Chapter twelve: Happiness

Life turned out to be much easier for Jonghyun after his family heard about his condition: not only was he not forced anymore to hide from them and keep his feelings to himself by bottling them up, but Kibum and his parents also helped him to deal with everything, from emotional changes to actual biological modifications.

Two months after their little conversation, Na Yung had all but burst into tears upon seeing Jonghyun smile for the first time: unable to hold her overwhelming happiness in, she'd let it out and soaked the humanoid's shirt with her tears. That day, Jonghyun had finally understood that the meaning of these much dreaded tears wasn't only limited to sadness, pain or other negative feelings. Tears could also convey happiness and joy and he had been astonished to hear that laughing sometimes ended with a person in tears as well - humans were definitely weird.

If you asked for Kibum's opinion, Jonghyun's smile was dazzling, almost blinding. Shy at first, his friend had eventually noticed how much the teenager liked to see it and he had begun to smile more and more often; from tiny, hesitant smiles, it had turned into big grins that practically reached his ears and cut his face in half, with his pretty lips revealing rows of white pearls.

Jonghyun had never been this happy before and freely showing who he truly was inside had played a big role in reaching his current satisfaction with his life. Of course it had not been easy and it still wasn't, especially since there was something the humanoid still kept hidden from his family despite having been accepted as he was.

His feelings for Kibum.

That... That he could not reveal - not yet. Never ? He wasn't so sure... Maybe there would be a right time someday, a day he would decide to let it all out... The mere thought scared him though, since he really didn't know what Kibum's answer would be, nor what his own reaction would be: if the teenager returned his feelings, of course he would be thrilled. But otherwise...

In his mind, Jonghyun imagined that he would face rejection like a man and accept his fate but he knew that reality would probably be very different. He loved his human friend so much, it was impossible that he would not break and fall to pieces under the weight of a simple word: no.

When would the right time come ? In one month, one year, sooner, later ? How could he guess ? Jonghyun could do nothing except waiting for some sort of sign that would tell him it was time.

***

A few months after the painful truth of Taemin and Minho dating was revealed, Kibum got his first boyfriend, a young man whose name was Woohyun. He was a nice boy, so nice that even Jonghyun could not bring himself to hate him, even though he wished he could dislike the teen who was stealing Kibum from him.

"I don't love him." the blonde boy told Jonghyun one day.

The humanoid furrowed his brows, genuine confusion written all over his face as he forgot the cake he had been busy decorating, turning to Kibum who was seated on top of the kitchen table - Jonghyun didn't even scold him for that.

"But... Aren't people supposed to date a person they like ?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

Kibum sighed and tiredly ran a hand through his hair.

"You don't understand..." he said softly. "He's my friend. I like him but not enough to fall in love with him. But he asked me out and I... I said yes. He seemed so happy..."

Jonghyun stared at Kibum with a strange expression plastered on his face, not fully knowing himself what he was feeling at the moment. A part of him - his heart, probably - was relieved and glad to hear that the teenager didn't love Woohyun but another one felt so sorry for the poor boy whose strong feelings would probably never been returned.

"Isn't it unfair ?" the humanoid whispered, half to Kibum and half to himself.

He was still unsure of the human moralities, what was wrong and what was right, but the more he thought about it, the more he seemed to realise that nothing was fully right nor wrong. Humans had the amazing skill to make everything complicated.

Yet he couldn't help wondering... Wasn't it unfair of Kibum to date a boy who genuinely loved him, if the tender and caring gazes lingering on the blonde teen Jonghyun had caught when Woohyun had come over, a few days prior, were anything to go by ?

And what if... If he had been the one asking Kibum out ? Would he have agreed to date him ? Even if he didn't like him enough to love him ? Did Jonghyun have a chance ? Would it put their friendship in jeopardy to date Kibum without being loved for real ? And mostly, would he stand knowing that he didn't have Kibum's heart to himself ?

"Woohyun knows." the teenager said, hopping off the table to stand beside Jonghyun and dip his finger into the bowl of whipped cream, before putting his digit in his mouth to it clean. "He knows that I don't love him but... Well, he also knows about Minho and he offered to... help me to forget him."

Jonghyun remained frozen for a little while before uttering:

"W... What ? But he... He loves you !"

"I'm aware." the blonde boy whispered sadly. "Don't think that I don't care about him and that I'm only using him, because that's not true. But he asked so I guess that he is... fine with it ?"

"But still..." the humanoid protested with a deep scowl on his face. "Maybe he expects more from you. Don't you realise that you're only getting his hopes up ? Do you think that you might fall for him in the end ?"

Kibum blinked, a bit puzzled. When had Jonghyun become so... wise when it came to love-related matters ?

"Do... Do you think I should break up with him ?" he asked with a tiny, tiny tremulous voice, his sad and teary eyes locking with the humanoid's. "I didn't want to hurt him, I just..."

Kibum trailed off and bit his lips, waiting for Jonghyun's answer. He only heard the silence as the humanoid seemed to ponder the question in his mind, probably thinking of the best answer to give him. Little did he know that his friend was actually trying to keep his thoughts and emotions at bay, because he was on the verge of blurting out his feelings.

Yes, he wanted to scream. He wanted to urge Kibum to break up with the poor Woohyun so he would keep the fair-haired boy to himself. But his feelings weren't to be revealed now.

"I think..." the humanoid finally whispered, trying to ignore his heart's whines. "I think that you should do what makes you happy. If you believe your happiness depends on Woohyun, then stay with him, if not..."

Jonghyun shrugged and didn't finish his sentence but he knew that he didn't need to: Kibum understood very well on his own.

The teenager chose not to talk about it anymore but their conversation kept running in his mind, the question haunting him even in his dreams: should he break up with Woohyun ? After all, as ironical as it might seem since Jonghyun didn't really have a clue about human relationships, the humanoid had stressed an important point: he was playing with his friend's feelings, even though he had never meant to.

Three days later, when Kibum came back from school, he headed straight to the kitchen where he knew he would find Jonghyun, whom he hugged tightly as soon as he caught sight of him; he pressed his chest against the humanoid's back before burying his face in his shoulder, and Jonghyun didn't intend to react to it since it was quite usual for the teen to behave that way, not to mention that he liked being this close to the blonde boy, but then he heard the little sobs that managed to escape Kibum's sealed lips.

"Kibum ?" Jonghyun called softly, voice laced with worry. "What's wrong Bummie ?"

He tried to turn around in order to face the young boy but the tight grip he had on the humanoid's waist didn't enable him to do so and he ended up twisting his torso as much as possible so he could still caress the teenager's hair gently.

"I did it..." the blonde boy finally whispered against Jonghyun's nape. "I... I broke up with Woohyun."

The humanoid was almost certain that his heart had just skipped a beat.

"You... Really ?" he asked, his chest suddenly swelling from hope and happiness - which Kibum thankfully didn't notice.

The young boy nodded and his next words were nothing but a low whimper, barely audible even though Jonghyun was right in front of him.

"I did it because... He won't make me happy. I did the right thing."

The humanoid slowly covered the boy's hands with his own and pried his grip open, never letting go of the shaky fingers as he slowly knelt before the teenager, looking up to see his face.

It was painful, to witness the blonde boy's sadness while himself was rather glad to know that Kibum was single once again, although the tears running down the teen's cheeks didn't make him feel that great anymore.

"If it was the right thing to do, why are you crying ?" he asked softly.

The younger hiccupped and sniffed, wet eyes locking with Jonghyun's.

"Be... cause he's my friend and I... I hurt him ! I didn't realise... It was a mistake to date Woohyun and I... I hate making mistakes."

"But it's okay..." Jonghyun immediately said, in hopes to put the boy's mind at ease. "Everyone does, you just have to be careful and not make the same mistakes again in the future. Learning from them, this is what you have to do."

"Do you ever make mistakes ?" Kibum asked on a low tone, raising a brow. "I don't think so..."

The humanoid flinched imperceptibly but tried to keep a straight face, even though he felt a bit hurt by Kibum's underlying comment: maybe he was reading too much into it but he couldn't help believing that it was a way to emphasise their difference... As a humanoid, Jonghyun was not supposed to make any mistake. But he was also human and thus, fallible. Oh, perhaps it was not obvious, since he was still controlled by a part of his program, but he could feel its influence shrinking a bit more every day, gradually setting his humanity free and pushing him further away from this so-called robotic perfection.

Because he did make mistakes. Maybe falling in love with Kibum had been the first one ?

It was a question that he didn't want to ask himself now though; plus, there were more important matters at hand - namely, Kibum.

"I make mistakes." the humanoid said. "Remember, how I dropped that plate a few days ago ?"

A tiny smile appeared on the young boy's lips as he remembered it and Jonghyun immediately felt a bit better.

"That's not even a real mistake..." Kibum weakly protested. "You were just clumsy."

"I did it anyway. And thus I'll be more careful the next time. So will you, right ?"

The teenager nodded wordlessly and Jonghyun smiled, before lifting one of his hands to collect a lonely tear on the tip of his finger, gently brushing his thumb across the high, rosy cheekbone.

Jonghyun froze, his eyes growing wide as he stared at the glistening patch on the pulp of his finger and watched in wonder as the droplet slowly rolled down his phalanx. Snapping out of his trance, he suddenly grinned and cupped Kibum's cheeks before gently roaming his fingers all over them, noticing but not at all caring about the frown that slowly covered up the boy's face.

"Wafareyoudoin ?" he failed to mumble audibly as Jonghyun pressed his cheeks together and giggled.

"I feel them !" he exclaimed happily. "I can feel your skin under my fingers !"

"Wha... Really ?"

Kibum nearly laughed at the way his friend nodded, thinking that he looked like an overexcited puppy and smiling fondly immediately afterwards: Jonghyun always managed to make him feel better, even if he didn't do it on purpose, and maybe that was precisely why he was such a good friend... His mere presence was enough to keep his mind off his problems, enough to make him smile.

"Ouch !" he cried out when Jonghyun pinched his cheeks a bit too hard. "That hurts !"

"I'm sorry !" the humanoid squeaked, although he didn't mean it at all, based on the unapologetic grin etched on his face. "But it's so squashy, haha !"

Overexcited, idiotic puppy. Right.

***

Touching different fabrics and materials quickly became one of Jonghyun's favourite hobbies: the humanoid re-learnt words he had known for years without being able to associate them with any fabric or sensation, from silky scarves to woollen socks, from hot pots to cold ice-cream.

Above all, he liked to touch Kibum. He was never at a loss for words to describe the beautiful boy and the sensations he felt when he touched him: soft cheeks, cold nose and chapped lips in January, warm skin and - very - kissable and dewy mouth in June, silky strands of hair, wet tears, smooth shoulder blades and firm . With a voice way too loud when Kibum had screamed and yelled at him that no Jonghyun, you don't randomly people's like that ! Not that he wasn't aware but... He'd just been curious, you know ?

Curiosity was a very dangerous thing though, as it kept on urging Jonghyun to just lean in and capture Kibum's lips in a tender kiss, especially at this very moment, when the humanoid was lying on the teen's bed with the latter sprawled on top of him. He was doing some research for an assignment given by one of his teachers and the tablet he was holding in front of his face was the only impediment to Jonghyun's desire of tasting his friend's bow-shaped lips.

They had been lying like that for quite a while now and Jonghyun was growing tired of it, feeling the need to move and do something else than trying to look at Kibum while ogling under or above the tablet.

"Stop squirming." Kibum grumbled after he almost fell down, thrown off-balance as Jonghyun writhed under his body.

"But I'm boooooored..." he whined. "Why do I have to stay like this ?"

"Because you wanted a hug and I told you that I had homework to do. Plus, you're comfy."

"Right." Jonghyun mumbled. "But you..."

He trailed off and Kibum looked at him, brows raised and lips pouting.

"What ?" the teenager asked. "Am I heavy ?"

"No but yes ?" the humanoid tried, smiling sheepishly not to offend his friend.

Kibum rolled his eyes and merely get off him so he could lie next to the humanoid, snuggling and pressing close to his side - awkwardly so, as two grown up boys couldn't comfortably fit in a single size bed - and blindly reaching behind himself to set his tablet on the floor.

"Here, have your hug." he said, smiling widely. "I'll work later."

Jonghyun didn't even try to look ashamed that he was keeping Kibum from doing his homework like a good boy, not when he knew that the teenager couldn't care less about it. Thus, he gladly wrapped his arms around the boy's frail waist and buried his face in the crook of his neck, where the skin was thin and sensitive, tickled by his hair. His favourite place to be, because he could pretend that there was more than friendship between them at this time.

They kept quiet, both boys enjoying the peaceful silence only broken by their soft breaths and the occasional swashes of the waterbed under their shifting weights, until a rumbling sound echoed in the room.

"A storm ?" Kibum wondered aloud as he sat up and set his eyes on the window on the opposite wall, trying to catch sight of any grey cloud in the sky outside.

"Kibum..." Jonghyun whispered, shyly tugging on the boy's sleeve. "I think... I think it comes from my stomach."

There was a moment of silence as the teenager processed the information, then he jumped to his feet and exclaimed:

"Are you hungry ?"

"I... don't know ?" Jonghyun answered hesitantly. "I mean, I've never been hungry before so... I don't know."

Next thing he knew, Kibum was holding onto his wrist really tight and was dragging him down the stairs and to the kitchen, pushing him until he was seated at the small table.

"If your stomach growls, then you must crave for something to eat." he decided while rummaging through one of the closets. "I shouldn't spoil you too much for your first time eating though, or else you'll get sick. So..."

Jonghyun patiently waited for Kibum to find what he was looking for and after a few more seconds, the teenager triumphantly shoved a box in his hands.

"Cookies." the humanoid stated, before giving a weird look to the blonde boy. "That's hardly a meal, Bummie..."

The latter clicked his tongue in annoyance and Jonghyun immediately surrendered, grudgingly opening the box.

"Cheer up !" Kibum exclaimed. "Cookies are great. And you need to taste something impressive for your first time."

Sadly, tasting the boy's lips was obviously not an option.

***

Cookies turned out to be delicious, a true marvel for Jonghyun's palate. But with the craving for food came the need of water.

The first time he saw Jonghyun running to the restroom with his hands pressed to his crotch, Kibum laughed so hard that he toppled over the couch and kept giggling on the floor for ten minutes.

Needless to say that Jonghyun was not happy - but when he pouted in discontentment, Kibum told him that he was cute and it made everything better.

***

After turning seventeen, Kibum's crush on Minho was long forgotten, maybe because time even healed broken hearts or maybe because the teenager fell in love with someone else.

Mir was a nice guy, outgoing and a few months older than Kibum, and his adoration for the younger boy was genuine; this time, the blonde teenager was as much in love as the other and even Jonghyun couldn't deny that they were cute together.

It hurt of course, but less than expected. Maybe because seeing the young boy so happy eased the pain a little ? Or maybe because deep down, Jonghyun hoped that it wouldn't last long and that Kibum would fall for him one day or another.

He was still waiting though... And time flew, but mostly for Kibum. Every passing day, the teenager turned more and more into a young and fine man while Jonghyun wasn't changing much.

His body may have changed in its reactions and biological processes but it wasn't showing much: he barely aged at all. Over two years, the only hint that something was happening had been a half centimetre of black colouring the roots of his dyed hair. Kibum had happily taken the humanoid to the hairdresser and had him dye his hair black again so his natural colour would come back unnoticed, but the result had been unexpected.

Honestly, the first thought that had crossed the teenager's mind at that moment had left him shocked for one hour afterwards.

"Whoa, Jonghyun !" he had blurted out. "You look so... y !"

And it had probably been one of the most embarrassing moments of his life because... What the hell ?! When had he begun to see Jonghyun as a y and hot man ? No, no, no. No way.

Back to Jonghyun and his age now. There were actually two sides to this situation, one positive and one negative, which tore the young man apart. Firstly, the fact that the humanoid aged very slowly was definitely a great way to keep him by his side for a long, really long time and Kibum couldn't ask for more. Who wouldn't want to spend as much time as possible with his best friend ? He could not fathom the idea of living without the humanoid...

However, since Jonghyun didn't grow old as fast as Kibum, he would one day end up being younger than him and the mere thought of it could make shivers run down the teenager's spine. He didn't want to imagine himself being older than his friend, being thirty while the humanoid barely looked twenty was scary and it awoke a cold fear inside him: he was afraid to grow old and realise that he and his friend had drifted apart due to their . It frightened him, because Jonghyun had always been someone he looked up to, someone akin to a big brother... The reassuring presence of someone older and responsible, an anchor in his life. It had to stay that way.

Yet there was nothing he could do to stop this evolution, right ? Thus Kibum tried to enjoy his life as it was now, which was quite easy to do since he and Jonghyun were closer than ever. The humanoid definitely had a significant influence over his happiness.

Today, Kibum had a very defined idea of what would make him really happy: an afternoon spent on a shopping spree with Jonghyun - he would go on a date with Mir in a few days and he absolutely needed to find something nice to wear. Not that he wanted to impress his boyfriend but... Well, he did.

The teenager pushed the door of the humanoid's bedroom open and tilted his head to the side in curiosity when no excited puppy jumped on him to pinch his cheeks. But then, he caught sight of Jonghyun and his breathing hitched in his throat as he stared at his friend.

The humanoid was sprawled across his bed, lying on his back with his mouth wide open and his eyes closed, while his chest rose and fell on a steady pace, soft breath escaping his parted lips.

Jonghyun was sleeping.

Kibum's face brightened when he realised it and the corners of his lips curled into a fond smile while he stepped forward and made his way to the young man as quietly as possible, trying not to wake him up but also unable to resist the want to come closer and take a good look at Jonghyun's sleeping face.

He carefully sat on the bed and his smile grew wider as his eyes wandered along the humanoid's tranquil expression and his delicate lashes that kissed his skin. There was something strangely touching in watching the humanoid sleep so peacefully and Kibum couldn't help threading his fingers through the boy's black hair. He was handsome.

The blonde chuckled at the thought that Jonghyun had probably made all the girls - and the boys as well - swoon back then, when he was a normal and happy human. His quiet laughter suddenly died when the humanoid stirred in his sleep and whined, before opening his eyes and glancing around, looking a bit disorientated as he blinked endlessly.

"Hi, sleeping beauty." Kibum said gently.

"Slee... What ?" Jonghyun mumbled, totally lost, eyes thick with sleep and voice slurred.

"You fell asleep." the teenager explained while patting the humanoid's cheek fondly. "That's new."

"Oh..."

Jonghyun didn't add anything but suddenly yawned, before closing his hands into loose fists; he brought them up to his face and gently rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of the last ribbons of heavy sleepiness that still tied his eyelids together.

"You're such a cutie..." Kibum cooed, ruffling the boy's hair.

Jonghyun froze and stopped rubbing his eyes, intently watching his friend instead. He looked like a little baby like that, with his puffy puppy eyes that kept blinking, his expression of candid innocence as he tilted his head to the side...

"I'm not cute." the humanoid eventually said with a pout.

A soft laugh echoed in the room as Kibum hugged him.

"You definitely are."

***

Mir and Kibum were not meant to be together forever. Jonghyun had selfishly hoped so, while the blonde teenager had been blissfully unaware of that fact, but who would already dread a break-up at the beginning of a relationship ?

Yet, after seven months of lovely dates, endless words of love whispered into each other's ear and feverish kisses, Kibum's and Mir's love story came to an end after the other boy shyly admitted that he had met someone whom he felt more attracted to than the blonde.

Once more, it was Jonghyun's role to comfort Kibum, who cried his heart out in his arms as he vented out his pain and his insecurities.

Kibum was so scared... Craving for love but afraid not to find the right one: Minho had never loved him, he had never felt anything more than friendship for Woohyun and now, Mir was no longer in love with him - but he still was.

Oh, he was young, he was aware, so he still had time to find that one person who would love him and make him happy but... But. It was that little word, three letters, that made him feel so insecure. What if he never got over Mir ? Right now, he didn't think that he would ever be able to: it hurt too much, the wound was too fresh, the cut in his heart too deep.

Eventually, Kibum fell asleep in Jonghyun's arms, trails of salty tears still glistening on his cheeks and eyes red.

A strange lump was lodged in the humanoid's dry throat as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the boy's forehead, his lips softly grazing the smooth, warm skin.

"I could love you..." he whispered sadly. "If only you allowed me to. I will love you anyway, even from afar. I promise I will, until the very end."

***

A few weeks later, Kibum was feeling a bit better but he still missed Mir and his warm arms, his protective embrace and his laughs. His parents watched over him with an hawk eye, making sure that their boy, although he'd told them he was fine, didn't wallow into depression and despair. Thankfully, the young man had stopped listening to sad songs three days prior.

It was a real relief for Na Yung and Chin Hae to know that they could count on Jonghyun to try and distract their son, because the teenager had become rather reluctant to tell his parents about his mood and his feelings, in fear of worrying them. However, Jonghyun would always find a way to get Kibum to open up to him and talk about his troubles.

The humanoid had done a good job in making the teen smile so far and hopefully, the next weekend would help to get Mir off Kibum's mind a little longer: the twenty-third of September was coming and the teenager would turn eighteen.

Na Yung and Chin Hae had thought about going on a vacation for a while now and this was the perfect chance to do so: not only would it be a great gift but it would also give Kibum the opportunity to clear his head and breathe a little.

"Start packing up honey !" Na Yung exclaimed the Friday before her son's birthday as she dropped a duffel bag on the young man's bed. "We're going to the beach !"

Startled, Kibum looked up in bemusement.

"Uh, what ?"

"The beach, darling, the beach." his mother repeated slowly, as though she was talking to a little child. "Sea, sand, beach. This weekend. For your birthday. Pack up now."

Kibum's face lit up all of a sudden.

"Really ?" he asked in excitement. "We're going to the beach ?"

"Yes, we'll leave tomorrow in the morning and we should come back on Monday in the evening. I guess you don't really mind skipping one school day ? After all, you turn eighteen only once in your life."

Her son flashed her a wide smile that she had not seen on his face ever since Mir had broken up with him and she couldn't help smiling back, her grin even happier than Kibum's.

"Jonghyun will go with us, right ?" he asked.

"Of course !" his mother answered. "Can you really imagine celebrating your birthday without him ?"

No, Kibum thought as he grabbed the bag, still smiling. And this little vacation would be wonderful, he was already sure of it. It had been a while since he'd had some quality time with his parents and Jonghyun for the last time so he would make sure to enjoy every second of this weekend and ban Mir from his mind - he had to move on anyway.

What else could he ask for, really ? He would spend his birthday nearby the sea, with three of the people he loved the most on earth, with nothing else to do but relax and enjoy his life.

This weekend would be absolutely perfect.

Can you feel the irony in the last sentence ? :p

Hi guys ! I hope this chapter was to your liking, although it was more something like a filler... But important changes have occurred ! Great, isn't it ?

As a side note, I have begun to write ty one-shots involving Jonghyun OTP's (Jongkey, Jongho, Jongtae and Jongyu) that you can find here (X)

Also, I added the chapters titles in the foreword, published ones as well as upcoming ones with the percentage of writing already done, so you can check it from time to time to see how far I've made it into the next chapter and get an idea of the time I'll update.

See you soon !