The whole moment was a blur. The lights dimmed, an exaggeratedly cheery emcee stepped out from behind the billowing curtain, and the crowd settled in around me to fill empty seats. The emcee cracked a few lame jokes, spoke of the fundraiser, mentioned the top prize for the best performance, and then began introducing the first act.

"This stellar young man hails from distant Busan..." (Some in the audience shrieked and whistled in applause for their hometown) "...and will show us 'how a true dancer does it'..."

I rolled my eyes in response.

"...Today, he does have a special message that he would like me to share." Then, the emcee made a show of pulling a slip of paper from his pocket and holding it to the light, squinting as he read. "'This one is dedicated... to you.'" The emcee peered into the audience with a mischievous grin, some fangirls shrieked, and I suddenly felt my heart skip.

"Neh, without further ado... HOYA!"

The lights dimmed and the curtains drew, and in the darkness, I could just make out his outline as he stood still as a statue on stage. The music began, a spotlight zeroed in on him, and suddenly it was a flurry of hard stomps, cool leans, quick footwork, and Hoya, doing what God put him on earth to do.

It was beautiful.

The crowd cheered and pulsed around me, but I couldn't care less. I was floored, my eyes stuck on that passionate boy who danced about the stage.

Then, he dipped to the ground, shot back up, and spun around, and when he did, our eyes met for the briefest of moments. I felt my breath catch. He grinned his trademark Howon grin, and I'm not sure if it was part of the choreography or if he added it in, but he seemed to point right at me. The girls in my general area exploded, screaming loudly, but I just stood there, eyes bugged out. He caught my eye again, and I could have sworn that mid-dance, he chuckled.

Then, just as quickly as it began, his dance came to an end, and he struck a final pose. The applause was deafening, and I didn't even realize until then, but everyone, including me, was standing up. Still feeling a bit shocked, it took me a moment to raise my hands and join the clapping. I don't know if I'll ever forget the image of him, posing there, panting hard, the faintest shadow of a smile on his lips just before the curtains swept before him. The performance was incredible, and I felt so lucky to be seeing this other, secret side of Howon.

I found myself wishing it wouldn't be long before he comes and sits with me again, when suddenly, I realized that someone had called my name.

"Choa?"

I turned, and almost jumped back in surprise. Sunggyu was sitting in the row immediately behind me, just a couple seats over to my left. Close enough that, if he wanted to, he could reach out and tap my shoulder. And beside him was Woohyun, Sulli, and... Myungsoo?!

The others were still cheering and watching the stage, and obviously hadn't noticed me yet. But Sunggyu was standing there, facing me, staring at me with the most unreadable expression.

I hesitated, and just when I was about to say something, the emcee commandeered the stage once more, and the audience settled down for the next act. I took my seat and faced front, but couldn't stop the burning sensation behind my ears. I could feel Sunggyu watching me.

The next few acts were quieter and so-so in quality, and then there was an intermission. The lights had hardly just when I felt an excited slap on my shoulder.

"Unni! Unni, what are you doing here?!" Sulli said. The others in their group came over to where I was standing, and we all bowed respectfully.

"Noona!" Woohyun said. "Are you finally going to get to watch us perform?!"

"Choa-sshi!" Myungsoo said. He looked quite sharp with his curled hair, rock band tee, leather jacket, and guitar case coolly slung over his shoulder. "You all know each other?? Ottoke..."

Then Sulli and Woohyun animatedly started telling Myungsoo of how we are all related to each other, and I nodded politely and smiled, but it was all an act. Really, I noticed that Sunggyu had yet to say anything. In fact, he was kind of hanging back, almost outside of the small circle we made, and though he faced the stage as if uninterested in the conversation, I could feel him peeking at me from the corner of his eyes.

"Unni? Why are you so red?"

"Ani, ani... It's probably just because it's so hot in here."

“It is hot!” Woohyun exclaimed. “But Choa, why are you here?”

At that Sunggyu finally turned towards me, waiting for my reply.

“Well, I… I came with a friend--”

Then, suddenly, a group of girls beside us erupted in a show of swooning and cheering, noisily calling out "Oppa! Oppa!" to a passing figure. We all turned at the outburst, and watched as Howon confidently strode towards us, ducking past the girls, that charming grin on his face.

I suddenly realized how weird the situation was about to become.

He came all the way up to my side. One of those noisy girls pushed roughly against him, and as he caught his balance he somehow ended up with his hand gently placed on the small of my back. The girls saw it and whined, but then backed off. He grinned apologetically at them, and then turned to smile at me and then at the rest of the group, leaving his hand where it lay.

I was mortified. The warmth of his hand shot up my spine, rendering me immobile. I let my gaze rest on the ground just ahead of my shoes. I didn't feel like meeting anyone's accusing or questioning eye.

Howon bowed politely and grinned at everyone. "Annyeong-haseyo. Howon-imnida... Oh! Myungsoo-sshi! You're here??"

I finally looked up, and Myungsoo was smirking at me with an expression that read I-figured-this-would-happen. Sulli was holding Woohyun's hand, staring obviously at where Howon's hand held me. Even pabo Woohyun knew something was up, brow knitted as he thought, looking first from Howon, then to me, then to Howon's hand, and back to Howon.

Howon and Myungsoo began talking about how weird it was that we all happened to be here at the same time, and in the moment, I chanced a glance over to Sunggyu. He stared right back at me, his small eyes narrowed, but the rest of his face still expressionless. The intensity of his gaze made me look away in embarrassment, though why, I do not know.

After an eternity, the emcee finally cued the audience to retake their seats. Now, it was the band's turn to leave for backstage. Woohyun led the way, and Myungsoo held back just enough that Howon and Sulli could animatedly wish him luck. In the motion, everyone was busy doing something, so no one laid witness to the briefest of exchanges between Sunggyu and me.

Sunggyu began to walk past me for the stage, and reflexively, my hand shot out to catch his elbow and stop him for a moment. He looked at me, then peeked again at where Howon's hand still lay on the small of my back. Knowing that he knew what was going on made me blush, pulling my eyes to the ground in embarrassment. I inched closer to him, just enough to lose contact with Howon’s hand. Howon didn’t notice as he kept speaking with Myungsoo.

"Um... good luck," I said, remembering to awkwardly retract my own hand from Sunggyu’s elbow.

He nodded. "You'll be here afterwards... right?"

I shrugged a little, still not meeting his eye.

"Well then... thanks. And also..."

He stalled, so I finally looked up to meet his eye. His gaze was so soft that it struck me as odd.

"Choa… You look nice tonight."

"Th-...Thanks."

Then, without another word, he followed the others towards the stage. Beside me, I could feel Howon turn to me and smirk. "So? How did I do?" But in the moment, I couldn't hear him. I couldn't hear much of anything, really.

Except Sunggyu's words, reverberating through my core and shaking up my unusually undecided heart.

***

The lights dimmed and Sulli let out a squeal in excitement beside me. Howon had been telling me something about the complex choreography of his dance, but when the curtain drew, I was too preoccupied by the scene to keep listening.

The stage was simple. A drummer. A bassist. A keyboardist. Myungsoo on the guitar. And up in front, Woohyun and Sunggyu on the mics. I tried not to notice how strong and comfortable Sunggyu looked up on stage. My breath caught in my throat, but I didn’t know why.

“Ah, yea, annyeong haseyo,” Woohyun started, his deep voice reverberating through the auditorium. “Thank you for having us. We are a new band, and we are excited to be here, so please give us your love.”

Sulli screamed beside me. I just clapped along with the rest of the audience. Then Hoya leaned in close.

“Boss looks nervous,” he muttered to me. But I was so spellbound that I only nodded in response.

“Today, we’re going to sing a cover of the immortal song, ‘Confession,’ by Lim Jae Bum. Hyung here is just getting over a cold, so please feel free to keep your attention on me! Ho ho, I’m just kidding. Ok, let’s go!”

The crowd chuckled and I rolled my eyes at greasy Woohyun. I didn’t know Sunggyu had been sick. Then, the soft piano began, followed by Myungsoo’s guitar, and I watched, mesmerized, as Woohyun drew a breath.

Howon leaned in again. “Woohyun’s pretty good, don’t you think?”

“Mmhm…” I muttered, focused on the stage. Sunggyu took a sip of water, waiting for his turn. I found myself waiting anxiously too.

Howon tried again. “Woohyun has a very emotional voice. He’d probably do well if he tried a solo debut.”

“Yeah…” I said absently. I watched as Sunggyu shot a look at his dongsaeng and smiled proudly. It was cute. I felt the corners of my own lips twitch upwards.

Howon tried a third time. “But that Sunggyu… I’m not sure about him.”

“Huh?”

“He’s not quite as good-looking and seems kind of cocky or something. Don’t you think?”

But all of a sudden, Sunggyu stepped up and removed the mic from his stand and I tuned all else out, forgetting to respond as I scooted to the edge of my seat and watched with bated breath. Sunggyu waited a moment longer for Woohyun to finish his part. I could tell that the stage lights were too bright, blinding his vision. But then, he seemed to look into the crowd, eyes squinted. Searching.

For what?, I wondered. Then, I forgot all else as he drew a breath and began to sing.

I don’t know when it started, but suddenly, my cheeks were wet with tears. I was so wrapped up in his voice, his emotions as he sang, that I didn’t notice the huge lump that burned in my throat. After he finished, it took a long moment before I realized where I was. And what I was feeling.

“Aish, yeah, his voice is a little sharp, he wouldn’t do well at all as a solo artist, it’s too bad…” Howon was muttering in my ear until he finally saw my face. “Yah, Choa. What the… what’s wrong??”

My stomach was tight and there was a huge weight on my chest and immediately I found myself bolting upward. The instrumental continued, filling the hall with the close of the song. But I needed to leave. I needed to be elsewhere. I couldn’t stay here.

I couldn’t keep watching Sunggyu’s face. Not while these weird emotions threatened to pour out of me.

I kept my eyes low, stumbling to the main walkway and then walking briskly out of the building. I tried to ignore Sulli calling after me, and Howon’s questioning gaze. I kept my head down. I don’t know if Sunggyu saw me from his spot on stage. I hoped to God he didn’t.

I found my way outside, welcoming the cool air as it whipped against my damp cheeks. I realized that I didn’t have a way home—I needed to wait for Howon to give me a ride. So, I picked my way back to his car, trying to see the world past the blur of tears in my eyes, and finally slumped against one of his car’s tires, hunching over to let myself cry it out.

Why was I being so weird? Why did I feel sad, guilty, frustrated, but also, incredibly moved? What was this weird ache in my heart? These questions whizzed through my mind over and over again, but I couldn’t find an answer. I just knew that it felt right. It felt right to be alone. Alone to finally release these pent-up feelings and entertain these strange thoughts.

After a few minutes, Howon finally found me, running and kneeling by my side. “Yah! Choa! What is going on??”

I breathed deep, wiping my face and regaining my composure. “I… just… I don’t know. I was just… touched, I guess.”

“By what?”

“By the song.”

“…You’re this torn up because of a song?”

“Well… it was good.”

Howon stared hard at me, and then hung his head. “I don’t quite understand. But…” His warm chocolate brown eyes met my own. “What do I need to do to help?”

I stared back for a moment and then lowered my gaze. Howon was too kind. I didn’t feel that I deserved it. Actually, I definitely didn't deserve it. “I guess I just want to go home.”

He sighed. I realized that this might not be exactly how he wanted to end our hang-out or whatever, and it made me feel even worse. But then he nodded.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

---

Herro again! Have you all been well?

So... for Sunggyu, I couldn't find a song directly by him that best expressed what I wanted to express. Then I found this vid and went with Confession: 

And for Hoya... I wasn't really thinking of any specific performance or anything while I wrote. But afterwards, I DID revisit this oldie-but-goodie. I'll just go ahead and leave it here XD :

Who would you pick?? They're both so amazing! Anyways. Thanks for reading!! <3