Sehun has never liked someone before, except that one time when he met Jongin for the first time and thought he was kind of cute. But Jongin had turned out to be an amazing and that had been shrugged off quickly. It's a little confusing, especially since he just so happens to live with the guy he likes. 

However, Jongin's advice has given him peace of mind. He had come to terms with it, but he doesn't have to worry about it since he plans on simply letting it go. It turns out to be easier said than done.

That evening, Sehun sits down at the table in his usual spot across Tao for dinner. He made the mistake of looking up from his plate to see Tao his lips after swallowing a particularly saucy bite of pasta.

In that moment, a million daydreams flew into Sehun's mind.

He wants to have dinner with Tao everyday. He wants to wipe off that sauce with a napkin, or a much more embarrassing alternative. He wants to pick up a bit with his fork, say "Ah", and feed him. He wants to do the clichéd eating-a-single-strand-of-spaghetti thing, and have their lips meet in the middle with shy smiles and pink cheeks. He wants to curl up on the couch together, watch old movies while cuddling, drinking hot tea and slyly peeking at each other. He wants to fall asleep tangled with each other, and wake up with his smile. He wants to go on café dates, fancy restaurants, strolling in the park. He wants to get a small apartment and maybe a dog. He wants to share his scarf in the winter and sit next to the open windows in summer. He wants to sit by the fire and read novels on end. He wants to go to amusement parks and carnivals, watch the fireworks on New Years and give each other stupid gifts on Christmas. He wants the reassurance that Tao will be there for his entire life, and more.

The more he thinks, the more flushed he becomes. Needless to say, he has lost his appetite. But it doesn't stop there.

They walk up the stairs together and stop across the hall in front of their respective rooms. Tao turns to look at Sehun and suddenly asks him, "Do you want me to stay with you tonight too?"

Sehun is pretty sure he's gone absolutely insane because before he even knows what he's doing, his mouth is open and he hears a voice that sounds an awful lot like his say, "Yeah, sure."

And Tao merely nods and opens the door for him. He must think Sehun is truly pitiful to need his company even into the darkest hours of the night. He's probably lucky that it'll be pitch black and the bed is large enough that he can sleep a good two feet away from Tao so that he doesn't sense his nervous energy.

Except Sehun has a problem. It's a problem he hasn't had to face in a long, long time because, well, he sleeps alone. See, Sehun moves in his sleep. 

He has been curious as to how it hasn't happened before with the other times Tao has slept in his bed. He wonders how he hasn't already accidentally slapped him or kicked him unconsciously. Sehun climbs under the covers with a jittery vibe and endless worries (from snoring too loudly to sleeping through an apocalypse). Tao doesn't seem to notice. The bodyguard casually lies besides him and bids him good night. He hears a click and the room goes dark.

Sehun stays stock still for the longest time, too tense to even move his leg when it starts losing feeling. He can hear Tao beside him, perfectly comfortable, stirring this way and that. He can't tell if the boy is having trouble sleeping, or if he is asleep and is having nightmares. Wanting to think it's the former, he goes back to lying straight as a board, and still as one too.

He is soon proven wrong.

A barely-audible, but horrible, groan escapes his lips, the sound of someone in pain. Tao's hand travels up to his chest and he clutches a fistful of his shirt, his eyebrows knitting in some unimaginable torture. His lips curl back, baring gritted teeth, and yet Sehun could only lie there and watch, unsure of how he should intervene with something that isn't even real. He hears Tao's voice mutter something, slow and panting. 

"There...is...no...exit...you bastard."

Sehun has no clue what the words mean, nor does he know how to comfort someone in his nightmares, though he should. Had he not encountered the same thing? Hours upon hours of every fear in your heart released in a whirlwind of blurred visions and droning noises. A time where reality was a fantasy, and all that existed was the darkness in your mind.

He does the only thing he could think of. The thing his mother used to do when he came back home after crashing his bike, the thing his father did after he started crying from a scraped knee, the thing Jongin did when he went another day of being isolated from his own classmates. 

He reaches over and pulls Tao's head towards him gradually, more specifically the crook of his neck, and holds him in a loose hug. It's a bit difficult, considering they're both lying down on the mattress. He feels Tao stiffen as he comes to and realizes the situation. Then his body relaxes. Sehun moves one of his hands from Tao's blond hair and places it on the small of his back instead. His face is a bright red, no doubt, but he's just glad no one can see that. He's not one to initiate physical contact, much less an intimate one, but, he supposes, there's a first for everything. (He's pretty sure this isn't the first though, which only makes his blush deeper as he tries to think of the last time he's done it.)

"Sehun?" Tao says quietly. He's confused by the sudden action, and something in him feels troubled. He can't find a reason for either of those things.

"You were having nightmares," Sehun explains. "So I, um, sorry." He's about to let go when a shake of Tao's head tells him to stop.

"No, it's fine. Thank you." It at least explains the bothered feeling Tao had. It's like a knot unravels within as the aftereffects of the nightmare leave him.

Sehun nods, amazed that Tao isn't shoving him away. As the time goes deeper into the night, he finds himself getting more and more delirious with fatigue. An inch from unconsciousness, he thinks to himself, He's kind of like a cat. Cold and sharp, he only wants affection.

He feels Tao shift closer to him right after thinking that, and he smiles to himself. 

Although his heart is racing a million miles a minute, Tao falls asleep again easily in just a matter of minutes. It's the years of training -- get rest when possible, and wake up when needed. It's comfortable to fall asleep in someone's arms, but he can't help but think that Sehun fits a lot better in his hold than the other way around.

He has no complaints though. With a broken heater and flimsy pajamas, Sehun is a steady source of heat. Maybe unnaturally so; the boy is practically flaming. Not to say that Tao isn't as well.

In his last few seconds before drifting off, he can hear Sehun's heartbeat pounding away in his chest. Like drum beats, or a broken clock. He quite likes the sound, and he unintentionally presses his ear closer to Sehun's chest to listen.

His returning dreams, unlike the thrumming, are silent.

Tao feels something move from beneath his head and under his arm, and for a split second cold air seems to blow in. Nevertheless, he's much too tired to actually get up. For once, he wants to simply keep sleeping.

Light seeps in through his eyelids and he grabs at the blankets around him, pulling them in towards him. He opens his mouth, but he's not sure if the following words are really spoken by him or if he's simply still stuck in dreams.

"Please, don't go."

In his sleep, Sehun had pulled him closer.

It's embarrassing to think that, out of all the things his unconscious self could have done (kick him, throw off blankets, or maybe steal all the covers off of Tao and onto him) he had chosen to be much more tender and hug him tighter. He bites his lip out of sheer humiliation. How shameless his sleep self could be.

Sehun had been expecting Tao to wake up with him, like the first two times. His eyes had opened up, and he'd practically shocked himself awake with his own heart-rate. Looking over at the other boy, he had realized that he was the only one awake.

He whispers quietly, "Tao?"

No answer.

He's much too concerned to try again. He remembers all those days Tao had spent without sleep while he was in the hospital. If anything, sleep is the one thing he needs now, not his company. With steady, careful movements, he removes his arms from around Tao's upper body and backs out of the blankets.

It's still cold. He grabs a v-neck sweater on his way out the room and pulls it on in the hallway. He heads downstairs to make himself some coffee. He'll make some extra for Tao, just in case. I'll keep it hot, he thinks to himself as he sets aside the coffeepot. 

Taking a sip from the cup, he wonders what today will be like. The thought is constantly plaguing his mind these days. Every morning, he looks forward to day, and every night, he looks forward to morning.

Has he come to terms with his own emotions? He wants to think that yes, yes he has. But on the other hand, he wants it all to slip away and become a memory he can laugh about one day. Yet, on that one day, will Tao be gone?

Sehun wanders down the hallways, letting his feet guide him. He reaches a mostly empty room at the end of one corridor, save for two sofas, coffee table, and fireplace against one wall. On the other side of the room, opposite the doorway, is a balcony, its glass double-doors closed, with a window to its left. He sighs as he walks up to the balcony. Locked. Not even some fancy passcode lock. No, it's a very basic kind, one that needs a key. He sighs again as he goes to the window besides it, resting his forearms on the sill. There's no questioning who has the key.

He turns his head to look at the the small button and intercom by the door. After some doubts, he goes up and presses the button. "Yi Fan?"

A second later, he hears a fuzzy, "Yes, sir?" 

"Could you, ah," Sehun wonders if his request can even be fulfilled, "bring up some firewood?"

"I'll try my best, sir."

"Thank you, Yi Fan." He takes his finger off the button and goes back to his windowsill. 

He misses the balcony. Being able to step outside and watch over the gardens as a breeze blows by. Settling for a window does not suit his tastes. He misses summer, except maybe the sweltering heat that overtook the city in those times. But heat aside, he misses the flowers his mother used to grow, and the feeling of the wind that cooled the sweat on the back of his neck, and the sound of wind chimes from the neighbors' house.

"There you are," a voice says from behind him. Sehun turns to see Tao leaning casually against the wall. He  instantly regrets not bringing the coffeepot upstairs with him. "Took me a while to find you." Tao walks up to him.

"Yeah. Sorry." He's not sure what he's apologizing for, but it seems like the right thing to say. "I made coffee, I'll go get it for you." 

"Can't you tell Yi Fan to get it instead?" Tao stops him with his hand on Sehun's arm. 

"Actually, no. I sent Yi Fan to get something else earlier. He should be here in a few minutes." Sehun finds he can't meet Tao's eyes, but he can feel the boy boring holes into the side of his head with his sharp gaze.

Sehun finally looks up at him for a second only to find Tao staring down at the floor looking oddly frustrated. 

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"Nothing..." He mutters.

Sehun clicks his tongue. "What is it?"

Tao flips his hair back with a jerk of his head and shoots daggers at the ceiling with his fix. "I, uh. I did something against my training. Threw me off track."

Sehun crosses his arms, interested in what kind of training Tao had gotten in his lifetime. "What's that?"

The bodyguard lets out a hard laugh and rubs his forehead with his palm. "Nothing, it's just," he covers his eyes, "I just didn't wake up."

Confusion. "Pardon?" Sehun tilts his head.

"I should have woken up. I'm supposed to be alert. I'm supposed to be awake whenever you are, be there wherever you are. But no, I ignored obligation and kept on with my ignorance." His mouth turns down in a frown. "My apologies." He won't look at Sehun.

Sehun backs up and takes a seat on the armrest of the couch behind him. "I don't care about something like that."

"Excuse me?"

"You need your rest. You can't spend every minute, every second, of your life on this. For all we know, it'll blow over soon. I'm glad you got to get the sleep you could." He smiles at Tao, who takes his hand off his face.

Tao smiles in return, but it looks strained.

"Thank you, Sehun, but I'm afraid my whole life is based on this." 

"What?" Sehun exclaims.

Tao says no more on the matter, and as if on cue, Yi Fan walks in with another servant, and the firewood. The fireplace is cleaned, and eventually lit.

"Would you like me to stay with you, young master?" Yi Fan asks with a bow.

"No. Thank you, Yi Fan," Sehun replies calmly.

"Then I'll excuse myself."

"Of course."

Yi Fan closes the door behind him on the way out. 

Sehun turns to Tao with his hands on the couch. "Help me move this, will you?"

Tao nods. 

They arrange the room with the two couches facing slightly towards the fire. Sehun dims the lights. The mood of the place is warm and comforting. This is what winter is all about, Sehun thinks, and he smiles to himself.

"I'll get the coffee." He starts to head out.

"Then I'm coming with you." Tao doesn't hesitate to jump up from his seat, anything to make up for his lack of protocol this morning. He's on edge about it. There is nothing a person can do to make up for his past mistakes. 

Sehun says nothing. He's about used to it by now. Before, he would have wildly objected to it, but maybe, just maybe, his heart may have skipped a beat at the words. 

The coffee had gone cold.

Sehun offers to make hot chocolate instead. Even with Tao's extremely passive "it's up to you", he makes it anyway. He's right about to pour hot water into the mix when Tao stops him immediately and takes the hot water pot from him.

"No, no, no. That's simply not how it's done."

Sehun raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me? And Mr. Bodyguard knows 'how it's done'?"

"Naturally." 

Sehun lets Tao take the reins, which turns out to be a great idea because he puts aside the chocolate packs and makes the hot cocoa from scratch (if milk and chocolate chips counted as "scratch"). It tastes like the last time they had cocoa, and Sehun becomes rather fond of the taste.

Time ticks away and Sehun grows more and more skeptical. He finds the intercom in the kitchen and beeps in Yi Fan.

"Sir?" Yi Fan has never been called by the young master this many times in one day.

"Sorry to bother once again, Yi Fan."

"Not at all, sir. How can I assist you?"

"Where is Luhan?"

"He's not coming, I'm afraid."

He gives the butler a look. "But, why?"

"I can explain," Tao says, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Due to the most recent security breach, we really can't be allowing anyone in or out of the manor, sir. It's protective measures, you must understand. We can't let anything reach you. Your life is at risk."

Sehun can't even find the right words to describe his reaction to this sudden development. "But-- I-- This isn't--"

He's interrupted by a bow from Yi Fan, who says, "My apologies, young master. It's a desperate act, but it had to be done. I'm afraid I must take my leave." 

He's gone before Sehun can even excuse him.

Sehun falls back onto his bar stool in the kitchen, a stricken look on his face. Tao towers above him, that serious, business-like expression on his face. The one from the very first day at school, the one from the hospital room, the one Sehun doesn't like. Smiles -- cat smiles -- suit Tao. Not this. 

"What about Jongin?" Is the first question Sehun asks him.

"He can still call, Sehun. Just... not with your private cell, okay?" Tao's face softens. 

"Why did you call me 'sir'?" Is the second question, spoken with a gentle voice.

Tao appears taken aback by it. He'd expected other questions, not this. He takes a seat besides Sehun with a huff. 

"Sometimes," he says, turning to the other boy, "there are people watching over you, and you can't afford to let your guard down. Not once."

Tao folds his arms behind his head in bed. It's midnight and sleep is not greeting him as he'd like it to. He's in his own room, windows locked, door locked, curtains drawn, valuables hidden. Sehun's words drift back to mind.

You can't spend every minute, every second, of your life on this. For all we know, it'll blow over soon.

Yet, that's just it. That's the problem. He is spending every minute, every second on this. And when it does, it might quite literally blow over.

For once, he is the one who needs company that night. But he cannot. There are people watching over him.

A/N Hi everyone! DOES THIS CHAPTER EVEN MAKE SENSE??? ;A; I stayed up late, and I was busy this week, and I wrote this gradually over time and just ksadj;fihjasjgnjlasg i'm so sorry if it doesn't OTL

Thank you for all the amazing support for this story T^T what would i do without you guys? <3 I LOVE YOU <3