I don't want to destroy him. I didn't want to put myself through anymore pain. Why would I want to continue to suffer because of a lie? I don't know what hurts more - lying or the truth. 

 

As much as I'm bothered by the burdening pain of the truth, I have to deal and accept it. Why fight it when it is a waste of time?

 

"You're afraid you're going to lose me, aren't you?" 

 

Do you know what it is like to try to deceive yourself? As I said, why fight it when it is a waste of such damn time.

 

...Well, I'm a hypocrite. 

 

I tried. Two years ago. That's when I tried. It evolved into something worse. 

 

"You're afraid you're going to lose me, aren't you?" he asked again.

 

I didn't want to fall in love.

I didn't want to fall in love with my best friend. 

I didn't want him to get ahead of me concerning our shared dream.

I didn't want my parents to get a divorce.

 

I'm afraid of falling in love.

I'm afraid I'll lose the two people in my life whom I truly care for.

I'm afraid I'll lose those who are close to me.

I'm afraid of my own feelings.

 

"You're afraid you're going to lose me, aren't you?" he repeated, what I believe is the final time.

 

I took in a sharp breath, now looking at my best friend square in the eyes. "You're the only other person who knows me so well. I bet you already know." I detached myself from Daesung's hold on me, my eyes now focused on the exit. Too bad leaving from this is short lived.

 

"I love you."

 

No. No, no, no.

 

"I know you love me. I know you don't want to love me."

 

Daesung, shut up!

 

"Anika..."

 

Please, for once, just shut your damn mouth. 

 

He then took my body into his. Why am I trembling? Why is this even happening at all?

 

"Anika, please, calm down. I know you don't want to be here anymore, but I need you to hear what I have to tell you."

 

The sound of silence entered the atmosphere after he spoke, followed by the sound of his inhaled breath. I removed myself slightly from his hold, looking into his eyes as I awaited for his words. The expression on his face was something of ease, yet there was this mysteriousness about it.

 

"Your parents-" He must've taken notice to the immediate stiffness of my body. Daesung took my face into his hands, caressing my cheek as a way to soothe me. "You're parents," my best friend began again. "About two years ago, around the time of your birthday, they pulled me aside to talk to me about something."

 

"I don't remember my parents talking to you..." I finally spoke up, surprised at hearing the sound of my own voice.

"You were busy with Jiyong-hyung and Youngbae-hyung," Daesung vouched. "But, yes. They took me into another room and spoke to me. What your parents told me was a promise." 

 

A promise?

 

"They wanted to me to promise that if something happened to the both of them or to one of them, that I take care of you."

 

Definitely can't stop the crying now. A sudden sharp son escaped from me, rattling my body. 

 

"Daesung," I whimpered. 

 

He answered to my crying with a light but long kiss. It took me a minute to rationalize I was kidding back, returning his advancement with a bit of passion. He broke away after what seemed like slow, ticking minutes. Then he began to speak. "Whether you want to love me or not. Whether you want just want to see me as your best friend, none of that matters to me. As long as I'm in your life, making you smile and laugh and standing by your side, that's all that matters to me. I want you to realize you will never lose me."

 

I let out another sob.

 

Hearing these words...

Being told all this...

 

What am I supposed to say about this? What am I supposed to say to him? My best friend just confessed something sacred he had discussed with my parents, then proceeded to pour his heart out to me. 

 

All I'm doing is crying.

That's all I can do.

 

"Daesung," I whimpered again. I'm at a loss with my emotions and words.

 

And at that moment, his lips enveloped mine. I wasn't going to fight with myself any longer. I'm done fighting. I just let him...