Friday

As a Black woman in Korea, there really was no such thing as 'inconspicuous' for Jodi. She tried, though, as she walked into the airport wearing long sleeves, a hat and sunglasses. She had done everything she could think of to have her departure go unnoticed, including changing her flight time. Twice. The fans and a few paparazzi still spotted her and crowded around. She took her sunglasses off, smiled at them, shook some outstretched hands, even helped one girl up who had fallen at her feet.

“Unnie, are you going to see GD oppa?”

“I am. He asked me to come see Big Bang perform and I agreed.”

“Jodi-unnie! You're so cool for taking JiYong-oppa back,” one said to her and many others nodded. “I would still be mad.”

Jodi smiled at her indulgently. “You'll learn that there's no point in holding grudges. It takes a lot of energy, and you're usually the only person holding it. It's best to let some things go. If someone tells you they're genuinely sorry, take them at their word and move on.” The people around her sighed, clutched their hearts and told her again how cool she was. Jodi stopped herself from rolling her eyes, barely.

“Noona!” a boy yelled and Jodi looked over at him with a smile. He handed a bag to her and bowed shyly. “I got you something.”

Jodi opened the gift bag and found a neck pillow. Wading to the crowd to get to him, Jodi pinched the kid on his cheeks and thanked him. “Look, thank you guys for coming out, but I have a flight to catch. Go home safely!”

She bowed, waved and speed walked to the security line. She kept a smile on her face and waved one last time before getting to the metal detector. Once Jodi got past the last barrier to the terminal, she let her smile drop and put her sunglasses back on. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she ignored it. She knew who it was.

JiYong had been calling her several times a day since Sunday. Not to say anything important, just to 'talk' and reiterate how sorry he was. She had told him that everything wasn't okay, but she was willing to give an inch. He was trying to take miles and it pissed her off. Even from a different country, he smothered her.

Flowers had been delivered first thing Monday morning. On Tuesday, while at a shoot, she received a one hundred piece box of chocolates from 'il Cacao' in Gangnam, along with a boxed set of Bruce Lee movies. On Wednesday, when the enormous blue teddy bear wearing a 'One of A Kind' t-shirt showed up, she told him it was 'e-damn-nough'. And if he sent one more gift, she would skip the Japan trip. The gifts stopped, the phone calls and text messages didn't. Nor did the cryptic Twitter messages, or the obvious intent of the pictures he liked and posted on Instagram, or the sappy and pathetic songs he chose to share with the world. He also uploaded a picture of the sign at her family's restaurant and raved about the dumplings. Her aunt called to tell her they ran out in two hours.

The fans really got behind all his attempts and started sending messages of their own, urging her to forgive him. In order to save face and look like a reasonable adult, Jodi had to pretend everything was okay. It wasn't okay. She was no longer angry, she was working on forgiveness, but she was far from forgetting.

When her phone rang again, she stomped her foot and groaned before answering. “Yes, JiYong?”

“. . . Hey,” he said hesitantly. “Are you at the airport?”

“I am. I got through security a few minutes ago. My flight starts boarding in a half hour.”

“What are you going to do while you wait? Do you want to talk?”

Jodi couldn't help it, she started laughing. “No, JiYong, we don't have to talk right now. It's 9:30 in the morning, nothing has happened and there isn’t anything to talk about yet.”

“Oh.”

“I need to hire another photographer though, so I'm going to look through their portfolios. I'll call you when I land, okay?”

“Okay.” He quietly added, “I love you, Jodi.”

“I know.”

* * * * *

 

Two hours, and one first class flight later, Jodi landed in Tokyo for the second time in the space of a month. She sent JiYong a text to let him know that she had landed safely, he called her immediately.

“You're here, baby?” JiYong said excitedly. Jodi slapped herself on the forehead.

“Yes, JiYong. I'm in Japan,” she said patiently. With her carry on rolling behind her, she made her way outside and waved down a cab. A smiling cabby jumped out and bowed to her before putting her bags in the trunk. “I guess now would be a good time to tell me where in Yokohama I'm staying. I need to tell the driver.”

“The Yokohama Royal Park Hotel,” JiYong said slowly in Japanese. Jodi slid into the backseat and repeated the sounds the driver.

“Yes! Big hotel. Biggest in Japan!” the driver told her with a wide smile on his face.

“The biggest hotel in Japan?” Jodi asked. “How big is it?”

“No, no. Not only hotel. Biggest building in Japan!” the driver added proudly.

“And where in this big hotel am I staying, JiYong?” she asked with a false sweet tone. Jodi smiled at the driver in the mirror and leaned back.

“Um . . . we're technically staying above the hotel. We already had the apartment reserved before I knew you were coming,” he answered and she couldn't hold in her sigh. “The condo has three rooms; one with a king, one with a queen, one with two full beds. Since maknae and Daesung have their own apartments in Tokyo, SeungHyun-hyung, Bae-ah and I are staying together. And you.”

“And which of the rooms am I staying in?” Jodi asked, already knowing she wouldn't like the answer.

“. . . in the queen room with me.”

“JiYong—“

“I know, I know, but hyung wanted the biggest bed, and YoungBae wanted the smallest since he hates sleeping without Luna.” Jodi tipped her head back and took of her glasses to rub her eyes. “I guess I can take the other bed in YoungBae's room. Or, if it's really a problem, I can find you a hotel somewhere else.”

She thought about it. She strongly considered it, but she ended up saying, “No. That'll be fine. I'll let you know when we get to the hotel.”

Jodi hung up before he could say anything else. She groaned into her hands, letting out her frustrations as quietly as possible. Knowing that she would need an excuse to be away from him, she sent Luna a text, asking for Stacy's phone number. Stacy and Jodi struck up such a witty and engaging conversation that Jodi didn't notice she wasn't moving.

“Why are we stopped?” she asked, as she noticed all the cars around her.

“Cars accident,” the driver explained. To further demonstrate the point, the banged his fists together. Jodi nodded that she understood. “Hotel is not far. You can walk?”

“I don't know where the hotel is,” Jodi admitted, then told him in her limited Japanese that she doesn't speak the language well. The driver waved his hand for her to get out and follow him. He pointed to the large white building, not too far from where they were.

“You see big building? There? I make map for you, you walk, or you pay a lot of money to sit in my taxi,” the driver said with another of his friendly smiles. Jodi looked around and saw that a few of the other drivers around were playing on tablets and phones, or reading newspapers. One had even leaned his chair back and closed his eyes. Figuring it was the lesser of two evil, Jodi took the cabby up on his offer. He took a clipboard off the seat and started drawing lines. Jodi listened to him giving directions and sent Stacy a text to let her know what was going on.

“Alright. I think I can do this,” Jodi said, more to convince herself than him. They walked to the back of the car and the cabby opened the trunk to remove her bags. She paid him, they bowed to each other and Jodi set off. A few minutes into her journey, her phone started ringing. Without looking, she answered, “Yes, JiYong?”

“Hey, I just looked down and saw all the traffic. Are you okay?”

“Oh, I'm fine. I'm walking the rest of the way.”

“Walking?!”

“Yeah, I can see the building from here. The cab driver gave me a map and Stacy said I can call her if I feel uncomfortable. Plus, it's broad daylight. I'll be fine.”

“Do you want me to come down and meet you?”

“Nah, it's fine,” Jodi answered. “It's a little humid and I can't wait to take a shower, but I'm fine. Really. I should be there in a few minutes.”

“Arraso. But I'm sending MinJung-hyung down to meet you, okay?”

“Not okay, but you're going to do it anyway, so fine,” she conceded before getting off the phone. She had given up on arguing with him. As she got closer to the hotel, she stopped for a moment and tipped her head back to enjoy the feel of the sun on her face. She could hear loud noises ahead, but ignored it. Feeling as if she had soaked enough sun for the moment, she pressed on. But the closer she walked, the more raucous the noises seemed to get. Once she was passed the Mitsubishi building, she could see the large crowd at the hotel entrance. .

“Hey, JiYong. I have a small problem,” she said into the phone. “The front is blocked. Is there a back way in?”

“There's an employee entrance on the left side. MinJung-hyung should be there waiting for you.”

“Okay.” Jodi stayed on the phone while she walked, trying to look casual and not draw attention from the crowd. To her utter delight, she made it to the side entrance with no problem. “I'm inside. What floor am I coming to?”

“. . . 69 . . .”

Jodi sighed and rubbed her face. “Alright.”

“Jodi-ssi, I need to take care of something at the front desk,” MinJung told her as they got to the elevator in the center of the building. “I'll take your bag and meet you in a few minutes.”

“Thank you, oppa,” she said sweetly, making the older man blush. He pressed the button for the service elevator to come and inclined his head briefly before walking away. The elevator doors opened and Jodi stepped in reluctantly. “I hate elevators,” she mumbled out of habit, pressed herself into a corner and closed her eyes.

“I know, baby,” JiYong said sympathetically. “But I'm really glad you're here. I can't wait to see you.”

She smiled despite herself and said softly, “Me, too.”

“What do you want for dinner tonight? We have a meeting with the promoter and organizer tonight, but the show isn't until tomorrow, so today is mostly free. Anything you want.”

“Takoyaki,” she answered absently. In her mind, she sang a song, using it to distract herself from the long ride to the 69th floor. Opening her eyes briefly, she saw that she was just passing the 23rd floor. .

“Takoyaki? But that's street food.”

“It's street food you can only get in Japan. I'm in Japan, I want takoyaki.” Jodi opened her eyes when the elevator stopped unexpectedly. Two housekeepers with arms full of towels were laughing and talking to each other when the doors opened. They looked surprised, then bowed at Jodi before getting in.

“Then it's what you'll have. I'll make sure of it,” JiYong said, breaking back into her song. Jodi drummed her nails on the wall and kept her breathing even. The car stopped at the 49th floor, and the housekeepers got out.“What floor are you on, baby?”

“Almost to fifty. Hopefully no one else gets on.” Please, please. No one else get on, she prayed.

“All the guys are up here. They're glad you came, too. SeungRi is dancing in front of me, wanting me to tell you he loves you.”

“Tell him I love him too.”

“She says she hates you and go sit down over there.”

“That is not what I said!” Jodi yelled and laughed. She felt the elevator slow again and groaned. Three people got on and Jodi pressed herself into the back wall as hard as she could. Hearing her deep breathing, JiYong asked her if she was alright. “I'm okay. It's just feeling a little tight with four people in here and no windows.”

“But you're getting closer, right? You're gonna love the view from up here. Mount Fuji looks like it's right in front of me. You brought a camera?”

“What kind of photographer would I be if I didn't?” she quipped. JiYong laughed softly.

“You're right.” She started humming just loud enough for him to hear, so he asked, “What's that song?”

“'Little Red Corvette'. Daddy was a huge Prince fan. He used to sing it all the time,” Jodi explained. Thankfully, the three men got off at the 57th floor and she was able to breathe a little easier. “Twelve more floors to go.”

“Can I hug you when you get up here?”

“Yes.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“You're going to anyway.” Jodi chuckled. Then the elevator jolted. Jodi opened her eyes in time to see the lights flicker out. “No.”

“Baby?”

“It stopped! It stopped!” Jodi banged on the wall closest to her and used her phone as a light to find the buttons. Nothing. “No. No! Nonononononononononono”

“Jodi, baby, you have to—

“GET ME OUT OF HERE!” She banged on the doors, kicked them. She ran her hands down the buttons, pressing all of them frantically. She reached for the phone that's supposed to be in all elevators, only to find the box empty. .

Her breathing became shallow. Jodi could feel sweat sliding down the center of her back, even though her hands were cold. Vaguely, she could hear JiYong's voice, but it grew fainter when the phone slipped through her frozen fingers. She reached a hand out to steady herself because she suddenly felt dizzy. watered, she couldn’t swallow. She felt like she might throw up. Her heart raced out of control. Panic consumed her so fully and so intensely that she couldn't hold herself up. Pitching to the right, Jodi fell hard.

No . . . No. this can't be happening. Not again I can't . . . scared . . . I was so close . . . air . . .

              can't breathe . . .            why was I so STUPID          I CAN'T BREATHE                    this isn't                I'll be fine—no you won't               let me out please!             I'm scared                 can't                  dark                 alone                no                         air                         This is bad              no                going crazy            what was i thinking        don't leave me          why did I come here            Should have taken the stairs        stayed home!     no        please       CAN'T  SEE             happening again           no one is coming         tight           out of control    chest . . . . hurts         please help me       WHY NOW!!       no         crazy              dark     scary       HELP       alone      can't      no    someone             no light          breathe                  never see them again        Daddy, help me!           Don't leave me here            terror          don't leave me    fear       God?       suffocate     pain . . . . . . .   please  . . . . . . . . .       . . . . . .

I'm going to die in here.

* * * * *

JiYong kept his voice as calm and soothing as he could while waving his arms wildly and writing hastily scribbled notes. YoungBae, who knew how to decipher his scrawl the best, read the notes and called the hotel manager. JiYong could hear him asking where the elevator had stopped. YoungBae held up six fingers, then two fingers. JiYong nodded and kept talking, trying his best to stay cool despite her screams in his ear. He wrote another note for YoungBae, 'Tell him to get his there NOW! She's claustrophobic.' When he heard YoungBae relaying the message, he left the room with SeungHyun, DaeSung, and SeungRi on his heels.

“Please! Please, I'll do anything! Just let me out,” he could hear her begging and screaming.

“It's going to be okay, sweetie. I promise. Just wait a little longer, okay?” At the elevator, he pressed the call button numerous times, willing it to get to come faster. “You're going to be fine, baby.”

“No. No. I can't—I can't—” He heard the phone drop to the ground, a stretch of silence, followed by a thud.

“Jodi? Jodi!” Abandoning the elevator, he ran for the emergency exit and took off down the stairs. All he could hear from the other end was the occasional gasp and strangled cry. “Answer me babe! Jodi! Just relax. There's nothing to be scared of, honey!”

“Give me phone,” SeungHyun ordered, tapping JiYong's shoulder urgently. JiYong looked at him, then turned away again and kept calling Jodi's name. SeungHyun snatched the phone out of JiYong's hand pushed him back. “Answer me, Jodi,” he said in a deeper voice than usual. He could hear Jodi gasping and commanded, "Now, don't be rude. Answer your oppa.”

“I can't—it's dark—I need—out,” she gasped out between choked breaths.

“We're working on that,” he said confidently as he walked down the stairs quickly. “But I need you to do something for me. I need you to sit up and put your back to the wall.”

“I can't bre—I can't—”

“Yes you can, sweetheart. There's plenty of air. You can breathe just fine,” he assured her in his soft, yet firm voice. “I need to hear you moving, okay? You can do this. Sit up, Jodi, and put your back to the wall,” SeungHyun said firmly. JiYong walked close to him, looking at him with clear confusion on his face. SeungHyun reached out to pat his shoulder gently. “I don't hear movement, Jodi.” The words seemed to break through, because after that, he could hear shuffling on the other end of the line. “Good girl. You're doing good.” Aside from her gasping, he heard a grunt and a thud. “You're in place, right, Jodi?”

“Yes,” she forced out between gasps.

“Now, pull your knees up and wrap your arms around them. Do that for me?”

“Okay,” she answered shakily. He could hear a scraping sound over her panting.

“Good. Now tell me, 'I can breathe.'”

“No, no, no. I can't—”

“Yes, you can, Jodi. Take a deep breath and repeat after me. 'I can breathe.' Say it.”

“It's dark,” she cried. “Please let me out. Please. Please. I'm scared.”

“Trust me, we're working on that. Say the words for me, okay? Tell me you can breathe.”

SeungHyun could hear her starting to cry. But through it, she said, “I—I can—I can breathe.”

“Good. Now, take another breath and say it again.” He heard Jodi draw in a breath and parrot the words back to him. SeungHyun smiled and let out a relieved breath. “Again, Jodi . . .”

No one kept count of how many times she repeated those words. The whole trip to the 62nd floor, SeungHyun talked to her, assured her over and over again that she was safe. Her voice got steadily stronger with each recitation and he could hear in her voice that she had calmed down a bit. A little bit. She never stopped crying and it broke his heart to hear.

Arriving on the floor, MinJung was there and guided them to the employee area. SeungHyun stepped in with DaeSung and never stopped talking. JiYong, on the other hand, marched up to the hotel manager with fire in his eyes and SeungRi and MinJung behind him.

“Speak Korean?” he asked rudely. The manager stuttered out a 'yes'. “Get someone here and get her out of there. Now.”

“We're trying, Mr. Kwon,” the manager said with a deep bow. “But the building engineer is stuck in traffic with that accident. The fire department is tied up with that as well. We'll have someone see to . . . her.”

“'Her' is my wife. My wife,” JiYong hissed through clenched teeth, and the manager bowed again. “That isn't good enough.”

“I do apologize, Mr. Kwon, but in this, there's nothing I can—“

“I don't want to hear that. Don't say it again!” JiYong gripped the man by his lapels and pushed him back against the wall. SeungRi and MinJung pulled on his arms, but JiYong's wouldn't budge. “Fix this!”

“I'm sorry, Mr. Kwon, but there's really nothing I can do.”

* * * * *
 

“I've been listening to a lot of Blues music recently. I like 'Three O'Clock Blues' by B.B. King the best. Have you ever heard of it?” SeungHyun asked her. He waited for a response, but only heard a sniffle. “I'll sing a little bit of it for you, okay? Just keep in mind that you're a very special woman. I don't sing for just anyone.”

'Now here it is three o'clock in the mornin', and I can't even close my eyes. . .” SeungHyun sang softly as he paced outside the elevator doors. When JiYong, MinJung and SeungRi walked in, he nodded to them, but kept pacing and singing. At the end of the song, he tucked JiYong's phone into his shoulder and clapped for himself. “That was good, wasn't it?”

No answer. Just a hitched breath.

“Maybe I can release it as a single,” he joked. He heard puffs of breath and decided they were the closest he would get to a laugh. “DaeSung has been jumping up and down, begging to sing you a song. Do you want to talk to him?”

More quiet crying.

“Hold on just one moment, okay?” SeungHyun the phone into DaeSung's hands. He whispered, “Sing anything, but only happy songs. Talk to her about happy stuff. Got it?” DaeSung nodded, lifted the phone to his ear and started singing a Korean folksong. SeungHyun grabbed JiYong by his shirt collar, pushed him to the outer hallway and hit him on the head as soon as the door closed. “You idiot.”

“Ouch! Hyung! Why d—ouch! Stop hitting me!” JiYong backed away from him and held his arms above his head for protection.

“Don't ever, ever, ever, tell a person who's having a panic attack to calm down. Never tell them there's nothing to be afraid of. And never, ever panic along with them!” Even though SeungHyun barely raised his voice, JiYong got scared. His hyung seldom showed such anger. And just because he felt like it, SeungHyun hit him again.

“How was I supposed to know she—wait—how did you know she was having a panic attack?” JiYong asked, looking at his brother closely.

“I just do,” SeungHyun said with a dismissive wave of his hand. He ran his fingers through his hair and turned away for a moment. “What happened to her?”

“She was locked in a closet as a kid. She was in there for hours.”

SeungHyun nodded sadly and carded his fingers through his hair once more. “Okay. I'll go talk to her more. That seems to be keeping her calm.”

“What about me?” JiYong asked in a small voice. “I can't just sit back, hyung. Is there anything else we can do for her?”

SeungHyun rubbed his shoulder and shook his head. “Not from this side of the door.”
 

* * * * *

With an earbud in one ear, the members of Big Bang went through JiYong's music library, singing any song they knew most of the words to. If they weren't singing, they asked questions she didn't answer, and told her stories they could never say on TV. JiYong did the least talking. For the most part, he sat with his back to the wall, feelin