There's a saying, and Sehun only remembers it because his mother used to say so back when he was a little kid, that when you fall in love, you see the world in a rose pink hue. The air around your loved one sparkles and glows, and everything looks brighter, smells sweeter, sounds clearer.

But to Sehun, the world is black and white, tinted with underlying greys and shadows creeping among the corners of every hallway. He hears whispers of memories, sees the blurred vision of his own mind, smells the scents of rust and metal that make him wary. He's in a living nightmare, and his fear is his one true happiness. What a dreadful thought.

"-ehun..."

Is there a voice calling him?

"Sehun!"

He feels himself being pulled out of his thoughts.

"Sehun, the tea!"

He yelps as he feels hot water scald his thumb, "Ah, !" Placing the teakettle down as gently as he can, he scurries over to the sink to run cold water over his fingers. Behind him, Tao grabs a napkin and wipes away the watery mess on the counter before bringing the tea cups to their places in front of the bar stools.

"What were you thinking about, Sehun?" He looks over, concerned. It's not really in his mindset to think of the young master as someone who gets easily distracted.

You, Sehun thinks to himself. But he would never say that. "Nothing," he says instead. "The outside world." He tells him dramatically. He quickly adds, "And school."

Tao nods as if that's all normal. Which it probably is, but Sehun's just relieved his lie seemed to have passed with no worries.

Tao walks over to him, and he tries not to cower away. He points to Sehun's finger. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." The flesh on his thumb burns with every bit of contact, but no problem, none at all. It was nothing to the inner turmoil he felt with every breath that escaped the boy next to him. He could feel his heart rate rising.

Killing him would have been so easy. How many days had they gone with just the two of them in this huge, empty place? Opportunities around every corner. Poison his morning tea, enough medicine to pass off as an accidental overdose, enough weapons in every room and enough time to get away with it all. Why hadn't he done it already?

"Be careful, okay?" Tao tells him, his voice hushed. He sounds worried; he always has. But now it makes Sehun doubtful. Are those sugar coated lies? Can he trust anything he's ever said?

What has he ever said? Ever told him?

Nothing. That's what. And now it makes sense.

"Yeah. Sure," he agrees. No point telling me now.

It's slowly maddening him. No access to "the outside world", as he has referred to civilization, no contact with any friends, his parents out and about. Why are his parents allowed to go outside? He'd once wanted to ask. Now there was no need. They surely wouldn't visit back home where they were more likely to be found, they probably thought. They'd probably thought it would be okay to leave Sehun, their only son, there. Because it was the manor. It was guarded. It was fine, and everything's just fine.

He takes a seat on his bar stool. Are you happy, mom? Dad? He thinks bitterly to himself. Parental love wasn't really something he found himself craving. It was simply the escape he was thinking about. He really needs to get out of here. At the same time, he doesn't want to leave at all.

"I'm a hypocritical bastard," he slips out in murmurs. He hadn't quite meant to, but the words are out there in the open, for anyone to hear.

"Pardon?" Tao takes his place next to him. He pours his own tea, not wanting a deja vu moment in case Sehun blanks out again.

"I said, I'm a hypocritical bastard."

"Care to explain?"

"Hardly." He finishes off his tea in one go, letting the hot water tear its way down his throat and settle in his stomach. "If you'll excuse me." He stands and leaves the room in a whirl, barely giving time for Tao to comprehend his sudden attitude.

"Of course," Tao says to the space next to him. It's cold without Sehun sipping his tea beside him. But whatever. Everyone has their reasons.

He's hardly ever seen the young master so agitated. Well, he knows that's an obvious lie. There were the first few weeks they'd met, in which Sehun had absolutely loathed him. Somehow, those days were much easier to handle.

Now he's left with the puzzling feeling brewing in what feels to be a hollow place where his heart should be. An inexplicable emotion, truly, as though someone had carved out a hole in his chest. His heart beats, but it doesn't seem effective. As if it works, yes, but that is not what is keeping him alive.

He places a hand over where his heart should be. The strangest thought comes to him then. Now if only Sehun was here.

Tao quickly buries away that thought with the rebuttal of, But he is here. He's upstairs.

His unconscious fights back. But he's not next to you. And that's where he should be.

Why is that?

Oh, you know the answer to that, don't you? His inner demons, they must be sly. Leaving him with more questions than answers. He resumes the calming activity of downing tea until all that remains is a small puddle on the bottom of the china cup.

Only now the question is why is he acting so strange? He feels the need to understand the logic behind it. There must be a reason as to why he's distancing himself.

Of course, there's always that little bit of paranoia in the back of his head. But that is the last thing he wants to believe.

It's instinct that unconsciously leads him upstairs, his feet moving with a life of their own and his hands just barely grazing the railing before his mind can understand that he's bringing himself to Sehun's room. Then the excuse is that his room is across the hall and he simply felt the need to be in there as well.

How he wish he hadn't chosen to go there.

"Hello dear."

How he hates that voice.

"Close the door, would you?"

He closes it.

The tall man sitting upon his bed beckons him over with a wave of his hand, and he quietly obeys. Yi Fan reaches up and places a hand upon Tao's jawline, his thumb gently pressing into his cheek.

Tao covers Yi Fan's hand with his own, pulling with small nudges to pry off the long fingers without being too rude about it. He closes his eyes, tilting his head down to face the butler without actually having to look at him. "Yi Fan, please." The hand won't budge.

"How are you, dear?" A smirk graces his features as he looks at the younger cringe at his touch. "Why so stiff?"

"Yi Fan, you know that makes me feel...uncomfortable." He takes his hand off of Yi Fan's, choosing to leave his arms limp at his side.

"I believe we need to speak."

"We spoke yesterday."

"No, dear, we need to talk about that."

"Please don't call me that."

Yi Fan sighs lightly, his hand trailing down to Tao's chin before standing up and staring into his harsh eyes. He grips his jaw tightly, tilting his head to one side and then the other. "Why," he whispers, "haven't you done it yet?

"It just wasn't the right timing," Tao says through the aching pressure.

"So many chances lost because your will and desire turned weak. What's gotten into you, dear?" His soft voice only makes it worse.

Tao grits his teeth. "I'm telling you it's not right."

Yi Fan lets go with a flick of his wrist, and Tao rubs his jawline. There will surely be bruises there later.

"That's what you keep saying."

Tao looks away. "It's...true," is all he says.

Yi Fan squints at him, making Tao want to wither beneath his scrutinizing gaze. Then the butler turns and walks towards the door. He tilts his head back to glare one more time at the boy standing there in his room, dull and lifeless. The boy he trained with his own hands.

"Weak," he snarls. And then he's gone.

Tao stays there in his spot for a while, shaking slightly. In his mind, he counts to ten.

One...two...three...

So numb. Everything feels so numb.

Four...five...six...

The world is for the strong, is what they said.

Seven...eight...nine...

There is no place for the vulnerable.

Mentality. It's all mentality. He is diamond, unbreakable and rare. He is ice, cold and unforgiving.

He is metal.

Ten.

Behind the door, Yi Fan strides down the hall, his lips pulled back into a grinning snarl. He looks like a madman, his hand reaching up to pull his fingers through his hair. "Things," he mutters to himself, "ought to be more interesting from now on."

Sehun watches the evening wrap its way around his house.

After excusing Tao to go back to his own room saying no, it's fine, he didn't need his company today, he'd stayed in the same spot till nightfall, lost in his insanity. His head feels so cluttered; it's a miracle he isn't having a migraine at this point. Whenever he tries to grasp a single thought, it slips through his fingertips and drifts back into the cyclone in his mind. He himself is sinking into this chaos. What a nice way to describe it, he thinks. Chaos. It fits rather perfectly.

At last, he changes into sleepwear and burrows into his blankets. He pulls one over his head and will himself to sleep. Before drifting off, he wonders what nightmares will visit him tonight....

He's aware.

He can feel it. The dream world around him. He can feel its blurry edges and unfinished plots. He can see shapes and memories, trying to whirl themselves into the most horrific nightmare for him. And him being there is only helping them. What are his fears? "They" ask. What can we wound him with the most? What hurts the most?

But it isn't hard to think of, he knows. And then "they" seem ready, and the dream begins.

He's in a forest. It's pitch black wherever he looks, and whatever trees he can see are tall, grey, and they loom impossibly high in the air. He takes a breath; the air reeks of smoke. He is lost. He can sense it. The growing fear in his chest is enough to make him start running over roots and under fern to try and find the exit because, he thinks, there must be an exit.

"There is no exit." He hears someone -- something -- say. The words sound more like a memory than a clue.

There's the crunch of leaves behind him and he starts running faster, faster, faster until his lungs are about to burst and he has a stomach cramp. Even in his dreams, he muses, he can never get away fast enough. He pants to a stop, leaning heavily against the nearest tree. The terror he feels is overwhelming. It blocks all his other senses. Or maybe it sharpens them. He's not too sure.

The approaching footsteps get louder, get closer. He turns to face his chaser. Surely it is a predator out to kill him. It must have smelled its prey from a mile away, ready to pounce on him and tear his limbs apart one by one until he is nothing more than a blood stain on the forest floor. It's out for his life, and it's about to have.

There's a clicking sound as the thing takes easy steps towards him. Slowly, it comes into view, from the shadows into his sight. Tall, glaring, menacing. "They" selected well. His worst fear.

"Sorry, Sehun," Tao says. Then he pulls the trigger.

Knock, knock.

Something tugs him awake.

Knock, knock.

He thought he'd gotten rid of that branch already.

Knock, knock, knock.

No, it sounds heavier than a branch. Sehun sits up, rubs his eyes, and searches for the source of the noise. Outside his window, he sees a fist, knuckles knocking on the glass. Next to that fist, the sleepy face of...Jongin?

His dream must have taken an awfully weird turn.

Then Jongin knocks again and he hears a muted, "Sehun!"

Nope. He's awake.

He stands, groggy, and opens the window. "What the are you doing?" The chilly air hits him head on. He rubs his eyes again.

Jongin gestures to the tree branch he's perching on. He's a bit precariously balanced, but his fingers are gripped tight on the window edge and he shows no sign that he's even a little afraid of falling. "I couldn't sleep." Despite his statement, his half-lidded eyes don't have the mischievous spark Sehun is so used to.

"And so you decide to climb a tree in my yard and knock on my window?" He shakes his head in disapproval. "I can't even be outside, you know." He stares at Jongin's light t-shirt and flannel pants. "Aren't you cold?"

"Let's go to the rooftop, Sehun-ah."

"What are you on right now?" He asks, incredulous. His best friend's gone positively deranged, it's the only explanation.

Jongin shrugs. "We used to when we were kids."

"Yeah, but not in the middle of the in' night!" Sehun hisses from gritted teeth. But he finds himself climbing out anyway. "You're crazy, you know that?" He positions his feet on the windowsill. "And I'm crazy too." Reaches up and grabs the edge of the balcony on the floor above him. "We're all in' insane." Pulls himself up. "in' hell." Helps Jongin up.

Step by step he climbs murmuring profanities under his breath as he instructs himself up, trying to remember the way to the rooftop. The two of them sit down on the terrace there, legs dangling between the bars and over empty air.

"Couldn't sleep my ," he scowls at Jongin. "You just wanted to go to the rooftop. Missed me, didn't you?" He teases jokingly.

Jongin looks him in the eye. "Yeah, I did." He turns his head to stare back at the night sky. "Were you having nightmares?" He asks.

Sehun nods. "How'd you know?"

"What was it this time?" Jongin presses on with the topic casually.

"Um," Sehun covers his mouth with a hand, willing the color on his cheeks to fade away. "Tao," he mutters. He tries to see what reaction his friend has at the sudden emotion Sehun's displaying. Jongin looks unfazed.

"He's no good for you," is all Jongin tells him.

Sehun wants to complain, to object. He spits out a, "How would you know!" It comes out harsher than he'd meant it to. He sees Jongin wince. "No," he tries again. "Sorry, I just.... Why do you think that?"

"When did you get like this, Sehun?" Jongin catches his gaze with a pained expression.

"What do you mean?" He places a hand on Jongin's shoulder. It's freezing to the touch. He has no doubt his skin must feel just as icy.

"You were so independent, Sehun. It was a Herculean task just to get you to open up to people, didn't you know? But you were so...different."

"What are you talking about, Jongin? I'm still me."

Jongin shakes his head. "Never mind, Sehun-ah."

It's at this moment, Sehun feels a bit like he's sinking. Like he's having an identity crisis. Oh Sehun? Who is Oh Sehun? He's a cold boy, lonely and bitter. He's quiet and reserved. He's... he's... he's what? All the words that fly into his head don't feel right, don't sound right, don't fit right.

He peeks at his best friend from the corner of his eye. The Jongin he sees, tired out and soulless, he also doesn't seem right. He wants this to be a dream. He wants his hand to fly right through the apparition of this Jongin doppelganger. He wants this biting wind to be an illusion, mind games on his physical senses. He wants his body to slip right through the iron bars of the terrace, and fall, fall, fall to the ground below only to sink right through the snow into the heavens below. He wants the world to be upside down because, to put it quite simply, it doesn't feel right.

But the tiny tear trailing its way down Jongin's cheek is no dream. Sehun's never seen him cry before.

", Jongin. What's wrong?" He doesn't want to approach a heavy subject. Doesn't want to make things worse than they are.

Jongin lets out a laugh, a sound that contradicts every heart shattering drop that leaves his eyes. He tries to wipe them away. "I never got to tell you," he says, rubbing his face with rough swipes. "Kyungsoo. I ended it with him."

"What?!" Sehun shouts out. "Jongin! Then why the hell are you sitting here crying? Go back to him!"

Jongin pulls his legs up from the edge, turns his body one-eighty, and curls up against the railing. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't get it. , even I don't get it, Sehun." He burrows his head between his knees. "I'm going crazy, ing bat- crazy." He rocks back and forth. "Everything's different."

"He loved you," Sehun says softly. They can't end it. They were so happy. Jongin was so happy. "And face it, you did too. You still do. So, do you and him both some good and go back to him."

Jongin starts furiously running his fingers through his tangled bed hair, letting his stress out with every knot he breaks through.

Sehun lets his words hang in the dark atmosphere, waiting for some sort of response. Anything.

"He's no good, that's why." Jongin croaks out, throat hoarse from the ache of crying. "That damn bodyguard is no good for you."

"You don't know that." Sehun defies him swiftly. Empty words. He knows the truth.

"You can't always like the good guy, Sehun." Jongin lifts his head, watery eyes rimmed with red.

"Why do you think he's the bad guy?" He'd never known how awful it felt for someone to accuse a loved one. Loved one? He thinks to himself. Is this what this has become?

"I just know it."

But how? "But, Jongin, you ca--"

"Sehun," Jongin interrupts him, pulling himself up to a standing position. "It's getting late."

"That didn't stop you from coming here in the first place."

"It's snowing, Sehun." He throws out the last excuse he can think of to end this argument.

Yet it's true. Gentle for now, but delicate snowflakes are beginning their silent descent to the earth. "That didn't either," Sehun whispers.

"Let's do this again. I think you need to get out anyway."

He shouldn't agree, because, well, he isn't supposed to. But from being inside to being outside, his potential danger is all the same. He wants to believe otherwise though. "Yeah. Definitely."

Sehun watches Jongin climb down smoothly, watches him hit the ground with a muffled thud, watches him rub his arms to keep the shivers away. And then he himself heads back to his own room, careful not to slip with his fingers numb as they are.

His alarm clock reads 3:17 AM.

If this is a dream, he thinks, then he desperately wants to wake up.

A/N THIS UPDATE TOOK ME SOOO LONG TO WRITE T^T I really didn't want to diminish anything after the last chapter since a lot was revealed then and this is obviously not as shocking (or...I like to think it was shocking...) Oh and also, I didn't check for grammar, so please tell me if you see something~
THANK YOU TO THE LOVELY PEOPLE WHO SUBSCRIBED AND UPVOTED :* /kisses you/ and if you didn't subcribe or upvote, obviously you're still a dear for reading up to here <3
OTL I love you guys ugh you don't understand thank you so much for the support OTL i love reading all the comments and seeing i got upvoted or new subscribers or whatnot just wow alsdkfja;sdfhioasgnsg :*