I broke down when he left me. I had no idea he despised me so much. I had even dared to think he was fond of me. How could I be so wrong? And just like I thought, I had let myself get hurt out of stupidity. I was dumbfounded. I didn’t want to believe what had happened. He was right, I didn’t act as I should have. I shouldn’t have let myself be so carefree in my manners. But then I thought he liked it. Where did it go wrong? I couldn’t put my finger on it. I felt an immense rage grow from my insides: as long as I behaved so that he could have his way, he enjoyed my company but as soon as I had voiced my disapproval he had turned his back on me… just like I thought he would when I just came. Somehow I had managed to make myself believe it would be otherwise. I had been so bold as to believe he would care for me as much as I cared for him. How childish and futile! He despised me. That was the only clear thought my brain could shape.

The next morning, Lord Sheffield came to visit me. I didn’t dare leaving my room, I couldn’t face him yet. I didn’t have the courage to. Deep down, I was expecting he would regret his harsh words and come back to me. But he didn’t. In fact, Lord Sheffield told me the King didn’t want to see me at his table from today on, saying I’d have to either eat with the servants or alone in my room. There was worry in his voice as he barely managed to look at me in the eyes as he was delivering the King’s words. Yet, before he left he glanced at me and said:

-  I don’t know what happened, Mir. But it’d be better for us both if you’d settle this. He looked pretty angry, you know.

I felt betrayed. So I was the one to be blamed! I felt a surge of hate for this whimsical King and my selfish protector. A trading good, that’s all I was in their eyes.

-  Fine, I said sternly not bothering to look at him, if you want me to apologize, I’ll do it for your sake. I owe you my life after all.

He stopped a second, trying to read through my words before he left me with a sigh of disapproval at my stubbornness.

The rage that started to build up the previous night came rushing back in my stomach. I felt used by that man, dirtied and deprived. But truly, I was angry against myself for being such a fool. And I resolved to go and apologize to him in the afternoon. Meanwhile, I’d stay in this cold room. But as time was passing by, I felt weaker and weaker: I couldn’t face him. My rage had gone, only my caring for him was left. If I’d seen him, I knew I would have beg him to forgive me and I refused to act so pathetically. I was the one who got hurt. I thought I had come to know this man, but I was wrong.

A whole week elapsed this way. I kept myself locked in between these walls. Only Juliette was left to attend me. She was a sweet girl. She watched me patiently crying, or just staring blankly at the ceiling or through the window. She tried to make me talk and I was thankful for her thoughtfulness. Lord Sheffield came a second time to urge me to beg for pardon, saying the King was now nearly ignoring him. But this feeling of treason didn’t leave me. I thought I’d found someone to understand me, to care for me and for whom I cared deeply. But I’d discovered the hard way it was all only in my mind, a beautiful lie I’d persuaded myself to believe in. And here I was: lonely and so far away from myself.

On the seventh night, as once again I couldn’t sleep, I don’t know why, I went to the Chapel. I needed to divert my attention and settle my mind on something else. I couldn’t stay in this state forever. I had to mend my heart. And for some reason I thought about those wonderful illuminated books there. I had fallen in love with them the first time I’d laid my eyes on them. I had lit a candle that I’d put on the ground next to me as I let my eyes run across the pages painted in gold and vivid colours. And just like it happened on that day, I heard his voice calling me:

-  Why didn’t you come to apologize?

I repressed a tear to fall from my eyes and lifted my head up to look at him. It was himself indeed, clad in simple clothes. His arms were crossed on his chest, looking tired. His voice, though authoritative was gentle. And though I’d been craving to hear that voice for days, I didn’t answer. I knew I wouldn’t be able to control my sobs if I did. Seeing him was even worse. The weight of his loss felt even more unbearable.

-  Didn’t you hear me? He asked a bit of impatience in his tone.

-  I did, I whispered, my eyes back on the illuminations.

-  Didn’t you understand then? He went on.

-  I did, I said once again.

He sighed, as if regretting his harsh tone. He knelt down, lowering to my level and I felt his stare on me. I didn’t dare looking back at him. It hurt too much.

-  I miss you.

It had barely been a whisper. For a moment, I thought my brain had made it up. I looked at him in shock, not believing I had heard right.

-  I miss you, Cheolyong, he repeated in a clearer voice though shame was showing through.

-  You hurt me, I said in a breath.

He sighed and his hands cradled my face, his thumbs tenderly my cheeks.

-  You hurt me, he repeated my words.

Had I? I lowered my head in shame, getting away from his touch. I didn’t mean to hurt him. He grabbed my chin gently and made me look at him again. I couldn’t stand it. I bit down on my bottom lip and closed my eyes. I felt his breath on my skin and soon, his lips brushed lightly against mine. I lost myself in him. It looked like a dream. He couldn’t be in front of me. This couldn’t be him.

I opened my eyes and got caught in his.

-  I won’t apologize, I whispered softly, internally hoping he wouldn’t insist because I knew my will would fail me.

He seemed to be looking for something in my eyes. He let go of my face and stared at the ground, sighing heavily.

-  You have the right to be angry, he admitted embarrassedly.

He sat down next to me and I was careful not to miss any of his movements.

-  What are you doing here, Majesty, I said.

-  Majesty? He looked hurt. You’re unfair, Cheolyong.

-  Am I? You don’t know what I've been through lately, I retorted.

I saw a hint of anger flash through his eyes.

-  Won’t you come back to me, he said in a low voice, holding his bad-temper.

I shook my head, the tears I was striving to hold in finally rolling on my cheeks.

-  You treated me as if I were nothing, I said trying to steady my shaking voice.

And then I heard words I thought I’d never hear from him.

-  I know. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me anymore.

It was barely a whisper and if anyone had been here, they probably wouldn’t have been able to hear it. And though I wanted more than anything to give in, I knew I couldn’t just let it go. He made me feel so low. I had no guarantee he wouldn’t do it again.

I shook my head and told him in a low voice:

-  I felt betrayed… You know I’m yours, but I’ll never know where your heart lays.

He remained silent a moment, sighing. Then, he looked around us carefully, his eyes scrutinizing the dark shadows of the chapel and once again, he looked at me in the eyes:

-  You know I like you, Cheolyong.

I tried to read in him. Could I trust him? I knew he wasn’t the kind of man to be effusive and he was no flatterer. He didn’t care about hurting anyone. Feelings were hard for him to deal with. I knew his confession was priceless. I was about to answer him when he went on, lowering his head:

-  Please, don’t leave me. You’re the only one I can trust.

I was speechless. A tear escaped from his eyes and I felt guilty for doing this to him. He was about to add something else but I silenced him, putting my finger on his lips. He looked at me, surprised and I couldn’t resist anymore. I kissed him, throwing my arms around his neck. I’d been missing him with all my soul. I needed him. He slid his arms around my waist and my bottom lip so that I’d let him in which I did happily. I let us taste each other for a while before I broke the kiss and sat up suddenly and held out my hands to help him back on his feet. He smiled and reached for my hands.

We went back to my room, walking side by side, our hands brushing slightly now then as we couldn’t hold hands in front of the servants. I felt a strange heat in my stomach, warming up my whole being. I was happy.

As we laid on my bed, cuddling, he kissed my forehead and told me:

-  I don’t want people to look down on you anymore. I’ll settle everything. By tomorrow night, you’ll have a title.

I looked up at him. His eyes were shining slightly in the dark as he my hair and my nape. I wondered what was going on in his mind. He seemed concerned, but I couldn’t imagine why. We spent the rest of the night lying down next to each other, simply enjoying the other’s presence. I couldn’t help but think we’d come through a long way.

I’m so sorry for the late update! And I know this chapter is a bit disappointing…

Please, don’t give up reading it yet though!