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Jongdae never knows when it’s going to hit him - this debilitating sadness.  He’ll be having an okay day, humming along to the radio, checking up on social media. And suddenly, nothing will make sense anymore.

Physically, nothing changes. The sky remains the same flat blue it always is. The same songs issue statically from the radio. The same people crowd his newsfeed, posting endlessly about their irrelevant lives. Jongdae shuts off the radio, but the resulting silence is too loud. He flings his pillow across his room and watches it land gently on the ground. Wishes he could break something like a glass jar, though he’s far too caring of his possessions to ever do that. Slams a hand down as hard as he can on his desk and takes in the satisfying sting. Tears burn his eyes; he wipes them angrily away. Hopelessness, purposelessness, unhappiness: is there any difference between them?

Why, he thinks, can’t everything just turn out right? He doesn’t want this unbearable weight on his chest anymore. He doesn’t want anything other than to be happy. But it seems he has no control over even his own self.

Today was an okay day, for Kim Jongdae. Things seemed to be going alright. But now, the future only looks ruthlessly bleak.

Then again, it always does, in the end. This is just a normal day for Jongdae.

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