-  Mir! Juliette called from the yard.

I was having a stroll in the garden with Lady Eunha who had come to deliver some wonderful news: she was pregnant with her now six months long husband’s child. He was a tall and gracious man, always worried about her well-being. Seeing them together was always a pleasure and, I have to admit, a source of envy. They looked so happy together, as if they were completing each other. Eunha told me their relationship was only platonic at the beginning and that it only turned into love after a lot of efforts. But still, they looked happy together, and I couldn’t help but envy them.

It was now one year and a half since I last saw him… since he did that. As soon as I’d healed enough to be able to move, Mr. Sheffield had taken me away to his castle in Aquitaine. He left the Parisian court with regrets: he liked the court life very much and he had managed to finally get some influence on the right persons around the king. But when he saw my desperate state, he immediately complied and we left. I never saw the King again before I left. And I had the feeling he was avoiding me on purpose.

I never thought I’d be so low. At first, I was lying in bed, alone with my hurting body and soul, slowly drifting in a sort of unconsciousness. I was numb. It hurt so much I’d become used to it. That gnawing pain. I didn’t care for my body really. It didn’t matter, the . It had hurt and his forceful penetration had caused me to bleed profusely, but it wasn’t that that caused me so much pain. I couldn’t believe he did it. He said he loved me and I loved him so much too. With all my heart. I was his. So why did he have to ruin everything. I’d have given him anything. So why did he have to take it away from me in such a violent way. By doing so, he didn’t only wreck me, he gave up on us. And the worst thing is, all along, he knew what he was doing. He knew the consequences. He had willingly put an end to our love. I couldn’t accept it. He wanted us to end and this simple realisation hurt much more than any other fact. I know he was slowly wearing me out. But as surely as he was, he was also my reason to keep on fighting.

I remained in this apathetic state for two months. I just stayed in my room, only getting up to use the bathroom, hardly managing to eat. I just couldn’t admit I’d lost him, that he deliberately hurt me. What I saw in his eyes at that moment was pure distress. He was both furious and extremely sad. It was like he couldn’t hear me and I got scared by the man that was standing in front of me. I couldn’t reach him. He only seemed to be able to come back to his senses when he saw me lying broken on the floor. I thought I’d never be able to forgive him. But time passed by and little by little, only my caring for him remained. I often wondered what I’d done wrong to make him go insane, but I never found the answer. We probably weren’t meant to be. First, we should have never met. Our mutual falling in love with each other was unexpected and, as every forbidden thing, very intense. It was bound to end soon as it should have never started.

Eunha came as often as she could and I still had Juliette by my side, though our relationship had grown into a brother-sister one rather than a master-servant one. She reminded me a lot of Teamin, cheerful and shy, always worrying about the others. It’s thanks to her that I managed to learn to live with my pain. She got sick and she almost died. Seeing her in her agony was unbearable and awoken me. She was relying on me, I had to stop wallowing in my sorrow and support her. And so I did. Fortunately she survived and we became even closer after that. I’m thankful she’s here and I started to live normally again. My mind still drifted to him, but I’d grown used to the hole he’d left in my heart.

As Lady Eunha and I were heading back toward the palace, Juliette came running to us, holding hands with our little page, Cheondung. They were both getting along so well they were always together. Even though Juliette was a bit harsh to him, constantly bossing him around, he was so fond of her he’d comply to any of her whims… which is quite adorable, when you think of it.

When they were close enough to us so that we could properly see their faces, I noticed Juliette looked worried which alarmed me.

-  Mir! She called and stopped, Cheondung out of breath on her heels. You.. I think you should leave.

I frowned in disbelief. Leave? Eunha just laughed:

-  Juliette! She smiled. Are you alright? Why should he leave and where?

Juliette took a deep breath. She was about to speak but suddenly found herself incapable to do so, so she lowered her head down. Cheondung put a hand on her shoulder to support her and spoke:

-  Mr. Sheffield told us the King was coming. He’ll be here by tomorrow.

Eunha gasped. I hardly managed to process the information. He was coming? Why? Why would he come in Aquitaine? He had no reason to visit Lord Sheffield.

Somehow, I managed to wear a faint smile and say:

-  That is unexpected, indeed.

Eunha caressed my hair and said:

-  There’s a tavern a few miles away. The owner owes me. You could stay there for a few days while the King’s here.

-  Do you think he’ll stay long? I smiled.

Smiling was the only effective way preventing me from bursting into tears. He’d be here. He’d be close. I wasn’t ready. My heart still ached too much.

-  We don’t really know, Juliette stated. His visit is quite a surprise. And…

She interrupted herself, too afraid to give her own mind.

-  Go on, I ordered gently.

-  And it’s more likely than not that he came to talk to you.

They all looked down at their feet, too embarrassed to say more. I felt like a burden for them all. My heart was thumping hard in my chest.

-  What are Lord Sheffield’s indications, I asked resolved to obey whatever they were.

-  He…, Juliette started hesitatingly, He simply said you’d have to decide on your own. He thinks this… thing you had with the King must be put to an end… properly.

I sighed. So he wanted us to meet. I knew he’d always missed the life at the King’s court. And I was the only obstacle to it now. I’d prevented him from living as he wished for already too long. I owed him too much to just ignore his wishes. He was old and if the court’s life was his only pleasure, I’d have to talk the King into letting him in again. And I could only obtain such a thing by setting things right with Joon. I couldn’t afford to be selfish anymore.

I looked at Eunha’s face. She was biting her lips, lost deep in her thoughts. I took her hand in mine, bringing her back to reality.

-  You don’t have to do that, she claimed.

She knew me by heart. She already knew what I’d decided.

-  Maybe… Just, maybe if I talk to him, he’ll let Lord Sheffield enjoy the court’s life again. I could stay here.

-  Lord Sheffield would never demand such a thing from you. He loves you like a son. If it’s too hard for you to face him, you can just leave. If he thought otherwise, he’d never let you the choice, Eunha explained.

She was right. Lord Sheffield showed me many times he cared for me. And for that same reason, I had to face the King.

-  I’d rather you’d leave, Juliette whispered.

I smiled at her, surprised I didn’t have to fake that one. She is such a sweet girl. I her cheek, earning a glare from a jealous Cheondung.

-  Don’t worry, sweetie, I said. I’m alright now. He can’t hurt me anymore. I don’t love him anymore.

She looked at me questioningly. She wanted to believe my words as much as I did. But we knew these were only empty words. He had a strong and steady grip on my heart.

Cheondung tugged on Juliette’s hand and Eunha smiled reassuringly:

-  Let’s see Lord Sheffield, she said and we made our ways to the palace’s dining room.