“And he said he loves you too?!” Mi Rae said excitedly.

“Yes, he did” you nodded.

“Oh my gosh! This is so exciting! I feel like we need to have a party or something!” Mi Rae jumped along next to you as you both strolled through the park.

“No one has a ‘My boyfriend said he loves me for the first time’ party,” you laughed.

“But still! You’re done with Byunghee, and in love with Howon! Now I just need a boyfriend and everything will be perfect! Think Howon can hook me up with one of his band members?”

“First, Byunghee and I are still friends. Second, I might be able to get Howon to hook you up, yes.” You smiled at your friend. “I need to go see Byunghee soon. Don’t get into trouble on your own, okay?”

“Are you kidding? All I do is get into trouble!” Mi Rae called after you as you hurried away from her towards Byunghee’s dorm.

----------------------------------

When you arrived, Byunghee was the only one home. You were glad to be able to relax a bit rather than feeling the need to interact with the other members. You let yourself fall back onto the couch comfortably.

“How have you been Oppa?” You only now realized that you hadn’t seen Byunghee since the party almost a week ago. You and Howon had been spending his days off playing around and going on dates, making you lose track of time. “Have you done anything fun now that your tour is over?”

“Not particularly,” he shrugged as he picked up your feet to sit on the couch and then placing them in his lap. “We’re getting ready for a comeback. We’ve mostly been working on some new songs.”

“Oh! New fun dance song?” You began waving your arms in the air to imitate dancing. Byunghee laughed at you.

“Nope, we’re going for something a little more mellow this time.”

“Hm… well whatever you do, I’m sure it’ll be good.”

Byunghee nodded and then leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes. “What have you been up to the past few days? I haven’t seen you since you ran out of the party to get your boyfriend.”

You weren’t sure how to answer him. You two had definitely made eye contact after Howon arrived at the party, but you didn’t want to bring that up with him. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with Howon. He’s had a few days off so we’ve been together a lot.” Byunghee’s jaw clenched. You felt nervous all of a sudden and didn’t want to say anything more to him about Howon. You weren’t sure why you felt like you were betraying Byunghee, but you did.

“Did the two of you… you know…” his voice trailed off. Your heart was now pounding in your chest.

“No, we haven’t gotten to that part of our relationship yet,” you said softly. You didn’t want to tell Byunghee that he was the only one you’d ever been with, especially when he had so much experience. But you knew that admitting you and Howon hadn’t been intimate yet was basically you admitting it anyway.

“That’s good.” You stared at Byunghee. His eyes were still closed, his head leaned back and his jaw clenched.

“Why is that ‘good’? It would be bad if we had been together?” You suddenly felt defensive. Why would he say ‘good’? You can do whatever you want. You don’t need his permission to sleep with Howon. “Do you think you get some sort of say in who I sleep with?”

Byunghee’s head finally snapped up. “Of course not. I know you’re a grown woman and you can sleep with whomever you want. I was just… curious, I guess.”

“I don’t know why we’re even talking about this. I don’t ask about all the girls you sleep with. Howon is my boyfriend. I’ll sleep with him if I want to.”

Byunghee huffed, his jaw clenching up again. “Right. I forgot I’m the bad guy when it comes to this sort of thing. Thank you for reminding me. But don’t go around thinking Howon is any different. The idol community isn’t that big. News gets around.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” You stood up quickly, anger rising inside of you.

“It means that men are men,” he said simply.

“That is a cheap excuse. I didn’t come here for this.” You hastily walked to the door and started slipping your shoes on.

“Come on, I didn’t it mean for it to turn out like this. I was just asking.”

“You have no business asking that sort of thing. My life is none of your concern.”

“Aw come on baby girl, I’m sorry.”

“Stop calling me that! I’m not your baby or your girl!”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. But don’t-”

You walked out the door, closing it loudly behind you. You were still huffing, even though you weren’t even sure why. Byunghee hadn’t been that infuriating but for some reason you didn’t care. Blowing up at him like this just felt good. You had been so confused about your feelings for Byunghee that just being able to yell at him felt good.

As you made your way home, you began to feel bad for taking out your frustrations on him. You did love him, but you also loved Howon. Your pace slowed down as you got closer to home. You knew Howon was waiting inside because you could see the light on in the window.

You sighed and stared up at. “I love you Howon, but do I love you more than I love Byunghee?” You spoke softly to yourself before heading inside.