Chapter nineteen: Over the edge

Saturday, along with Jonghyun's and Kibum's date, came way too fast and way too slowly at the same time, which explained the humanoid's mixed frustration and nervousness that morning - to Amber's and Donghae's greatest amusement and, let's be honest here, slight annoyance. Jonghyun had told them everything (or almost) about Kibum, unable to shut up after Amber had once innocently asked if he was seeing anyone, and he had explained how the blond boy and he were old friends who had been drifting apart lately, all because of their feelings that one had been too blind to notice earlier and the other, too eager to share at an inappropriate time.

Donghae had rolled his eyes and told him they were a bunch of idiots who needed to get their heads out of their asses - Jonghyun would never be ready to admit that he was probably right - but he'd also wished them the best as he clapped the humanoid on the shoulder.

At the moment, the young man was busy with customers but he still found the time to glance at the clock every two minutes or so, as if keeping track of the time like that would make it go faster. He couldn't wait to see Kibum but he was a bit afraid that their reunion would be awkward and tense: they had both hurt each other deeply and even though they wanted to fix their relation and start anew, what if they were unable to build a bridge between them ? The mere thought had dread coiling in the pit of his stomach and he clumsily dropped the knife he had used to cut a slice of pie for a teenager.

"You alright, Jjong ?" Amber asked, resting a gentle hand on his lower back.

The humanoid was about to answer her but Donghae spoke faster, his tone light and teasing:

"Aw, the poor boy's nervous ! Relax, man ! Everything will be okay, you'll see."

Jonghyun stuck his tongue out, aware that it was all but mature, and his friend walked away laughing like a mad man. Amber, sweet Amber, squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

"He's right, you know. I'm sure everything will go well for your boy and you."

"I sure hope so... But I can't help it, Amber !" Jonghyun half-exclaimed and half-sighed, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as he entered the kitchen to put the knife in the sink. "I've never been on a date before and I have no idea what to do with him."

Behind him, Amber didn't utter a word but looked surprised, if not downright shocked. When he turned around, unsure that she was even with him still, he took in her expression and blurted out in concern:

"What ? What did I do ?"

"Nothing." she said quickly, shaking her head.

"Oh, come on. I can see there's something bothering you. Spill."

"It's just... You've never been on a date ? For real ?"

Jonghyun felt his cheeks heat up and he shyly looked down, taking extra time and care to clean the knife so that he wouldn't have to meet her assessing gaze. He heard her gasp incredulously and couldn't help but bark a defensive what ?!

"Well... I can't believe no one ever tried to tap that fabulous ."

"Amber !" he cried out, his cheeks turning a bright scarlet. "Don't say that !"

"It's true though, have you ever checked yourself out in a mirror ? Man, that shoulder to waist ratio you've got..."

"Can we please not discuss this ?" Jonghyun begged, making puppy eyes at her.

"Fine." she grudgingly agreed when she noticed that he seemed really uncomfortable with that topic. "I can't understand how you never went on a date before, though... You're funny and handsome, I'd have thought all the boys were drooling over you in high school. Wait, does that also mean that you are a virg..."

"Amber !" Jonghyun interrupted her before she could finish her sentence. "I swear, you're the worst !"

"Okay, okay, sorry !" she quickly exclaimed, raising her hands in front of her in a futile attempt to appease him. "I'll never ask again, promise !"

Jonghyun turned his back on her to place the knife into one of the drawers, all the while muttering profanities under his breath, then he fled from the kitchen to get back behind the counter.

The red blotches on his face began to fade after a little while, unlike his unease at the evocation of that topic. Jonghyun wasn't ashamed to admit that he was a novice in dating and honestly, it was not as if he'd had many occasions to go out with someone: until recently, his only acquaintances had been the Kim family and Kibum's closest friends, who weren't exactly perfect dating material in his eyes. Not to mention the fact that by the time Jonghyun had gained back his emotions and a sort of human sensitivity, more than necessary to get romantically involved with someone, his heart had belonged to Kibum already.

Still, broaching the subject made him uncomfortable for other reasons, one of them being his lack of memory. Amber thought he was a , which was true... In this life. But, before ? Who knew ? Perhaps she was right, maybe he had been all the boys' heartthrob - or the girls' ? Jonghyun had no idea, since he got his first real memory the night he awoke in the Kim's living-room. Everything else was lost to him no matter how hard he tried to remember and the humanoid often felt like a part of his identity had been ripped off him, like there was a wide gap that he could not fill.

Thankfully, it didn't always make him feel down like this but sometimes, offhanded comments that no one else would pay attention to triggered something in him, opening wide the gates to a tiny part of his mind that usually held back his insecurities and giving him the awful feeling that he was incomplete.

Would he ever feel whole ? How was it possible that after so many years running after himself and trying to build up his own personality, he still had not totally found himself yet ?

Breathing in deeply and as slowly as he could, Jonghyun willed himself not to think about that. It was of no use, right ? No need to dug the knife deeper into the wound. Instead, he chose to let a wide grin split his lips and he focused on being super friendly to the old man who walked up to the counter, holding in his wrinkled hand the smooth one of his grandson. His smile didn't even falter when a sudden and unexpected thought hit him: if he hadn't volunteered for the humanoid project, maybe he would be even older than this man, now.

. So much for not thinking about his past.

***

Taemin fell back on his mattress with a throaty whine betraying the start of a headache as he momentarily looked away from Kibum's holographic silhouette he'd been talking to for the last half-hour. From his own bedroom, he could see a tiny part of his friend's, namely the corner of a bed where clothes had been haphazardly thrown while the blond emptied his wardrobe.

"Kibum..." he tried feebly. "I swear the first pair of pants you pulled out were nice enough. No need to get all dramatic and say you have nothing to wear."

"But it's true !" the blond cried. "I don't want nice enough, I need perfect !"

"Come on ! These pants show off your , what more do you need ? It's not like you have to seduce Jonghyun anyway, he's already in love with you."

"Doesn't mean I can show up in random trousers." Kibum insisted with a frown.

"But it's not even a date !" Taemin exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air as he rolled his eyes. "You're going out as friends, Bum."

"Yeah, for now."

Taemin breathed in, deep and slow, and braced himself. They'd been at it for more than thirty minutes already and Kibum still couldn't decide what to wear: everything he found in his bedroom was either too plain for a date or apparently seemed to fit nightclubs better than strolls in Namsan. Seriously, what could Taemin do about it, when Kibum kept turning down every suggestion he made ? The poor boy did not know how to help anymore. He liked it better when it was Minho he had to deal with, even when his boyfriend only wanted his opinion on the colour he should choose for his briefs - but then again, they would both end up in bed shortly after so that made it far more enjoyable than listening to Kibum whine his way through every garment he owned.

"Taemin ? You still with me ?" Kibum asked when he caught sight of his friend's suspiciously dreamy expression.

"Uh ? Sure, sure." the young man hardly held back a chortle when he caught sight of the blond boy's sour expression and before Kibum could throw himself into a monologue about friendship and constant support and whatnot, Taemin quickly pointed out that if he wanted to arrive on time in Namsan, he only had little more than twenty-five minutes left.

"What ?! !"

Their holographic phone call suddenly ended and Taemin burst out laughing into his pillow.

***

The first few minutes were awkward as hell, so much that Jonghyun briefly wondered whether this date - as friends only, he had to remind himself several times, or else he would do something regrettable like, say, kissing Kibum again - had been a good idea at all. They both kept glancing at each other, quickly adverting their gaze when their eyes met... Which happened twice. They both looked away with an embarrassed chuckle and the humanoid fought the urge to facepalm.

Quick, he should find something to say to break the ice instead of keeping up with this heavy silence as they walked through Namsan side to side. Don't talk about the weather, he told himself, that's so not original, don't talk about the wea...

"I think it's going to rain." Kibum suddenly stated, eyes looking searchingly at the sky and the clouds that were indeed gathering above their heads.

The humanoid chocked on a quiet laugh and coughed, earning a raised brow from his friend that he dismissed with a small wave.

"Let's walk a bit more." he suggested. "Then maybe we can go back to my place and watch a movie ?"

"Sure." Kibum replied, secretly glad to have the opportunity to visit Jonghyun's once more. He was curious to see the changes that had been brought to his house, to see if the humanoid was settling down for good and making himself comfortable. If Jonghyun was to live far from him (as far as you could go while still staying in Seoul), at least Kibum wanted to make sure that his friend lacked nothing.

"So..." Jonghyun tried hesitantly after a few more silent seconds, eventually thinking that he had found a safe topic to breach. "How's school ?"

"Well..." Kibum shrugged. "It's our last year, so we're trying to figure out what to do afterwards... College and all that."

"Any idea ?"

Jonghyun raised a brow when Kibum flushed and fumbled with the zipper of his jacket; that was obviously a yes and the humanoid waited with a gentle smile on his lips until the blond boy decided to share his thoughts.

"I was thinking... Maybe I'd take up architecture."

Jonghyun's smile widened slightly. Architecture... Sure. Kibum had always been creative, after all; he was sure that he would love drawing house and building designs.

"Actually, it's because of you." Kibum suddenly said, blushing fiercely but not taking it back, letting the words flee fast as if he had to tell them no matter what, even against his better judgement. "I'd like to create something... modern but based on retro designs."

"Retro ?" Jonghyun repeated, unsure of what he was supposed to understand - how was he even involved in that ?

Kibum's fair skin turned even redder, incredibly, and he whispered quietly and only loud enough to be heard above the chatting of the crowd around them:

"Yeah, early 2000's. I may or may not have looked up some info about you and your time." he finished in an indistinct mumble that Jonghyun only caught because he leaned in a little. "And I really like the stuff they built back then."

Jonghyun didn't realise that he was grinning until his cheeks began hurting, but even then he didn't stop smiling like a fool. To be honest, he didn't know the slightest thing in architecture but the mere thought of Kibum taking an interest in him and his previous life, his origins, was heart-warming. So much that he had no idea how to respond to that and he probably never felt more grateful to the sky than at this time, when it finally started raining, eliciting a groan from Kibum who, although he was wearing a jacket, had no hood to protect himself.

Jonghyun tried not to think about sharing kisses under the rain, even though he found that idea especially appealing and romantic - he could totally do romance, if given a proper opportunity - and instead of giving in to any desire he might feel right now, he grabbed Kibum's hand and broke into a run, laughing as he accidentally jumped in a puddle and splashed his friend, dragging him through the streets and taking him home.

***

They ended up on Jonghyun's couch, towels wrapped around their heads to try to salvage what they could of their hair, and Kibum forbid himself to think of a soaked Jonghyun as a cute half-drowned kitten.

They decided to watch a movie and the awkwardness between them, which had decreased while they were outside, busy trying to avoid (or not so much, to be honest) the puddles, suddenly came back with full force.

Before... Before the kiss and the slap and everything that had gone wrong between them, they used to watch television together, as in the curled-around-each-other sort of together. Which... Well. All things considered, Jonghyun had decided not to initiate anything: he had made Kibum uncomfortable with his touch in the past, so he didn't want to do it again. The humanoid would let the boy come back to him at his own pace, however long it took. As a result, they were both seated upright at one end of the couch each.

They were halfway through Jurassic World, an old movie with terrible 3D effects (fine, it was great for its time but from their modern point of view, it was a huge disaster) when Jonghyun actually caught Kibum glancing at him, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.

Oh no, the humanoid immediately panicked. Where had he gone wrong ? Why did Kibum seem... What, upset ? No, not upset... More like hesitant ?

"What ?" he squeaked out - which, wow, smooth.

The blond boy flushed and adverted his eyes, focusing back on the movie. Not that Jonghyun could blame him, what with the attractive male lead and all, but... The past had proven that they weren't too good at communicating with one another sometimes, so if they could avoid making the same mistakes all over again, Jonghyun would appreciate it.

"Talk to me..." he pleaded. "Tell me what's going on. Is it the movie ? Do you want to watch something else ? Or is it..."

The soft and scared me died on his lips before he could even utter it, as Kibum quickly shook his head and looked at him again.

"No, it's just... I don't like it."

"What, the movie ?" Jonghyun asked. "It's okay, you know, no need to..."

"No." the young man cut him short. "The distance between us."

The... Oh. Oh ! So Jonghyun wasn't the only one who felt like something was missing in all this ? Did it mean that Kibum wanted to be close, physically speaking, to him ?

"Please..." he whispered while spreading his arms, a welcoming smile on his face. "Come, then."

Oh, the warmth that settled in his arms when Kibum gladly complied, leaning into his space without the slightest hesitation, relief radiating through his whole being. It had been such a long, long time since he had felt so good in his own skin... All Jonghyun wanted to do this instant was melt and drown in those waves of happiness running through his veins like fire.

One hour later, Jonghyun wouldn't even try to lie to himself: he had not seen the end of the movie, not really, too focused on Kibum's head resting on his lap while his right hand gently thread through his blond and still a little wet hair. And when Kibum left, reluctantly so, he made sure not to go without agreeing to a second date, if you could call them that, and lightly kissed Jonghyun's cheek before turning around - not so fast that the humanoid could not notice the beautiful redness on his face. If Jonghyun spent the rest of his evening grinning like a fool and singing along to some ridiculously cheesy love song, it wasn't anyone's business but his.

***

If Jonghyun had learned something out of the past few years, it was don't ever take anything for granted. He considered himself an optimistic person most of the time but there were circumstances under which he preferred to be cautious and take things slow... Who would blame him, right ?

But right now, it was hard on him not to let himself dream and imagine what could possibly be with Kibum, and hopefully soon: early December had arrived by now and the boys had been on several dates - still refusing to call them dates aloud though - and things were going well. More than that, actually. And yet, this was one of those situations that the humanoid didn't want to be too cheerful about.

Their awkwardness had gradually disappeared and they looked more and more like their usual selves around each other: they could joke again, poke fun at each other and touch without feeling inadequate or unwelcome. A true relief.

And Jonghyun was starting to love December: the days were cold now, clouds heavy with snow gathered above Seoul a bit more everyday and that made up the perfect excuse to stick to Kibum's side when they were outside. The blond never expressed any discomfort when Jonghyun wordlessly pressed closer to him, trying to keep warm.

They had actually discussed their boundaries - alert, mature adults here - and both had agreed to they were fine with casual touches here and there but nothing too intimate as they didn't have a proper relationship - yet, Jonghyun's indiscreet brain liked to add.

Honestly, his longing and craving for Kibum were going through the roof lately and he wasn't sure how much longer he would find it in himself not to... break down and put an end to this friendly relationship. Sure, he was the one who had said they both needed time but hey, they had had enough of it by now so maybe, if Kibum still wanted more from him, they could actually go out as boyfriends and not just friends ?

Boyfriends. He liked that word.

Jonghyun felt Kibum shiver next to him, even though he was wearing a warm coat and a scarf.

"Do you want to go inside ? There's a coffee shop a few blocs down, we can go there for a hot chocolate if you'd like ?"

"No, no, I'm fine." Kibum said with a smile blossoming on his blueing lips - stubborn kid.

"Stop that, you're freezing."

"But it's so beautiful outside !" the blond argued. "Look, I'm sure it's going to snow soon and I want to see it, alright ?"

Jonghyun bit his tongue so that he wouldn't blurt out you're more beautiful than Namsan in winter or something of the like and he negotiated:

"At least let me get you something hot to drink ? The coffee shop does take-away too..."

"Fine." Kibum agreed, rolling his eyes but failing at hiding the tiny smile that curled up his lips. "Hot chocolate, then."

"Coming right up !" Jonghyun said with a little salute. "Don't move, I'll be right back !"

He just had the time to watch Kibum sit on a bench a few feet behind him before he was striding down the street, this close to actually run until he got there. Thankfully, the queue wasn't long and it didn't take him much time to get a large paper cup of fuming hot chocolate. When he came back where he had left Kibum though, he frowned upon discovering that the blond boy wasn't alone anymore.

Another man was talking to him and based on Kibum's attitude, on his feet and leaning away from the other, Jonghyun could guess that he didn't particularly enjoy whatever this man was saying. If the humanoid could read said man's body language properly, his easy smile and his alpha male vibe, he was... . He was flirting. Flirting with Kibum, his Kibum, Kibum that he had fought so hard both with himself and the blond boy to win back, so damn him if he was going to let some random dude hit on his boyfriend. Friend. Did he think boyfriend ? Oops.

Jonghyun angrily took the last few steps that separated him from Kibum, whose face literally lit up when he noticed Jonghyun.

"Hey babe." the humanoid said in the spur of the moment, one arm wrapping around the blond boy's waist to press him against his hip. "Sorry I was so long. Can I help you ?" he added with a murderous glare to the other man, who quickly backed down.

"Uh, no, I'm fine. Sorry, I didn't know you had a boyfriend."

The man turned around and quickly fled but Jonghyun didn't stop staring at his retreating back until he had disappeared further inside Namsan.

"Here." he said as he clumsily reached out to give the hot chocolate to his friend. Sorry about that little show, I just..."

The rest of his sentence was muffled into a groan and he shrugged. Hopefully, he looked hot when he was jealous and protective. He'd heard it was a thing.

"It's okay. I just didn't know I had a boyfriend either." Kibum said as he grabbed the hot beverage, eyebrows elegantly raised above eyes that sparkled with mischief.

"Well, now you have one." Jonghyun grumbled assertively, until he deflated. "I mean, you might. If that's still what you want."

The blond boy smiled softly and his fingers trailed down the humanoid's arm in ghost-like touches so that he could eventually slip his free hand into Jonghyun's slightly bigger one.

"Of course I do, dummy."

Oh. Oh . That was happening, wasn't it ? Kibum wanted this, just as much as Jonghyun did, and... Oh God. For the first time in a long time, the humanoid felt like he couldn't breathe, as if all the air had left his lungs at Kibum's words.

"If I kiss you," he started when he finally found it in himself to ask, "do you promise not to slap me ?"

The smile that appeared on the young boy's mouth broke when his free hand got a hold of Jonghyun's coat and his lips parted on a whisper:

"Come here."

Jonghyun was certain that his brain short-circuited when their lips actually touched. The cold of their mouths didn't bother him one second, because he could feel the fire bubbling up right under, like forgotten lava inside a volcano, and a pure reflex had him bring his hands to cup Kibum's face. Next thing he knew, his eyes were closing of their own accord and he truly felt the kiss.

He didn't see the way Kibum's long lashes fluttered and brushed against his skin before he, too, shut his eyes, didn't notice the pink blooming across his cheeks nor the way his shoulders suddenly relaxed as he answered the kiss in earnest. However, Jonghyun felt both their hearts jump and beat furiously, their lips touch and explore, their tongues quickly enter the game to tease.

In every book he had read over the years, every movie he had watched, first kisses were chaste, almost distant, just learning what the sensation was like. And maybe this didn't qualify as Jonghyun's and Kibum's first kiss, maybe this actually counted as the second one but hell, it was nothing like the kisses from the books. This was so much better. Absent was the tentativeness, this kiss was intense, clumsy in all the right ways as their impatience got them to angle their heads wrong, bumping noses a little before they figured it out. Teeth lingered on full lips and Jonghyun moaned throatily when Kibum nipped at his mouth, gently but firmly, shyness thrown out the window, both boys baring their need for closeness.

It lasted hours and mere seconds at the same time and when they broke apart, panting and bright-eyed, none of them could find words to describe what had just happened. They just knew the world had shifted from its axis to find another one, one that lay between them, in the centre of their joined hands, inside their beating hearts.

As they looked at each other, smiles illuminated their faces and Jonghyun knew, in this instant, that he had finally found peace.

After 19 chapters and so much pain, they finally kissed. Whoa, I'm so proud (really though, my babies have grown so fast !)

I apologise for the long overdue update, life is hectic and will keep on being this way for a while. I'm trying though, and I'm glad you're still with me. Thank you dearies ! Just so everything's clear: even if I take time to update, I will not abandon this story. Hell no.

As a side note, you can now find me on instagram => Here !

As a side-side note, I enjoyed Jurassic World a lot, but imagine what the future might think of our current special effects...