-

As the song starts, his heart gets that familiar little flash of pain, and though the pain has been with him for a very long time, he knows that it will never really go away.

The pain dulls down eventually as the song plays on, and it’s a dull, colorless pain that comes alive occasionally as the lyrics talk of never leaving, as they plead with him, don’t go.

He sits there are the song fades away, barely aware of the tears streaming down his face, and he chokes out a laugh, thinking of times when it had all been better and there had been nothing to complain about because they were together, they were always together and they didn’t think that would ever change.

Back then, it had been like that, though he can hardly believe it now. Now it’s only those little heartaches that act up as certain songs play, or when he sees them in the news, or when somebody else breaks their promise to the group and leaves, breaking apart the one until it’s just a little pile of shards stabbing fans’ hearts until they bleed and bleed and bleed.

The fans had been the strongest through everything, holding on to one another and crying together even as more and more was thrown at them, and they still are the strongest right now. They are strong for the people they love, laughing and making jokes to ease the pain, even though it hurts, because they want the best for the people they love, even though it hurts, even though they are never loved back fully, because how can an idol love his fans as much as they love him? He knows that to them, it seems as if the world is ending over and over again, that they feel as if they will never be okay again, as if nothing will ever be okay or right again. And still, after each blow, they come together and make themselves stronger than ever with their unshakable love.

The ache in his chest grows stronger, and he feels as if the breath has been knocked out of him a hundred times.

It’s a familiar pain, and he knows it will never really go away.

-

I've been wanting to get this off my back for a while now.