Correatown - All the World (I Tell Myself)

"Irrevocable"

“We’ve arrived” Jongin said as he stopped his step, awakening Soojung from her own thought. The girl looked up and realized that they already reached her home. As promised, Jongin sent her back to her home on the next day after the storm ended. Soojung turned to the left, found Jongin looking at her. “You’re good?” he asked.

With everything that happened? No, I’m not good, Jongin.

“I’m good” she replied shortly.

To be honest, Soojung felt a little disappointed upon their arrival in her house. She already reduced her walking speed to the slowest, but still, the trip from Jongin’s flat to her home felt so fast. She still wanted to be with him, to have fun like they used to do, but somehow the time move as fast as it could and now, she had to say goodbye to him. Besides, the mood was no good to have some fun; she just wanted to have him around.

“Go inside. See you on Monday?” he asked her, trying to look for her eyes, but the girl preferred to look on the ground as she nodded slowly. Jongin smiled and moved his hand to ruffle her hair as usual, but to his surprise and to Soojung herself, she stepped back just before Jongin could reach her hair, leaving his hand hanging on the empty air.

Jongin let out a dry laugh to cover the awkwardness between them, slowly taking his hand back to his side. Soojung didn’t know why but it felt like her anger came again to the surface that made her somehow didn’t want to be touched by Jongin, not even a single finger.

“Ok. Bye then, Soojung” he decided to bid the farewell. He waved to her but Soojung only looked at him and dragged her heavy feet to go inside her house, holding the will to look at Jongin until he’s gone.

Soojung opened the door of her house and found a note on the fridge stating her parents went for her father’s company event. She ignored the hunger that’s lingered on her stomach, it’s been a while since she ate breakfast at Jongin’s and it was noon already, but somehow Soojung didn’t feel hungry at all. Tired it was.

Walking on the stairs, Soojung reached her room and placed her bag on the floor as she laid herself on the soft bed. She inhaled deeply as she closed her eyes and opened it again slowly. The whole week was tiring for Soojung, but the past 2 days hurt her more. She’s confused with her heart. It’s broken, clearly. But she didn’t understand how the source of her broken heart was also the medicine that can cure it?

Jongin, no matter how she tried to look the logic of it, hurt her feeling badly. First he came into her life, offering hope and probably love, but maybe that’s just her imagination, hallucination. He has a girlfriend. And that ends every hopes she had on him.

The past week she had been recalled when the time she started to mistaken all of their intimacy into a feeling called love. She blamed how he held her hand when they crossed the road together; she believed that’s the first time she started to develop a feeling to him. She also thought that the way he made her special was one of the many causes that made her fall for him. He made her fell for him, without her realizing that she fell too deep that it seemed like there’s no way back now.

Soojung only hurting herself by keep thinking about it thought. She actually has one reason that might be the sole reason of her feeling for him. She couldn’t process it right; she couldn’t understand how stupid she was for mistakenly took his kindness into a deeper feeling. It’s her who mistaken him.      

Or maybe she’s just purely fall for him.

Frankly speaking, Jongin was not that hard to fall into. He’s kind, he’s sweet, he’s caring, and he’s hot. With his slightly tanned skin, perfect jawline, dark brown short hair, and stylish yet simple clothing, it was not only Soojung who thought that Jongin is handsome. Half of the woman population in her university also thought that. That’s why when she walked with him, there’re so many pairs of eyes watching enviously at her. Or when he joked around her, he made stupid face but still manage to look cute that any girl who passed by would just looking at him in desperation. But of course, as far as she acknowledge, he only had his eyes on her; which now proven wrong.

Soojung groaned as she remembered how cute his laugh was when she looked surprised as he suddenly appeared out of the blue on the library when she was looking for a book; she screamed upon her surprise, both of them expelled from the library immediately that time. And when she asked him why he did that, he just said that he’s bored and he missed her so he just wants to play around with her. And that’s enough to make her heart melt, on which now she regretted.

Soojung clearly didn’t see this coming; how she already swimming in her so called love ocean and suddenly hit the coral reef as soon as she knew Jongin’s actual status: in relationship. She almost accused him for playing with her and being a womanizer if only this morning at his place they didn’t do the talk. Soojung was on the verge of pouring all of her heart content towards Jongin, but their talk this morning changed this all.

 “Morning”

That’s the first thing Soojung heard when she opened her eyes upon the pretty sunlight that fell on her face. As she squint her eyes, Soojung rubbed it softly to adjust with the light room. Apparently, Jongin opened the cover of the window, letting the morning sun greeted Soojung’s sleepy face. She looked at the wide clear window on her right where she used to see the night view of Seoul when she stayed late at his place. The display of lights which accompanied the people night’s activities that she usually saw was not there, replaced by a calm serene morning. It was around spring, flowers were appeared pretty in bright colors and the birds flying low around the trees branches. This was the first time Soojung saw the morning view there and she found it quite refreshing for her tiresome night.   

Soojung found Jongin was sitting on the tall chair at the pantry, sipping his usual morning coffee. She stood up from the bed and saw her reflection on the mirror. Her hair looked messy and she noticed there’s a drool around the corner of her lips and her eyes and her bloated face! Soojung quickly turned around and reached for the tissue box, cleaning up her face in a flash. She could hear Jongin chuckled and let out a small laugh.

“Tsk. Stop whatever you do there and have your breakfast here” he said. “Don’t worry about your appearance, Jung. It’s just me” he added.

Soojung bit her lower lips, cursing inside. In case he didn’t realize, of course it’s not just “It’s just me” that he had been saying. Because it’s him, that’s why she worried. For God’s sake, no girl wants to be seen ugly in front of the boy she had a crush on.

“I’m going to use the bathroom” Soojung said as she immediately walked in to the bathroom. Angry or not, she need to maintain her looks in front of Jongin.

Done refreshing her face and washed the morning breath away, Soojung went to the pantry and sat across Jongin. She noticed he prepared a simple breakfast: a tea for her (no sugar, he remembered) and a toast (no butter, only a strawberry jam covering the slightly burnt toast, just like her liking). Jongin, on the other side, has a black coffee and toast that’s spread with Nutella while playing with his gadget. Once Soojung sat with him, he stopped playing with it and started to eat. They’re eating in silence; only the sound of the eating attire was heard.

“I hope it won’t happen again” Jongin suddenly said, making Soojung stopped chewing the toast and looked at him. He looked at her with a concerned look, which Soojung saw the day before when they’re standing under the rain upon her stupid action.

“I don’t know what happened, but I hope what happened yesterday will be the last time you do it. That’s dangerous and I believe that’s not how you resolve any of your problems, Soojung”

“Everyone has their own way to solve their problems, Jongin. I don’t think it’s necessary for you to tell me what method I shall use”

“Yes, but you can at least speak to someone, right? What do you take me? You have me if you ever wanted to talk any of your problems. Or if you think that’s too much to be shared with me, you can go for Jiyoung or your other close friends. Don’t torture yourself like that”

This. This was one of the things she likes and hates about him: his care, his concern. Darn it, how dare he say that she could go for him if she had any trouble? He’s her trouble now, so should she go for him? Was it possible for someone to be a trouble and the resolution at the same time? Soojung sighed and pushed away her toast plate.

“I wonder” Soojung said, holding on a bit before continued her words. “What do you take me?”

Jongin looked at her with a questioning look. This was a very rare occasion between them. They’re never in a bad relationship before. They always chat, talk, laugh, joke, but never argue. But the sudden change made him realized, Soojung was being kind of different than usual.

“Didn’t you hear my answer last night?” he replied shortly. He’s rarely cranky, but this girl in front of him currently made him sulk.

“I’m not hearing it well” she responded.

“You’re an important person to me, Soojung” he said, pressing each of the words.

“How important?” she replied in a lower tone, almost like a whisper.

That sounded so childish and she looked like a jealous girlfriend, while she’s not. But she needed to know, what her position in his life is. Considering their close relationship, it’s not weird to say or ask things that were considered private, like about their family or their stupid habits, or bad attitude, or the teenage sin they had done. But it’s more than that, and Soojung aware with the consequence once she asked about it. Jongin might get curious and of course, could be able to read her real feeling towards him.

Jongin placed back the coffee mug on the table while glance at her. Partially he felt that her bad mood was caused by him, although he did not fully understand which part of him was wronged her.   

“You’re an important good friend for me. Don’t you feel it?”

It felt like a cardiac arrest for a while as soon as she heard the word “friend” let out from his lips. Soojung felt her heart beat in a random rhyme. She couldn’t explain it well but it seemed like her heart being grasped and someone stabbed it really deep and hurt. So there their relationship was a friendship. And it did not involve any romantic feeling, unlike what she felt for him.

Why she even bother feeling like crying while the guy she fell for did not even consider their relationship as more than a friend? She felt like a fool. It’s her. All of this time, it’s totally her who mistakenly taking all of his late night call, sweet talk, stupid jokes, and constant text as the form of love. And she’s trapped in her own feeling.

“Maybe this is sound cheesy. But Jung Soojung, you’re the first person who can bear to stay with me in quite a long period” he said, looking at the table. “I’m not an easy person to befriend with. People mostly annoyed with my constant cynical jokes or my weird point of view over things. Since junior high school, my school mates were never a lot because my own habit made me secluded from the other. No one likes to hear about how a crack bone happened or how does it feel to have your arm opened due to a long deep glass cut and you need to hospitalized for more than a month due to that reason and took the life threatening experience as a light story. People pity you and after hearing what you said about how you thought that it was all felt like dream and you think of it as a mere accident, they will start to think that you’re weird. And I got that a lot”

Soojung stayed silent as she landed her stare to his arm where the wound appeared. So that’s the story behind it and he managed to fulfill his promise to tell her the reason why he had it. It wasn’t that bad though, but she realized that sometimes Jongin moved his right arm in a weird way. Maybe that’s because of the trauma he had upon the wound.

She noticed that Jongin was mostly seen by himself or sometimes with Sehun when he walked around the campus. Well sometimes he’d be seen around with his classmates, but it’s rare, only when he had a schedule for the Steel Laboratory he’d go with his friends because they have to be in group to get inside the huge Lab. She wondered if that’s because he’s thought as a weird. Soojung never thought that Jongin was a weirdo. She took him as an interesting person, wide knowledge and unique personality. Never she thought that his deep comment over small stuff as a weird thing. She likes being with him because when she’s with him; she didn’t have to pretend also. She could be herself, complaining or thinking highly of herself without being judge as the perfectionist Soojung. She too, on the other hand, felt like he understood her; on which she thought that he completed her.   

“The first time I saw you, I thought you’ll be just another person I’ll be acquainted to. You know, the kind of friend you have in the SNS just because you know their name and you felt that they’re harmful to flood your timeline with stupid posts. But you’re not” he let out a small smile as he looked upon the ceiling.

“You didn’t take my harsh comment about the habit of Korean people to tend to be a bit psychotic over their idol as something weird, you laughed along with it. And you thought that it’s ok to have before marriage as long as both parties did it with love and could bear with the consequences… Really, you surpassed my expectation about you and instead of leaving like my other friends, you stayed” he looked at her and gave her a very genuine smile which made Soojung felt weak at her knees.

“So was that the reason why you always being good towards me?” she questioned him. There’s a bitter tone on her words, because she didn’t want to be treated like this if it weren’t for his feeling towards her, but seemed like Jongin didn’t notice it.

“Sometimes I thought I don’t deserve to be your friend. You’re popular, you’re kind, smart, has a lot of friends, and even though you’re sometimes shy and appeared cold, I know you’re warm and care about your friends. I never had a longtime friend before, except for Sehun whom I went to junior high school with. So when I met you, I tried my best to keep you around”

“As your friend” she stated more to a mumble.  

Jongin nodded over hearing her words. “I’m happy to have you as a friend, Soojung” he added.  

And she thought he fell in love with her.

Soojung wiped the tears that appeared at the corner of her eyes. She made a promised not to cry over Jongin again, but the promise only lasted less than 3 hours. She already cried again, remembering her unrequited love towards him.

It’s stupid. She likes a guy who’s in a relationship and thinking that there’s hope for her to be with him. She wanted to yell and scream at him though, she wanted him to know how hurt it’s to have her fell for him only to realize that he’s actually not available and he didn’t view their relationship as what she thought he’d be. She wanted to go mad and did it, but it never happened. Until he walked her home and went back by himself, she has no gut to tell it to him.

It’s pointless.

He has a girlfriend. There’s no way her girlfriend would suddenly broke up with him knowing that he had just having a date with her when she visited him to Seoul and how come Jongin suddenly left her girlfriend when he valued her that much. So there’s no use for her to tell him what she felt towards him. It would only drive their friendship to an end, on which Soojung didn’t want to happen yet.

She knew she’s crazy for still liking him like that after all the things she found out about him. But for now, she didn’t want any interruption. She wanted to stay like this, sleeping in a fetal position while being wrapped with his jumper that he borrowed for her since her clothes was still in the laundry at his flat. She smelled his scent, the sinful scent that she loved from him as she hugged her body with her arms. She stopped trying to avoid the tears to run on her cheeks, there’s no use of it. She just wanted to let her anger out as the tears streaming down. So she’s crying until she felt asleep, not realizing that her eyes might be puffy on the next day.

She needed energy to face the upcoming day.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Soojung, do you want to go to the coffee shop?” Jiyoung asked as she stood across Soojung who’s still reading her Entrepreneurship text book while sometimes gave a highlight on important points at the page she read. She looked up to Jiyoung and let out a faint smile, shaking her head.

“You can go ahead”

“You sure? How about your lunch? We only have 30 minutes before our next class. Do you want me to buy some for you so you can eat before the class?” Jiyoung said with a worry.

“No need, Jiyoung. Thanks”

Jiyoung held her bags and scanned Soojung who already looked at her book again. She bid her goodbye before leaving the empty class and bumped into Sehun who came from the other side.

“Watch out” Sehun muttered as he put away two cups of coffee that he had been held on his hands.

“Oh thank God you’re here. It’s for Soojung, right?” Jiyoung asked as she gripped on Sehun’s arm. He nodded with a confused look.

“She didn’t want to eat. Again” Jiyoung said, eyeing Soojung who’s still sitting on her desk. Sehun followed her stare and checked on Soojung. From outside the class, it seemed like there’s a student learning for her upcoming class, but he knew that it wasn’t like that. It’s more like a girl with broken heart tried to rid her hurt feeling into something useful, like studying. Even though he knew that it’s just one of Soojung’s ways to forget Jongin.     

“Seriously, I’m so going to talk to that bastard. Did he even notice what damage he caused to her? Oh God, I can’t believe she fell in love with a jerk like that Kim!” Jiyoung cursed, letting out her annoyance of Jongin. Her liking towards Jongin was already long forgotten as soon as she heard from Soojung about what really happened between them.

“Don’t do it” Sehun replied. “She wanted to forget him, right? Let’s just stay still”

“How long is she going to do it? She rarely eating and kept getting busy with her so called studying. I spotted her having a nose bleed three times this week only, Sehun. It’s been a month since she knew he’s in relationship yet she kept torturing herself. I don’t want my friend to suffer. Soojung didn’t deserve to be treated like this”

“I know” Sehun responded. “But I believe she has her own way and when she said she’s going to forget Jongin, I knew she meant it. Besides, it’s between them…”

“Tell me it’s a joke that he didn’t even know that she likes him?”

Sehun could only sigh upon hearing Jiyoung’s question. Sometimes, he didn’t understand with the way Soojung thought. But he knew it must be hard on her side. Partially he felt bad for not letting her know earlier that Jongin was in a relationship, but then again that time, he didn’t even know that they’re involved in any romantic interaction. But for now, as he knew she was deeply fall for his best friend, Sehun somehow pitied her. And instead of keep liking her and wanting her to be his, Sehun just wanted to be by her side; another weird things he found about love.      

After saying goodbye to Jiyoung, Sehun walked inside the class. Soojung must have been really into the book that she didn’t even hear his steps. Trying to catch her attention, Sehun knocked on her desk.

“Delivery” he said, smiling as he gave her a cup of coffee and a banana cake, one of her favorite.

“For me?”

“No, it’s for the ghost who stayed inside this classroom. Of course it’s for you” he said, let out a chuckle as he sat next to her.

“Thanks!” Soojung picked the cake and immediately ate it. She smiled brightly as she chewed the cake. “Darn! This is so good… I need to buy a plate of this cake” she commented.

“When was the last time you eat?” Sehun asked, noticing the dark circle under her eyes and her thinner face.

“Hmm? Last night?”

“You never eat dinner”

“Oh. Then maybe yesterday’s lunch?” she carelessly answered.

“Let’s eat something proper” Sehun words were stated plainly. “I mean it, Soojung. You could die before the second semester come if you keep continue to skip meals”

“I’m not hungry” she said, finishing the last bite of the cake. Sehun rolled his eyes hearing her answer. “Besides, our class started in….” she stopped to check on her watch. “We could be late… Let’s go now!” Soojung stood up and put her studying materials inside her bag, let out the huge text book to be brought on her hand. Sehun offered to bring it for her, but she shook her head.

Sehun couldn’t tame this stubborn girl, so she just let her do whatever she wants. At least, she didn’t act like a mute. Even though sometimes Sehun felt that Soojung was not herself lately, she could still be as snarky as she used to be. And over their small conversation about the upcoming music concert in their university as they passed the boulevard, he could at least make her smile several times.

“Hey, are you both heading somewhere?” a familiar voice heard right when they’re about to take a turn to the right.

Jongin walked closer to both of them as he casually placed his backpack on his right shoulder. He wore his red and blue striped long sleeve shirt paired with jeans and a hi-top. His dark brown hair appeared shorter and he walked with a bright smile on his face, on which could affect Soojung in seconds. Before she could let her heart beating crazily again over his appearance, Soojung pretended to look for her phone inside the handbag.

“We’re going for our class” Sehun answered, exchanged smile with Jongin. The male looked up to Soojung who seemed to take forever to look for her phone.

“Hey Jung, still busy?” he asked her, slightly laughed.

“Yeah, exam is coming. And you’re also about to have your exam right?” she replied, still not looking at Jongin. Sehun looked a bit worried over Soojung, she’s too obvious.

“What are you looking for?” Jongin asked.

“My phone” she mumbled. “Where the heck that thing is…” she said to herself. Soojung quickly moved her hands on the bag and due to her quick actions; somehow the bag fell down on the ground making all of its content threw out.

“Crap” she sighed and went down to compile all of her stuff. Jongin and Sehun didn’t miss to help her, in which she felt more nervous because he slightly touched her hands and made her shivered just because of the contact.

“Thanks” Soojung said to both once the bag back to its previous state and looked on her watch, she and Sehun might be late so she made a rush farewell to Jongin without looking back at him and just straightly walked away to her class.

Sehun couldn’t do anything but following her as he waved to Jongin. He didn’t fail to see on Jongin’s blank face over her rough act. The latter just stood in the middle of the boulevard, still trying to digest what was happened. But he shook his head and headed to his own class. Soojung might be just busy and in hurry just like she did the past month, and there’s nothing wrong with that. He, of course, couldn’t expect Soojung to be available everytime he has a free time before classes.

Except for his heart felt a bit hurt when she didn’t even bother to look at him as she talked with him. She never did that before, she always attentive to him and whenever they talked, she would always look at him right in the eye, on which sometimes made him a bit nervous because beside of her eyes were beautiful, he always thought that his heart acting weird everytime they exchange glance to each other, yet he felt happy whenever they spoke with their eyes.

And Jongin would never know how Soojung heart beat faster than the speed of tornado just because of his presence. It’s been a month since she started to reduce any form of communications with him and that’s not easy. She always had an urge to hold on something on her hand to avoid the panic and awkwardness everytime he’s around. It’s impossible to suddenly leave him out just because she had an unrequited feeling towards him but to stay with him was much harder. Because if she didn’t use her mind and logic Soojung might be already run and hug him everytime she saw his hurt face whenever she ignored him, and probably never want to let him go.

Don’t be stupid, Soojung. Don’t be stupid.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was sometimes before the summer holiday started. The weather was kind of hot and everyone felt sweat more than any other days of the week. Final exams were finally done and students could feel relax at least, especially for the first year student. After the last week of the holiday they will be having a long holiday and be back to the university around the end of summer, on which Soojung couldn’t wait for. Her family already planned a holiday to her birth place, San Francisco, and she couldn’t wait to meet with her childhood friends and to refresh her stressed out mind.

Soojung was visited the library to give back the book she borrowed before the holiday started. She had just done the registration when one of her classmates, Saera, looked around in worried face. Knowing Saera usually accompanied by her close friend Hyejin, Soojung thought it was not something huge. But since Saera kept talking on the phone and in the end crying in panic, Soojung couldn’t stay still.

“Saera, what’s wrong?” she asked her friend. The said girl could only sitting on the ground, Soojung quickly helped to hold on her. “Breathe, Saera. Breathe”

Saera closed her teary eyes and took a deep breath. After a few breaths, she finally could open her eyes and faced Soojung.

“What happened?” Soojung asked again.

“Jinwoo… He’s having an accident” Saera said in a very fatigue voice. Soojung noticed that Saera has a boyfriend, Lee Jinwoo from the Chemical Engineering major.  

“What kind of accident?”

“He-He’s driving around the college when some crazy man suddenly threw a big rock to the front window of his car. The car lost control and hit the road separator. He and his friends were brought to the hospital. I..I have to go there but I couldn’t go by myself, Soojung. It’s too sc-scary… The people from the hospital told me to come since I’m on Jinwoo’s last phone log...”

Soojung softly patted Saera’s shoulder and gave her a comforting hug. “Do you want me to accompany you?”

“Is it ok with you?” Saera said, still crying. Soojung nodded, reassuring her.

Not too long after that both of them took the bus and went straight to the hospital. During their trip to the hospital, Saera couldn’t stop sobbing. Soojung heard that Jinwoo was having quite a huge wound around his arms and head while the others were injured badly because of the shattered glass of the car’s window.

Both immediately headed to the ER and greeted by the nurse who handled the accident. Saera could finally relax when she saw Jinwoo, fine and alive. He had stitches on his forehead and his left eye was covered because it’s torn with the edge of the glasses. Still, he needed to be hospitalized to be exam for internal bleeding because he didn’t show any bruise around his hand or legs. Soojung stayed as she accompanied Saera, feeling relieved once she knew that Jinwoo was fine.

“Nurse, how were my other friends?” Jinwoo suddenly asked when the nurse from earlier came to him as she about to move him to the examination rooms. The nurse took her notes and mentioned about the other three friends of Jinwoo.

“All of them already treated well. Park Moochul and Kang Hyejun were being visited by their families and I already contacted your family, your brother will come here to fetch you later on. The only one left is Kim Jongin. We have no one to contact to since his family resides in Tokyo”

Upon hearing the name, Soojung looked up to the nurse. “Pardon me. Kim Jongin?”

“Is he the one from Civil Engineering?” Soojung looked at Jinwoo and got a nod as reply. “He’s also involved in this accident?”

“Yeah, that Jongin. He’s my basketball friends. We’ve just practiced outside the university… Do you perhaps know him?” Jinwoo said as he looked at Soojung.

“Well, if any of you know him, you probably want to accompany him. He’s still on the examination room, seemed he previously had a fracture which probably affected by this accident. He got pretty bloody earlier anyway” the nurse said as he checked on Jinwoo again.

Soojung felt her heart sank when she heard about Jongin. From the description given by the nurse, seemed like the Kim Jongin she’s talking about was the same Jongin on her mind. After getting the instruction to get on the examination room, Soojung didn’t waste any time to go to the room. She ran as she held on her fingers, thinking of the possibility of Jongin being alone with wounds on his body. She suddenly remembered how he never really had a close friend and she cursed inside, why he didn’t contact her or Sehun or any of his classmates. What if something bad happened to him and no one knows about it? Soojung bit her lower lips harder as she turned to the left, looking forward to see the examination room.

Without thinking much, Soojung opened the door and saw a table filled with nurses. If earlier she’s the one who told Saera to be calm and took a deep breathe, it’s her turn to be panic all around and shivered. The nurse looked at her in confused.

“May I help you, Miss?” she asked with concern.

“Jongin. Kim Jongin. Accident” Soojung could only manage to say words in separate as she still taking the air around while the nurse looked at her in confusion.  

“Miss, take a deep breathe first. Relax” the nurse said, soothing her nervous feeling.

“Soojung?”

Both Soojung and the nurse looked at the direction of the voice and found Jongin walked slowly with a pale face and slightly fatigue. He gave a puzzled looks seeing Soojung there. She fully turned her body and walked closer to Jongin who stopped in the middle of the alley.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, couldn’t hide the surprise of Soojung’s presence there.

Soojung’s eyes started to form tears that may run down anytime. Here he was, standing in front of her with stitches near his eyes, left arm and right leg wrapped in bandage. There were few scratches due to the fraction of the window’s glass on his face but it wasn’t big, it will be recovered soon.

“Hey, I’m asking you. What are you doing here, Soojung?” he asked her again since all she did was checking on him without saying anything.

“You’re fine…” she mumbled as she touched the wound on his right arm. Thank God nothing happened to the existing wound and she couldn’t be more thankful than this.

“Yes, I’m fine” he said, chuckled upon her mumbles. Soojung looked up to see his face, like clearly looking at him. It’s been a while since she saw the tan skin, sharp eyes, perfectly sculptured jawline, and the thick lips. It’s all Jongin, presented in front of her. “Err… You’re not here for me, right?”

Soojung pouted and gave him a hatred look. “What made you think like that? Because you have no one to talk to? Because there’s no name you can give to the hospital when you’re having accident like this?”

Jongin blankly looked at her, tried to digest her words. “Wait. So you really are here because of me?”

“Who else?” She bitterly replied him. She couldn’t understand how cool he was upon the accident that was happened a while ago. But the saddest thing was Jongin not even bother to say any name to accompany him or at least to inform that he’s submitted to the hospital. Soojung once hospitalized and when none of her parents able to accompany her due to their work, she really hated the feeling to stay all alone in the hospital. It felt annoying and boring and lonely, she couldn’t imagine Jongin faced it with such a calm attitude.

"From who did you hear about me?"

"Long story short, but what's the point. I'm here now" she said, didn't even bother to look at him. 

Jongin let out a laugh and smiled at her, with his free hand he ruffled her hair. This time, Soojung didn’t avoid it. She missed him, truly. Eight weeks was enough to separate her from him and it didn’t even feel good. Ever since she said that she’s going to forget him, she started to imagine him all around her and not even nonce she felt happy upon committing to erase him of her life. With a sob, Soojung slowly hugged his neck with both of her arms as she placed her head on his lean shoulder.

“Hey” Jongin called her as he got confused with her sudden act. Jongin saw the nurse eyeing them and mouthing ‘Hug her back’ while appointing to Soojung. He couldn’t help but smiled and nodded slowly to the nurse.

Softly, Jongin placed his hand on her back while patted it.

“I’m fine, Soojung. I’m okay. You don’t have to cry like this, hmm?” he said as he whispered on her ear. But apparently his words only made her cry more, Soojung let out all the tears she had been keeping while she’s away from him. In seconds, his hospital cloth was drenched with her tears. The female seemed to be a bit sensitive that day, but he couldn’t do anything than feeling grateful to have her here.

“Thank you for coming for me, Soojung. Thank you” he said once her cries started to stop.

Still hugging him, Soojung closed her eyes. He still smelled the same and Soojung once again felt like drowning on him. Anything she did in return just made her longed for him more and in the end, running back to him.

For this time, Soojung prayed and plead to God. Until it’s time for her to let him go, she asked God to allow her to be with him. Until her heart accepted the facts that he’s not for her, Soojung wanted to stay with him, talk with him, and just spend the time with this guy on her arms. Be it his friend or just a colleague, Soojung didn’t want to try to lie to her heart anymore. She likes him too much, she could bear the consequences.

She's irrevocably in love with him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rain stopped already, but the cold air still lingered around the café. The past 45 minutes was spent on Jongin telling her about his life after college and Soojung listened to his story with every attention she has on him.

She watched him. His gestures, his habit on his lips, or when he smiled until his eyes closed, all stayed the same. She cursed herself, she’s not a teenager anymore but still everytime she exchanged glance with him, her heart beat faster for a while. It’s like in the university again.

And this is exactly the part she hates about the memories of the past.

 She always has to remind herself, whether she should forgetting or remembering.   

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello there.

Is there anyone waiting for the update of this story? Hehe.. It’s been awhile since I could update this story.

So we’re seeing Soojung and Jongin and slight Sehun here. I’m portraying Soojung’s feeling, who felt betrayed but unable to move on from her own feeling to Jongin. We can see here that actually, Soojung having an unrequited love. And Sehun, in the end, just stay with her and forgetting his own feeling. I know it seemed so easy for him to forget, but I did surveyed about this and the result saying that most guys, who knew that the girl he likes fell for another man deeply would prefer to back off or just stay as friend. It wasn’t easy for Sehun also, but since our focus is on Kaistal, I probably will emphasize on what happened between these two. But if it’s possible, I’ll try to give more understanding about what Sehun felt for Soojung.  Please wait for the next chapter.

Anyway, for the music, I've been listening to Correatown's All the World (I Tell Myself). The song has a pretty tune and the lyrics was like, saying a person who has a trauma or a bad past, but still she wanted to be back again. What intrigued me the most was the part of the lyrics "Tell me I'd fight, yeah tell me I'd fight for the wrong things". This is somehow like portraying what Soojung had been facing on. She wanted to love again, to continue liking the guy she fell for, even though it's wrong. I don't know, I'm really fond of this song and the lyrics. So if you have the time, please listen to it while reading the story. 

I would be happy to see any of your feedback towards this story ;)

And I want to apologize to all of you who read this story or my other stories. Turned out from September until early next year I’ll be busier than it is now. The past two weeks I failed to write any update for my stories, since I always came home in exhausted condition after work. Plus I’ll be travelling outside the country for several times so it’ll be hard to write more since I have to prepare for my work also. As much as I love you guys, I couldn’t say that I could update asap. But I promise I’ll try to update at least one of my stories each week.

Oh. Tomorrow is Monday already. Still, be happy you guys!

Have a nice weekend.

xoxo,

yuriyaa