Hey guys!! Sorry I took so long to update!! I was hospitalised for about five days for food poisoning (bleuarghhh.), but now I'm back, alive and (hopefully) healthy! Thank you for waiting so patiently <33

These boys never fail to make me smile.... xD

It was diffucult getting up the next morning. It wasn't just because Sungyeol was feeling too fragile to face the world that particular day, but a combination of self-doubt mixed with fatigue and muscle aches, that made him linger in bed for a while longer, and watch Myungsoo scribble something down in his notebook at the desk in the corner of the room.

"What are you doing?" Sungyeol propped himself up on one elbow, rubbed his eyes groggily. What time had Myungsoo gotten up? Wasn't he tired? Didn't the boy tumble into bed the same time as he did?

"Nothing..." Myungsoo threw a look over his shoulder to make sure Sungyeol didn't intend to come over to check it out for himself. Sungyeol's birthday was just around the corner, and he still hadn't completed "For A Happy Ending". He'd been pretty busy with schedules the past week, and had gotten behind in his writing, and he couldn't afford to laze around in bed, even if his eyes did feel a gritty with sleep at the moment. But all in all, Myungsoo didn't mind the writing. He liked taking words and forming sentences to describe the images in his head, the memories they'd made together.

"Go wash your face, get ready," Myungsoo threw over his shoulder, then turned back to his notebook.

Sungyeol made a noise halfway between a yawn and a groan, and sat up painfully on the bed, and shuffled out. Myungsoo watched him go with a smile on his face. Sungyeol was an early riser, and seeing him all disoriented in the morning was rare. Myungsoo liked it though--it was nothing short of adorable. Knitting his eyebrows together again in concentration, Myungsoo bit the end of his pencil and dredged through his memories to look for inspiration.

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"Guys," Sunggyu handed out the bottles of qater their manager passed to him to the members. They accepted the drinks all half-asleep. All except for Myungsoo. The guy was still engrossed in writing.

"Hahaha..." Dongwoo suddenly turned to Myungsoo, who had chosen not to sit next to Sungyeol because he needed to write, usurping Hoya's usual seat at the back with Dongwoo. Myungsoo tapped a finger to his lips to remind Dongwoo to be quiet--Sungyeol was nodding off. "You're writing in a notebook." Dongwoo whispered, giggling to himself.

"Yeah?" Myungsoo looked at Dongwoo briefly before dropping his head to write.

"Get it?" Dongwoo elbowed Myungsoo in the ribs to get his attention. "You're writing in a notebook!"

"Uhm." Myungsoo's forehead furrowed as he looked up at Dongwoo, then glanced down again.

"L's writing in a notebook!" Dongwoo clapped his hands (quietly) in amusement. "It's deathnote, it's deathnote!"

"Mmm." Myungsoo tried blocking out Dongwoo. The guy was a lovely hyung on most days, but when the guy was sleepy, he did have a slight tendency to spout crap.

Their car came to a stop after about twenty minutes.

"Hey," Myungsoo patted Sungyeol's cheek when the car was parked, and the members crawled out. "Wake up, sleepyhead!"

Sungyeol's eyelashes fluttered, then his eyes snapped open, and he scrambled out of the car as well. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and Myungsoo could see the dark circles under his eyes.

"God," Sungyeol muttered to himself, voice slightly nasally, "I'm tired."

Myungsoo watched sympathetically.

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"...Infinite!" Defcon and Hyung Don announced excitedly, and cued the members in, all of them running on screen equally enthusiatically. Sungyeol tried to have especially springy steps. His eyebags had been slathered with concealer, and topped off with eyeliner, and he didn't look as weary as before, but he wanted to make sure his fatigue wasn't obvious at all. Afterall, fans wouldn't like it if he was all tired and lethargic.

Throughout the filming, Sungyeol tried his best to keep his trademark gummy grin on his face. Sometimes he'd be distracted, and sleep would dull his concentration for a while, but then he'd jerk himself upright again mentally, and drag the corner of his lips upwards, laugh almost hysterically at the jokes cracked on set. Reactions. Variety was all about big reactions.

After a while, the members were getting all excited about the fan call section. Sungyeol couldn't bring himself to be as interested as some of s were. The idea was interesting, it was just that it was difficult enough simply sitting there with an absent smile on his face, pretending that he was following the conversations held.

"...Sungyeol." The members all turned to face him, and Sungyeol realised that the fan had been addressing him. Sungyeol made sure his smile increased in wattage.

"What good are you, except increasing the average height?" The female voice continued, but Sungyeol had heard all he had to. The voice echoed the very same words that had run through his head before he'd fallen into a fitfull sleep last night. Sungyeol tensed, unsure really of what he should say, what he should do. He froze in his seat.

The MCs started laughing first--they had to, it was a varity show, and reactions were the key. The rest of infinite joined in too. All but Myungsoo, who clocked the fact that Sungyeol's eyes didn't crease up properly like they were supposed to, noticed how stiff the boy held himself. Sungyeol wasn't laughing really. He was simply reacting.

Sungyeol was nodding, ruefully agreeing with the MCs who were playfully teasing him, when Myungsoo had enough of it all, and spoke up. It wasn't that the MCs were trying to be hurtful. They probably didn't know what Sungyeol had been through last night--they were just doing their job.

"Are you sure this is a fan?" Myungsoo pointed out, "Sounds more like an antifan to me."

The laughing subsided after a while, and Myungsoo was glad.

On the other hand, Sungyeol was feeling even worse. Emotions knotted themselves together in his chest, and settled in the pit of his stomach. The fan (or antifan) had singled him out. Other people could see that he was useless too. He'd created gaps for their audience to feel dissatisfied with their group. Sungyeol's hand clenched and unclenched slowly.

If he hadn't been a part of infinite, perhaps they'd do better, win more awards, garner less criticism. Perhaps infinite would have been more successful.

The thought plagued him even after they completed filming for weekly idol, all the way back to the soundproof rooms they used for vocal training.

The rest of the members had other schedules to attend, and Sungyeol found himself alone with Sunggyu.

"And a one, two, three, four..." Sunggyu tapped his thigh in time to his counting, giving Sungyeol four counts in before he started singing.

I'm useless.

Sungyeol missed the beat by a fraction of a second, and screwed up the timing for the next two verses. Sunggyu held up a hand to stop him. Sungyeol winced.

"Nevermind." Sunggyu grinned, trying to reassure him, "Let's try again."

What good am I, honestly?

Sungyeol'd voice cracked in the second verse. Sunggyu stopped him again.

"Let's try warming up with a scale first..." Sunggyu trailed off, brows furrowed and eyeing Sungyeol carefully.

What am I doing here?

Sungyeol's voice faltered.

"Alright." Sunggyu removed his fingers from the piano keyboard, and the piano stool to face Sungyeol. He placed his hands on his hips and stared at Sungyeol, who squirmed a little at the scrutiny.

"Well?" Sunggyu's voice was gentle. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

Sungyeol wrinkled his nose.

"It's nothing."

But then the look Sunggyu shot him after his response made him think twice. Sungyeol heaved a heavy sigh, deflating with the air he exhaled. Sunggyu still looked at him expectantly. There was (probably) no way around this.

"I'mscaredthatI'mahinderancetoourteam." Sungyeol finished in one breath, as fast as he could, just to get it over with. He waited for Sunggyu to comprehend.

Which he did--about half a minute later. Sunggyu rolled his eyes.

"I know you're not doing great in practices nowadays, but you're not a hinderance, silly." Sunggyu jabbed a finger in Sungyeol's direction. "It wouldn't be the same without you. Myungsoo would probably crumble and die. Besides, you've come an awfully long way since we started."

Sungyeol looked away.

"Oh come on. You couldn't even sing the scale back then! You had like, four left legs when you danced, for pete's sake!" Sunggyu threw his hands up in the air. He watched as the corners of Sungyeol's mouth turned up slightly. Sunggyu sighed too, and his voice was quieter when he spoke next.

"I'm proud of you, honestly." Sunggyu sounded earnest and he reached over to ruffle Sungyeol's hair, and his heart warmed. He snorted a little.

"Grandpa Gyu." Sungyeol muttered, ducking Sunggyu's hand.

"What was that?" Sunggyu's gave one of his squinty-eyed hamster looks. Sungyeol shrugged and feigned ignorance.

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Even with Sunggyu's patience and help, the rest of the vocal training session hadn't gone well.

Myungsoo could tell something was up, later when their group came together around the tiny dining table in their dorm's living room for dinner. Myungsoo slipped into a seat next to Sungyeol, and held his free hand throughout the meal. The members glanced at their intertwined fingers, but didn't say anything, and Myungsoo was grateful for the lack of teasing tonight. Perhaps they could sense something was off about Sungyeol too.

Myungsoo breathed in deeply. He didn't know what was wrong, but he hated seeing Sungyeol down.

Myungsoo only let go of Sungyeol's hand when the boy was about to go to bed. Myungsoo handed Sungyeol a warm glass of milk--he'd read somewhere that it helped people sleep better. Anything to make Sungyeol feel even the least bit better.

Sungyeol lay on his side for a while, cheek smushed into the pillow, eyebrows furrowed.

I don't want to ruin our dream.

The nasty, insistent voice at the back of his head was at it again, and Sungyeol tried to shut his eyes against it. Sungyeol drifted off to sleep soon enough though, watched over by Myungsoo.

Myungsoo chewed the back of his pencil, staring down at the blank lines of a fresh page in the notebook. He took the pencil in his right hand, rolled it between this index finger and thumb.

To be completely honest, maybe it was starting to be a little painful to write about a time when Sungyeol smiled so easily.

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