LYn -공기 속에 녹았는지 (If It Melted In the Air) [8 집 Le Grand Bleu]
(A/N: lines that are colored are lyrics from the song of LYn)

 ^{(Hanee’s POV):}

I lay straight in bed, drawing your face out on the ceiling
How come you were so nice to me?

I gazed at the room that I was in—specifically the bedroom of B.A.P. It wasn’t that messy, for a boy’s dorm, which I wasn’t that much surprised with. I know each one has their own tasks in keeping the dorm neat, and heaven forbid their manager would allow them to make a mess.  I looked at their bunk beds, their pillows neatly placed and the pictures of their successful showcases on the end tables by the beds. I smiled to myself, seeing their happy faces in all the pictures present.

They were all so caring and sweet, and being with them now has dawned on me how much I missed being with them. Even if we don’t get a chance to meet each other all the time, I’m still truly blessed to have them in my life. I rolled on my other side, snuggling into Himchan’s pillow as I closed my eyes. It feels much more peaceful than before, and I guess coming over here was a better idea than having to go home and face him. I closed my eyes, letting the tiredness come over me as I wish I could sleep all of this away.

At least that’s what I thought before their yells disrupted the silence.

'Yong... Junhyung (hyung)?!'

Their yells echoed before falling silent once more after I heard Himchan and Yongguk’s voices shushing them and telling them to shut up since I was ‘sleeping’. I slowly opened my eyes once the noise had died down completely, and my brows furrowed once again.

 Yong Junhyung, Yong Junhyung.

Just thinking about him made me grip Himchan’s pillow much tighter, wishing I could disappear within the comforting blanket laid over me. Back then, the name would give me butterflies in the stomach and make my cheeks red while feeling my own heartbeat quicken its pace. Now there’s nothing. The butterflies have gone, my heartbeat’s unfazed and my blood has gone cold. As quickly as I’ve fallen in love, I’m now finding myself breaking down at the same pace.

Where is your bright and pearly white smile?
The shy hands that gave me a letter
When you used to call me ‘my love’

My vision gets blurry as I hastily wipe my eyes, refusing to cry again. No, I’ve shed too much tears, and I won’t keep wallowing myself in it. I shake my head and pull the covers over my body, hoping the mere action would just push him away from my thoughts.

Where did it all go? Did it all melt in the air?
Every time I breathe, it comes to me
Hurting me, torturing me, badly

My phone suddenly began to ring once more as I turned in the direction of the sound, before picking it up from my pile of clothes on the floor. I sighed upon reading the name of the caller. If there was one person I know who could be as stubborn as Himchan, it was Junhyung. I put the phone down, closing my eyes and sincerely praying he would stop and leave me alone, but the seemingly endless singing of B.A.P was telling me the opposite. I opened my eyes and reached out, firmly swiping the phone with my finger as I took a deep breath before answering him.

‘Hello?’

‘Hanee? H-Hanee ah! You finally answered! Where have you been? Why haven’t you responded to my calls, or at least replied to my messages?’

‘Junhyung, I’m fine.’ I mumble, hoping my voice wasn’t too loud so as to catch the attention of the members.

‘What’s going on? Where are you? I’ll come get you right away.’

‘No, Junhyung you don’t have to. Can we just talk now?’

‘What do you mean I don’t have to? Hanee, I was really worried… come on, tell me where you are so I can come get you. You shouldn’t be out alone this late.’

‘….’ I bit my bottom lip as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. ‘Can… can we just talk now, Junhyung?’

‘…Hanee…what’s going on? ‘Why are you calling me that? Why are you being so formal?’

‘Please, Junhyung.’ I interrupt his questions with a firm statement of my own. I can’t keep hearing his worried tone; I can’t keep hearing his caring voice when he asks me how I am. Any more of it and I feel like I’ll go right back into his arms and act like nothing has happened.

‘All right.’ He said softly, and with my eyes closed I can imagine him, speaking to me as if we were actually face to face. It feels as if he’s just sitting across me, holding my hand while his thumbs gently trace invisible circles in a comforting pattern I’ve always loved. We were both silent, me trying to find my words and him waiting for them to reach him. I run a hand through my hair while sighing audibly, trying to think of a way to say it.

Finally he breaks the silence.

‘What did you want to talk about?’

‘I…. I want to talk about us.’

‘Us? What do you mean?’

‘I just… I feel like it’s not the same as before.’

‘Wait, Hanee—’

‘I think… we should stop first and think about what we’re doing.’

‘—I don’t understand wh—’

‘Let’s end it, Junhyung.’ I whisper softly, the silence returning as I feel my heart twist.

‘W-Wait I—I...what's going on?’ he breathes, panic setting in his voice as he sputters the rest of his sentence. ‘W-wait, Hanee please—’

‘Junhyung, calm down.’ I say quietly as he refuses, asking me why, but I don’t answer him, shaking my head as if he was really sitting in front of me.

‘Was it something I did?’

‘Was it something I said?’

‘ Please, tell me.’

‘… Please break up with me…’ I manage to whisper, no longer able to keep the strong tone I had in the beginning of our conversation.

I know your lips when you said it’s over

‘B… but I l-love you…’ his voice breaks, and my brows furrow, my lips shaking as I felt my vision blur. Hearing him say it after all that’s happened, it doesn’t feel the same anymore. If his words weren’t empty, they’d be filled with . ‘I love you Hanee, please… please don’t…’

Don’t deceive me, it’s a lie, it’s a lie

‘Haha…’ I couldn’t help but laugh at hearing him say those words, wiping the tears with the back of my hand, refusing to let them stain my cheeks.

‘Why are you laughing?’ He asked, pain (and maybe bitterness?) evident in his words.

‘It’s just… funny.’ I said as sniffled, wiping my eyes as I tried to smile. ‘Just a while ago I was the one in love and you were the one who wanted to leave. Now it’s the opposite.’ I said as I laughed, more tears falling as my voice slightly wavered. ‘Now… you’re the one in love, and I’m the one who wants out. Ironic, isn’t it?’

 ‘…’

He kept silent as I took a deep breath, sniffling as I exhaled audibly.

‘ Were you… were you there when we… shi—Hanee, wait, I can explain everything, this is all a misunderstanding—’

‘What’s the point?’ I say, to which I received no immediate response. ‘Look, I… I just want what’s best for both of us… so please…’

There was no response from him as I sighed.

‘… Please be happy.’ I finally said as I moved the phone away from my ear and ended the call.

Words that hurt to the bone
Every time I breathe, it comes to me
Hurting me, torturing me, badly, anxiously

* ~ * ~ *

^{Finally, an update! Honestly, this chapter was a bit tough for me to write, because I could only imagine how it would look like (if it were a drama or something like that), but I pulled through!! Hopefully it’s good, and I hope it transitions well with the extra lyrics I added. For this chapter, I’ve tried inserting the lyrics in the chapter (not necessarily the whole song,, but most of the lyrics are there) from LYn's ‘It Melted in the Air’. LYn's Le Grande Bleu is really a great album, and I remember when I first listened to and watched the ‘Miss You… Crying’ MV, I actually cried :)) and even more so when I listened to (while reading the translations of) ‘It Melted in the Air’ huhuhu if you haven’t listened to the album, please do! LYn's a really amazing and great artist, and the album truly does not disappoint.}

^{Anyway, that's all for this hehehe see you in the next chapter! :D}