"Confessed"

“Let’s stop”

Soojung looked up from her working sheet and saw Sehun stared at her with a very straight glance. “I know you’re not in the mood. Let’s stop for today and continue tomorrow” he said as he took his paper, getting ready to stand up right when Soojung’s hand held his. Sehun stopped moving, looking at her hand and then to the girl who sat across him.

“Can’t we continue this? For another hour?” she pleaded.

Sehun sighed and sat back on his chair. “Soojung, we’ve been doing the homework and learning new material the past three hours and you still want more? It’s almost 7 now. Go home”

She slowly lost her grip on his hand, on which Sehun felt a bit disappointed. “Ok, you go home. I’ll continue studying here” she shortly replied, looking at her textbook and working sheet.

“No, you’re not” Sehun muttered as he took the book and paper from her, earning a glare from Soojung. “We’re going home” and by that Sehun shoved her books to her bag and as he held her bag, he gave her his hand. “Come with me”

Soojung still sitting on her chair, refused to move. She’s not really into the mood to go home; she just wanted to stay a little bit longer outside, so when she back to her room she could just go straight to sleep. She needed to be busy, because when she’s alone and has nothing to do, her mind would go to Jongin, and that’s not good for her.  She kept occupying herself the past two days and Sehun knew she’s just looking for escapism.

It was like seeing Soojung back to the state when she knew Jongin has a girlfriend, the period when she looked all gloomy and sad and Sehun couldn’t see her like that again. He overcame his feeling towards Soojung, it’s not easy he admitted, but he really worked on it and he could do it. Why she couldn’t do it? Why she tortured herself by liking a guy who obviously has a girlfriend and don’t even see her?

Sometimes Sehun wanted to scold her like that. Sometimes he just wanted Soojung to understand that there’s no hope for her and Jongin. But in the end, just like everytime he wished she would stop liking Jongin, he would just look at Soojung who has her mind wandered around.

“I’m sorry, Sehun” she muttered. She knew she bothered him a lot. And realizing that this guy had been spending his time just to accompany her to study, she felt guilty. She couldn’t drag him into her misery; that would be so selfish. Soojung stood up and look at Sehun, tried to smile as honest as she could.

“Should we go for some drink?” Sehun suggested and got a nod as reply.

The two friends walked out from the university and started to chat about anything but her feeling. Both of them knew exactly the problem in her mind, but they chose to ignore it. After having some street food, Sehun and Soojung ended up at the park near her house while drinking some beer. She’s not really into drinking though, but tonight, she felt like she needed to do it, besides weekend is approaching. She would just drink and sleep, and forgot everything during weekend.

“We’re friends since high school” Sehun suddenly said as he sipped the drink and put the bottle near him. Soojung placed her chin at the top of her knee, as she pulled her knees to her chest, hugging it. “Me, Jongin, and Jinri. We first met during the first year and after that, you could tell that we’re inseparable” Sehun glanced at Soojung, she just sitting quietly.

He didn’t want to make her sad again though, but since Jongin seemed to be occupied with Jinri, it seemed to be impossible to wait for Jongin to explain to Soojung, plus he bet that Jongin wouldn’t do that too. At least she deserved to know what kind of relationship Jinri and Jongin has.

“They fell in love in the second semester and being a couple since that time. Jinri is a happy go lucky girl; she has so many charms to make people love her. Meanwhile, Jongin is an antisocial person, he rarely has a friend. During that time, it seemed like impossible for Jongin to be Jinri’s boyfriend. He has a lot of competitors and most of them coming from the popular group where Jinri came from. And although he’s my best friend, I also have different group from Jongin. But in the end, she fell for him just like that”

Sehun stopped his words, still no respond from Soojung.

“They’re not always a great couple, but Jinri matched well with Jongin. They fought and then made up, they could quarrel like crazy but the next day they could just act like a very loving couple…”

It’s silent again. Sehun stopped talking, while Soojung played with her fingers.

“In the end, I’m just hallucinating right…” she finally spoke. “I thought he likes me, turned out he has a girlfriend. I continued to like him, staying with him. It’s hurting me, but seeing him made me happy, Sehun. Do you understand it?”

Soojung took a deep breath and sighed. She didn’t want to cry but her eyes got teary, just by thinking that she would never see Jongin anymore. She made a fool of herself, how stupid.

“We started great. I don’t understand where we got it wrong… Everything’s too fast, I like him too much and I….I don’t even know what I’m saying…I’m so stupid, Sehun…” she covered her face with both of her palms, feeling so low and embarrassed.

From the very start, she’s the wrong one; she’s the one who couldn’t control her feeling. She let herself being fooled by a feeling called love which currently destroying her. The feeling was not mutual and she’s left all alone, thinking that things might be work between Jongin and her, while she knew exactly there’s nothing on the store for her.

“You’re not stupid, Soojung. You’re just in love…” Sehun softly patted her back.

“Yeah, and that’s stupid. How could you let yourself being played by love? It’s totally not clever at all” she scoffed.

“Well, you can’t be smart and in love at the same time, can you?” he looked at her while giving his signature smirk towards Soojung, successfully made the girl let out her first smile the past three day ever since she met Jinri. She felt a little better after talking to Sehun. After all, he’s her savior.

“Now stop your tears, ok?” he said as he wiped Soojung’s tears. He smiled even though his heart felt hurt upon knowing how Soojung likes Jongin so much to the point she let herself hurt. It’s like a cursed cycle; he likes her, but Soojung likes Jongin, while Jongin likes Jinri and she likes him back. But what can they do? They’re just merely in the first stage of their youth and broken heart was part of it.

“I can forget him, right?” she mumbled as she looked at Sehun.

“Depends”

“Hmm?”

“If you want to forget him, you can forget him. If you don’t, then you can’t do it. But most importantly, you have to let go. Whatever belongs to you, will be yours in the end, Soojung. What is not belonging to you, no matter how hard you work on it, would never be yours…”

Soojung raised one of her eyebrows as she saw Sehun talked.

“What?” he asked her groggily as she kept looking at him.

“You’re more poetic than I thought” she commented shortly, standing up from the bench.

Sehun pressed his smile and stood next to her. “But at least you feel better, right?”

“Much better”

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Home, of course” she replied as she started to move.

As they walked to their own home, Soojung and Sehun left in a deep thinking. Both of them need to sort their feeling. Sehun was thinking about his possibility to get her back, while Soojung contemplated to leave things as it is now or be honest with Jongin.

She really wanted to let go and see, whether she and Jongin belong together or never were.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Jongin is always popular with girl, right Sehun?” Jinri said as she ate her fries happily, teasing her boyfriend being shy in front of Soojung.

The four of them were sitting on the outside area of the restaurant as they enjoyed their lunch at the amusement park. Jinri, who’s currently free, asked Jongin to accompany her while asking Sehun and Soojung also to join. Sehun, of course, tried his best to fail Jinri’s request as he knew Soojung would never like this; but to his contrary, Soojung just accepted the request. And here they are, sitting together while eating the hamburger and coke.

“Soojung, did Jongin treat you right? Sometimes he can be so annoying to the point I don’t want to talk with him due to his annoyance. You fool” Jinri said as she pinched Jongin’s cheek. The boy could only pout, on which Soojung thought was cute. Sehun’s right, these two are a cute couple.

“Well, sometime he’s annoying, But overall, he’s fine” Soojung replied, playing her straw as she flashed her smile. Jongin is annoying though, but she likes the way he annoyed her.

Jongin glanced at Soojung and scoffed. As expected from her, she wouldn’t bluff anything unimportant.

“I envied you; you can see Jongin everyday…” Jinri suddenly said making Jongin shook his head.

“Here comes again the spoiled Jinri” Jongin commented.   

If there’s anyone who should feel envy, it would be Soojung. She envied Jinri a lot; she owned Jongin’s heart, what would that made Soojung? But she got used to what Jinri said. They had been spending time together though. Although Soojung already tried her best to be away from the two, still, Jinri would never stop to ask her to join them. She’s really persistent that even though Jongin and Sehun tried their best to cancel her plan to ask Soojung joined them, she successfully asked Soojung out.

To say that it was not bothering Soojung was an understatement though. She dislikes it. Soojung always has to wear her poker faces whenever she spent time with the couple. Jongin never made her feeling like that though, but Jinri was. She really has no idea that Soojung and Jongin were that close that they shared their secret, that they shared bed, and even more, spent a night together. Of course Jongin had no bad intention towards Soojung, but to think about it again, especially with Jinri sat in front of her and thought that Jongin and Soojung only act as a normal close friend, Soojung felt a little guilty. Soojung likes Jinri’s boyfriend, and how wrong that sounds?

She really wished that she never met Jongin, never knew him, and never had that stupid walk with him. It’s true what they said, love is blind but it knows where to hit. But maybe, what she felt for Jongin was not love. If she loves him, could she just let him be with Jinri? If she loves him, wouldn’t she be angry to see him lovingly played with Jinri’s hair while pinching her cheeks and teasing her cutely in front of Soojung? If she loves him, wouldn’t she fight to be with him?

“I guess Soojung is famous between the guys here?” Jinri, again, asked another random question. Soojung only shrugged her shoulder and drank her coke.

“Well, she’s pretty famous. She has admirers from the north until south building. Remember the ‘Library Ghost’?” Jongin said as he looked to Soojung. The girl acknowledged with a nod and a giggle.

“Yes, he’s one of the creepiest stalker ever” Soojung felt a shiver again when they talked about the stalker who always followed Soojung whenever she goes. Thing was, Soojung didn’t know where he was but then he would text her, telling her that she looked beautiful on the clothes she wore that day and even followed to her house. That was super creepy; Jongin has to step in to help Soojung talking to that guy. Fortunately, after talking to him several times, the guy stopped showing and her life back to peace.

Jongin told Jinri the story over it and made his girlfriend looked scared. “You should get yourself a boyfriend, Soojung!” Jinri said after she heard the stalker story. Soojung almost choked over hearing her words as she was eating the fries. “This happened to me too. But once the guy knew that Jongin is my boyfriend, they stopped doing anything to me” she glanced at Jongin; her boyfriend just let a small smile.

 Of course Soojung experienced the same too. There was a period when guys who made a move on her thought that Jongin was her boyfriend, so they stopped asking her out. Soojung felt thankful though because she didn’t have to reject the guy – the thing she hates a lot when it comes to listening to guy’s confession – and partially, she really wished that Jongin was hers.

“I think you look great with Sehun”

And this time, Sehun was the one who choked pretty badly. He was calmly enjoying his burgers and ignoring whatever Jinri said, but when he heard her words about him and Soojung, Sehun couldn’t help but choked. He felt thankful to Soojung though for helping him with the coke and patted his back, helping him to breathe again.

“See, you two match together” Jinri commented, smiling to both of them.

“Stop teasing them” Jongin said, drinking his coke. “You okay? Your face is red, Sehun” Jongin looked at Sehun’s face.

Sehun looked so damn red that even his ears colored the same. No one but Sehun realized that it was not because of the choke that he went red; it’s about what Jinri said. He got rid of his feeling, but still, he felt a little awkward and nervous whenever he’s being too close with Soojung. And the way Jinri totally did not help at all, especially when Soojung moved closer to him to help patted his back. Sometimes Sehun wondered, what Jongin did not see from Soojung? She’s likeable and it’s so possible for any guy to fall for her. Is he really has no feel for Soojung?

The lunch continued with chatter and storytelling presented by Jinri. She’s totally into talking and making everyone fell for her charm. Soojung several times caught how Jongin looked at Jinri lovingly and no matter how hard she tried, Soojung couldn’t keep her fake smile stayed on her face. They barely talking the past few days because Jongin was occupied with Jinri and of course, she couldn’t be too comfortable around Jongin. Jinri knew she’s close with her boyfriend, but she bet Jinri wouldn’t like it if Jongin was too close with her; she’s just his friend anyway.

When they finally moved out from the restaurant and started to walk again, Sehun excused him to pay for extra ice creams ordered by Jinri as the girl followed him to the counter, leaving the two near the Ferris wheels. This was the first time for both to feel so awkward standing next to each other. Jongin stood as he put both of his hand to his jeans pocket, while stealing a glance at Soojung who looked up to the sky, watching the Ferris Wheels slowly moving.

“Hey” Jongin called her. In reply, Soojung just hummed and kept looking up. “You’re good?”

Soojung turned her head and faced Jongin. He looked extra fresh today, dark brown hair with hat paired with his jeans and blue button up shirt. He smiled once he met her eyes, things that never failed to make her heart fluttered.

“I’m fine” she replied.

“You don’t look well. What’s with the permanent frown in your face?” he teasingly pinched her cheek. He made a cute pout when she struggled to be freed from him; he laughed a little as he watched her.    

“I’m just tired. That’s all” she shrugged her shoulder lazily. The autumn wind made her shiver; Soojung hugged herself with her arms. Sehun and Jinri still not coming back from the ice cream counters, she saw Jinri happily talked with Sehun.   

“I’m sorry if Jinri tend to say whatever she wanted. She’s like that, kept talking and sometimes annoyed people with her unstoppable fuss. She talked too much, didn’t she?”

“How could you say that to your girlfriend?” Soojung commented playfully.

“Don’t be bothered with her words. Sometimes she didn’t mean things she said” Jongin stole a glance at Jinri, his girlfriend saw him and waved cutely while still waiting for the ice creams. He smiled to himself upon seeing her but then he saw Soojung who already looked at the Ferris Wheels again.

“Things like what?” she asked him.

“Like you and Sehun. Jinri just randomly saying things” he said, playing with the tip of his feet as he kicked the empty air.

“Anything wrong with me and Sehun?”

Jongin looked up and faced Soojung who looked at him back. Unlike her gloomy appearance, Soojung suddenly looked so excited and curious to hear Jongin’s answer.

“Well… there’s nothing wrong”

“But?”

Jongin shook his head. “Nothing”  

“Ice cream!” Jinri happily chirped and handed ice cream to Jongin’s hand while Sehun gave it to Soojung. “This is like the best ice cream in this place” Jinri commented as she ate the ice cream. Soojung couldn’t stop feeling envy to Jinri. She’s so cute and she’s nowhere in the position of being cute like her.

They continued their walk as Soojung suddenly linked her arm to Sehun. She swore she didn’t want to use Sehun, but her unfinished talk with Jongin earlier just motivated her to make him, let’s say, a little boiled. So she easily linked her arm with Sehun while enjoying their ice cream as she continued walking like there’s nothing wrong with it. Soojung didn’t pay attention on how Sehun’s hand went stiff as their skin touched, or how Jinri slyly smiled towards the couple in front of her, or another pair of eyes who somehow felt surprised yet dislike the feeling in his stomach upon seeing the scene.

They’re all clueless.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After what it seemed to be a day at the amusement parks with all of the rides being playing off, the four getting ready to go back to their places. The day was perfectly ended, with Soojung ended up being a little closer to Jinri. She used to all her snarky and playful comments during their time hanging out together. She didn’t feel awkward again to Jinri even though at some points she felt a little bothered with her, but overall, Jinri is nice and Soojung is fine with it.

When they took off from the train, Jinri took her time to the bathroom while taking Soojung with her. It was Jinri’s last night in Seoul before she headed back to Shanghai, where she went for school. The bathroom was not too full that night; in fact, it was only she and Soojung inside. Right when Soojung washed her hands, Jinri stood next to her and as she washed her hands too, she couldn’t stop eyeing Soojung.

“Soojung. What do you think of Sehun?” she asked her. Again, Sehun’s name mentioned.

“Why?”

“Don’t you think he’s handsome?”

Soojung let out a chuckle. “You’ve been asking me this the whole day, and I think you won’t stop until I answer your question?”

“Right. I think you match very well with Sehun. Don’t you think so? You two looked perfect for each other, you’ll make a good couple with him” she mentioned her reason.

“Well, maybe. But I don’t think so” Soojung replied, wiping the water from her hands.

“Why not? Both of you are single, so what are you waiting for?”

Soojung eyed Jinri who was drying her hands also. “I think you surely know that relationship is not started just because two people is currently single”

“So is it okay if the guy you like is in a relationship while you’re single?”

And that made the two having an uncomfortable silent. Soojung gulped and all she saw was Jinri at the other side of the bathroom looking at her with a teary eyes. The all happy and gleeful Jinri was long gone, replaced by the gloomy one. She didn’t smile and she totally didn’t shine, she looked awful.

“I’m sorry” she snapped and wiped her tears quickly. “I’m sorry Soojung I didn’t mean it… I mean…” she stopped talking and took a deep breath, the tears she wanted to hide couldn’t be held anymore. Tears running on Jinri’s milky cheek and the more she tried to wipe it, the more it came out.

“Jinri…” Soojung mumbled her name, unable to say anything. It took another second until Jinri could speak again.

“I don’t know where to start… I didn’t want to stalk on him, really. I swear I never checked on my boyfriend’s stuff, but not until this summer when he came to Shanghai. I know you because he told me about you earlier, but even when I saw him and spent time with him your name kept coming from his lips. Never in a day didn’t he talk about you. Soojung does this, Soojung does that, Soojung likes this, Soojung likes that…That’s annoying”

Soojung couldn’t say anything. She had no idea that Sulli, whom she thought knew nothing, came all acknowledged about her and moreover, Jongin mentioned things about her to Jinri. Soojung cursed inside to Jongin. Did he really stupid or what? This is one of basic in relationship: never ever mentioned other woman when you’re with your very own girlfriend.  

“He said that you’re a good friend to him, that you two are close like that. I want to believe it, Soojung. Really. But I felt jealous to you… He never mentioned any other girl’s names whenever he’s with me, but you” Jinri voice slowly missing. She wiped her tears again. Her smooth milky skin looked red due to her cries.

Soojung felt bad to her, she must have been hurt like crazy knowing that Jongin mentioned other woman while he’s with Jinri. Just like her.

“I want to hate you. I want to get angry to you and maybe even slap you; I planned all of it when I knew I’m going to have a week in Seoul. But it didn’t happen… You’re so pretty and nice and responded to me well, so instead of just accusing you, I changed my plan. Why not making my enemy to friend?”

Enemy. Soojung flinch upon hearing that words. Last year, when she’s not yet met Jongin, probably she would just laugh at the case where a woman stupidly attached to a man in a relationship. Now, see saw herself doing it with all of the self-conscious she has. She even planned to stay like that until she’s ready to let him go, on which she didn’t really know when. And his girlfriend now crying in front of her because of her selfish act; she just realized that this love story started to take victims.

“I know you like him” and before Soojung reacted to her words, Jinri already continued to speak. “I saw it in your eyes whenever you talk with him. And I saw your exchange texts with him. To be honest, before I came here, I was in a fight with Jongin, because of you” she added.

“I don’t think I have to say anything else to explain it to you. Please Soojung, I beg you… Please, please don’t see Jongin again. We’re almost in our fourth year now and I constantly fought with him the past 6 months just because of someone we both barely know”

Soojung felt slice of hurt. Someone they barely know. For Jinri, yes it’s true; but for Jongin? Was he really just barely knew her? That hurts.

“I’m working on with him to fix our relationship. I don’t want this ruin just because misunderstanding like this. Jongin is always kind to another girl, he always is a helpful hand whenever people need him so maybe, maybe you just misunderstood his intention. Could you understand my feeling when I heard my boyfriend kept talking about another girl? If it was you who is in my shoes, wouldn’t you feel the same like me?”

There. Soojung totally has no words to say. She wanted to say that it’s true, she likes Jongin. It’s true, Jongin made her fall like that. But she also knew that she might be not the only one who misunderstood things. Jongin, by the way he responded to her, made her totally head over heels over him; but wasn’t he supposed to feel at least a bit same with her for he kept looking for her everytime they talked? Shouldn’t he be blamed also in here?

Jinri wiped her tears again, looking at Soojung who fisted her punch and gave a blank look. She noticed that Soojung’s cheeks went red and she’s totally speechless during their talk together. 

A knock on the door awakened the two girls. Sehun’s voice heard as he called them.

“Are you two done? It’s getting late”

Jinri was the first one who responded to Sehun, telling him that they’re going to go out. Jinri stepped closer to her and held Soojung hands softly.

“Soojung, please think what I said earlier…” she said in such a desperate tone.

Jinri then walked out from the bathroom, while leaving Soojung alone there. She saw her reflection on the mirror, a girl with lost look faced her and she didn’t know what to do with that girl. In the end Soojung stepped out from the bathroom, only to see Sehun standing there, waiting for her.

“You okay?” he asked her.

Soojung didn’t say anything about that.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jinri walked together with Jongin as he brought her to her house. It’s been a while since he walked her home, hand in hand. They didn’t talk much because both felt tired already. He would take her to the airport tomorrow to send her off back to Shanghai. She didn’t want to leave though, she still missed him and the last summer plus a week in Seoul still not fulfill her longing for him.

Jongin held her hand tighter when the wind suddenly blew, making them shivered. She loves the feeling of his skin touched hers, she likes it. And it was like winning a lottery for her to be stayed like this with him. No Sehun, no Soojung. Just them.

And talking about Soojung… Jinri sighed as she remembered the words she said to her right when she’s about leaving the bathroom earlier.

“Why do you think I was the one who kept longing for him, Jinri? He loves you, you know it right? He stays with you; he didn’t do anything with me. Why are you so scared that I might steal Jongin while he just has his eyes on you?”

Jinri didn’t know too. She should not be scared because Jongin is not going anywhere. They’re still together even though they already passed so many fights and argue; how she’s jealous, how he’s so stubborn to stick to his unsocial life, they passed it. She knew Jongin likes her and cares for her, she didn’t miss it. But although they intertwined her fingers with his and walked side by side and got a good night kiss from him before he went back to his flat, Jinri knew, Jongin might be stolen from her.

She just has a feeling on it.   

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 6.

It’s a bridge before we finally got to see what made Jongin and Soojung separated their way. We’re getting closer to the end of this story… Do you think what would happen between them?

Thank you so much for reading this story and even though you guys thought that this story is depressing, I still thank you all for spending time reading it and even leave a comment on it. Thank you very much. I’m trying my best not to disappoint you all.

Hopefully I can update the next chapter asap.

Have a nice day!