Its funny how you start to long for things when they are no longer within your reach, how you only start to appreciate things when they’re finally gone. You only begin to value things when you lose them. It’s funny really, how life decides to teach you all these lessons all in one go. I guess, you can say, life is also cruel, but then again, it’s life. When you feel like you’re going through hell, life will demand you to keep going.

It was the 3^rd of December, meeting Woohyun was never in my plan but alas, life demands to take on a roller coaster ride and turn my world upside down. Honestly, I’m not the type who actually talks much and I really don’t like people talking to me but for some reason Woohyun doesn’t really get that. Ever since we met, the guy is really turning into a permanent growth on my. Every single day, he would always seem to find me wherever I go and it was starting to get annoying, really.

I was honestly taken by surprise when he began to grow on me. I didn’t get too annoyed anymore whenever he would talk too much. I found myself smiling more and more each time I was with him. I would begin to feel incomplete or slightly lonely whenever he’s not around me. As the months turned into years, I grew more attached to him. I became protective of him. I’ve always wanted to be by his side. Every time he’d cling on to someone, I’d suddenly feel jealous. Back then, I would’ve thought that it was stupid, uncalled for, pointless even. ‘Why would I be jealous of them when Woohyun isn’t even mine?’ ‘It’s understandable Myungsoo. You’ve been his friend since the beginning. Of course he’s special to you.’ Another part of me argued back.

When I had finally figured out my feelings for him, fate decided to turn things around. He no longer hung out with me. He no longer hugged me. He no longer clung on to me. He no longer laughed with me. He no longer searched for me. He no longer wanted me.

“Woohyun-shii!” I called over as I approached a familiar figure by our lunch table.

“Oh, Hey Myungsoo, What’s up?” He replied smiling brightly at me as usual.

“I should be the one asking you that.  It’s been a while since you hung out with us. I kinda missed someone clinging on to me like a baby koala bear.” I half joked, half hoping to sound accusing but in all honestly, kinda meaning it.

“Yeah sorry about that. I’m just very busy with some things. So how was it like not having me clung onto you all of the time?” he asked although I’m not sure if he was joking or not but I decided to just ride along with it.

“It’s a nice feeling honestly, not having you clung on to me for a change. I feel free.” I did not mean any of the words I said.

He chuckled at my response. “Good for you. You might wanna get used to it now.”

I felt a sting in my chest because of his words. “Really? Why? What are you up to nowadays?”

His face turned passive, as if he was trying to hide something from me.

“Just some things. Nothing you should be too concerned about.” He said shaking his head.

‘But I do want to know. I am concerned about it. I care about you.’ I smiled at him, hoping to hide the pain I really feel. “Alright, if you say so. I guess I’ll just see you around then.”

“Yeah, I have to get going. I’ll see you!” He said as he waved his hand and walked away.

‘I miss you’

When I got home, I immediately sat down on my desk, dropped my bag beside my bed and my drawer. Inside was a black cap with the word “WEIRD” printed on the front. I smiled as I recalled how I even ended up with that cap. How I literally ran into Woohyun and he dropped this cap. I had no idea who he was at that time so I really didn’t get the change to return it to him. To be honest I have no idea why I haven’t returned it to him up until now. I didn’t even understand what I felt when he stopped hanging out with me.

“Ugh! What am I thinking?” I asked myself as I threw myself on my bed frustrated.

The following days went by and I8 barely got to spend 5 minutes with Woohyun and to say the least, I missed him so much. I began to feel hurt whenever he’d catch my eye but didn’t even bother recognizing me. I would suddenly feel the urge to pull him away whenever I see him laughing with others. It wasn’t until one particular day when some guy approached Woohyun and whispered something in his ear. Then it hit me, the reason why I was acting this way. Jealousy. I was jealous. I didn’t like how guys swarm around Woohyun. MY Woohyun. Yes, I know that I am acting very clingy and over-protective of him but I I want him. I want him to be mine.

Watching Woohyun slowly start to drift away from me, slowly choosing to spend less and less time with me, avoiding me, ignoring me, it began to hurt me even more. It felt as if every day he spend avoiding and ignoring me was a stab to my heart. It started to hurt me more than I could bear.

I was starting to dread seeing Woohyun in class. It worries me that each time he would see each other, all he would do is look at me and smile. But unfortunately in life, what you resists persists, two weeks later, I found myself having lunch with Woohyun and his friend. That day, I barely touched my meal, choosing to keep my head down, not even looking up at him who was conveniently seated right across me. Hearing him laughing so joyfully made me happy and at the same time jealous. How I long to be that person to make him laugh, to make him smile, to make him feel loved. The words they were saying were no longer registering in my mind. The only thing that was entering my brain was the fact that I have been given the chance to be the person that is the reason for his laughter, his smiles, his happiness. Without thinking, I grabbed my untouched plate of food, stood up and walked away wordlessly. I didn’t even know if Woohyun even noticed me leaving but I was too busy keeping my tear-stained face to even care.

I may not be the one making him laugh; I may not be the one making him smile; I may not be the one holding his hand; I may not be the one beside him all the time and I may not be the one he talks with everyday. He will not turn to me when he has problems; nor spin me around when he’s happy. He will not wrap his arm around me anymore and kiss me every so gently. But I know deep inside my heart that I will never stop wanting him. Deep inside, there is always that little hope that I’ll be the one man he will spend forever with. I know that deep inside, I’ll never stop loving him.

Date Accomplished: 01/ 26/ 15

Word Count: 1,263