Mad Clown led her from the door to the couch in the studio's control room. He took his coat and placed it on soyou's exposed lap. Soyou was still shaken. She has never cried so much for as long as she could remember. So many emotions running through her. Soyou was confused.

Mad Clown sat next to her and silently held her hands as she tried to her best to control the tears that's continuously flowing.

"Oppa, couples make love right?" Soyou asked suddenly.

Mad Clown was surprised by the sudden question. An awkward one at that. 

"Yeah... It's normal... I guess." Mad Clown answered hesitantly.

"then... Why do I feel so dirty? If it's not a big deal, Why did I feel like it's wrong? Why did I feel... so... so.. ..." Soyou choked in between her words.

Mad Clown held her hands tighter with one hand,and with the other, wiped her tears "Jihyun ah... You don't have to answer me if you don't want to.. but may I know what happened? Do you have a boyfriend?" Mad Clown cursed internally at the man who might have caused all this.

Soyou nodded. "We were just cuddling and watching TV. And then we kissed. and then his hands.. started.... roaming... it felt good for a while... and then he became rough, and then it felt wrong... and then i told him to stop... but he said to trust him..." Soyou answered.

Mad Clown clenched his fist subconsciously. Too many things running through his head. He felt that he could seriously injure someone right now. "and then... what happened?" Mad C asked.

"He unbuckled my bra and then he straddled me. he said it's my fault that he's like that. Because the way I dress, the way I move, the way I tease. He told me that my body wanted it too, and became angry that I resisted. But it felt wrong. I didn't want my first time to be like that...."

Mad C pulled Soyou away and took her face in his hands, "then... did it happen?" he asked, fearing the worst.

soyou shook her head. "No. I pushed him as hard as I could, and ran away." 

Mad C heaved a sigh of relief. He pulled Soyou into a hug and whispered, "Good girl...."

"Oppa... the way he says it, made me feel like I'm a ... Like I'm worthless... If all couples do it, why did it feel so wrong? It's not a big deal, but why do I feel like this? Am I weird?" Soyou asked in a whisper.

"Jihyun ah... No guy have the right to force you to do what you don't want to do. Your first time should be special. It should feel right. He should make you feel comfortable and feel loved, and not force himself on you. What you did wasn't wrong. He should respect you as a woman. He should have stopped when you asked him to. You are not a . Behind the y facade and that bagel body, to me, you're like an innocent angel. You're my innocent angel. Don't ever say you are worthless, because you are not." Mad C said with Soyou in his arms. For a usually softspoken guy, suddenly he found a lot of words to say in one breath.

"but couples do it all the time right? Some of them said it is 'Just '. but I don't want that. I'm afraid...." Soyou whispered again.

"Are you confused Jihyun ah? Like your body says yes, and your brain says yes, but your heart says no?" Mad C asked. Soyou nodded.

"Always do what your heart says. When u feel it's right, you'll know. Don't lose it just because. Love is not all about . and is not all about love. Don't do anything you regret. arasseoyo?" Mad Clown continued. He wondered to himself again, since when did he become so wise. He remembered his first time. He was afraid, his ex was afraid, but they loved each other, and it just happened, and that very first time felt right. Neither he nor his ex gf had any regrets. Call him old fashioned, but he believes in what he believes in.

Mad Clown shifted to get up but Soyou suddenly held on to him tighter, "Oppa where are you going?"

"I'll make us something warm to drink. I'll be back," he replied. Soyou just nodded.

***

Mad Clown stared into blank air as he stirred the instant coffee in his cup after making hot chocolate for Soyou. He was mentally cursing that guy, whoever that guy is, over and over again in his head. How dare he taint a heart so pure.

Mad Clown walked back to the couch to see Soyou laying down, curled like little child. Eyes closed, her tear stained face prominent in the dim yellow light of the studio. She's asleep, her breathing was deep and slow, except for the occasional sobs that sneaked in between. He put down the mugs he was carrying and placed a blanket over her. He sat on the floor next to the couch and her hair slowly. He had no idea how long he stared at her beautiful face before leaning forward to give a light peck on Soyou's forehead. As he got up to leave, he felt her hand holding on to his.

"Oppa... Just stay like this for a while will you?" Soyou whispered, eyes still closed.

That night, Soyou slept on the couch like a baby, with Mad C on the floor, head next to hers, and his arms draped around his angel.

***

Author's Note:
I think this is the end. :) Thanks everyone for reading.