"Truth"

“Take the ball, Dude!”

A loud yell was heard from Jongin’s right side and he quickly received the ball passed by Jinwoo while he ran. Jongin made it to the ring and jumped high before he finally scored. His team cheered upon his success for adding the score while giving hi-five to each other, happily screamed because they won the game.   

It’s just another random occasion when Jongin joined his fellow basketball team to play at the park near the boulevard. Several students who passed there, either about to go home or just walking around the campus in the evening, stopped by to watch the game. It was an eye candy view though; most of the guys that played were handsome and well built. Jinwoo and several of his friends even played the game shirtless, revealing their muscle and packed abdomen.

Jongin wiped his sweat before finally covered his body with the jacket as he drank the mineral water. It was a nice game; he got his body and mind refreshed. His classes and labs that day were just . He couldn’t concentrate and felt really stuck the whole day, he needed refreshment. Usually Jongin would just go home and enjoyed all kind of online games he has on his computer, but that day he felt that he need to move his body too, so he went to the park and enjoyed the game until he forgot what had been bothering his mind.

Before its getting dark, Jongin took his bicycle and rode it back to his flat. It’s his latest hobby though, biking from his place to the college while taking some fresh air. Unlike his usual track, Jongin suddenly decided to pass the Business and Management Faculty. It’s been awhile since he passed that area. Well, that and also because he hasn’t been able to see his favorite partner, Soojung.

The girl went missing. She didn’t give him any text or call, she just missing like that. Sehun said their faculty was busy currently, because for Business and Management Faculty, their internship started earlier compared to the other faculties so Jongin thought that maybe Soojung was drown to her tasks and homework. But he guessed that three weeks were too much for her to go missing without being acknowledged. She also couldn’t be seen at their photography club. Turned out, she quite the club already, and he knew nothing about it.

His calls never been answered, his texts also got no reply. Jongin had no idea where or what happened to Soojung. This started since Jinri came very suddenly to his college. He’s surprised but also happy to see his girlfriend, of course. But if his feeling didn’t wrong, Soojung had been distanced from that period. They barely talking when Jinri was here but even when Jinri went back to Shanghai, there seemed like a wall separating them two.

And since they rarely talked to each other, Jongin also didn’t know her recent classes’ schedule. It’s been a while since they talked to each other or just randomly talking about something through the text. He had no idea what happened to her, so Jongin just pushed his luck, that maybe when he passed her faculty he might be lucky enough to see her. Well, he didn’t think it will happen though. It’s evening already and the faculty looked damn empty.

Jongin rode his bike again a little slower just to see around the building. He saw several students there, talking as they worked on their laptop but there’s no sight of Soojung. And even until Jongin passed the whole faculty, he still couldn’t see Soojung so he just continued to ride his bike back to his flat. Jongin was a little disappointed though, he didn’t see Soojung again and somehow he felt like getting annoyed with her. What the hell was wrong with her until she couldn’t be contacted?

As his mind wandered around while he biked, Jongin not realized that he already arrived at his flat. He parked his bike and lazily walked to his unit while bringing his backpack. He was having a though on Soojung and her weird habits of missing and somehow he was thinking that he actually missed her presence; her sometimes snarky and witty comments, her laugh when she heard his lame jokes, or their endless thought and talk about UFO and alien. It was weird without Soojung, and at some point, Jongin thought that in the end the thing that he really scared of happened. She left him.

The idea of having a close friend was something that intrigued Jongin. He never really had a chance to build a very intimate and close friendship. His only closest friend is Sehun, because that boy is just ignorant and apparently the only person who could handle Jongin’s unstoppable weird thought; an annoying brat that he likes to spend his time with. No one during his academic years ever stayed long as his friend. For Jongin, people come and go and they never really stayed. Maybe because of his weird character, or his weird thought, or…

Jongin steps stopped. In front of him, stood Soojung who brought her bag along with her laptop bag, stopping her steps also. They met at the corner right before Jongin went to the elevator to his unit. Both of them were surprised with each other’s presence. It was awkward silence before Jongin finally decided to break the silence.

“Hey” he greeted her, a little bit light but not too pushy.

“Hi” Soojung replied, adding an awkward smile. “Home?” she asked.

“Yes, just having some basketball game after class. You?” he raised his eyebrows and looked at Soojung. “I mean, what are you-“

“Studying” she cut his words. “One of my classmates moved here this semester, so I visited her place to study. This semester is just really hectic”

Jongin nodded and after that, none of them talking while standing in front of each other. Soojung bit her lower lips while looking at the ground; she lost her speech when she faced him. And he noticed it also, on how awkward they’re being now. Jongin wondered, what’s wrong with them? Where did their closeness gone?

“I need to go home” Soojung suddenly said, started to walk again but then Jongin stepped closer to her, blocking her way. Soojung looked up to Jongin’s face and saw the guy looking at her with a pleaded look. “Jongin” she called him, he stayed idle. It seemed like he wanted to say something but he overthink it and just stayed silent.

“Can we talk?” he said, a little softly. “I mean, what’s wrong, Soojung?”

She knew it that sooner or later, this would happen. That’s why she avoided him the past three weeks and when she thought she could prolong it to another week, they suddenly met. When she stopped communicating with him and stopped seeing him, she knew there would be questions followed. But to be very honest, she’s actually taking time to prepare herself facing him. Problem was she’s not yet ready. Or maybe, she never could be ready to face him.

“Let’s talk another time” she said quickly as she her heels right when Jongin took her wrist and pulled her closer to him. Without saying anything, Jongin just dragged her to the elevator and no matter how hard she pulled her hands, Jongin wouldn’t loosen his grip on her. He didn’t hear her whined being hurt as he took her with him, all he knew that they have to talk no matter what. When they arrived at his floor, Jongin immediately walked to his unit and went inside along with Soojung. Once they’re in, he freed her hand, almost made her falling to the floor.

Soojung pouted and glared at him while rubbing her reddened wrist. He held her tightly like he didn’t want to let it go. They used to argue, which was weird because for God sake, they’re not even a couple. But Jongin never treated her like this before, he always gentle with her but what she just witnessed, he turned into a very cold person.  

Jongin seemed to notice the hurt she felt on her hand. He muttered a soft sorry, which she ignored.

“I want to go” Soojung said, taking her bag with her.

“Why? Why can’t you stay like you always do?” he barged with a raised tone.

“I don’t want to stay here. I want to go, Jongin!” she furiously said. Her long hair messily moved around her shoulder. She prayed; she really hoped she could hold on to herself. She kept telling herself not to be swayed by the situation, to keep her emotion low. She needed this if she wanted to overcome him, she really have to.

“I’m not gonna let you go again” he said lowly.

Soojung’s heart flinched as she heard his words. It would be favorable to be heard if only he loves her, if only he shared the same feeling with her, if only he’s not in a relationship and if only it was not an unrequited love. But no, none of those conditions could be apply to his words and she noticed the irony of it. He could never hold her.  

“Who are you to tell me things to do? You’re not in a position where you can tell me what I can and can’t do” she replied venomously.

Jongin ran his fingers through his hair impatiently. Darn, he didn’t plan a fight with her. He just want to talk with her, he didn’t notice how furious she could be.

“Just tell me the is wrong, Soojung? Why are you kept avoiding me?! Did I do anything wrong? If yes, then tell me!” he yelled his frustration while she looked at her. He swore he didn’t want to hurt her earlier, but when she kept putting a wall between them, he couldn’t help but snapped out.

“You won’t be leaving until you explain to me why you’re avoiding me. I’m not gonna let it slip again. Not like when you suddenly crying under the rain and refused to talk, not like when you ran out of my room out of the blue and left the movie just like that without explanation, and not like how you mysteriously missing for weeks and never contacted me” he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “You have to tell me this time”

“Why do you want to know? Will it make any difference if you know the reason?” she questioned him.

“Aren’t we friends? Aren’t we supposed to tell each other if there’s something wrong between us?” he questioned her.  

Soojung closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Friends. How long he’s going to address her like that? Friends?

“Can we stop seeing each other?” Soojung said after a long silent between them. Jongin looked at her; she only looked at the ground. They were standing across each other, but somehow, Jongin couldn’t reach her. She’s not the Soojung he knew.

“Why?”

“Because I just don’t want to continue seeing you” she said flatly.

“What did I do wrong?” he asked her again. It’s his third time asking the same question, but she still not giving him any answer. Jongin kept his eyes on her even though she clearly didn’t want to see him at all. “Tell me, what did I do wrong Soojung? Am I annoyed you? Are you bored with my long story about things I like? Or are you finally gave up tolerate rough and harsh words?”

Soojung didn’t say anything. It was clearly not because of that. How could people leave someone for that kind of reasons? She sighed upon hearing him.

“You’re just the same with them” Jongin said, hanging his head low.

Soojung turned her head to him, saw his pained expression. Everytime they argued or annoyed with each other, no matter how angry Soojung was, in the end she would be the one who apologize and tolerate Jongin; because Soojung couldn’t bear his sad expression. She was always beaten to that reason. Jongin really has a trust issue, she knew it. He never had a very close friend; he always only has Sehun and Jinri, and of course Soojung. But for this time, for just this time, that didn’t matter; because clearly, she’s the one who hurt in this situation.

“Jongin, listen to me” she said with her shaky voice.

“I trusted you, Soojung. I really like you, I swear. You’re one of few people who can tolerate me. You stayed, no matter how annoying I am. I’m sorry if I can’t be the friend you need. I’m sorry if-“

“Can’t you let me finish my words?” she said coldly. Jongin stopped talking and looked at her. The pair of eyes that she always likes looked at her with all the pain and hurt feeling. She wished she could wash away the pain and all of the hurt feeling he might have upon her decision, but she’s tired now. She should do the thing she should have done from the very start: protecting her heart.

“There’s been a situation where I think I can’t stay with you anymore” she started. He watched her as she spoke. She didn’t know where this would lead though, but she has to tell him. “I like you”

Jongin shrugged and looked at her. “I like you too”

“…more than just a friend” she added.

It’s silent again. There she told him, she told him the things she really wished she could say months ago, when they just started all of this. Or more like, when she started to get herself into a mess called love.

“Soojung” he called her name, unable to say anything else. The surprise look on his face made her sad though. After all this time, was he really surprised to know that she likes him like a girl likes a boy? Like a woman fell to a man?

“I like you since we started to hang out together, when we spent time more than time we spent with our closest friends. I like you and I never wanted to be just a friend, Jongin. But do you know how I feel when I found out you have a girlfriend? Why, Jongin? Why you never tell me from the very first, that you already have a girlfriend? If I know from the very start, I might not be like this…”

She sniffed and she just broke the dam of water in her eyes. She gave up. She previously planned to go silently, to be away from him without having to tell her reason. But now that she’s already faced with him, no matter how scared she was her heart telling her to be honest to him. Maybe it’s finally the right time to tell everything, so they could be separated in a proper way. So she could stop hurting herself.

“I never hate you, Jongin. But this situation we’re in, this is not good for me to keep staying with you. I like you, I really like you. But I can’t bear my own feeling, Jongin. I can’t pretend anymore, I’m tired”

She fell on the floor and just crying there. Jongin walked closer to her and sat in front of her, watching Soojung cried her heart out. He could just take her hand and softly squeezed it.

So his feeling was right. So after all this time, what he felt was true. She likes him, just the way he thought she was. But he denied it; he thought that it was just his slight feeling. Why would she? Soojung can fall for any other guy but him. She would most likely fall for Sehun or any guy like him, but it wouldn’t be himself. He’s too annoying, too old school, and too stubborn for her to fall into.

“I can’t stay next to you and get you treated me like you like me, Jongin. I’m done with that. I wish I never liked you… I wish I’m not spending my time too much with you. I could say yes just to accompany you for some lunch while I should be actually attending my friend’s birthday, I could go that far for you Jongin. But I was crazily in love with you and you, you never notice it”

She took her hand away from him and punched his shoulder as hard as she could. She’s still crying she didn’t care how messy and stupid she looked in front of him. She has no plan to hold back anymore. This should be settled as soon as possible.

“And why you never tell me earlier, Soojung?” he asked her once her cries reduced.

“You ing have a girlfriend, Idiot” she punched his shoulder again.

Jongin remembered the day he cancelled his meeting with Soojung for he took Jinri at the airport. During that period, he thought that Soojung was just staying because she’s a good friend of him, the person he trusted a lot, the person he could finally opened up to. It would have been a lie if he said that he’s not interested in Soojung. She’s just an eye candy, and it’s normal for a guy –even though he’s already in a relationship- to look at another girl, without meaning to hit her. And that’s exactly what he did.

He likes Soojung, sometimes more than just a friend. But that’s just temporary, because clearly he has his heart with Jinri, his girlfriend. And it hit him, he just hurting Soojung’s feeling as well as Jinri’s. Whenever Jinri accused him for liking Soojung, Jongin could go for long hours of debating with Jinri on why she should stop thinking that he cheated on her and that she should believe in him. But now that he thought about it again, clearly, he’s at fault also; for making Jinri sad because he unknowingly kept talking about Soojung when they were together and for making his favorite friend, Soojung, fell for him and he let her hurt while she stayed by his side even though he’s already in a relationship.

What could he do to fix this thing?

Soojung wiped her tears and closed her eyes, before she opened it again and saw him in front of her. Even when she’s hurting badly because of him, because of her own feeling towards him, Soojung still found Jongin breathtakingly handsome. His tousled hair, his sweated tanned skin, his beautiful eyes, his perfectly shaped jaw, his plump lips, and of course, his warm stare over her. She looked at him again, consumed every particle of him that she witnessed. She likes him a lot, and she loves him hard. Maybe several months ago, this thought never came to her but as her heart grew tired every day because of him, she just knew. After this, there should be no more Jongin in her life.

“You’ve been a good companion, Jongin” she said after the long pause.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he eyed her, looking for a hint in her words.

She shook his head and let out a faint smile. “Let’s just stop here. I’m sorry I’m not a good friend for you. I left you just like the other, I’m sorry. But I didn’t leave you because you’re weird or annoying or because you talk too much about freedom and human right, or about UFO, or million things you want to talk about. Because Jongin, you’re not. You’re a very nice friend and good place to share things with. I hope you can start to be more opened up to people. Your classmates, your basketball friends, your high school friends, all of your old friends, they actually wanted to be your friend. It’s just that you have to try to accept them. Okay?” this time, Soojung was the one who took his hand and held it with hers.

Truth was, she really wanted to scream at him, yelled at him, and told him everything in such a bad way. He deserved her anger, she believed. But then again, she remembered what made her stay with him. She loves him too much she made a fool of herself, but she couldn’t hate him.

“You say it like we’re not going to see each other again” he chuckled.

“Well, maybe” she answered, making him glanced at her quickly. “Please understand me, Jongin. For me to tell my real feelings towards you are not easy. And I don’t know what you will think about me either. I’m sorry I can’t think of you as a friend, I can’t even pretend to think that you’re just a friend. I like you too much that it hurts. I need time to stop this feeling. So please, please let’s stop seeing each other and…” she stopped for a while, wiping her tears again. She didn’t want to say this, but she has to.

“Good bye, Jongin”

With that, Soojung stood up and took her bag, walking to his door and quickly closed it once she’s outside. Soojung leaned to the door and took a deep breath while once again wiping her tears. This would be the best solution for them. He would be easily replaced her, because he has Jinri and he would get new friends, he wouldn’t remember her later on. And she would move on too, even though in the process she would try hard to push him away, she knew that he would always be a part of her that she might not forget.

How could you forget someone that made your life brighter than anyone else ever do?

But time heals everything, isn’t it? So she willingly takes it, the hardest medicine to overcome Kim Jongin: time.

As she took a walk leaving his flat, Soojung kept telling herself that everything would be alright. That even though she had a little hopes inside her heart for him to run from his unit to chase her, some part of her heart told her that it would be better if he’s not. Because maybe, if he ever appeared in front of her again, she might be broken again and could never try to move on from him. So Soojung took every single step from his place to the bus stop, waiting for the green vehicle to take her away from this place. She waited for five minutes for the bus but during that time, she didn’t hear him or even see Jongin came to her. But she accepted it, this was their final goodbye. When the bus finally came, she took a step inside and never looked back. She truly never knew that this would be her last visit to his flat, the place she used to visit daily. 

She fulfilled the promise she made to herself when she saw him at the hospital after the accident. She let him go although she wanted to keep him. She let her heart to stop clinging on him. And although later on she might be crying or regretting this thing, Soojung just knew that she was doing the best thing for both of them.

They stopped talking since that day. There’s no more Soojung and Jongin seeing in one place together. The first month was hard, Soojung barely could sleep. Even though she’s the one who initiate it, sometimes she regretted it that all she wanted was to see him again, hear his voice, and if possible, hug him like there’s no tomorrow. Sehun witnessed how she struggled everyday trying to erase Jongin from her life. The guy couldn’t do anything but being a supportive friend.

On the other side, Sehun also saw Jongin being a little different. If he was previously socially awkward, after his fight Soojung he turned to be socially isolated. He’s only seen during his classes and labs, and after that he’d be hard to find. Sehun worried about him of course, with Jinri constantly calling him to check on Jongin since she couldn’t contact Jongin. But he relieved that it only happened in such a short time. After a while, Jongin back to his usual himself.

Their separation seemed to be the best solution. After two months, Soojung seemed to get a hold of her mind. She stopped crying and being pathetic to herself, she moved on. Soojung ran all of her energy and concentration to her study. She studied harder than ever; accomplished her academic year perfectly. On the other side, Jongin did the same as her; he excelled several classes and participated in some interesting class to leverage his knowledge.   

And although there’s a chance for them to see each other -like when they accidentally met at the boulevard or she saw him at the cafeteria- their eyes talked and quickly looked away from each other. They continued to live separately, just like when everything started.

And the part of Soojung life when Jongin involved stopped there.

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“We’re back here again…” Soojung muttered as they arrived at the boulevard. Both of them stopped their steps and just stood there.

The boulevard was empty after the rain, probably because no one wanted to wet themselves walking at the paving road. Her boots stepped on the puddle as the boulevard filled with fallen leaves from the trees that surrounding it. This place held so many memories between them. It was the place when they met for the first time after the photography club activity; it’s also the place where Jongin usually waited for her after her class before them heading somewhere together. And there’re some times when she ignored him when they accidentally seeing each other here. She remembered it again.

It’s been years after their first meeting and she wondered how her memories of him never really fade away. It’s surely clouded with other thoughts and her other memories with another guy who finally could make her fell in love and could love her the way it should be, but still, he stayed secretly inside her mind and probably her heart.

“I recalled we have a not so nice last time meeting here…” Jongin said, glancing at Soojung secretly. He noticed that she’s just looking straight to the road, not really paying attention to his words. But of course, that’s just her poker face. Soojung clearly heard what he said, but chose to ignore it.

They already passed the university building in a lap. Now what?

“So, is this the end of our trip?” Soojung asked him. They had been talking for quite a long time, catching up with the latest news of their life and of course, recalling some old memories they had in the university. And she thought that their mini reunion should be ended someway.

Jongin ran his fingers to his hair as he let out a smile. How Soojung wanted to do it once in her lifetime. She always loved his hair and how it perfectly fell on his head. And after not seeing him for quite a long time, she’s somehow missing the feeling of his hair fell on her skin, just like when he fell asleep on her shoulder when they watched a movie together or when he hugged her from behind when she spent a night at his place. He’s getting more handsome than the last time she saw him. And the way his black shirt tucked inside his jeans and the safety boots that paired with it totally didn’t help her to ignore his great profile. Even seeing his back already made Soojung’s knees weakened. Her body betrayed her at a time like this.

“Why? Do you have to go somewhere?” he asked her back, looking at her.

Ever since they met earlier this afternoon, never once she looked at him. It’s either she glanced at him and quickly looked away or she totally ignored his stare and talked without looking him at all. Maybe it’s still hard for her to see him, ever since the last time they met at her graduation.  

“Well, no. I mean… what we are doing here anyway?” she shrugged, playing with the handle of her umbrella.

Jongin walked closer to her as she noticed that he moved to her direction. “First, we’re walking down on a memory lane”

She nodded, acknowledged his words.

“And?”

“Second, I want to do a proper apology to you” he said, making her looking at him. “I’ve never been doing it right to you, Soojung”

She stared at his eyes; he let out a small smile she loves to see from him. The way his lips twitched upward excited her as she could see his adorable smile again. “I already forgive you long time ago, Jongin” she softly said. Truly, she had no hatred towards him. She forgave him, from the very first time.

“Thank you.” He said. “But I still have one more thing to ask”

Soojung eyed Jongin. “What thing?”

“Second chance”

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Maybe some of you thought that Soojung is so stupid in here. But let me ask you again, have you ever been feeling desperately in love? It’s so annoying that you want to go away from that person you can’t love, but you couldn’t do anything, at least at that time. Love sometimes really likes to make a fool of people. But I believe, the right love will come to you in the end, even though it may takes time before it finally presented to you.

Do you think something is missing on this chapter? ;)

Share me your feedback here, guys! And once again, have a nice day!

xoxo

yuriyaa