If Kevin would really thought about it, it has been a month since they broke up. Nothing major happened, except that the fact that he’s been avoiding Eli at the best he can. Eli didn’t talk to him or said anything, so he can say they are mutual. Silence is the worst and hurtful way in a relationship, in any relationship. He was doing well after those days. But he was still sticking at his new found routine. Working his body out and coming home just to eat a little and sleeping afterwards.

All of his hurt and pain has been locked away, deep inside him. He tried his best in doing so. But little did he know that it starts to crumble down when Kiseop asked him the thing that can make his head spin again.

~*~

It was the day when they went out to shop. It was their day off.

“Do you still love him?” Kiseop started startling Kevin.

Kevin didn’t know where that question came from but he didn’t know how to answer it too. He didn’t know what to say, he can’t even find his answers. He never thought about it, not until now.

“NO.” Lie. Of course yes. Yes “Why do you asked?”

“Nothing just occurred to me… ” Kiseop said looking at him with sympathetic eyes.

Kevin was about to answer when he realize what did Kiseop just said to him.

“Wait – You knew?” Kevin almost shouted with wide eyes. He just earns a nod from the other.

“D-did Jaeseop knew? Did the others know?”

“Yes. Actually it was Jaeseop who was the first to notice it. We’re not that oblivious, Kevin” Kiseop answered honestly.

~*~

He never thought about it, to love again. After their break up, he never left a space for that thing again. But now, it starts to chip off the walls he builds around his heart. Of course he loves El. He still loved Eli. But now that they have moved on   -- Eli was the one who moved on first, he was still standing stranded on the same ground. The past they both have.

He was currently lying on the couch but his head is still spinning in thoughts. Eyes closed and trying to find sleep.

“Talk to him at least.”

It was Kiseop’s last advice on him before they part ways. And the sole reason he can’t take even a simple nap. It keeps bothering him.

Talk, Kiseop said talk to him. Do you know how hard it’s going to be?

But at the back of his mind he wanted to know what is happening in his life now. How do you think I can start?

Hey Eli, how’s life, how are you after we break up? If it is okay, mine is a mess. I keep on thinking about you though. I’m still stranded here….

Okay, he can’t definitely say that

He spent the night thinking of what the hell he should say to him. He finally gave up after hours of thinking. Maybe, he can think of something tomorrow.

~*~

Their next few days were packed with schedules. They got early TV guesting’s, radio guesting’s and a few interview. They even got a half day of dance practice for their upcoming Japan concert.

It was what Kevin needed. A way, that he can’t get close or even talk to Eli. But he definitely knew Kiseop is not happy of what is he doing. They were currently in the middle of a practice and are now resting for a few minutes. Kiseop took the chance to scolded Kevin secretly and Kevin decide to just follow what Kiseop said.

Kevin is currently sitting down planning how and what to say when a shadow cast on him. He looked up and saw the object of his problem, Eli. He was holding out bottled water and Kevin took it gingerly saying his thanks. He was surprised when Eli came but he was shock when Eli sat besidehim.

He looked at the Eli as he looks at the other who was busy playing with their maknae. Then Eli suddenly spoke.

“So how’s life… I mean your weekend?” He asked not looking or addressing the question to anyone, but Kevin know it was for him.

He was too busy processing the question because of the suddenness. Fortunately, he found his answer in a second and manage to say ‘it was good’.

“I went shopping with Kiseop.” He added in a lower voice, afraid that Eli could hear his nervousness.

He didn’t know why but he was nervous at that time. He look down and prepare himself, this is his chance.

“How about you?” he said still looking down.

“Good. I went to Aj… I mean to Kiseop’s to talk to AJ.” Eli immediately answered.

They fall into an awkward silence. Nobody was talking. They can clearly hear they yell of the distress maknae, even their erratically beating heart. Then Eli opens his mouth to say what he wanted to say, days ago.

“Kevin, I want to ask you something. “ Eli said causing for Kevin to look up at him.

Kevin didn’t know what to react but he felt himself nodding.

Eli was about to start but was awfully cut off by Soohyun who was shouting for them to get back to position. He closed his mouth and stares at Kevin for a moment and then stood up, leaving a shock Kevin.

“I’ll say it later.” Eli managed to say before he his heels and walk back to the others.

Kevin wanted to know what it was. It seems important. But he lost his opportunity.

Eli wanted to say it to him, but he guess that his timing is not good. And he lost his opportunity.