Right now, here I am, at the beach of Jeju-do, I came here the day after my "BESTFRIEND" , Kim Jongin introduce me to his girlfriend, Krystal . Now, it had already been 3 weeks I am away from the people, away from Jongin, away from training, away from everything. I inhale the sweet scent of the beach as i walk, it felt so lonely yet sorrowful. Why is the beach so quiet? It felt as if the nature reflects my feeling, it reflects my heart, it is so silent, nobody is here, just like my heart, it felt lonely, lonely wthout Kim Jongin. Maybe because the night almost fall, the people didn't walk around the beach? Yeah, maybe.  I continue to walk, I like how the wind blows my hair and blows the white dress I'm wearing. I like the feel of the wind hit my skin. I stopped my track and settle myself on the beack, burying my hands under the sand, it felt so warm, warm like Jongin. " Why am I still thinking of you, my dear?" I whispered as a lonely tears roll down my cheeks. I let the wind dried my tears. I look at the sun that is almost set.  " Jongin.. I want to watch every sunrise with you, until the sunset of my life.." I muttered out as the wind is blowing again. The air felt so refresh. My dress keep on ifting due to the wind blows, so i cross my legs and strecth them. 

Soon, I get on my feet and walk towards the sea water. I look at the sunset, the pretty view, the moments which I hope that he is beside me right now, which i hope he would hug me by my shoulder and whispering sweet things, it just me, who kept on imagining things , hoping for something that would never comes true. I slowly bend and stick my hand into the sea water. I observe my hand as the sea water hit them, how i wish the memories with him, the feelings i have for Jongin would drift away, just like the endless sea water. My sight turn to a flower on the beach, it may be someone dropped it or maybe the flower sellers dropped it here or perhaps it is blown by the wind. I pick the flower and smells it scent. It reminds me of Jongin, how he would be so choosy in choosing his cologne that makes him stick to using that one cologne he always use even until now, and that's how i  recognize him just by his scents, a man's scent, to be more accurate, my man's scent. "The scent of the flower still lingers on, though it had been left here on the beach.. " I said as I stare at the flower. " But they're things that will wilt away someday " I said again as the tears threaten to fall again.

My knees felt weak as i womble and fall to the ground. I cried my heart all out, I hit my chest, why does my chest felt so hurt. "I could never imagine life without you. the moment she comes, my heart stopped right there, the heart dont beat! but losing you makes me learn, it makes me learn that we can't change the way we feel inside, how you just feel me as you bestfriend, your bestfriend Kim Jongin! " I scream out to the silent beach as the moonlight starts to shine on me. 
"I hope , we could have one last dance to our first song, while pretending there's nothing is wrong. Let's just lay down like we used to do every night, looking at the dark sky, and cherish every moment we have! I missed you badly Jongin.. I missed you! " I choke out. My voice and cries filled the silent beach.

I try to get up and walk. Just a few steps, I could feel him again but i know it just my imagination, and i fall again, fall onto the sand. I grabbed a fistful of sands in my palm and throw them away. Then, i smell something familiar, something like Jongin's cologne. But i know, I'm just dreaming. I couldn't hold on this feeling anymore, it's too painful to overcome it all alone. I just want to hold jongin in my arms. I think of him each day but now we are apart. I lay flat on the beach, and look up the sky, imagine as if Jongin is beside me, telling me his problems and how his day went, hearing his giggles and laughs. I close my eyes and swallow all the memories by myself. Its seems like everything is too late, we are too late. I'm the only one hurting tonight. I wondered what is he doing now. probably having dinner with his girlfriend, or having fansigns, or maybe he is doing a recording, perhaps.

Once again, i tried to get on my feet. Yeah, i succeed. I pat the sand on my dress and head towards the hotel room i'm staying in. When i reach the room, i went into the bathroom and wash my face, also brushing my teeth. After that, i dry my face with the white towel that the hotel provides. I walk out of the bathroom and went tothe closet, to change my clothes. I took off my dress and change into a big oversized shirt that covered until my thighs. I went onto the bed and whimpered at the feel of the comfy bed. I stare onto the ceiling for while. Then, i shift my sight towards my phone that been placed on the bed table, it had been switch off since 3 weeks ago. I don't feel like turning it on. The times where Jongin introduced me to her, the times where he smiles so happily, the happy Jongin flashback in my minds, my chest felt the slight pain again, it felt hard to breath. He is happy. He looks happy. I can't deny the fact that they actually looks good together.

"Please someone tell me this is just a dream, please tell me this is just another lie. "