Chapter eight: Love ?

Two years in a lifetime were nothing, just a flash of time in an ocean of days, weeks, months, years. But it somehow happened to look like two years were an awfully long period of time when you were desperately waiting for something.

Kibum had never been good at waiting and yet, he had been forced to. Wait for Jonghyun's smile. Wait for Jonghyun's sparkling eyes. Wait for some sort of emotion that he would convey through his words, wait for a nice compliment that he would actually mean.

But nothing of these had happened.

Jonghyun... Jonghyun was as normal as always - heck, you could even say that he was as normal as he had been the day of his arrival in the Kim's house. And none of them could explain why, why their humanoid was so robot-like when he should actually have begun to recover from his frozen state and at least, display some sort of humanity in his behaviour.

It was as though Kibum's every hope had been cruelly crushed, as if the faith he'd had in a bright future made of bursts of laughter and shared happiness had been nothing but a bittersweet dream.

How, why ? Why was Jonghyun so cold, how was it even possible that he was back to his unemotional demeanour ? It reminded Kibum of old times, when he was just a toddler that Jonghyun would hold in his arms only because he had to and not because he was somehow close to the boy, even subconsciously. But now...

Had the teenager not been there when Kang Jungwan had told his family that Jonghyun had been a human many years ago, he wouldn't have believed it, seeing the humanoid's current behaviour.

It was odd, really. While they had expected so many things, from tiny, hesitant smiles to bursts of anger, Kibum and his parents had only faced silence, dull eyes and pursed lips. This was not supposed to happen, this was not what they had been warned about. They were so concerned about this surprising behaviour that Chin Hae had actually pondered the thought of going to Kang's Company once again but... He hadn't been quite fond of the idea, as the mere mention of Park Chanhyun had him frowning in remembrance, so it had only taken a little persuasion from his wife and his son to definitely drop the idea.

But not sending Jonghyun to the firm didn't mean that they had stopped worrying nor that they had decided to just live with it: they were always watching over him, trying to find something, anything, that would explain why he was being like this, distant and silent most of the time.

Na Yung tried to talk to him every now and then, just like she did with Kibum whenever he was feeling down and sad, as if Jonghyun was her own son - which he was, somehow. But her motherly concern and her attempts at getting the humanoid to open up to her were never successful. Jonghyun would just tell her that he was fine and that she didn't need to worry.

They had also tried to treat him more like a human and less like a robot, but it hadn't worked that well: the humanoid had noticed that they weren't bossing him around as much as before and he had made sure to tell them that since he was a machine, they should treat him like one - that day, it had been really hard for Chin Hae to refrain from telling him the truth about his origins.

And to top it all, Jonghyun's and Kibum's relation was falling apart.

It had been nothing at first: a conversation cut short by the humanoid under the pretext that he had to get the food ready, that he had to clean the house or feed the cat. These were believable excuses and at the beginning, Kibum hadn't noticed that Jonghyun, his friend, was actually avoiding him.

But after a few weeks, his suspicion had grown, until he hadn't had any doubt anymore. Kibum had felt betrayed but mostly confused: what had he done to deserve the cold shoulder ? He had never hurt Jonghyun, had he ? So... Why ?

Why was he doomed to witness their relation tearing apart day after day, with few words exchanged and few glances from the humanoid ? Why was Jonghyun acting as if nothing was wrong every time the teenager tried to ask what he could do to be a better friend ?

He couldn't even remember when he had hugged the humanoid for the last time. He clearly remembered the day when he had run to Jonghyun at the firm, his heart about to explode with happiness at the sight of his friend, and this embrace had felt so, so good... But ever since then, he hadn't been physically close to the humanoid that often anymore.

Even his father had admitted that his - stupid, in Kibum's eyes - rules were now useless, seeing that it was Jonghyun himself who was putting this heartbreaking distance between himself and the members of his family.

Eventually, Kibum had let him be: it was useless to stay nearby Jonghyun when it was obvious that he didn't want him close. No matter how much it hurt, the teenager had decided to leave him alone, but he was willing to take him back in his life whenever the humanoid would realise that he needed him, too.

Because it would happen, right ? Maybe Jonghyun was being like that because he was changing and confused about it... He would probably improve and come back to his normal self once he would have sorted things out - he had to. But it killed Kibum not to be able to do anything in order to help his friend; he didn't even know if Jonghyun was really changing, since he kept everything to himself. Now, the boy was just... trying not to lose hope.

Jonghyun had been his best friend for years and he wanted it to stay that way, but it was rather hard to enjoy the presence of the humanoid when he barely looked at Kibum before storming out of the room.

Fortunately, he also had Taemin and his other friends from school, and Kibum had found himself getting closer and closer to them; he didn't want to replace Jonghyun but he didn't intend to stay all alone until the day the humanoid would finally acknowledge him again.

In spite of everything, there was still one thing which hadn't changed over the past two years: Jonghyun was as obedient and dutiful as always - well, save for that day with Taemin - so if Kibum wanted something, he could trust the humanoid to get it for him, no matter what it was.

And today, the teenager really needed the answer to an embarrassing question and he didn't dare to face his parents for that, so...

"Jonghyun ?"

The teenager patiently waited for the humanoid to be done watering their indoor plants, noting with sadness that two years ago, Jonghyun would have immediately turned around to face him. Eventually, he did, and Kibum grabbed his wrist in a fast motion to drag him inside his bedroom, turning his back on him and thereby, missing the expression of surprise that appeared on Jonghyun's face but quickly faded away as the humanoid collected himself - he couldn't let Kibum witness his reactions, he was working hard to keep an unreadable face under any circumstances and he couldn't let all his efforts go to waste.

Once they made it to the teenager's bedroom, Kibum let go of his wrist and ran his hand through his hair, feeling slightly nervous. But Jonghyun wouldn't ask any question, right ? He would just... be some sort of messenger and nothing more.

"Jonghyun..." Kibum began softly. "Could you do something for me ?"

"Sure." the humanoid answered. "What is it ?"

"Could you... Could you ask something to my parents for me ?"

Kibum didn't wait for an answer but quickly added, slightly pink as the words flowed out of his mouth:

"Don't tell them I asked you this, okay ? They don't have to know, just pretend you heard someone talking about that and you want to know their opinions but please, please, don't say my name in this, this would be totally embarrassing and they don't have to know for now and especially not if they're against it but..."

The teenager finally went quiet when a cold finger was pressed against his lips and his eyes widened as he realised that the finger actually belonged to Jonghyun. However, the humanoid seemed to realise it as well and he quickly took a step back, leaving a tingling sensation on Kibum's soft lips.

The blonde boy looked at Jonghyun in confusion: this was the first time in months that the humanoid had touched him... Tears gathered in his eyes and he immediately tried to block them: it wasn't the right time to let Jonghyun think that he was hurt or else, the humanoid would probably never touch him again.

"I don't understand what you're saying." Jonghyun told the teenager. "What do I have to ask ?"

Kibum bit his lower lip and grumbled something that the humanoid wasn't able to catch.

"What ?"

"I want to know what they think about being gay." he repeated, louder this time, before blushing and jumping on his bed to bury his face in his pillow.

"Gay ?" the humanoid said, clueless.

What was that ?

"Yeah..." Kibum groaned. "Would you mind going now ? They are in the kitchen."

"Sure."

Jonghyun walked out of the bedroom and closed the door behind him before climbing down the stairs. He allowed himself to frown for a second before pulling a straight face and entering the kitchen, where Na Yung and Chin Hae were... dancing.

Was it really what they were supposed to do in the kitchen ? Jonghyun eventually decided that it didn't really matter and he tried to draw their attention on him.

"Masters ?" he said.

"Oh, Jonghyun !" Na Yung exclaimed as she stopped, yet remained in her husband's tight embrace. "What brings you here ?"

"I wanted to ask something." he answered, reminding himself that Kibum didn't want to be involved in this, for whatever reason.

Na Yung's face lit up and Chin Hae smiled: was Jonghyun finally opening up to them again ? Would he share something with them ? Would he tell them that he felt himself changing ?

"Was does gay mean ?"

Their smiles quickly vanished. Oh. Well, that was unexpected.

"Well..." Na Yung began. "It means that a person is in love with someone of the same . You know, two women or two men."

Jonghyun tried not to show his confusion and added:

"And what do you think of it ?"

Chin Hae grinned:

"You mean, is it wrong or right ? Jonghyun, we are almost in the twenty-second century, you know. Everyone is free to love whoever they want and no one should be judgemental about it. Anyway, where does this come from ?"

"I heard people talking about it..." he vaguely answered before bowing slightly. "Thank you for your answers."

He turned around and slowly made his way back to his younger master's bedroom, without noticing that Na Yung's and Chin Hae's gazes were lingering on his retreating silhouette, looking slightly confused and obviously not believing him.

Oblivious to everything else, Jonghyun kept wondering about his masters' words, brows slightly furrowed in frustration: he didn't understand. What was love all about ?

He made sure to keep a blank face as he knocked on the door of the teenager's bedroom, then he entered and immediately headed for the bed. Kibum had wrapped his blanket all over his body and the humanoid could only see his blonde hair, which he ruffled gently.

Kibum gasped and suddenly sat up, eyes wide as he stared at Jonghyun: it was the second time today that the humanoid had willingly touched him. The second time ! It could only mean one thing, right ? Jonghyun was back to his normal self ! He was sure of it !

He didn't have the time to react, even though he would have happily jumped around and let out his joy, because the humanoid took the floor as he sat by his side on the bed.

"They're fine with it." he simply told the boy.

"Oh."

Kibum didn't say anything else but Jonghyun could see that he was relieved. And finally, he understood.

"Are you gay ?" he asked quietly.

The teenager turned an impressive bright shade of red and gave him a short nod; it didn't take long before Jonghyun was able to put two and two together: if Kibum knew it, that meant that he was probably in love - with a boy. That also meant that he could answer his questions.

"Tell me what love is." the humanoid suddenly said.

"What ?" Kibum exclaimed, surprised.

"Even if I don't know how you feel inside... " Jonghyun began, looking at everything in the room but the teenager not to give his lie away. "I know you're hurt or sad when you cry. I know you're happy when you smile or laugh. But I don't know how you express your love. What does it feel like ?"

The blonde kept quiet for a while, struggling with his words. Love... Love was hard to explain, especially to Jonghyun: it wouldn't mean anything to him, he couldn't relate to it, so how could he possibly understand ?

"It is..." he began, his voice hesitant as he tried to make it as simple as possible. "It is a feeling you get when you want... You want someone. All of them. The person may have endless flaws, you'll look beyond the appearances and keep this person close to you, because it feels right. You want them to be happy and you want to be the reason of their smiles. And... Protect them. Spend your life with them."

"Is that so..." Jonghyun whispered, glancing at Kibum's hands that were tightly wrapped around his knees.

There was a short silence before the humanoid took the floor again:

"How does it feel to you ?" he asked, fighting the urge to grab the boy's pale and delicate hand in his own to never let him go.

"I feel happy." the teenager answered. "And there are butterflies in my stomach, my palms get sweaty and my heart... It beats faster than ever."

Jonghyun couldn't help but place his hand on Kibum's chest, in order to check by himself; he had a hard time restraining from frowning when he didn't feel any heartbeat echoing against his palm.

"You can't feel it, silly." the blonde said, smiling at the touch.

Jonghyun's nerves were still numb, he remembered, so he wouldn't be able to feel the tiny bumping under his fingers before he recovered from his sensory loss. Thus, the teenager gently placed his hands behind the humanoid's head and pulled him down, until the boy's ear was pressed against his chest.

Silence filled the bedroom as Jonghyun listened to the muffled sound, head buried into Kibum's shirt, his hands clutching the fabric. This steadily beating heart... It made him feel... So, so weird. But so, so good...

"Does it beat for someone ?" he asked softly as he looked up, locking eyes with the teenager's brown orbs.

Because he had a heart too, and the day it would beat normally again, he was sure that it would be for this tiny human.

"Maybe..." the blonde shyly answered, freeing himself from Jonghyun's grasp.

"Are you in love, Bummie ?" he then asked.

The young boy's stars-filled eyes were enough of an answer, but the teenager said, voice barely audible:

"I think I am... There's this friend, at school... I really, really like him."

Oh. A friend... From school. Someone else. Not Jonghyun.

Pain.

Something tightened in his chest and the humanoid took a step back when he felt anger boiling up inside him, a sudden surge of intense fury that almost had him tripping as he made his way outside the room, mumbling that he had a diner to prepare.

Control yourself. Control yourself. Don't... Don't break anything.

Jonghyun quickly entered his own room and quietly closed the door behind him, making sure to lock it. Two seconds later, his clenched fist hit the wall as his rage finally got the best of him and he kept punching the hard surface until his frustration died a little.

He was so mad. So ing mad ! And he couldn't do anything about it, he couldn't even hurt himself physically to release the awful feelings that were going through him as this thought lingered on his mind: Kibum loved someone.

Jonghyun slowly walked towards his bed and sat down, deciding to wait until he'd calmed down - he didn't have any other choice anyway and he knew it very well. After all, anger was an emotion which he had got used to.

The humanoid had had time to learn how to deal with his secret feelings: six months after his return from the firm, he had experienced what Kibum had told Taemin about: emotions had started to come back on a regular basis.

He had seized the opportunity that he was alone most of the time, Chin Hae and Na Yung being at work during the day and Kibum at school, to try and understand these new reactions he was having, these foreign feelings invading him at the most random times, when he didn't expect it at all.

He had never told anyone. It would be useless. Jonghyun painfully remembered how he had unwillingly overheard Kibum's phone conversation with Taemin, when all he wanted was to be close to the blonde boy after two weeks of being apart... And Kibum had clearly said that Jonghyun couldn't know that he had been human before.

Probably because it wasn't worth it. Because it would change everything. And Jonghyun didn't want to be a burden to the Kim's family, nor a potential danger.

That was why he had decided that no one could know that he was changing inside and outside as well. He had found out that he was quite good at hiding his newly recovered feelings, mostly because at first, his expression would never change when sudden and strong waves of emotion hit him. However, he was now able to knit his brows or clench his jaw, so he had to control his face when he was around Kibum and his parents. Somehow, it was a relief that he still couldn't blink: from what he'd read on the Internet - because yes, he had looked it up - blinking was a reflex, which meant that he wouldn't control it and that it would be pretty easy for his family to notice it.

Also, Jonghyun was clumsy, since his muscles were just slowly starting to stretch again, so he spent every night working on his ability to control his body and his face, which tended to twitch when he wasn't focused enough. While the nights were long and lonely before, now morning seemed to come too fast and the humanoid constantly felt like he hadn't worked enough on himself. Sometimes, he would rather spend the night thinking, about a lot of things, but mostly about his parents. He couldn't help but wonder if he looked like his mother or his father, if he had been close to them and his sister... Had he been a nice boy to his family ? He tried, he really tried to remember them, but it seemed like his memories were definitely lost; it was frustrating and it left an awful feeling of emptiness inside him, so he would often end up trying to sort out the different emotions he felt, in order to focus on something else than his long lost and forgotten family.

Jonghyun suddenly stood up and faced the mirror attached to his wardrobe, quietly staring at his reflection.

"Come on." he said to himself. "Smile. Don't be mad."

The right corner of his mouth slightly twitched but nothing else happened and the humanoid assumed that it looked like an angry smirk rather than a happy expression.

The wall earned a new punch.

Why couldn't he manage to curl his lips in a smile ? Why couldn't he do what he wanted with his own body ?! And he couldn't even avoid the reactions he didn't want to have... His efforts were useless. Today was the proof of it.

He had been surprised when Kibum had grabbed his wrist a bit earlier today and he knew he had looked confused after he had been done talking to his masters... If it kept on like this, they would soon understand what the humanoid was hiding from them; his expressions would end up betraying his true feelings, and if they didn't, his reactions would do the job pretty well too.

It was hard but he couldn't give up, he had to keep himself under control... It couldn't end like it had with Taemin: he knew that the boy was still scared of him and Kibum... Kibum couldn't be afraid of him.

It was Jonghyun's biggest fear, that one day he would scare the teenager, who would never want to talk to him again. He knew he would never be able to stand being apart as they had been before, especially if Kibum himself wanted it. He was too attached to the blonde boy to allow this.

This was also the reason behind the distance he had put between Kibum, his parents and himself: that way, there weren't as many risks they would witness his bursts of anger. Sure, it meant that they weren't as close as before anyway but it was probably better like this... Because at least, Kibum was still his friend and he was still eager to be near him, which wouldn't be the case anymore if he was scared of him.

The humanoid knew very well that the teenager would never give up on him without a good reason but fear might be one. So, it was better to be slightly cold towards him while knowing that Kibum still liked him, right ? Was it manipulation ? Maybe... Was it bad ? Maybe, yes. But then again, Jonghyun didn't really know what was right and what was wrong. But if it meant that the teenager was still his friend no matter what, then the humanoid assumed that it could only be right.

Kibum...

Jonghyun's chest tightened again. The boy was in love and happy, so why couldn't he be happy for his little master too ? He should be, instead of being mad and... Well, clearly jealous.

He thought once again about Kibum's words. How a person in love would want to protect their beloved one, how they would want all of them. And he definitely wanted Kibum. All of him. The beautiful and bubbly boy, as well as the sometimes nagging and stubborn teenager. He wanted to protect him. That was all he would ever wish for: being allowed to stay by Kibum's side until the end and keep him close to him, so he would never be alone.

Jonghyun brought his hand up to his chest and placed his palm on top of the area where his heart was slowly getting warm again, before he said tentatively, voice nothing more than a whisper:

"I love you, Kibum."

The humanoid couldn't tell right from wrong. But this, hearing the soft words swirl in the air as he confessed his feelings for the teenager to the emptiness of his room, it definitely felt right.

I honestly feel like this chapter , oh my God... I'm sorry ;.;

Oh, and Humanoid has now more than 200 subscribers, I'm so happy and grateful to all of you ! And your comments make my day every time *-*

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