Chapter ten: Heartbreak

For the first time in his life, or at least for the first time since his heart had begun to warm up his whole organism, Jonghyun could say that he had spent an awful night. A horrible night, filled with worries and concerned hypotheses about what could possibly happen if the Kim were to find out about the changes that had been occurring lately.

It was okay to feel, to have strong emotions coming back, as long as he could control himself; it was hard but the humanoid had managed to keep it a secret so far - although Kibum had almost seen through him, he had seemed to believe Jonghyun when he had pretended that he didn't feel any different.

But reflexes were a whole different story. Jonghyun had spent the night blinking and getting mad at himself for being unable to control these tiny, almost insignificant muscles that were so much of a trouble for him at the moment, and he truly dreaded the time he would have to walk out of the safety of his room and face the family - his family, he had to remind himself.

To be honest, he had feared the previous evening as well but fortunately, Chin Hae had decided that he wanted to eat out: Jonghyun had been relieved to hear that, as it meant that he would only have to drive his masters to a restaurant in town, keep his eyes on the road and then, drive them back home safely. The humanoid was quite proud of himself, as he had not been caught blinking, not even once.

But today would be the real challenge, since he could not hide behind a steering wheel all day long... That would be very suspicious. Thus, Jonghyun had spent the night not only blinking and angrily pacing up and down inside his room, but also trying to come up with a plan.

Jonghyun was smart, which was probably the only thing he would ever be thankful to the crazy scientists for, so he had been able to count how many seconds he could do without blinking; since it was only the beginning, it was not a regular process yet, but he had stated that his eyes closed of their own accord every three minutes or so, and that his eyelids remained shut for two or three seconds. Which meant that he would blink approximately four hundred eighty times a day.

If he wasn't caught at least once, then his masters were blind, weren't they ? Thankfully, Chin Hae and Na Yung were working during the day, while Kibum was at school, so he only had to worry about the mornings and the evenings... But of course, these were the very moments he was close to his masters: Kibum would hug him in order to start his day on a good mood, as he said himself, and his parents would talk to him and ask him to do a few things for them while they were at work.

He could not just avoid their gaze, could he ? And he definitely could not reject Kibum. Besides the fact that the humanoid didn't want to reject the young boy, he had also made a promise... The promise to stay with him, to always be his friend. What kind of friend would he turn out to be, if he broke his promise and kept the teenager away from him once again ?

To top it all, the night had been filled with pain, a sharp pain in his chest that had yet to disappear, although morning had come already. Needless to say that the humanoid didn't really believe today would be a great day.

When Jonghyun entered the kitchen, Kibum and his parents were already there, and the teenager immediately ran toward him, wrapping his arms around the humanoid's waist as soon as he collided against the other's body.

"Hey." he said, slowly patting the mop of blonde hair. "Did you sleep well ?"

He almost didn't hear Kibum's muffled answer as he was suddenly distracted by the much dreaded prickling at the corner of his eyes, and Jonghyun quickly bent his neck and hid his face in the young boy's fluffy hair, pretending that he hadn't quite caught his words - which was not totally untrue.

"Sorry ?" he asked, his eyes closed. "I didn't hear you."

"I slept well !" Kibum repeated, louder this time, and Jonghyun didn't miss the surprised tone in his voice, probably a reaction to his own unusual gesture.

The humanoid's eyes fluttered open. Three minutes. Maybe four if he was lucky.

He let go of the young human and looked at him right in the eyes, as if nothing was wrong, and the dazzling smile Kibum flashed him briefly eased the pain he was still feeling in his chest, for a reason he could not quite put his finger on yet.

"Do you want to eat something special for breakfast ?" Jonghyun asked.

"Can you make pancakes like the last time ?" Kibum asked back. "They were so delicious ! And maybe a bit more than the other day, so I can give some to Taemin when I see him at school..."

Jonghyun's face almost twitched in annoyance. Taemin. Again. Jealousy. Again. Well, he should be used to it by now... But it still hurt badly, even though he knew that the boys were close friends - or maybe something more.

"Sure, Bummie." he forced himself to say, before turning toward Chin Hae and Na Yung, who were watching their son and the humanoid with fond smiles on their lips. "Would you like some pancakes as well ?"

"No, Jonghyun, thank you." the man said, shaking his head. "Na Yung woke a bit earlier today, she already made toasts for us."

"Right." Na Yung added before pecking her husband's cheek. "And we were about to leave anyway, so don't mind us. Just make the pancakes for Kibum and Taemin, will you ?"

"Sure."

Jonghyun busied himself with the flour and the other ingredients, purposely keeping his head down and focusing on the batter; the humanoid made sure to turn around or pretend to be looking after the frying pan or a spoon every time he felt the now familiar tingling around his eyes, and he almost heaved a relieved sigh when his blinks went unnoticed.

Soon, Na Yung and Chin Hae waved them goodbye before heading for the front door, giggling together like the two lovebirds they still were; they never noticed the way Kibum rolled his eyes as he watched his parents being all lovey-dovey, secretly wondering if he would act that way with his crush, one day. Little did he know, in the deepest part of his mind and heart, Jonghyun wondered the same.

Kibum happily ate his pancakes, showering Jonghyun with praises as he munched, and the humanoid half-heartedly scolded him when he spat bits out of his mouth as he exclaimed that the pancakes tasted like heaven. Sometimes, it was hard to believe that this cute boy was a fifteen-year-old teenager.

But just like any other fifteen-year-old teen, Kibum had to go to school, and Jonghyun drove him there a bit later, once the boy had stuffed his face with more pancakes than he should have - although he hoped the young boy would not get sick, the humanoid was quite happy and satisfied that his cooking brought such joy to Kibum.

"You can drop me here, Jjong." the blonde suddenly said, as they were in a street a bit away from the building they were heading for.

"Are you sure ?" the humanoid answered. "I can come closer..."

"No, no, it's okay, I'll walk. It will take five minutes, it's fine."

Jonghyun didn't press the matter any further and pulled off, enabling Kibum to open his door and walk out of the car; he turned around to wave at the humanoid and then got on the sidewalk, following the path leading to an other street, and that was when Jonghyun understood why the boy had insisted that he dropped him there and not in front of the school gates.

There were a few guys waiting there, and Jonghyun was able to spot Taemin, who practically threw himself at Kibum when the blonde teenager appeared, and two or three other boys patted him on the back before they made their way to the school building together. The humanoid probably shouldn't have been jealous of the teen's friends but... He was. He would have done everything, anything, to be alone with Kibum a bit longer, yet the young boy had chosen his friends over him and Jonghyun had to admit that it frightened him a little: had he done so because he thought that the humanoid was boring ? Jonghyun had only one friend, Kibum, which he never grew tired of... If he had more friends, would he feel the need to leave the blonde boy behind as well, from time to time ? Was it normal or did it just mean that Jonghyun was an annoyance ? The humanoid had not much knowledge of human relationships and he couldn't be sure that his attempts at normal interactions between humans were made the right way - but at least, he was trying.

A sudden pang of pain ran through his body and Jonghyun's fingers clenched on the steering wheel as he closed his eyes, gritting his teeth in hopes that it would help him to bear the throbbing pain he could feel inside his chest.

He needed to go back home and understand what this was all about; he would borrow Kibum's tablet and hopefully find an answer to his questions... Could it be that he was sick ? He didn't even know if it was possible... Jonghyun angrily hit the steering wheel under his palms, a hoarse groan crossing his lips as he let out his frustration; he felt like his own body didn't even belong to him, with its foreign reactions and sensations... Although he was quite satisfied at the thought that he shared a stronger relation with Kibum thanks to his newly acquired feelings, he couldn't help believing that most of the time, being a humanoid was nothing but a problem. Not only for him, but for his masters as well.

***

Jonghyun was used to spend most of his days alone, since his masters had to work and Kibum had to build his future at school, but that didn't mean that he was bored. There was always something to do in the house or in the garden, or groceries to buy, and sometimes he even had the time to read or watch a movie for his own entertainment. The days were usually peaceful, which was why he was so surprised when he heard someone open the front door before slamming it shut.

The humanoid walked out of his room where he had been busy trying to find possible causes to explain the pain he felt in his chest, and he tilted his head to the side when Kibum fell straight in his arms, his whole body shaking as the boy let out loud sobs.

"Kibum ?" Jonghyun whispered, his hands cupping the teenager's face to lift his head a bit.

The young man was shocked, unable to say anything, as he caught sight of the tears that were slowly running down Kibum's pretty face; his hands fell back to his sides as he helplessly watched the younger boy breaking down in front of his eyes, grabbing handfuls of his shirt as he buried his face in his chest.

Not really knowing what to do, Jonghyun led the crying boy to his own bedroom and gently pushed him until he sat on the bed, before kneeling down in front of him, cautiously resting his hands on the blonde's knees.

"Are you hurt anywhere, Bummie ?" he asked, his fingers tracing soothing circles on the boy's skin through his pants. "Please, don't cry... Tell me what's wrong..."

Silence fell upon the room as Jonghyun waited for an answer, growing more and more worried as the seconds ticked away, until the teenager's lips trembled and let out a shaky whisper:

"Tae... Taemin..."

Jonghyun froze. Had Taemin hurt Kibum ? But why ? They seemed as close as ever in the morning... But his questions vanished when the boy looked up to the ceiling, as though it would help him to hold back the tears.

"He... He has a boyfriend." he finally whispered. "He's d... dating Minho but I... I'm in love with him !"

Emptiness seemed to swallow Jonghyun. These words were like a knife, cutting through his heart, ripping his soul in half. The pain in his chest only seemed to increase but Kibum didn't notice anything, too lost in his own internal turmoil to pay attention to the humanoid.

"I've liked Minho for a while..." he added, wiping his tears away only to give place to fresh ones. "I... I never told Taemin though bec... because I didn't know how to tell him, I was afraid of his reaction but... Now I... It's too late ! They were so ing happy when they told me this morning and I... I could only stand there and pretend that I was happy for them... While I just wanted to scream and cry but... I don't even have the right to do that, I can't even be mad at Taemin since he... He's in love too and I understand... I understand, Jonghyun."

I understand too, you know.

The humanoid kept quiet, only bringing Kibum closer to him until he could hug him, hoping it would help the boy to know that he wasn't alone. Kibum's heart was bleeding, as well as Jonghyun's; he didn't know what to do in order to comfort the young boy and he felt so useless ! He was unable to find the right words, the words that would ease the pain Kibum was going through at this very moment...

Jonghyun didn't even know how to deal with his own pain, so what could he do for someone else ? Kibum was crying for another one, someone he loved deeply, unaware of the humanoid's feelings, unaware of the way his heart shattered to pieces. Unaware of the fact that Jonghyun would have done anything, given up on everything, only to draw a smile on Kibum's sad face.

It hurt so much, yet the main emotion the humanoid felt right now was anger: this Minho... How did he dare turning down Kibum's love ? Had he not noticed the teenager's feelings ? They were so obvious though ! Even he could see how much Kibum loved that boy... Minho had been lucky enough to get an amazing person like Kibum to love him, and he had missed this chance.

"He's an idiot." he suddenly spat, his voice laced with anger.

He let go of Kibum, who slightly frowned as he bounced on the bed, looking up at Jonghyun with wide, confused eyes that were still red and teary.

"He's not." he mumbled.

"He is !" Jonghyun exclaimed, running a hand through his hair as he began to pace up and down in front of the now dumbfounded boy. "What else could he be, when he doesn't even realise how you feel ? Is he blind ? He must be, if he wasn't able to understand your feelings nor see your pain this morning !"

"He didn't know..." Kibum weakly said. "I never told him how I felt. But Jonghyun, what..."

"You didn't need to tell him !" the humanoid yelled, not even realising that his self-control was quickly slipping away. "Friends understand each other ! Friends care and pay attention !"

Jonghyun kept ranting, the frustration inside him growing as Kibum's tears-stained face rolled in his mind over and over again, and the irrepressible need to punch that Minho right in the face grew along.

"You deserve to be loved." he finally said, turning around to face the flabbergasted boy. "You deserve someone who'll make you happy, not an idiot who can't even realise how you feel. It makes me so ing angry that Minho didn't even..."

"Angry ?" Kibum cut him off all of a sudden, slowly standing up. "Jonghyun, you are... angry ?"

. No, no, no, this was not supposed to happen, he shouldn't have said that ! Stupid emotions, stupid Minho, stupid Jonghyun !

"N... No." he stuttered, quickly trying to pull off a blank face once again. "Of course not, I'm not angry. Why would I be ?"

Seconds later, Kibum was standing in front of him, attentively staring at his face as he cupped his cheeks, forcing the humanoid to look at him instead of adverting his gaze.

"Don't lie to me." he scolded him. "Jonghyun, tell me the truth. Are you angry ?"

A weak nod was all he got but it was enough, although now, the humanoid didn't seem to be angry anymore, rather... Scared ?

"I'm sorry, Kibum, I'm sorry !" he exclaimed all of a sudden, falling to his knees before wrapping his arms around the younger boy's calves, hiding his face in his jean-clad thighs. "I didn't mean to lie to you but I... I didn't want you and your parents to be scared of me if you knew, I don't want to go back there and be left alone again and I thought that maybe if I pretended that nothing had changed, it would..."

"Wait, wait !" the teenager exclaimed, putting a finger against Jonghyun's open lips. "What do you mean ? You... How long have you..."

He trailed off, confused and not sure of how to express himself, which the humanoid took as his cue to answer:

"I feel emotions, sensations. Inside me. I have been changing for more than one year, I think."

Suddenly Kibum could hear it, the hint of softness and hesitation in Jonghyun's voice that he didn't recall being there months prior; his eyes took in the humanoid's expression, frightened and lost, awaiting some sort of reaction from him.

But Kibum didn't know how to react at all. It was too much: first he was crying because of Minho and his broken heart, and now he was on the edge of shedding tears again because Jonghyun was - finally ! - openly showing that he wasn't as much a robot as he had tried to convince them... But he also wanted to scream at him for lying to him, getting him all worked up about the whole situation and maybe, just maybe, he wanted to hug the humanoid and never let go of him.

Far from these concerns, Jonghyun was actually more worried about his fate. His sudden outburst would probably not do any good, and if the Kim had the same reaction than they had back then when he had lost control and jumped on Taemin, he didn't know if he would be able to stand it. He didn't want to go back to the Kang Company, period.

What if the Kim didn't want to keep him though ? Once again, Jonghyun felt trapped in a whirl of concerns and questions without answers, suffocating him to the point that sometimes, he thought that maybe it would have been easier for his family - and definitely for himself - if the scientists had taken his heart out... At least, he wouldn't be a burden. And he wouldn't feel like he was breaking inside every time Kibum said something about his crush.

Eventually, the blonde teenager grabbed the humanoid's wrist and gently pulled him back to the bed, where they both lay side by side, until Kibum rested his head on top of Jonghyun's chest. Unsure of what to do, the other settled for running his fingers through the teenager's fluffy hair, unaware of the way it soothed the younger boy.

"I can't deal with it right now." Kibum said after a little while. "I'm just... too tired. But Jonghyun, could you do something for me instead ?"

"I'd do anything for you, Bummie."

Jonghyun didn't even try to hide the sincerity in his voice, it wasn't of any use anymore: his secret was out in the open and he assumed that nothing he could say or do would change that fact. And Kibum heard his genuine tone, so clearly that he wondered how Jonghyun could have fooled him all this time, he wondered how dumb he had been not to notice anything. Had he really been paying so little heed to the humanoid ? Great, now he just felt guilty.

"Hug me, please." he whispered. "Hug me really tight and don't let go... Because right now, I feel like I will fall down if I have no one to hold onto."

Jonghyun's arms instantly wrapped themselves around his waist, squeezing the boy and pressing him close to his body; he stared at the teenager for a few seconds, absently his silky strands of hair. He felt awful, making the boy worry over his own lack of control and rush of emotions when he had other things to focus on, a broken heart to take care of and try to heal. Kibum was probably the one who needed comfort the most right now, so he would be there for him, even though that probably meant that he was being selfish and taking seize of this painful situation to get closer to the teenager. But who else could appease Kibum, when his best friend was dating the very boy he had fallen for ?

"You can always hold onto me." Jonghyun whispered in the younger male's ear. "I promise I will always be there for you, even if... even if one day you don't want me around anymore."

Kibum weakly nodded, tightening his grasp on the humanoid's shirt, and Jonghyun's heart ached a bit more: the blonde boy hadn't even asked why he wouldn't want his company in the future... As if he already knew that it would happen and didn't need to hear a reason.

The pain didn't subside. If anything, it suddenly increased, and it wasn't a heartache anymore, it was the same pain he had felt the previous night and the whole day, only this time it seemed that it had gained in intensity.

Kibum felt how Jonghyun's whole body tensed all of a sudden, and his eyes widened as he looked up, catching sight of the humanoid's face scrunching up in obvious pain.

"Jjong ?" he asked, a bit worried.

The humanoid didn't answer and even closed his eyes while the teenager sat up, growing panicky as he stated that Jonghyun didn't seem to get any better despite the seconds going by, and he really lost it when a pitiful whine crossed the boy's lips.

"Jonghyun, talk to me ! What's wrong ?" he exclaimed as he put his hands on the other male's shoulders, shaking him as gently as possible.

"I... I don't know !" the humanoid stammered. "It... It hurts..."

"Where ? Tell me where it hurts." Kibum urged him, trying to keep his voice steady when all he wanted to do was scream at how helpless he was - it was probably not the right time to scare Jonghyun though.

The humanoid couldn't even answer, as a ball of sharp pain seemed to explode inside his chest, and Kibum started when a husky and somehow shiver-inducing cry resounded, coming from Jonghyun's sore throat.

But then, as suddenly as it had begun, the overwhelming pain simply vanished and Jonghyun was left shaking on the bed, his chest rising and falling at a fast pace as he panted heavily and gasped for air while he... Wait.

Kibum had to pinch his own arm to make sure that he wasn't hallucinating and sure thing, Jonghyun looked as dumbfounded as he was and he could have laughed if the situation hadn't been so surprising.

"You are breathing." Kibum stated, his voice oddly calm, as though it was usual to see a humanoid suddenly starting to breathe.

Jonghyun opened his mouth but didn't say a word, focusing on his quite irregular breathing; he could practically feel the oxygen he was gulping make its way down his throat and into his lungs... Had his lungs just unfolded, as it happened when babies came into the world ? Somehow, he was just like them, a newborn who had everything to learn, everything to discover from a - almost - human point of view.

Kibum raised a shaky hand and he placed his fingers against Jonghyun's lips; soon enough, he could feel a breath, light and cold, brushing over his knuckles, and it strangely moved him... He felt like he was truly seeing Jonghyun for the first time, suddenly realising how close they were - could be - now that he knew what was really going on... Now that Jonghyun wasn't as much a humanoid as he was a human.

"I..."

Jonghyun coughed and this time Kibum couldn't help but laugh a little: his friend had tried to talk while breathing out, which hadn't been quite the right time to do so. When he finally calmed down, he muttered:

"I... I can blink too."

This time, he didn't hide when he felt the tingling, he didn't use Kibum's shoulder as a shield from others' eyes, he simply stared at the boy and slowly closed his eyes, and his eyelids opened as slowly, only to gaze into the teenager's own pupils that were filled with tears.

"Don't cry..." he immediately said in worry, his fingers gently wiping away a few salty drops.

"S... Sorry." Kibum sniffled. "It's just that I... I'm happy, I guess ? Despite everything that happened today, you made me happy and... Thank you, Jonghyun. Really."

"You are not afraid ?" the humanoid asked. "Even though I could just... Snap and explode ?"

The blonde boy slowly shook his head and a tiny smile appeared on his lips.

"Why would I be ? You have never snapped at me and I know you never will. I trust you."

Jonghyun closed his eyes again and hugged the younger boy once more, this time resting his chin on the teenager's bony shoulder, realising that they were almost the same height, at the perfect level for a tight hug. The humanoid felt relief washing over him: Kibum knew about his emotions yet he was still there, in his arms, and he couldn't help but be kind of grateful to Minho for dating Taemin, since it had led them to this, whatever it was - but he was still mostly mad at him for hurting his precious little master.

For once in his life, he was truly happy and he didn't think that anything could put an end to this great feeling.

"Jonghyun, you realise we have to tell my parents about you, right ?" Kibum suddenly whispered, effectively popping the humanoid's little bubble of sheer happiness.

Thanks, Kibum.

As you see, I'm still alive, yay ! I've been having a writer's block lately, I had to change my mind and try to focus on something else than this story... Which led to this oneshot, if you're interested => Dark (Sekai).

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was hard to write ;.; I was already thinking about what will happen next and I just wanted to skip this part to get down to business... Tell me what you think about it ^^ Also, congrats to those who had thought about Minho as Kibum's crush ! (And yeah, 2Min. I can't help it.) Some of you had thought about Onew, let's just say that our beloved Jinki will have a role too in this story~

Thank you for reading and putting up with me so far, it means a lot. See you !