The question hangs in the air between them, heavy with tension. Tao can tell Sehun is awake beside him on the bed even though he can hear even breathing and see closed eyes, but he's hesitant about saying anything to confirm it. He can't remember very much from a good part of the day before, nor does he know if he might have done something offensive. It's best to tread carefully at this point, he thinks.

Whereas yesterday morn had been cheerful moods and an out-of-place livelihood, today is wary and uncomfortable. Even with the figure beside him, limp as he is, he can sense a sort of distrust. Or maybe it is his paranoia acting up again. Either way, he's cautious to be the one to break the silence.

But he does, despite.

"Are you awake?" he asks gently.

He sees Sehun nod hesitantly. The boy's body visibly stiffens and he almost cringes at the sight. What repulsive crime could he have committed to cause that sort of reaction?

He gulps. Guilt is a heavy anvil in his stomach, a weight he finds himself unwillingly shouldering. He's not sure how to approach the subject.

Sehun is the one to do so instead, with closed eyes and furrowed brows. "Where did you get it?" He asks Tao in an accusing tone.

"I didn't, Sehun. I don't know how to explain it to you without...." without having to tell you the truth.

"Without what?"

"Just know I didn't drink it on purpose. I didn't go looking for it myself. I- I swear it, Sehun." He stumbles over words, looking for a better way to explain it all.

A silence sits there. He waits for Sehun to say something.

"Are you saying it was deliberately placed? By someone else?" Sehun finally opens his eyes to look at him.

"Yes," he admits. "That's exactly what in saying."

Sehun bites his lip as if he wants to inquire further but knows he'll get no merit from it. "Then," he starts, "was it intended for me?"

He hadn't thought about it that way, but now that the idea has been proposed, it makes sense. Poisoning Sehun would have been much more advantageous, though he'd assumed it had been for him all along. To him, it was a test. To Sehun, it would have been a matter of life or death.

However, he chooses to give reassurance. "No. I don't believe so."

Sehun curls up, dragging blankets away from Tao's body to wrap his own in. Tao lightly tugs on them, but to no avail, and settles with moving closer to Sehun for warmth.

"Tao," Sehun says, "do you remember anything you did yesterday?"

Tao shakes his head. "No, I don't," he answers. "I didn't do anything bad, did I?"

Sehun burrows his head in the blankets. "No," he says, voice muffled by the layers of cloth. "Forget it." He rather spits out the phrase, making Tao think he really shouldn't do that at all.

"What did I do?" He asks, knowing that reaction couldn't have possibly meant nothing.

To his surprise, instead of giving an answer, Sehun scoots towards him and hugs his midsection. He feels Sehun press his head against his chest, feels the warmth from his body, feels the light thrumming from Sehun's heart beat so close to him.

"Wha-"

"Don't question it," he hears Sehun say. He shivers; Sehun's breath had sent wisps of hot air curling down his front and caused a sharp contrast in temperatures. "That's as close an answer to that question as you'll ever get."

Tao, not sure what else to do, places a hand around onto Sehun's back and pulls him in. He feels himself redden, flustered as he is, but tries not to give it away. "I'll get it out of you soon enough," he says teasingly.

Sehun snuggles and shifts a little in his arms. "Good luck with that," he retorts.

Tao can't help but think he's being rather affectionate and, frankly, it isn't so bad. That maybe today won't be as horrifying as he'd expected.

Tao rejects coffee that morning.

Sehun seems to have not caught on that that was the drink that had made him so drunk, though there was no other explanation for it. He's met with Sehun's whines of, "But why? Drinking coffee by myself has no appeal to it."

Is it his imagination or did Sehun pout?

Tao apologizes with a smile. His reply is another hug from Sehun who tells him to "please never smile like that ever again."

"Are you okay? You're somewhat... attached today."

Sehun hides his blush behind a hand. "Because, yesterday...." His voice drifts off.

Tao pries for more. "Yesterday what?"

Sehun's blush deepens. "Nothing," he tries to brush it off.

The look he gives Tao with pink cheeks and pinched brows that hide his embarrassment makes Tao almost hug him himself. Is this what bliss is?

It's almost uncomfortable just how close Sehun is being with him. (Of course, a big part of him likes it, though he's still figuring that out. The confusion has settled with him in the past few days, but it's becoming more clear with passing time.) From the morning, the boy appears to have realized that it's a little out of way from his usual personality, but nonetheless, the occasional hand-brushing and glances towards Tao are not rare. Any form of contact seems to be his goal, and Tao doesn't have too many complaints about it. It's by far better than the shunning he'd assumed would be his manner as a result from the previous day's mishap.

Then again, he's not accustomed to the physical contact. It's instinct for him to flinch from it, but he knows that would offend Sehun, so he tries to stop himself from wincing every time they touch. After a while, it becomes natural for him to look up and give Sehun a smile, as if assuring him that he isn't going anywhere.

After all, it's his job.

Sehun's feeling rather bashful.

He still does it though; the light touches and the peeks at his bodyguard. In the back of his head, he wants to make sure that this isn't a dream. That he is still alive, and Tao is still alive, and today is very much real. That yesterday was real too, though it was an unfortunate aftermath to an alcohol slip. He wants to make sure that the man who'd said those words still exists today, and that he still stands by Sehun's side.

He wants to ask. He wants to know if they were real, however drunk Tao was in the moment. He wants to walk right up to him, grab his shoulders, and shout out "Do you love me?"

What's wrong with me? He thinks to himself, but it's not as if he could answer anyway.

It's so different. So much more different than the Sehun everyone else knows, including himself. He misses him, if that makes any sense. But this new Sehun, new and (quite possibly?) improved Sehun, well, it feels good too.

There's just no other way to put it. It feels good. He feels childish and flustered and all the things the Sehun that had lived before him had never known.

This is Sehun now, and maybe will be for the rest of his life.

Confused, strange, loving Sehun.

Warm, vulnerable, fragile Sehun.

He could get used to this.

It's all very new. But did things ever have to stay the same?

It feels like a sudden transition from winter to summer. All at once, the cold-hearted boy he'd once known and followed is now more pliable than ever.

He's even as far as... domestic.

"Do you mind," Tao starts, trying to slip out the question as casually as possible, "telling me what exactly happened to cause this?" He moves his hand up and down in the air in front of Sehun's body.

Sehun blinks. "Pardon?"

Tao shakes his head. "You know. Yesterday."

The reaction that wrenches its way from Sehun's body at the sound of the word "yesterday" is spectacular. He jerks back, the tips of his ears a cherry red, and opens his mouth to let out a stutter of sounds.

"Wha- why does it matter?" Sehun quickly looks away, the blush spreading across his entire face.

Tao raises an eyebrow. "Because this." He says, resting a hand on Sehun's cheek, hot under his fingertips. Sehun's eyes widen and he freezes in place.

And then, all at once, his eyelids grow lazy and he covers his mouth with his hand.

"Maybe it's better if I..." The end of his sentence becomes muffled by his hand.

"If you what?" Tao crosses his arms.

"If I," Sehun tugs on the hem of Tao's shirt and pulls him out of the room, down the hall, "just show you."

Tao lets himself get pulled along.

"Yeah," he says, reviewing the idea in his head. Perhaps he'd get a better idea on how brutal his drunkenness had gotten if he saw it firsthand? If it'd gotten brutal at all. There was always the chance he'd embarrassed himself and passed out. Nothing to it. So then why show him? "Yeah, sure."

He mentally shrugs. He'll find out now anyway.

Sehun is absolutely sure the crazy has gotten to his head.

Because at this point, he knows he's crazy. There's no other explanation. Acting like a child, dragging his ex-bodyguard to the library, planning on doing that.

Crazy and wild. That's it.

With a dash of stupid and a sprinkle of adrenaline.

Oh god, his heart races at just the thought of it. But if he backs down now, it would be even stranger still. He continues pulling.

Behind him, he hears Tao ask, "Where are we going?"

He answers quite simply, "The library."

Tao chuckles. "I drank in the library?"

Sehun's heart skips a beat at the peel of laughter; it's attractive to say the least. He clears his throat. "Is this really a laughing matter?"

Tao abruptly stops. "My apologies."

"Keep walking."

Sehun pushes open the doors of the library and freezes in place. He's not sure if he wants to do this anymore. His entire body trembles lightly at the prospect.

Tao looks at him, about to ask what's wrong. The hem of his shirt is still clutched in Sehun's fingers. Sehun interrupts before he can get a word out.

"I'll pretend to be you, and you I," he says as calmly as he can muster.

Tao shrugs. "All right then."

He takes a seat on the sofa. "This is where you were sitting, right?"

Sehun nods. He sits down where Tao usually would. To his right. He's nervous. It feels as though he's acting out a play and this is his solo monologue. The time to speak out all his inner thoughts and feelings to the world.

Tao is just curious as to what happened. Unaware.

Sehun turns to him. "Say I drank. Right about now."

Tao nods, urging him on.

"Curl up. Hug your knees," Sehun directs him. Tao obeys. "Now say," his heart thumps in his chest, "you are very confused."

"Of course." It's only true.

"And then I did this." He leans towards Tao's face, putting them centimeters apart. Tao backs away with a look of bewilderment."And then," he continues, "I kept going."

He leans farther still until he has to resort to placing two hands on either side of the boy beneath him. He's on his knees on the couch, crawling towards prey. Tao's expression becomes more and more astounded.

They are back to the final position from the day before, only now the tables have turned. Sehun rests his forehead on Tao's who is -- dare he think it? -- blushing.

"How do you feel now?" Sehun asks, his eyelids closing halfway.

"I... I..." Tao stutters, unable to answer.

"And what if," Sehun whispers, "I said this?"

"What?" Tao asks, his voice barely working.

"I think I love you," Sehun murmurs, then he fit his lips against Tao's own and pressed.

They weren't quite the right words, but they were close enough. And either way, the effect would have been the same.

Tao lets out a noise but he silences himself just as quickly. Sehun's heart almost jumps out of his chest as he feels Tao kiss back. Tao pulls back first, letting out a breath.

"Did you mean it?" Sehun asks.

Tao seems a little slow to respond. He opens his mouth and closes it before answering. "Yeah," he says shakily. He stares into Sehun's eyes. "I think I did." He lifts his head up a little, a signal for the unspeakable.

Sehun whispers, "I think I did too," before kissing him again.

Sehun had fallen asleep a few minutes earlier, a book lying open on his stomach and his back against Tao's chest. His eyelashes flutter with every inhale and exhale, his chest rising and falling rhythmically. Tao looks at him, admires his features -- the milky skin and such long lashes -- and a corner of his mouth turns up.

A few kisses had been all too much to absorb for the both of them. Though there was always the ache for some sort of affection, there was also to consider that it was something new, something to savour. Sehun had reached for the book and fallen back onto Tao, who, without a word, had laughed and read the book with him.

Tao doesn't know how to feel about this. His arms move on their own accord around Sehun's waist, the waist of the boy he was -- is -- supposed to kill. To brutally murder and leave no trace. But right now, he is happy, so stunningly happy, he can't bring himself to think of all the terrible things that could go wrong.

Like now.

All too late, he hears footsteps walking outside in the hallway. They could really only belong to one person.

Wu Yi Fan glances into the library and stops. The door they had regrettably forgotten to close is open a crack, but it's enough to see them in their current predicament. Yi Fan pushes it open a little more, but before he could get a full vantage point on them, Tao shuts his eyes and pretends to be asleep. He hears the door creak open and Yi Fan's footsteps approach them.

A hand brushes his cheek. "Don't kid yourself," he hears Yi Fan say. He fights back the temptation to flinch. There's a silence. He doesn't realize what's happening until he feels a breath on his ear and hears Yi Fan whisper, "Can't last long, can it?" 

A laugh. Fading footsteps. The creak of the door closing.

Tao lets out a sigh of relief. He hugs Sehun tighter, until Sehun lets out a little moan to signal that he'd bothered his sleep, and shifts on the couch. He wants to join him in sleep, in unconscious reality.

But in the back of his head, he knows it's true.

"What's the matter?" Sehun croaks out, his throat dry. He still feels drowsy, but Tao keeps moving beneath him. It's a nuisance.

Tao gives him a peck on the forehead. Because it feels right. "Nothing," he says. "I'm tired too now."

Sehun gives him a look, but doesn't question it. He props himself on his elbow and pretends to pat down Tao's shirt as if it's his pillow. Tao lets out a laugh, but good-naturedly plays along with him, pulling Sehun down and using his body like a blanket. "Go to sleep," Sehun grumbles at him. The daylight is receding behind drawn window curtains and the lighting in the room only increases his fatigue. 

Tao smiles. "Understood."

Every passing day feels more like every. Passing. Day.

From one thing to the next. Jongin would blank out and then it'd be lunch time. Blank out again, and it'd be the end of the day. The only thing that keeps him aware is the drone of the school bell and the constant chatter of the people around him.

Morning. Lunch. Home. Night.

Morning is dragging himself out of bed, convincing himself that today can't be worse than the last. Motivation being the idea that he is still allowed in civilization, that he can sneak up to Sehun's at night. That he can still talk to people. That he doesn't have to see Kyungsoo if it means he won't have to trap himself in that dreadful place where his thoughts are.

Lunch is an hour of the voices of the people around him, louder than ever. Baekhyun goes up to him occasionally, asking him how he is. "We should meet up again" and "take this", the words usually accompanied by an offering of bread from his ever energetic boyfriend, Chanyeol. 

Home is where he throws his bag onto the floor of his bedroom, neglecting homework and waiting for his parents to come home late yet again from work. His grades have been slipping, but he doesn't take notice. His notebooks stay empty, but he doesn't open them long enough to check.

Night is when he comes alive. Now with the new-found habit of climbing to Sehun's rooftop, he is invigorated with the plan. Though he's only done it twice now, he'd always thought he would meet Sehun there again.

But first, he must pass the long hours of day. 

Jongin is knocked from his thoughts by the sound of the bell -- lunch bell. He rubs his eyes of sleep, the ever tired feeling never leaving his body. He changes from leaning on his right elbow to stare out the window to leaning on his left towards the rest of the class. His eyes are about to close again when all of a sudden, they pop when he catches sight of him.

Kyungsoo walks in with small steps, a lunch box in hand. 

His eyes stay glued to the small boy as he navigates his way around desks and students to where -- he can't believe it -- Jongin is sitting. Kyungsoo pulls over a chair, turns it around, and sets his box down on the table.

The rumor of their breakup had spread like a wildfire across the school. Baekhyun had said he'd never told a soul, and Jongin had later found out that it's because someone had overheard their conversation from a classroom on the upper level. The entire room went silent at the sight of Kyungsoo and Jongin together, the once perfect pair now more broken than any. He could've heard a pin drop.

"Hi," Jongin says hesitantly.

Kyungsoo remains calm as ever as he replies. "Hi."

Jongin starts to sit upright. "So, um--"

"Just because we've broken up," Is it just him or does Kyungsoo's lip quiver at the words? "Doesn't mean we can't be friends."

That sounds so cliched, he wants to say. But before he can, Kyungsoo pulls something out from the wrapped package that is his lunch to reveal a second box lunch. Jongin's box.

Jongin almost cries as he takes it, opens it, and sees all his favorite things packed in this one meal. He looks up. "I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything at all."

A/N Sorry this update took so long~! IT'S TIME FOR THE ROMANCE :DDD It'll be a pleasure to break your heart by the end ^u^

I wrote this chapter in sections, which basically means I wrote part of it one day, and part of it the next >< so if it sounds a little weird, then I'm really sorry >< 

Thank you for voting and subscribing asdlkghaiosgnbkwrbgobwerigbsfvb;asfgb I LOVE YOU~ <3