Yoona tell herself that it is wrong, that he's married, and she should stop before it's too late. But she know that's impossible, because it was too late to stop before it even started, and she couldn't stop now even if she wanted to.

Yoona tell herself that he loves her. And he does, at least she think he does, but that doesn't make it okay, and she know that because every night she come home to an empty bed and a guilt ridden conscious.

And he goes home to his wife.

A wife who considers her to be a good friend.

A wife who considers her to be a good person.

A wife who she have a standing lunch date with every Tuesday at one in the afternoon.

He tells her that their marriage is a formality, a marriage that was built off of guilt and lies, and he may not be able to escape from it forever, but being with her, even if it's just for a few hours, is enough of an escape.

But it's not enough for her.

And I'll be begging you baby,

Beg you not to leave

But I'll be left here waiting

With my heart on my sleeve

It takes a few months, but one night she manages to muster up the courage to say something. His arm is wrapped around her waist, his head resting on the crook of her shoulder. Yoona don't face him, because that would hurt too much, and she’s no masochist, even if her actions these past few months suggest otherwise.

"Why doesn't this bother you?" Yoona whisper, her eyes closed and her fist clenching the sheet to keep her from crying.

He pauses, and she takes a deep breath, because she’s afraid of what he might say. That it doesn't bother him because it's just , because he hasn't fallen as hard as she have. That he still loves her, and if he still loves her, he's not doing anything wrong.

Yoona know they could get over an affair that was based on . She know Jessica, she know she would go to some type of counseling, chalk it up to Taec being trapped in the body of a senior, and move along with their lives. While she on the other hand, were left in the cold, with nothing to look forward to but an empty bed.

Which if she think about it, isn't all that different from what her life is now. And somehow that makes it even worse.

"It does bother me." he finally answers, and she opens her eyes as she let out a breath, she didn't know she’s holding in. Yoona feel his hand running up and down her back, and she blink back the tears that have been threatening to come since the second she laid eyes on him earlier that night. "But losing you bothers me more."

Yoona turn to face him, and he's smiling down at her, which only makes her feel worse, because it's a smile that Jessica has told her about numerous times. A smile that she hasn't seen in a long time, and suddenly she know why.

"It doesn't have to be this way." Yoona say, praying that he'll understand the meaning she has laced underneath her words.

Yoona sigh when he does, but gives her an answer that makes her heart ache like it's never ached before.

"Yes it does."

Oh for the next time we'll be here

Seems like a million years

And I think I'm dying

It takes her about six months to get over the guilt. Yoona no longer flinch when she pass Jessica in the halls, and her Tuesday lunches are as normal as ever. Sooman gives her lingering looks in the hallways and board meetings, but she ignore him, as usual. Yoona don't know how much he knows, and she’s not going to be the one to bring it up.

Yoona walking out of the hospital doors when she stops her. She’s frozen in her spot, because she’s sure she knows exactly where she’s going, even though he tells her that she isn't suspicious.

"Yoona." she calls out. And she pause, turning around and forcing a smile that she assumes is genuine. "Do you have a minute?" she asks.

Yoona pretend to check her watch, as if she’s running late for a yoga class or dinner with her sister, when really, she’s running late for a secret rendezvous with her husband.

"Of course." Yoona say, nodding her head and keeping her smile intact.

"I know he's not your responsibility." she begins, and her breath hitches, because she know exactly the he she is referring to. "But if you see Taec, could you tell him I'm looking for him? I'm sure he has a patient or is stuck in the clinic, but I need to speak with him."

Yoona swallow hard, nodding her head once more as she force herself to look her in the eyes.

"Absolutely." she say. "But you'll probably see him before I do."

Yoona watch as she nods her head and bites down on her lower lip, her eyes darting directly to the ground before and then back up to hers. And for the first time, she’s not sure she believes the lie that she has been trying so hard to perfect.

So she make up an excuse as to why she have to leave, a yoga class, or dinner at her sister's house, it doesn't really matter, and she rush off to her car.

Yoona arrive at the predestined lavish hotel faster than she ever have before, and she don't bother to check in at the front guest because the text she have on her phone lets her know that he's already there.

This time he's the one waiting, and she’s not sure why, but it makes her feel powerful and in control. She toy with the idea of drawing out her arrival, making him wait for her like she has waited for him so many times, but she don't.

Yoona simply press the button to the elevator, that feeling of power and control fleeing from her mind.

She’s alone on the elevator, surrounded only by her thoughts and her perpetual sidekick, guilt. Although this time the guilt is there for a different reason. Because for the first time, she didn't feel guilty about lying to Jessica.

The lie rolled off her tongue with such ease that is scared her, because she weren't thinking about how much pain it was going to cause her, she were thinking about how good it was going to make her feel. Yoona weren't thinking about her.

Yoona were thinking about him.

Yoona were thinking about her.

So she barely let him speak when she opened the door. Yoona weren't timid or uptight, she were bold, she knew exactly what she wanted, and she were going to get it.

Yoona lift up her blouse in a hasty fashion, now dressed only in her sheer, black laced bra and skin tight pencil skirt. His eyes widen and she smirk as she walk over to meet him, her heels clicking against the hardwood floors with every betraying step she take.

His hands are immediately on her waist, and she can feel them moving up towards her s when she forcefully press her lips to his and walk him towards the edge of the bed.

His knees buckle against the edge of the bed and she pull her lips away from his, long enough to gently push him onto the bed with her palm. Yoona slip out of her heels and climb on top of him, hiking her skirt up to reveal the thigh high stocking she'd put on that morning in anticipation of this very moment.

He gives her that smile again, and she smile back, hovering over him before she say.

"Your wife is looking for you."

Her lips are back on his before he could even think about responding. And she tell herself that this is the way it has to be, because he's right, what they were doing was worth the guilt, and love was worth the risk.

Yoona don't think about what he would have done if she had given him time to respond.

What do I have to do to make you see,

She can't love you like me?

She’s tangled up in him, physically and mentally. Her hair sprawled out on his chest and his fingers running up and down her arm when the phone on the bedside table starts to ring.

The ringer isn't coming from her phone, but she recognizes it and start to wonder if he has a special ringer for her. He looks from her to the phone, as if he's debating on what he should do. She roll her eyes and decide to make it easy for him.

Yoona untangle herself from him, dragging the sheet with her as she walk towards the bathroom. She pause at the nightstand and pick up the phone, wordlessly placing it in his hand as she continue her walk of shame.

The sheet falls at the edge of the bathroom door when she hear the faint sound of a forced hello coming from his lips.

When she calls you will go

There is one thing you should know

We don't have to live this way

Baby, why don't you stay

She come out of the bathroom to find him buttoning up his shirt. She find her bra and quickly fasten it, not daring to look him in the eyes.

"You're leaving?" she say, although she phrase it more as a statement than a question.

He nods regretfully, and she scoffs, which causes a defeated look to come across his face. She do her best to ignore it, he's not the victim here.

In the back of her mind, she knows she’s not either.

"I would stay if I could." he says as he finished buttoning his shirt. "You know that."

Yoona shake her head.

"I don't know that. Because you never have."

He pauses, and she shake her head once more, because she’s broken the unspoken rule that she has both somehow agreed upon. Yoona know she don't have a right to complain, but she want to do it anyway.

Because she no longer feel in control.

"Yoong…" he says softly, and she hold up her hand because she can't bear to hear him speak her name.

"You could tell her." Yoona interrupt.

She watch as he closes his eyes and his hands fall to his sides, and she know he's not going to breath a word of this anytime soon. And despite her late night pleas to the empty pillow next to her, and the prayers to the God, she’s not sure she even believes in, a part of her thinks he never will.

"So could you." he answers, and she simply roll her eyes and find the remaining articles of her clothing.

"That's not my responsibility."

Which isn't exactly a lie, because she’s not responsible, but she’s not exactly innocent, either. He was the one who was married. He was the one who was breaking promises he had made. She was just a willing participant.

But they, they were the ones she was going to hate.

She kissed him on the cheek before she left the hotel room, leaving him with only his thoughts and an empty bed.

Why don't you stay

I'm down on my knees

I'm so tired of being lonely

Don't I give you what you need?

When she calls you to go

There is one thing you should know

We don't have to live this way

Baby, why don't you stay

It's a week before she sees him again. And she hates herself for it, but she find herself missing him like she has never missed anyone before. Which is ridiculous, because she sees him every single day.

The nights are just an added bonus that she has somehow come to rely on.

Yoona’s the one waiting alone in the hotel room this time, and she’s taken the liberty of ordering a bottle of wine. She decide against the champagne, because at this point a celebratory drink would almost seem disrespectful.

He walks in and smiles at her as he meets her on the bed, a sigh escaping his lips as he falls onto the mattress and drapes his arm across her sprawled out legs. He pulls his phone out and she give him a glare, telling herself that this is it, she’s done.

But then he turns his phone off and lets it fall to the ground, and she can't hide the smile that is forming on her lips.

He turns so he's lying on top of her, and she hold each other's gaze for what seems like eternity. He presses his lips to hers in a way that he's never done, it's long and drawn out, and his hand is caressing her cheek as she moan into his lips.

And she’s not sure if he will stay, but knowing that he won't be leaving because of her makes it hurt a little bit less.

She can't love you like me

She can't love you like me

Yoona don't know why she’s surprised when things go back to the way they were. She know she were foolish to think things could change, because the situation hadn't.

She were in love with a man who, no matter how much he says he wants to, can never give her everything she want, let alone everything she need.

It's been a year when she think she's finally puts the pieces of the puzzle together. She’s surprised it took her this long, but then she remember that denial is a very strong coping mechanism.

She’s the expert on that, after all.

She vaguely brings it up over lunch one day, and you have to hand it to her, she handles it with an amount of class that is almost sickening. And once again, she wonder why she’s surprised, because Jessica Jung is nothing but classy.

And she always liked her, even if her actions didn't reflect it.

"I guess we all have our vices." she says as she forks through her salad.

Yoona look up, her eyes wide and afraid as she continues.

"Taec has his vicodin, I have my law books, you have things you're not supposed to."

"Sica…" she begin, although she’s not sure why, because she don't have much else to say. An apology seems like it would be a slap to the face at this point, because they both know there’s anything but sorry.

"I'm not asking you to stop." she continues, and she pause, eyeing her suspiciously. "I just want to warn you, because this is going to end badly for all parties involved."

She was worried about her feelings.

"Being in love with someone who is incapable of loving you back in the way that you need him to is hard, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But you're not my enemy. Despite everything, you're my friend. And I don't want to see you get hurt."

She drop the fork to her salad. The only thing she can taste at this point is the salt from the sting of the tears that are trickling down her face, and she have to look away because she know she has a sympathetic look on her face.

"Taec has loved two people in his life." she says, and her breath hitches at the tense she has unconsciously chosen. "And by the looks of it, he's burned both of them. So be careful, Yoona."

She find herself at a loss for words again. So she simply nod and blink away the tears.

"Thank you." she mutter, although she’s not exactly sure what she’s thanking her for. Her blessing? Her warning? She don't know and she’s too emotionally exhausted to try and figure it out.

Instead she turn her attention back to her salad, grateful that she does the same.

It's too much pain to have to bear

To love a man you have to share

He knows that she knows. Yoona know that she knows. And yet, nothing has really changed.

Her bed is still empty at night, even though her heart is fuller than it's ever been.

It takes over a year and a half for her to decide that it's time. She were supposed to be at the hotel over fifteen minutes ago, but she haven't moved from the chair in her office in what felt like hours.

Yoona pick up the phone and hang up twice before she finally make the call. She know she should drive over there and do this face to face, but she can't seem to move from the chair.

So she dial.

I can't take it any longer

But my will is getting stronger

And I think I know just what I have to do

He knows what she’s doing the second he answers the phone. He tries to tell her that she’s wrong, that things will be different, that he will be different, but she’s heard the story before, and her mind is made up.

They both know that nothing will change until everything changes, and only one of them had the ability to do that.

I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting

So why don't you stay

"You're not losing me." Yoona say, and she have to close her eyes because it's the only thing keeping her going, and she take a deep breath as she force herself to say the words that are already breaking her heart. "You never really had me. Because I never really had you."

So the next time you find, you wanna leave her bed for mine

Why don't you stay

I'm up off my knees

I'm so tired of being lonely

You can't give me what I need

When she begs you not to go

There is one thing you should know

I don't have to live this way

Baby, why don't you stay.

Yoona don't tell her that it's over the next time that she has lunch. But she assume that he does. She almost hopes that he does, because then maybe she won't have to talk about it with her.

But she doesn't say a word.

So every week she suffer through a salad that she swear is making her sick, but she don't dare call the lunches off. Because she know Jessica needs her, and after everything she’s put her through, it's the least she can do.

She's grateful for her company, and in a way she’s grateful for hers. But she don't talk about him, or anything personal for that matter. Some days she don't even speak at all.

And she silently thanks her when she don't mention the fact that she is no longer wearing her wedding band.

It's too much pain to bear

To love a man you have to share

He shows up at her door a month after she break it off. Two weeks after Jessica stopped wearing her wedding ring.

Yoona open the door, her hair a mess and her forehead sweaty from the hour she spent doing yoga in attempts to calm herself down.

But she can't help but smile at him. And he can't help but smile back.

"What are you doing here?" she ask, her arms folded across her chest as she try to mask the feelings of bliss that are surging through her bones.

"You're wrong." he says, and she roll her eyes because he's not really answering her question. "You're under the impression that you never had me, but you did. You had me like no has ever had me before. And it scared me, so I did the thing I normally do when I'm scared. I pushed you away."

"It's hard to push someone away when you never let them in, in the first place." She fire back.

She watch as he steps closer, and a part of her wants to shut the door in his face, but a bigger part of her wants to wrap her arms around his neck and never let go.

But she refrain, because impulse is what landed her in this situation in the first place.

"You only want me when you can't have me." She say. "And it's not fair to drag me along like this, not anymore."

"That doesn't really explain why I'm on your doorstep, does it? And it was never fair. The way I treated you was wrong and I'm sorry." He's coming closer to her and she realizes that she’s not stopping him, because as long as she has known him, she’s not sure she heard him say those words.

"We're getting divorced. And I know it's a year and half too late, but I thought you should know."

Yoona nod and uncross her arms when she notices the backpack that is hanging off of his shoulder.

He's inches away from her when she finally breaks. Yoona throw her arms around his neck and his hand finds the small of her back, pulling her closer to him.

Yoona can't help but smile when he whispers into her ear.

"Mind if I stay the night?"