CONTINUATION OF FLASHBACK

14th January, it was Jongin birthday every year. For that every year since we've known each other, I will always be the first one to wish him for his birthday. Patiently waiting for the clock to hit the midnight and come barging into hisme and celebrate his birthhday with him or sending him text. I still remember how he is always amused because I always be the one to wish him first. He said i were the best friend he had ever had. I felt happy hearing that, but deep down inside, I actually felt hurt, I dont just want to be just a friend of him, I want to be more than that, i want to be that someone who will stay with him forever, through bad and good times, our lips locked in front of number of people, declaring our vow, and let the world know i am his and he is mine.

As we grow up, he had met his first love, he dated and he break up, while me, I had never ever set my eyes on other guy, because on my eyes, there's none other than Kim Jongin. He often asked me the same question " Hyerin.. Why don't you try dating someone?" . I will just reply him with a smile. He had introduced me to couple of his guy friends, but it ended not more than just a friend. As for Jongin, he dated several girls and he breaks up with them. Every time he broke up, he would come to me , crying on my shoulder, and i would as usual rub his head to calm him down, give him encourageing and comforting word, letting him wet my shirt with his tears. He would fall asleep crying. 

There was once, Jongin came into my apartment, with his red and puffy eyes. I were so worried. But I know, it must be because he broke up with the girl he dated. I welcome him into my home. But, instead of sitting on the couch, he fell into my arms. I try hard to keep my body straight because his weight is pushing me down. I felt that my shirt is wet, wet by his tears. I pat him and hushed him to stop crying. He hugged me tighter and said " We broke up Hyerin.. She cheats on me.. She .. She.. " . I keep on rubbing him. " It's okay Jongin.. Dont cry. I'm here for you right? Quit crying.. " He part away from me and stares into my eyes. I were very nervous everytime he looks at me that way. So, I would excuse myself to cook him something delicious and he would slowly release me, and wait for the dishes i were going to make for him. He would usually spending his time dancing on my living room or watching his favorite shows. " Jongin the food is done!" I would said as i bring and serves the food for him. " Whoaa Hyerin! It looks yummy! " He grins happily as he said that. He took a bite of the food i make and close his eyes. "Hmmmmm~~~ So delicious! I hope my wife will be able to cook as well as you, so she could make me happy everytime i'm feeling downbeat!" He said with his mouth full of food. I just giggles softly, with a little hope in my heart, that one day he would look at me, with a little hope, just little hope, that one day, he would love me. He finished his food and placed them on the sink, he is always a kid with full of manners, he will wash all the dishes after he eats and placed them on the rack properly. That is another thing that attracts me to him. He i not just handsome and manly, but he has good manners and nice personality, though he might have one or two bad habits of his like he is quite a tempered person. 

October 2011, a good things happen to him, that is he is chosen as the permanent members of a boygroup to be debuted, they are called as EXO. I were the happiest person for him, finally all his hard training years, all of his sweats and pains, all of the things that he had endure through all this years, had finally paid of. We went to a karaoke bar to celebrate his joys and I could feel how happy he was. He had been very busy. Since he is already choosen to be permanent members, he had to move training room, that meants me and him are separated. As much as it hurts inside to be separated for him, fear that couldn't see him as often as before, I still flashed a smile every seconds so that he would feel leaving at ease. But, i use every chance i had to see him training in the other room with s and smile without im knowing. I'm happy for Jongin, whatever he did, whatever his decision is, I will always be the one who supported him, I won't let him fall down, I wont let him hurting alone. Because, I LOVE KIM JONGIN.

8th April 2012 , Jongin officially debuted as EXO with their debut single MAMA. It was a big hit that time and they were the strongest rookie group. I were Jongin's number one fangirl, always attending every shows, every fansign, every events he attends. He would make a face and wave when he saw me. I were so happy, to see the same Jongin is still there, not the image of KAI that the company is giving him. To be honest, it felt like i am looking at someone else when i'm looking at Kai. He is not Jongin, he is not my Kim Jongin at all. 

On one cold saturday, I heard a knock on my door, i lazily went to see who it was. As soon as i open the door, I smell the familiar cologne, he still hadn't changed it at all, i immediately look up just to meet Jongin's eyes. "Jongin!" I yell and hugged him, clinging onto his neck. He pushed me in and close the door behind him while grinning happily. " I bought your favorite grilled squid. Let's spend some times together. I missed you a lot " He told me while showing a container contains grilled squid. I took it away from him and had to the kitchen.

" I'll prepare food for us. Serve youself Jongin"

"Okay!!"

I put the squid in a bowl and pour him favorite apple juice. I bring the food to the living room and i saw Jongin standing at the verandah. I giggles softly.

"So, no schedules today hmmm Jongin?"

" I just finished them. And i come here after i had some conversation with the companies and members and not to forget the manager. "

" You should becareful. You are still rookies. Dont cause some troubles"

He turns around and leaned on the side door. He folds his arms and look at me " Look.. Look who's talking to me right now.. Don't worry. I know how to handle my problems, Hyerin ah" I laugh as i heard his statements. This kid is still a kid. He walks towards the table and settle himself beside me, eyeing the food that i prepared. Then, he began to eat, he has this big appetite of him that is so adorable to me. After we finished eating, we spent our remaining times watching the movies and play his favorite games. Until we had ended up cuddling on the couch, and went to the dreamland. I would took that time to admired his features. His eyes, his smiley eyes, and his perfect smiles, also his perfect jawline, how i wish you would love me,Kim Jongin. I laid my head on his chest, listening to the rapid of his heartbeat, it's like a lullaby for me that drown me to sleep.

30th May 2013, he had his second comeback stage at Mnet Countdown. Again, he comes back with a powerful stage. Leaving a marks in every fans heart, gaining more popularity, and wash every awards at music events. I sent him a congratulation message, but i ended up receiving a call from him. " hyerin ah" I heard his voice off the phone. My heart is alive again.

" Yeah Jongin? I saw your stage" 

" How was it? i were cool right?"

" of course you are! you always be cool"

" i gotta go now. see you soon! "

With that he hang up the call. That day, i don't know why did i missed him so much. So, i went to the room where we keep our stuffs inside. I took out our memories capsule. I look through our pictures. How badly i missed those times when Jongin is around. Being a silly boy he is, being a cute and adorable kid he is, but is as sweet as honey at certain times, the boy who would come running to me crying when he is in problems, yeah, that is him, that is my Kim Jongin. That time , i finally realize, that he is my first love. it had been 13 years since we had been friends and i dont even know since when did i tarted to love him, because he is a sweet and gentle guy. I don't know how my life would turned out to be if he leaves me. So, that day, i made my mind to confess my feelings to him, to let him know how i actually feel, i put aside my worry of getting rejected or accepted, whats the matter now is just to let him know. 

The next day, I contacted him to ak if he was free.

" Hello? Jongin ah?"

" yeah hyerin?"

" are you busy today?"

" I'll be free from any schedules tonight. why? you want to see me?"

" yeah if i could.. then whats time? where?"

" alright, let's meet at H hotel at 11PM, 6th floor, room 2310, i have something to tell you too. a very important thing "

" okay! see you soon!"

Jongin end the call. I look through my closet immediately and try on several dress. I had to look good on him. But no matter what i wear, i feel not right and uncomfortable. So, i choose a red shirt and a jeans. I rather be myself in front of him. I look at the reflection of myself in the mirror and smile to myself, thinking of what he would tell me tonight and all.

The clock finally hits 9:30 PM, i had to go out early since H Hotel is a bit far from my home but it is quite near the dorm that Jongin is living in with s that time. I put on my shoes , tied my hair and drive my car to the H Hotel. I arrive about an hour later and i parked my car. I carefully observed the surrounding, being aware of any paparazzi or reporters who kept on searching for scandals and digging up private life of the idols. When i'm sure that everything is okay, i entered the hotel and went to the room Jongin had told me. I take a deep breath , inhale and exhale, and kept on remebering the speech i had prepared to confess to Jongin. When im fully ready, I pressed on the ringing bells and waited for Jongin to open the door. Once the door is open, it reveals Jongin, with a plain black shirt and jeans. He smiles to me while i am dazed, dazed by him. He waves his palm on my face. " hyerin ah??? " He said with his puppy eyes and low voice. I wake up from my dreams and enter the room. 

-To Be Continued-