"Crush(ed)"

“Soojung?”

Soojung looked to her right, facing Jongin who stared at her, a little confused. “Did you listen to me?” he asked her again.

“Hmm?”

Jongin his lips; one of his habits that she noticed had not leaving him yet. “What do you want for drink?”

“Chamomile tea. Hot” she answered. He nodded and went to order drinks for them.

Due to the heavy rain earlier, Jongin suggested them to go to the nearest coffee house. They built one inside the university, so Jongin and Soojung easily reached it in minutes just when the rain started to pour. While waiting for their drinks, Jongin sat back on his seat across her. His hair was a bit messy, being wet due to the splash of rain earlier.

“Cold?” he asked her, offering his blazer that he brought. Soojung shook her head, tucked her hair against her ear. “It’s been a while since the last time I saw you… Three years ago?” he spaced out for a while, Soojung glanced at him.

He looked almost the same like the last time she saw him. He’s still tall, lean, handsome… and his smile stayed the same, exactly like when she saw him for the last time, minus the increased wrinkles around his eyes. Jongin looked at her and smiled, thing he loved to do everytime their eyes met.

“Is it so awkward to sit here together with me?” he asked her, groggily let out a dry laugh. She remembered she loved his laugh a lot she insisted to record it secretly; none of her attempts succeed though. Still, somewhere inside her messy brain, she remembered exactly the sound of his laugh.  

“We haven’t met for years. Of course it’d be weird” she flatly responded. Jongin nodded in understanding but still, he kept his smile for her; one of his features that she adored a lot. The tail of his eyes found her looking so close to him yet so far. She’s just few centimeters away from him, but he couldn’t reach for her. There’s an invisible line that separated them, and somehow he’s the one who couldn’t cross over it. 

The rain continued to pour, getting heavier. Both of them looked outside as the thunder growled the grey sky, slapping the clear window with the rain, making everything looked blurry from inside the coffee shop. The weather slightly getting colder but Soojung could still bear it. She sipped her tea that’s just delivered by the waitress, hoping to get the warmth of it. It’s silent again.

Somehow the sounds of the rain and the silence between them became the background music for these two people. Soojung glanced at him; Jongin was sipping his coffee and played with the handle of the mug. She felt like she’s replaying the old memories of their separation. It was also similar like today… it’s dark outside, gloomy as the rain was about to fall, but what she couldn’t forget, of course, her feeling at that time.

She’s crushed; they’re ruined.

Someday that looked like today, three years ago…

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“So see you this evening?” he told her as they arrived in front of her building.

They had just had their lunch together and Jongin walked her to her building before he went for his Basic Structure class at the North building.

“Yes, sure” she replied, smiling at him, showing her pretty eye smile. He glanced at her and ruffled her hair. “Hey, don’t mess my hair!” she protested, but yet letting out a giggle over his action.

“Stop acting cute, it didn’t fit you, Jung” he said playfully. As always, Jongin appeared casual and free and just being him, which made her falling for him more. He’s wearing his black pants and white shirt, covered with his navy baseball jacket, the one he has when he’s still joining his high school baseball team. His backpack slung over his shoulder as he walked and waved to her.

“See you” he said, turned around and started walking to his building.

Soojung stayed for a while until she couldn’t see his back anymore and headed to her own class. She took a seat next to Jiyoung who already sitting there as she played with her cell phone.

“Your order” Soojung gave her the mango smoothies, earning a delightful smile from Jiyoung.

“Awww, thank you! So you’re really eating outside the campus, huh?” Jiyoung said as she opened the straw and put it to the cup, happily sipping the sweet smoothies. Soojung nodded while she took out her books and laptop, getting ready for her upcoming lecture. Earlier she went for a lunch around Myeondong with Jongin. Both of them have no morning class, so they could enjoy some lunch outside before going back to the afternoon class. 

“I bet Jongin walked you here” Jiyoung eyed Soojung suspiciously, only to get a shy smile as reply. “I knew it! Oh God, you two are so cute together! I guess it’s just the matter of time before he’s becoming your boyfriend, huh?”

“Oh stop talking nonsense, Jiyoung” Soojung commented.

“Don’t you want him to be your boyfriend?”

“Well… Of course I want it, but… I’m not sure yet” Soojung replied, bit her lower lips in denial.       

“Why? He hasn’t confessed yet? Guys always like that… They just need time to be sure that you feel the same way too” Jiyoung said, softly patted Soojung’s shoulder. “I think he likes you too”

Soojung chuckled. “Oh here comes again you and your love theory…”

“Well from what I see… He’s making an effort to get to know you better, Soojung. How many of us,” Jiyoung pointed herself and several of their classmates that’s close with Soojung “knows him ever since he started to walk you to every of your class?”

Soojung counted and recalled that most of the time, she always introduced Jongin to her friends and not just being introduced, Jongin also always greeted them when he met them and sometimes casually told her that he met one of her friends at the places he went to.

“And I remember you were once being invited to his friend’s birthday and you went along with him, right? You knew most of his friends too, aren’t you?” Jiyoung said again. Soojung mindlessly nodded.

“Yeah, but that probably just meant that he’s being kind with me, right? We have a good relationship as friend, so maybe he just being nice…” Soojung reasoned, making Jiyoung waved her hand in ignorant.

“Ok, whatever. But how about everytime he picked you up at your classes? Or when he walked you to the bus station, waiting for you until you get in? And didn’t you go to his flat already? If you keep insisted to say that it was only his nice act as a friend, I highly doubt it”

Jiyoung has a point though. They had been seeing each other for four months now and to say that Jongin was a friend sounded so wrong.  He almost appeared around her so often and she also spent most of the time with him. At first she only waited for Wednesday, the day when the photography club held a weekly meeting, which means the day she saw him. But lately, they met like almost every day and instead of asking what day they would meet, they should be asked when they never met.

And even though they’re really just a friend, Soojung couldn’t deny her feeling towards him.

Jongin, from every aspect she could see, was far more than her expectation. He’s darn good looking but sometimes he showed his flaw also (sometimes when she came to his flat and he had just awaken, he looked totally messed up with his eyes refused to be opened and his hair looked like a bird nest). He could be the shoulder she looked forward to lean whenever she felt tired or annoyed, but in other time he could act as childish as possible when his temper being tested. He’s not flawless, but for Soojung, he completed her in every way possible.

They’re probably in a terms of getting to know each other, but the main question that lingered in her mind was, how long she has to wait until Jongin finally confessed about his real feelings towards her? Was he waiting for her to give a hint? That’s kind of weird if he couldn’t tell whether Soojung likes him or not, because the answer was way obvious.

It’s impossible if Jongin didn’t know what Soojung felt for him. She had a crush on him, she likes him, she fell form him in. He might be not realized that everytime they cross the road and he held her hand, Soojung always wished for him to hold it longer. She also brought him sometimes a breakfast that she prepared for him (she even woke up around 5 in the morning just to prepare it) and when he’s sick, she came to his place just to check on him.

The most obvious one should be the time when she had a problem with her laptop. No matter how hard she tried, her laptop didn’t want to turn on. Seemed like she messed up with the battery or something, but she knew she’s in hell because she got her report on it and it should be handed on the next day. Jongin was there and helped her; she didn’t know how, but the laptop suddenly can be used again and spontaneously, fuelled by the euphoria of having her laptop back, Soojung hugged his neck and kissed his right cheek. The awkward moment happened after that of course, the second she realized it she immediately stepped back from him. But as expected from Kim Jongin, he just smiled and said thank you to her as he ruffled her hair, making her red in embarrassment.

Soojung would never forget that day, when her lips met his soft skin. The memory itself already made her shivered.

But nothing really changed after that. He still hanging out with her and she’s getting more attached to his presence; in which Soojung realize was not a good sign, because if he didn’t feel the same, she’s in trouble.  

She’s helplessly in love with this guy named Kim Jongin.  

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It’s raining. Hard.

Soojung looked at the heavy rain with regret. All morning she had been contemplating whether should she bring the umbrella or not, considering her heavy bag that’s filled with her text book and also the paper, not to mention her laptop bag that’s already filed with her journals. Considering that the weather looked sunny in the past three days, Soojung ignored the weather forecast that already informed her about the possibility of rain in the afternoon and went out for her class.

She’d just study in the library and about to go for her next class when the rain fall. It’s supposed to be a makeup class and Soojung really have to go to the class, but the rain made it impossible for her to cross the open space between the library and the next building. By the time she reached her class, she probably looked like a dog soaked in water. And for this reason also, hated being drenched in water, Soojung hates rain. She dislikes it a lot; rain made her wet and messy, she’s just plainly has no favor on it.

Soojung looked between the rainy road and her watch. It’s almost the time for the lecture; she couldn’t fail at this subject just because of the rain. Taking a deep breath, Soojung got ready to just running under the rain but she stopped as something held on her hand.

“Hey, where are you going under this heavy rain, huh?”

Soojung blinked her eyes several times, surprised with Jongin’s presence there.

“What are you doing here?” she automatically asked him.

“This is our public library, I believe? Of course I’m studying here earlier” he answered, chuckled as he smiled. “You haven’t told me the answer of my question”

“Oh. I’m about to go to my class, but it’s raining. I really need to go there” she said, helpless. Jongin sneakily waved an umbrella that’s hidden behind his back.

“Gotta save you” he said, smirking playfully. “Let’s go!” Jongin said as he opened the umbrella, waiting for Soojung to come over. She walked closer to him and stood next to Jongin. “Do you want to run or walk?” he asked her.

“Which one is better? I don’t want to get wet” she said, reminding him. By now, both of them already at the stage where one knew each other like and dislike. Like how Jongin knew Soojung doesn’t like rain, Soojung acknowledge that Jongin dislikes horror movie.

“Running then” Jongin said. His left arm draped around Soojung’s shoulder, making her standing closer to him. “Ready?” he looked at her and gave a cue to run.

The first few steps, Soojung felt wobble and couldn’t catch the rhyme of Jongin’s steps but she adjusted to it immediately. Avoiding the rain to fall on her, Jongin pulled her closer to him and let the umbrella moved more to Soojung’s side, making the side of his sweater wetted by water. They ran pretty fast, despite the heavy bag she brought and sometimes before reaching her building, Jongin let out a sudden laugh.

“What?” she asked, in the middle of their running time.

“So this is how it feels…” he said, still running.

“What feels?”

“Walking together under umbrella in the rain” he replied. “This is the first time I’m waking in the rain under umbrella with a girl” he glanced at her, smiling sweetly that Soojung couldn’t avoid the increasing speed in her heart beat upon his words.

So, was it means that she’s special?

The thought of it made her fluttered and secretly, she smiled in happiness. Jongin, once again, made her feelings butterfly all over her body. How she wished he would confess to her already… Little by little, Soojung admitted that his words, his acts, and his body signs told everything possible about his feeling towards her. But she had no idea why he did nothing over it.

The hold on her shoulder was getting tighter when Jongin moved closer to her as they ran, making Soojung stick her head to his chest and slipped her right hand to the hem of his sweater, just to make enough room under the umbrella. She would never forget the sturdiness of his chest mixed with his natural scent that drove her crazy. For once, she wished that they would never reach her building and instead of going to her class, they could just cuddle in a warm bed, hugging each other. She started to feel suffocated because it’s exactly not an easy task to breathe normally when all she breathed was his smell, the manly smell of Jongin.     

In seconds, they arrived in her building. Soojung only has several minutes to go to the third floor and got in her class, but she still had time to once again look at Jongin’s face. Not looking exhausted at all, he motioned his hand as he told her to go for her class. Soojung swore she never really wanted to hug a guy but Jongin in front of her was so tempting and all she wanted to do was throwing herself to him. Yes, she could go as low as that with Jongin.

“Thank you” she said, smiling at him.

“You’re very welcome” he replied as he casually ruffled her hair. This time, she didn’t complain at his action. Jongin’s touch was the thing that she had been waiting for. “Go in, your class probably already starts” he said as he patted her shoulder. She probably looked so mess right now, but she didn’t care as long as Jongin caressed her.

She’s so desperately in love with him. She really wished he could hear how crazy her heart beat right now caused by the simple act he did.

Oh, and she really fond of rain ever since they walked under the umbrella together.

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“I have nothing to wear”

Soojung mumbled at her sprawled clothes on her bed. She looked at all of her clothes and shook her head in such a hopeless movement. No matter how many times she looked at her clothes collection, she didn’t feel satisfy to check upon it. She immediately regretted her decision for not joining Jiyoung’s offer to do shopping spree yesterday.

Jongin asked her to watch a music concert. It was an indie bands concert but he bet it’ll be a great since the participant mostly already joined international stages. As she fond of indie music also, Soojung happily agreed to watch the concert with Jongin. Problem was, Jongin was merely thirty minutes away from her house and she still has nothing to wear. Darn, it was so hard for her to wear decent and proper clothes. Well, she wanted to impress him also, so Soojung really wanted to do well in this event.

After thinking for minutes, Soojung finally come up with the idea of wearing her white shirt tucked inside the amber colored high waist short, covered with an oversized plaid shirt. She let her long black wavy hair fell on her shoulder as she applied for some make up. Soojung didn’t do much with her face; she just applied the eyeliner and colored her lips with a pretty pink lipstick. Right when she’s taking her black clutch back, her phone rang. She accepted the phone in loud speaker mode.

“Jongin?” she said casually as she wore her earrings.

“Soojung? This is me. Sehun” the voice was heard from the other line.

Soojung frowned. Why would Sehun call her on Saturday afternoon? They were in the same studying group, but she remembered they had no deadline for the upcoming week.

“Yes, Sehun?”

“Hmm. Can I talk to you?” he asked, sounded a little unsure.

“Well-“Soojung was about to say yes, right when Jongin’s name appeared on the awaited call. He should be already arrived in front of her house. “Sehun, really sorry I have another call. I’ll call you again, ok? Bye, Sehun!”

Soojung ended Sehun’s call and answered Jongin’s in excitement.

“Hi” she said, tried to act as natural as possible. This is one of the dating tips she learned from her cousin: don’t act like you’re too eager but don’t act too much like you don’t want them. This is the pull and push trick a woman has to master.

“Hi, Soojung. Where are you?” Jongin asked her.

“I’m still in my room. Did you arrive already? I’ll go downstairs and-“

“Soojung” Jongin cut her words, making her immediately fell in silent. “I’m sorry but I think we should cancel the concerts thingy”

“Oh” she couldn’t hide her disappointment towards his words. Right when she already dressed up like this, he decided to cancel it. Great. “Is there something happen?”

“My girlfriend is coming to Seoul today”

Soojung stared at the mirror, looking at her own reflection. She looked lost and blinked in a very slow motion. What did he just say? Girlfriend?

“Soojung?” Jongin called her name as he missed her voice. She didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry what, Jongin?”

Soojung really has to hear his answer, just to make sure that she didn’t listen wrong.

“My girlfriend is coming; I’m going to pick her up at the airport”

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Yes. Jongin has a girlfriend.