Everyone is tired already and they still need to do some packing for their leave tomorrow. They are sitting quietly inside the car. Eli and Kevin are sitting together with Dingo at their side, but the younger boy is not moving towards the older boy. Keep and Am are sitting behind them and noticed their oddness.

“Kitty! I think Eli and Kevin had a problem.” Kiseop whispered audible enough for Aj to hear. The younger rapper looks at his hyung and nodded.

“Yeah I think so too.” He said proving Kiseop’s  curiosity.

“I saw Kevin earlier, before we come back from the break. His eyes are puffy red and someone reapplied his make-up. I really think he cried after he left the room, remember?” another whisper from Kiseop.

They both look at the couple in front of them and observed. They are all close friends. More than friends, family is. They all know someone’s secret immediately but now Jaeseop I think the two won’t let the others interfere. As Jaeseop’s mind serves him right, the Elvin couple had many argument and fights, but why is it that this problem seems to break everything apart.

Even though Kiseop is as happy as Kevin all the time, he’s not that dumb to not to notice the other members problem. Kevin and he are closer than the others so he must know that the younger singer is having a problem. Kiseop knew Kevin to sharing his problem whenever he had to, but this time he didn’t say anything to the ulzzang.

The two boys didn’t move or did anything in front of them and continue to stare outside the window.

Supposed to be Kevin would cuddle next to Eli and they will fall to sleep together, but today the latter didn’t even leaned his head to his lover. Both Jaeseop and Kiseop knew their daily scenario when they are traveling in that van.

Kiseop tried to know the problem and he is about to investigate. He lean forward to Kevin’s direction and tried asking a question that can sprout another question.

“Hey Vinnie! How was your day? You seems troubled, what happened?” he asked making the younger boy to winced as if he’s been flicked by Kiseop. Kevin straightened and tried hard to hide his sadness.

“My day is okay. It’s just that I’m stressed out lately.” He mumbled quietly but audible enough for the ulzzang to hear. It wasn’t what Kiseop want as an answer, he still wanted to know.

“Why? Why are you stressed out? What’s the problem?” he whispered back. This time Kevin needs to get loose from Kiseop, he needed to lie again.

“Nothing really. Just I think a lot of things lately.” Kevin whispered as an answer. “Don’t worry too much, Seoppie. I’ll be fine after some sleep. ” he added with a smile. He really hopes it will stop Kiseop’s interrogation.

It did. Kiseop sit back to his normal position again with a disappointment in his face. He looked at his boyfriend and shook his head. This is worse. Jaeseop smiled to his boyfriend and pat him on the shoulders. He know that Kiseop only wanted to help, that is his nature, but this time Eli and Kevin can only solve it.

Kiseop leaned to his cat’s shoulders and heave a big sigh.

“He’s lying now. This is a big problem.” Kiseop whispered with another sigh.

“Whatever problem they had, we should stay out of it. Let them fixed it. We can’t do anything for now.” He whispered to his now troubled Kiseop and the older boy nodded.

~*~

The van was filled with silence on the way back to their dorm. Nobody talk, almost everybody slept. It really bothered their manager but he tried to understand them. Maybe they’re all tired so he just let it go. They order take-outs for dinner so they can sleep early.

At the dinner Kevin is still voiceless, he still didn’t speak to Eli. He is thinking deeply, thinking on how he can let Eli go without breaking down before him. He needs to think of a way but his mind is so damn tired. He inwardly sighed and resumes eating.

After dinner Hoon and Dongho volunteered to wash the dishes while the others are cleaning the table. Kevin excused his self so he can’t be with Eli. He didn’t want to think about Eli right now, he just wanted to get out of that room.

“Guys, I’m going to sleep early. My head is spinning.” He said but his voice fades as he said the last words. He hates lying, he hates it a lot but it’s the only way so the others wouldn’t suspect. Soohyun nodded and he immediately walked away.

Kiseop and Jaeseop look at each other and their gaze travel across the room to Eli. The other boy has his serious face sticking out. The two know that that kind of expression is only surfacing when Eli is having a big problem.

Eli is collecting the plate scattered on the table top. He is not really thinking about the plates now. The way Kevin is acting towards him, avoiding his gaze and not talking. He didn’t know what is running in Kevin’s mind, but the only thing that’s freaking him out is maybe Kevin found out. Maybe Kevin found out and now the boy wanted answers. He caught Jaeseop staring at him; he stared back at the cat. He knew that stare very much. Go to him after, that’s what the cat is saying. He only nodded and gone back to his task.

After he finished he secretly slid out of the room and hurriedly walk to their shared room. He had this stupid feeling that Kevin finally knew. Not only Kevin knew about it but also Jaeseop. How that cat knew? He stands in front of the wooden door and knock softly. He didn’t even know if his theory is right, but the silence from the other door proved it. It was another minute before he heard a faint ‘yes’ and he slowly entered.

Kevin is sitting in his own bed clutching a stuff animal Eli once gave as a present. Eli entered and the younger boy watched him in sadness. Eli saw the sadness in the boy’s beautiful eyes. He always describe Kevin’s eyes to be perfect, he expect everything in Kevin is immaculately perfect. He stood there for a couple of minutes before he found his courage to ask. He hesitates for a fraction of second but decided to grab his chance.

“What happen? Are you sick?” He asked.

Well that was lame. Of course something happen, dummy. He scolded himself

“Nothing happen. Just-just got a lot on my mind lately.” It was Kevin speaking the truth.

Kevin’s mind is over-working for the same reason again and again. Eli didn’t love him anymore. That was the thing he needed straightening. He wanted for Eli tells him in his face that his mind is betraying him and he still loved Kevin. But there is something in the back of his mind, the one he always shove aside in making right decisions, that this about to end where it started. In that same room in japan, same position and same situation. He wanted to shove the thought away, as always as what he did to that poor thing. He wanted to tell that thing to shut up and watch as he prove that Eli still love him. He wanted to believe in his self but his slowly shattering apart by the seconds tick away.

“What’s got on your mind?” Eli interrupted his thought.

“That I-uh….” The younger boy stammer, but he needs to find his courage too.

“Can I ask you something Eli?” he said.

“Yeah, what is it?” the older boy asked sitting down beside Kevin.

“What if I say I want to break up with you, what would you do?” Kevin calmly stated.

“What?” Eli exclaimed.

“I want to break up with you.” Kevin plainly stated, “I’m setting you free now.”

He is stomping on his own heart, hitting it with a bat until it was broken to fine pieces. That was the words he would’ve said when he is about to die, but no he is saying it now to his love. So much it hurts, he never want Eli chained down on him forever. That would be selfish. Kevin was never a selfish person. If Eli wanted to be free, he is whole-heartedly willing to set Eli free.

“Why?” Eli asked in a whisper after the deafening silence.

“Because I don’t love you anymore…” Kevin lied. He hoped Eli noticed his sadness in his voice, and his lies.

“And I know you don’t love me anymore.”

Now Eli knows that Kevin knew. He didn’t think of ending it there, in that same room as to where they start. And he didn’t think that it would be ended by Kevin. After hearing the words, he wanted to apologize immediately. He knows that it was his turn to say the truth.

“I’m sorry Kevin…” he started, “I’m really sorry.”

“You don’t need to. We can’t stay in love if we both don’t love each other anymore anyway.”

Now Kevin is on the verge of crying but he held his tears at bay. He didn’t want to cry in front of Eli. He wanted to be strong for himself. His self was the only thing left for him after this. Eli and Kevin would be never together, he thought. This would be the last.

He wanted to get out of that room, now, fast. He wanted to cry his heart out, but not in front of Eli. He needs to escape.

“I’ll take a shower you can sleep now.” He said clearly drained.

Kevin stood up and grabs some change clothes and then walked out of the room. He walk straight to the bath room and locked the doors. He stripped down and entered the shower. He’s surprised to see his self to be composed for a moment, but that slipped out immediately as the water met his cold, pale skin.

That’s when he broke down in an agonizing cry. He turned the shower louder so his cries wouldn’t be heard outside. He slid down the cold shower floor and hugged his knees while the water rained down on him. His tears rolled down unbidden and unwelcome. He wanted to be numb and cold, just like the tiled floor he is currently sitting down. He wanted to be as cold and hard as the tiles after this.

So no one could break him, even his self.