expect?”

“It doesn’t seem like it, though.”

Once again Tiffany groaned, hiding her head under the thick blanket. Well, Sunny will forever be Sunny. The one who doesn’t want to miss a single thing in a story. Annoying, yes. Tiffany knows.

“Fany.” Sunny tapped Tiffany’s shoulder with a demanding tone, “Just tell me. How it all could happen, what did you do, she do, how did you feel, everything. You know you need a friend to talk to.”

Tiffany didn’t like the last question.

“Fany…”

“I just…” Tiffany mumbled, still hiding herself, “I was just sitting there with Yoona and suddenly she came and she talked to Yoona and oh God wait a second, Yoona knows her too?! I didn’t know what to do, it’s not like I’ve known it before! Yoona-- Yoona kissed her before she brought Vodka for her and right, she smokes!”

Sunny cringed hearing her best pal’s super quick ramble.

“God she smokes…” Tiffany sighed.

“Okay?” Sunny raised her eyebrows, “And then?”

“Then uh… she offered a ride and umm… she drove me home and… the end.”

Sunny nodded her head, “So, how did you feel? Well, how do you feel now?”

“Why are you asking about how I feel, it doesn’t even matter, she’s just-- it’s basically nothing between us there’s no such thing--”

“Which is why, you shouldn’t be afraid in answering my questions, right?”

Tiffany kept silent. Sunny smiled as she slowly pulled the blanket off of Tiffany’s head.

“Fany? Tell me.”

“I… to be honest you’re right. She’s… the one that scares me the most. It’s all about her, it’s always been her. I just can’t face her. I’m…” Tiffany ran her hand onto her hair, “I’m afraid…”

“Why?”

Tiffany hesitated. She gripped the blanket tight and closed her eyes with a sigh. In a slow whimper she uttered,

“Because I’ll realize that I still love her…”

Always.

****

Kinda late, but happy lunar new year!!