Chapter sixteen: Apart

"Jonghyun, baby, could you please move that fine piece of of yours and clean table three ? That would be awesome."

Jonghyun laughed at Amber's sweet and teasing tone but he complied nonetheless, grabbing the rag hanging down his belt and skipping to the table a family had just left, their drinks empty and the pie they had ordered reduced to crumbs. He hummed quietly to himself as he piled the plates and gathered the cups of coffee and tea, balancing them precariously on his right arm as he made his way back to the kitchen behind the café countertop.

"Coming in !" he warned as he pushed the door with his left hip, still remembering the first time he had run into Donghae, the other waiter, when they had both attempted to enter and walk out at the same time.

Amber's café was nothing big, it was a modest little coffee shop in one of the busy neighbourhoods of Seoul and their patrons were mostly businessmen who had no time to settle down and rather asked for take-away, but sometimes a couple of friends or a family would enter the café and sit down at one of the small tables inside. Jonghyun and the others were almost always busy, whether they were behind the counter to tend to grumpy businessmen's orders or in the room, trying to brush off every attempt at flirting from the regular girls with as much diplomacy as possible - Jonghyun and Donghae were apparently very interesting to look at and to be honest, Amber had her fair share of admirers too.

Jonghyun had been working there for two weeks and three days and he had been living on his own for almost four weeks now. It had been hard during the first days, unsettling, for he was not used to be all alone and didn't like the heavy silence around him. Usually, there was always someone around, be it Kibum, his parents or even the cat, and he had missed this reassuring presence as well as the background noise he was used to.

The apartment he was now living in was bright but also small, since it was meant for one person or maybe a couple, but it was still big enough that the humanoid had felt lost at first. Well, he still needed time to fully adapt to these new surroundings but he strongly believed that he was doing fine now... At least he didn't run into the furniture anymore when he was not paying attention - he had during the first few days, moving around the apartment with a tablet in his hand as he checked the available jobs announcements, and he had been so focused on them that he'd forgotten that he was in a new place, with furniture arrangements that were unfamiliar to him. His toes still remembered the painful collision with the wooden foot of a small console table.

Jonghyun had allowed himself a few days to just be and take in his new situation, although he was aware it wouldn't be enough to get used to the biggest changes, such as the solitude. Na Yung had dropped by every day at first, to make sure that he was alright and to bring him food (much more than he needed, actually) but now she visited only once a week since she didn't want to smother him (she still called him every night though, on the phone Chin Hae had bought especially for him.)

Na Yung had reminded him several times that he was free to come back home wherever he pleased, if only to visit, but he wasn't ready. And to be honest, he didn't really want to come back... He wanted to be independent, responsible, to own his life, but of course that didn't mean that he was drawing back from the love he felt for his family. Not at all. But now the bird had left the nest and he was willing to experience the world in ways he never had before.

The first one had been the apartment and living on his own; the second, getting a job - because he had to pay the bills now and even though his... his parents had told him not to worry about the money, that they would take care of the rent and everything, he just couldn't let them handle that all on their own. They had done enough in the past, now it was his turn to do something for them, although he doubted he would ever be able to give them back all the love and understanding he had received from them.

So, a job it was.

Jonghyun had quickly understood that he wouldn't have endless possibilities: he didn't have any degree, had never been to university or college and he wasn't even certain that he had graduated from high school in his "other" life. His family died when he was only eighteen and for all he knew, he might still have been in high school at that time, maybe in his last year.

The first interviews had left a bitter taste in his mouth after he'd been told that he didn't exactly match the requirements. Of course he hadn't expected to be hired as soon as he showed up but still, these fails made him feel frustrated and useless. It was pure luck that had brought him to Amber's little coffee shop, as he was in desperate need of a hot, comforting coffee after having been turned down for the sixth time that week. His eyes had nearly popped out of his sockets when he'd heard the waiter - Donghae - grumble about how they needed help right ing now to deal with the customers or they would have a two-hours long queue.

Jonghyun was pretty sure he'd been overdoing it but point was, the shop was successful and didn't have enough of Amber and Donghae to handle both the cash register and the patrons.

After receiving his coffee, the humanoid had sat down and waited until it was near closing time to shyly ask if they needed another waiter and he didn't think he would ever forget the sudden light in Amber's eyes.

The following interview had been totally informal and much friendlier than any he'd had until then: Amber was a nice woman and had immediately made him feel comfortable, asking in a gentle tone a few questions related to his previous work experience as well as his qualities and flaws. He had been honest: it was the first time he was looking for a job, he had never had one before but he was smart, learned well and fast, was motivated and eager to work with other people, both colleagues and patrons.

He hadn't exactly been hired on the spot but Amber had agreed to let him try on the next day so she could make up her mind and see how he fit in the - small - team. Surprisingly, the first day had gone just fine despite his nervousness.

And there he was, two weeks later, on a first name basis with Donghae and Amber, joking with them and sometimes following them out for a drink in the evening.

Jonghyun nearly yelped when he got a playful slap on his as Donghae passed him by with a tray of cupcakes and muffins.

"Daydreaming again, Jonghyun !" he said with a smile.

"S... Sorry !"

Well, yes, that happened quite a lot. Somehow, he always ended up in his thoughts, marvelling at the fact that he was doing quite fine on his own.

"Come on, I'll need your help with these." Donghae said hurriedly. "My future boyfriend just showed up, do you mind taking care of the other orders for a while ? I'll go chat him up, five minutes, promise !"

"Last time you said that..." Jonghyun began.

"Ah, come on !" Donghae interrupted him. "You can't blame me for talking to him for twenty minutes, can you ? I made him smile. It was a good day but I bet I can actually get his number, this time."

"Do you even know his name ?" Jonghyun asked, following the other nonetheless.

Donghae gave him his best , please face and the humanoid laughed, gently patting his friend's back as he pushed him toward the young man who had just sat in a corner of the room, his eyes sparkling in delight as he watched the waiter coming to him.

"Hey, Eunhyuk ! What's up, man ?" he asked with a grin.

Oh. So he did know his name after all. Well, that was something already.

As he roamed the room to deliver ordered drinks and pies, Jonghyun kept glancing at Donghae and the young man he was so obviously crushing on - purely for scientific purposes, of course. It was interesting to watch how other people behave when facing the person they liked and Jonghyun was quite curious to compare it to his own demeanour. Donghae blushed profusely at something Eunhyuk said and the humanoid had to cough in order to hide a snort, because he was fairly certain that he had never blushed around Kibum. And he probably had never smiled like an idiot while clutching a phone in his hand.

Jonghyun busied himself with some cheesecake to serve to a couple and tried not to think about Kibum. Just like every time he attempted not to let his mind wander back to a blonde and cute boy, he failed and ended up looking like someone had just run over his cat. He missed him (Kibum, not his cat.) He missed him and when he actually took the time to think about him, he often found himself on the verge on running back home to take Kibum in his arms and hold him tight, possibly while burying his head in the crook of his neck to simply breathe his scent.

It was harder than he thought, letting go of someone. Especially someone you loved and were persuaded you would love your entire life.

"Oh, honey, why the long face ?"

Jonghyun jumped, startled, when Amber's soft breath tickled his ear and he immediately turned around, taking a step back.

"You scared me !" he exclaimed.

"Well, sorry baby ! But you will scare our customers away if you keep looking so grim. Smile, Jonghyun, you look way better when you do."

The humanoid smiled tentatively and she nodded.

"Right, that's it. Now get back to work, okay ?"

Jonghyun flashed her a more genuine smile and made his way back to the counter so he could handle the register while Amber served drinks and pieces of pie or cake and Donghae finally came back, looking slightly flushed and definitely happy. Jonghyun made a mental note to ask him how it went with Eunhyuk. He could tell that something good had happened but he wanted details - for scientific purposes too, of course.

He was lucky to have Amber and Donghae around, he thought. They were his first human friends beside Kibum and his gratitude towards the odds that had gotten him to enter this coffee shop was endless. Both had made him feel comfortable as soon as he'd asked for the job and even though he'd had a hard time adjusting to their personalities at first, now he undoubtedly considered them his friends. They were very different from Kibum and his parents but it was a good sort of different.

They knew nothing about him - especially not the fact that he wasn't fully human - and it was mutual but they had been so accepting and nice to him from the start that he was sure they were good people. He didn't need years of knowing them to understand at least that.

Amber was really sweet, giving him cute nicknames or totally embarrassing ones - not to mention the y ones - and Donghae acted with him as he'd known him forever. It was disconcerting at first but honestly, it felt good not to have to worry too much about acceptance and understanding, his colleagues just pretty much went with the flow and didn't quirk a brow if Jonghyun sometimes seemed to act strangely: working in a café like this one meant contact with lots of people and the humanoid was more often than not taken aback by the many different behaviours he witnessed and didn't always have the time to react in the appropriate way to something a patron did or said. But he was getting better at it, really.

***

"And one espresso with double cream and sugar for you." Jonghyun said with a charming smile that had Donghae elbowing him in the ribs, muttering something about how flirty he was, as the humanoid handed the hot beverage to a young woman. "Have a nice day, miss."

"Thank you !" she beamed at him, her grin eating half her face.

Jonghyun waited until she was gone and made sure that no one else would come up to the counter before slapping Donghae on his arm.

"Don't do that again !" he hissed. "I almost dropped the coffee !"

"Ouch !" the waiter grimaced. "That hurts, dude."

"And I'm not sorry, dickhead." Jonghyun automatically replied with a sly smile, belatedly realising that was something Amber often said.

Donghae eyed him in amused disbelief and whispered:

"I can't believe the boss has such a bad influence on you. And here I thought you were on my side !"

Donghae dramatically left Jonghyun to go fetch a new tray of cupcakes and muffins from the kitchen and the other man chuckled to himself while he tidied up the countertop a little, wiping a splash of milk, until someone entered the café and headed for him.

"Good morning, sir." a voice said, startling Jonghyun.

"Oh, hello !" he answered with a smile that faltered a little when it was not returned by the male in front of him. "Uh, what can I do for you ?"

"I would like to purchase a hot drink for my master, if that's alright." the man answered on a calm, composed and definitely too formal tone.

Jonghyun flinched in surprise at the words and then, it hit him. A quick glance at this customer's eyes was enough to confirm his theory: they were dull, lifeless. Unblinking. Combined to the awfully polite and mechanical voice, he knew who, or rather what, was in front of him.

"You're a humanoid, right ?" he whispered as he leaned over the countertop to get a better look at the robot.

A robot. Because it was one, it was a real humanoid, not a... failed prototype like he was himself. Or a failed human, depending on how you looked at it.

Of course, the other humanoid didn't show any surprise at the question - he probably couldn't even fathom the idea of surprise. Or shock, or pain, or love. Those were probably the biggest mysteries of this humanoid's existence and he couldn't even understand why they were a mystery nor why they were worth feeling.

"I am, sir." the robot answered.

Jonghyun felt something churn inside him, some sort of unease that went growing more and more the longer he kept looking at the humanoid. They were the same, yet they were different. It was like looking at his twin through a deforming mirror and a cold sweat ran down Jonghyun's back at the thought that he had been like this, expressionless, feeling-less and dead inside.

He couldn't help pitying this humanoid for all he was missing on but he had to remind himself that this robot was just that, a robot, made of iron and cogs and synthetic skin, of connections and optical fibres and a program working like a brain. This was no human. There was no soul in that fake body.

"I... Okay, so what do you want ?" Jonghyun asked weakly, trying to get back to his normal, cheerful-waiter self.

The fact that the humanoid didn't even frown at his clearly odd and slightly rude behaviour made him sick.

"My master wants a double cappuccino with sugar plus one piece of lemon meringue pie. For take-away, please."

"Yes, alright, sure." Jonghyun mumbled, silently thanking whoever he should thank for the fact that neither Amber nor Donghae were there to point out his shaking hands and his clearly confused and pained expression.

He glanced at the humanoid as he was filling the cup with coffee but he quickly adverted his eyes: the robot was looking straight at him but it was like he didn't even see him, as if Jonghyun was not there at all. He couldn't stand it.

Eventually, the young man gave a piece of pie and a paper cup of hot coffee to the humanoid and attempted a smile.

"Here you are."

"Thank you, sir." the other answered, immediately handing him a few bills - the exact amount of money Jonghyun was about to announce.

Oh, of course. The humanoid had counted to avoid Jonghyun the trouble. Typical, he guessed - he had acted like that himself after all, not so long ago.

"What's your name ?" Jonghyun suddenly blurted out before he could hold back.

It actually mattered to him. He wasn't sure why, it was unlikely they would ever meet again, but he needed to know. Maybe not to leave that robot, so alike him in some ways and so different in others, anonymous.

The answer though, froze him to the bones.

"Six thousand thirty-one, sir."

"You're kidding, aren't you ?" Jonghyun asked, realising too late that the robot couldn't be kidding. "You... That's your number. But surely you must have a name, right ?"

The humanoid looked at him blankly.

"I have no other name, sir. That is the number I was given and my master doesn't call me differently."

Jonghyun suddenly felt like he was going to faint or at least throw up. He knew the robot in front of him was not alive but he couldn't help seeing himself in the other humanoid and relate to him, so the idea of being called by his number and bossed around by someone who surely ordered to be referred to as the master had him shivering in sheer disgust. It made him feel so much more grateful to his family and the respect they had showed him !

"What... what is your first memory ?" he then asked hesitantly. "When you woke up, when you opened your eyes... What did you remember then ?"

"Nothing." the humanoid said. "Save for all the data that is engraved in my memory, to ensure that I will work properly."

"The program, right ?"

"Right." the robot answered.

"And you..." Jonghyun began hesitantly, unsure if it was right to pry a little. "You never feel... weird ? You don't have sudden bursts of anger ? Like you want to punch something ?"

The humanoid stared at him blankly.

"I don't understand the question, sir." he said, without the slightest curiosity in spite of his apparent incomprehension. "Please reformulate."

"No, it's okay." Jonghyun whispered, slowly shaking his head. "I won't keep you any longer, someone must be waiting for you."

"My master, yes." the robot answered. "I have to go. Good afternoon, sir."

Jonghyun didn't have the heart to respond, not that it would have made a difference: those were just words for this humanoid, he had no idea what it really was to have a nice day. It was just one of those polite formulas he probably knew the theoretical meaning of just because it was expected of him to interact properly with humans but other than that, its practical meaning was lost to him.

He quickly realised that he was still shaking and didn't feel good at all, too upset by this impromptu meeting with a humanoid. He had been one of them, once. He wasn't anymore and it was a relief, truly.

Jonghyun made sure that there wasn't anyone waiting at the counter before he fled. He nearly collided with Amber as he made his way towards the restroom and quickly muttered an apology followed by a muffled I feel sick. The young woman watched him go in concern, already mentally going through the medicine box she kept on top of a cabinet in the kitchen, wondering if she could bring something to Jonghyun to make him feel better.

The humanoid pushed the restroom door open and headed for the sink, glancing at the mirror on the wall, panting; he was pale, not much more than usual but he could still see a slight difference. As he took a closer look, he noticed the shining spark in his eyes and almost laughed in relief. He wasn't like the other. He was alive or as close to be as he could; he thought by himself, felt, hurt and loved, and he was definitely enough of a human to deserve friends and happiness coming his way.

For the first time, he realised how close he had been to miss all of this: if he had not ended in the sales department of the Kang Company, he would have been destroyed... He would never have met Kibum and he probably wouldn't have awoken either. He would have remained cold and as good as dead, only to end up crushed by some heavy machine.

He shivered.

Bless the day Chin Hae had decided to offer a humanoid to Na Yung for Christmas ! Otherwise... Well, he didn't want to imagine what he would be - or rather, wouldn't be.

Something bothered him though, in top of all the human-slash-humanoid business: the fact that the robot he had met didn't remember anything beside his encoded data. When he'd opened his eyes, Jonghyun had remembered his name. Did it mean that he had been different from the start, more human than he thought, even at the beginning ?

Somehow, he believed that his feelings for Kibum were the reason why the ice around his heart had cracked in the first place, which was incredibly romantic and perhaps, he was forced to admit, very cliché. Maybe he had always been less robot than human and it had gradually shown. Maybe the reappearance of his feelings for Kibum - even though he hadn't been aware of them back then - fitting the time of his real awakening was just a coincidence. He would never know for sure, everything would forever be limited to hypotheses and maybe's. He was still a mystery to himself, even after all these years.

He still had one certainty though, like a solid rock in the middle of a stormy ocean, buoying him up: his feelings, for Kibum and his family as well as his friends. These were two different kinds of relationships and one was damaged, maybe definitely so, but it was enough to make him calm down and breathe normally again.

He jumped in the air when Donghae suddenly knocked at the door.

"Jonghyun ? You alright, buddy ?" he asked worriedly.

Waves of warmth hit Jonghyun upon hearing the concern of his friend and when he opened the door, he abruptly hugged the other man, who swayed a little under the sudden weight.

"Are you okay ?" Donghae asked again, clumsily patting the humanoid's shoulder.

"Yes." Jonghyun said, taking a step back and loosening his grip. "I feel better, thanks."

"It's almost closing time, I'm sure Amber won't mind if you ask to leave a bit earlier and go home. Actually, I think she will probably suggest you do that."

"No, no, I'm fine." Jonghyun insisted, not willing to cause any trouble to his friends. "I'll stay and clean up with you, don't worry. Can I just... take five minutes and make a call ?"

"Sure, Jjong." Donghae said with a smile. "Take your time."

Jonghyun felt his heart burst from happiness at the nickname, one only his family knew and used. Coming from Donghae, a young man he had only met a few weeks prior but already considered his friend without knowing if it was mutual, it made him feel loved, cared for and accepted, which was more than he could ever have asked for.

As the waiter turned around to leave him on his own while he was on the phone, Jonghyun called his name softly and Donghae glanced at him.

"Yeah ?"

"Thank you." Jonghyun said in earnest. "For everything."

The intensity of his gaze and his voice seemed to confuse the waiter a little, as if he understood that Jonghyun was talking about more than the allowed time but couldn't quite put his finger on what it was exactly, yet he grinned and answered:

"You're welcome, I guess."

Jonghyun watched him go, smiling so widely that it nearly hurt, then he took his phone out of his pocket and dialled the number of the Kim's house. He was aware that neither Na Yung nor Chin Hae would be home, it was still too early in the day, but Kibum would be. He wasn't ready yet to see him again, not after their last conversation, for he was still too fragile to face the reason for his heartbreak, but hearing the boy's voice would be fine - he missed it, just as much as he missed Kibum himself.

"Hello ?"

Oh , he wasn't ready at all, Jonghyun realised when his knees wobbled slightly.

"H... Hi, Kibum." he managed, his throat dry and tight.

"Jonghyun ?" the other boy whispered hesitantly.

"Yeah. Uh, I... I..."

Great. Just great, such eloquence and big words ! Jonghyun was on the brink of an emotional meltdown and about to forget everything he wanted to say.

"I..." Kibum said, apparently just as shaken up as he was. "Uh, how are you ?"

"Fine." Jonghyun immediately said.

And it was true. His feelings were hurt but that set aside, he felt good. He had friends, a family, a home, a job he liked... And Kibum loved him, even though it wasn't the way he wished he did. But he loved him nonetheless.

"I just..." he began, before taking a deep breath. "I just wanted to thank you. You and your parents, for everything you have ever done for me and everything I know you'll keep doing. Thank you, Kibum."

Jonghyun could hear the surprise on the other end of the line, even though the boy remained silent.

"Are you okay, Jjong ?" he finally asked, very quietly.

"Yes. I'm just... really grateful to you all. And... Kibum ?"

"Yes ?"

"I love you." Jonghyun said.

He didn't miss the way Kibum's breath hitched and he quickly added:

"You don't have to say anything, I know that you don't... I know. But I just need to tell you, okay ? Because that's how I feel and I can't change it, I can't just erase my feelings for you. So, yeah... I love you."

Kibum was quiet again for a while, then he hesitantly said:

"I think we should talk. Can you... come back home tonight ? Or can I go to your place ?"

Jonghyun closed his eyes, feeling the pain pulsing through his heart.

"I can't." he said on a sad tone. "Not yet, I'm not ready. Soon, I promise, but just... Just give me some time, alright ?"

"Oh." Kibum breathed out. "Alright. See you soon, then."

The humanoid wasn't sure, but he thought he heard a hint of disappointment in the blonde boy's voice. He prayed not to be mistaken, because if he was right, it meant that there was still hope for them, at least on a friendly level.

"Yes." he replied softly. "See you."

Right before he ended the call, Jonghyun could hear Kibum's voice a last time, strained and sad. I'm so sorry, Jjong.

Here you are ! I hope you enjoyed this chapter even though there weren't the explanations I promised previously... Let's say that my muse decided otherwise.

Thanks to everybody for the constant support and understanding of my situation, I received plenty of cheering up messages and that was really sweet of you. I'm not yet out of the pit but I'm beginning to feel a bit better which is something already. Also, don't worry about Humanoid: there will be a complete next to the title one day, I'm not giving up even though my updates take time to be published. Thank you for still being by my side in this journey ;)