I had never been matchmade before. And now that it was actually happening, I wasn't too keen on the idea of it.

I think the worst part was how alone and scrutinized I felt. Like a prize hog at the market, being simultaneously bragged about and compared to all the others. I found myself desperately wishing that Sulli was by my side. Or Woohyun. Hell, I think I'd even take Sunggyu, if that meant I didn't have to go this awkward situation alone.

Well, maybe not Sunggyu.

The parents quickly commandeered the conversation, making an exaggerated show of cheerfulness and good manner. I kept my head down, staring intently at the little things in front of me. The designs on my plate. The shadow that my cup made. Even the little cracks and dings that ran across the tabletop.

Then I realized I was being watched. I looked up, and saw that Howon was sitting across from me, body tensed and eyes wide, as if I was an alien or suddenly grew another head or something. That pabo. I frowned at him in a what-is-it?-is-there-something-on-my-face? look, but he didn't see it. He didn't seem to see anything really. He was just staring into some distant and terrifying realm that I guess lay in my general direction. I made a couple more slicing motions across my throat, trying to tell him to cut it out and act normally, but when they too were lost on him, I resumed my plate-studying.

Then, there was a strange shift in the air, Howon's mom cleared , and in a moment I realized that it was time to get down to business.

Yay.

"So, Choa," she said, turning to me. I met her eye and forced a weak smile. "So, how is it that you know our Howon?"

"We, uh... we work together. In the same building."

"Oh, so you work in the same building, ohhh... Then it must give you many chances to bump into each other, hm?"

A very unwelcome image of Howon leaning over my shoulder with that charming grin of his flitted across my mind. I cringed. "Uh. Yeah," I answered.

"Really? That's great..." The parents exchanged a brief look, and I tried to pretend I didn't know what it meant.

"Well, Howon is new there, aren't you, Howon?" Omma said. Howon didn't seem to hear. He kept staring at me in terror. But that didn't slow the grown-ups down.

"Choa," his mom said, cooing my name with exaggerated sweetness. "Maybe you could show our Howon around, hm? Help him learn the work there?"

"That's a great idea," my mother said with greasy charm. "Although...Howon is so smart that he probably wouldn't need any help."

I pretended not to gag at my Omma's cheesiness.

Howon's father perked up, seizing the opportunity to brag about his son. "Actually, our Howon was ranked number 2 in his graduating class."

"Chincha?!" Omma gasped, eyes comically wide. "Number 2?!"

His father smiled proudly. "Neh. He could have been number 1, too. If it wasn't for all that dancing."  Suddenly, his father frowned in disdain, and his mother shook his head as if in disappointment.

What the..., I thought. I felt myself frown too, the first rays of understanding just beginning to hit me. Omma, though, wasn't quite so quick to catch on.

"Oh... Well, dancing is nice! Is it ballet? When Choa was younger, I tried to enroll her in ballet, but she is just so clumsy--"

"No," his father said, a touch of curtness in his tone. "It's... It's not that kind of dancing. But it doesn't matter. Our Howon has finally grown up and doesn't occupy his time with that ... that... that nonsense any more."

And with that, there was a sense of finality on the matter. I shot Howon a glance, and saw that for once he wasn't staring at me with a petrified expression. Instead, he sat with his head lowered, staring into his lap, a sullen look on his face.

In that moment, I finally realized what was going on. And I felt my heart fall. I wanted nothing more than to comfort the poor man. Whose passion clearly went so unsupported by his parents.

The grown-ups continued their conversation, trading Howon's and my strengths and points of pride, when suddenly, Howon shot up from his chair. Everyone turned to look at him, wearing curious expressions. For a moment, he looked embarrassed at his sudden act, but then he bowed.

"Choesonghamnida. I just... I need to... Where is your restroom?"

Then, before I knew it, I too stood up, my chair noisily scratching across the floor. Now, everyone turned their eyes towards me, but I didn't mind. I was locked on to Howon.

"C-Come on. I'll show you."

Then, I walked stiffly passed him, shooting him one more meaningful glance, and led the way out of the stuffy dining room, wrought with humiliation. I didn't know yet what I was doing. I didn't even know if I had anything to say to him, be it about his parents or his dancing or this dastardely dinner.

Really, I wanted nothing more than to escape this weird situation.

With him.

*******

I led the way outside. On pulling open the front door, the cool brisk air of night struck me with such ferocity that a chill shot through my spine and I could already feel my nose wet in response. But I didn't mind. It actually felt refreshing, a clear indication that we were out of that stuffy dinner and the tense scrutiny of our parents, and we could speak at ease with no one to judge us but the stars.

I walked purposefully to the end of our driveway and into the lane. I heard the soft pitter-patter of his shoes on the pavement as he followed. Then, I halted, peering into the trail ahead.

For some reason, I decided not to take him there. It seemed almost like a place where he and our conversation didn't belong. So, I took one more moment to formulate my thoughts and turned to him right there instead.

He stood with a slouch, hands deep  his pockets, staring at the ground where one shoe toed a loose pebble. There was the slightest crease of a frown on his brow, betraying the agonizing shame and humuliation that he must be feeling. I felt my heart sink again in pity.

"Howon."

"Mm?" he said, eyes still trained on the ground. He kicked the loose pebble away and it skirted into the underbrush. I tried again.

"Howon," I said more forcefully.

He kept silent, still looking down. Taking a chance, I reached up and gently tilted his chin so that he would meet my eye. My touch must have surprised him, because in reaction he took a mini-step back and stared at me in wonder. His sudden movement made my own eyes widen in surprise.

Then, we both collected ourselves, chuckling at our mutual ridiculousness as the tension between us broke. I watched his face light up in a genuine Howon smile, and it put my heart at ease. I started thinking that maybe, just maybe, we would actually weather this weird matchmaking situation.

"Some dinner, huh?" he joked a bit forlornly.

I nodded. "Honestly, it's not my worst. But it's definitely up there."

He frowned. "You've been in a situation weirder than this?"

It was my turn to nod forlornly. "I'll have to tell you about it another time," I said ominously, the shadow of that memory threatening to submerge from its depths.

He blinked, hesitating a little. Then, he turned away, frowning. "'Another time'?..." he muttered questioningly under his breath.

I flinched, understanding his meaning, though I knew he didn't mean for me to hear it. We stood there for a moment longer in silence, as I quickly formed my words.

"Howon..." I started.

"Hm?"

"Howon, despite everything that was said, with your dancing and your parents and my mother... Despite all of that, the last thing I want is for us to be... awkward after this," I said.

He thought for a moment, nibbling gently on his bottom lip. "Awkward?..." he muttured again. Then, he nodded slowly, understanding.

I thought for a moment, then took the plunge. "Maybe," I said. "Maybe it's better that we both pretend this dinner never happened. That your parents and my mom aren't setting us up. And the last thing that we decided was that I would attend your dance class tomorrow. So that we don't have this night weighing down on us. Maybe that way... we could be friends." I looked up at him hopefully. "What do you say?"

He hesitated, frowning a bit. "We could be... friends?" he repeated. I nodded diligently.

"I think so. I think it is definitely worth a try."

He mulled it over a moment longer. Then, finally, he gave a nod, short but firm, and it made me smile brightly. "Phew! Great. Kumawoyo, Howon. Really... I'm glad." I beamed once again at him and motioned back to the house. "Kaja. Let's go back in. We might as well finish this weird dinner. Let's do it. Together."

I let my smile linger as he met my eye, and I saw the corners of his lips twitch up in spite of himself. Then, I turned and led the way back to the house.

I was quite a few strides away, when he suddenly called out to me. I hadn't even noticed that he had yet to move from his spot.

"Yah, Choa."

I turned around, one eyebrow raised in confusion. From afar, he studied me for a moment, before walking purposefully up to me, an act that only added to my wonder.

Close up again, he stared deep into my eyes. "Choa."

"Yes?"

"Is it worth a try?"

I frowned. "Of course. I mean, the alternative would be us acting weird--"

"No," he said, cutting me off. Then, suddenly, he reached down and took my hand. His touch was startling but also warm, despite the freezing temperature. I could feel my eyes bug out in shock, and I think I took a half-step back, but I didn't retaliate, waiting to see what he would do. He raised my hand all the way up to his chest, where he placed it firmly against his heart, his hands both over my own, and searched deep into my gaze.

"I meant this," he said. "Is this worth a try?"

The earnestness in his eyes unnerved me, and in the moment, my mind refused to work. Do I dare believe what he was proposing?! But then again...Would it be worth a try? Should we align with what our parents have in mind? Or at least see how far things will take us? I tried to work through the shock, enough to form at least one thought on the whole situation. But somehow, in the moment, my mind just wouldn't cooperate. In fact, it seemed to be stuck on one thing. One key image.

Sunggyu. Singing, as he walked through the forest. Bobbing his head just enough so that his tinted hair caught the light of the mid-afternoon sun.

"Choa?" Howon said, yanking me back to the present. I let myself take in the moment, seeing the brown of his eyes and feeling the strange warmth of his hands and the soft beat of his chest.

"Choa. I think it's worth it. But I'm not expecting you to say anything now... I just need to know that, later on... Please. Tell me you will consider it."

And before I knew it, I found myself nodding slightly. I hadn't yet come to a single conclusion. But somehow, the muscles in my neck were pulling my head up and down in this motion. And it was enough to make Howon break into a wide grin. Then, he lowered my hand, maintaining his warm grip on it, and walked me, dumbfounded, back to my house.

I was still so stunned, wondering what exactly my damning nod signed me up for, that I didn't even notice a car pull over just down the street from us. There, Sulli got out, laughing and followed by an equally-happy Woohyun. And sitting in the driver's seat, waiting, sat a young man with an odd orange tint to his hair, no doubt laying witness to this odd exchange between me and my new 'friend'.

---

MIAN MIAN MIAN please, let's just blame it on post-concert depression or the holidays or my incredibly ferocious writer's block and my awful new state of despondence, but still, this year, I made the resolution to get back into writing. Please just be patient with me and I'll try my best. One update for now, let's all hope for more soon! :)

Happy (belated) New Year yorobun!  새해 복 많이 받으세요!! May the upcoming year of 2014 be good for us all :D