D&M 9
Dreams and Memories
_J.S
Joonmyeon turns his head to his right. Half-sleeping consciousness stirring close to full arousal as his eyelids flutters open gradually. He closes his lids back, groaningly uses his left hand to block the blinding light of the room instead of his right, feeling something weighing it down on the bed covers.
He blinks carefully away from the light, adjusting to his surroundings. When his eyes were able to adapt to the white walled room, he looks around wondering how he had gotten at the hospital in the first place.
"Joonmyeon."
The thin, husky voice coming from his right draws Joonmyeon's interest in, enough for him to turn to that side. His eyes looks fixedly at the raven haired boy sitting close to his bed. The latter's hand cradled Joonmyeon's right hand which explains the weight he feels.
"How. Why. Why didn't you tell me you have asthma?" His voice had a hint of accusing for wrongly hiding his physical ailment. There were deep furrows in his brows. Thin lips that always stretch so widely were kept straight and his scowling expression was too hard to not take notice."Don't even start reasoning you forgot to tell me because something this life threatening shouldn't be kept like this."
Joonmyeon tries to get up from his semi-sitting position, but laid back when Jongdae's hand squeezes his own down. Eyes strictly warning he shouldn't get up abruptly. He sighed to himself. He didn't want to hide it. He just don't know how he would tell him. Joonmyeon looks up at the ceiling, deliberately closes his eyes. A recollection of his memories before he passed out came into his mind.
He was helping Jongdae around their house. Dusting and cleaning every corner. He forgot his primary prevention of an attack was using a face mask and he forgot how an inhaler should always he at his arms reach. Before he can even tell his Boyfriend his necessity, he was already on the floor crying for air until Jongdae's panicking face was the last thing he remembers.
"You know? I really felt like a complete lunatic when my boyfriend drops down on our floor, craving for air and eventually fainted in front of my very eyes. I didn't know what to do because apparently my boyfriend never mentioned he have asthma." Jongdae's prominent jaw were clenching as sarcastic, rueful words crosses his lips. The anger was enough for Joonmyeon to wince in pain when his cussing lover crushes his hand unknowingly.
"Answer me Joonmyeon." Hand grasping rigidly on Joonmyeon hand that he couldn't hide his discomfort. He gently sat up as slow as possible. Hand still locked around Jongdae's fingers. It was tight and it hurts. But in spite the dull sensation, he rests his left hand over their hands.
"I'm sorry." He said in a voice groggy voice.
Even his sincerely short of an apology didn't flicker the anger in Jongdae's eyes. They were still dark and sharp, roughly implies that he made Jongdae extremely worried. His boyfriend didn't say anything and just continued staring at him, fueling his guilt.
"I just," He breathe some air. He was grateful he can manage to breath more comfortably now, than the last time how he felt his unmoving lungs. He looks into those darkening eyes again. It was enough to make him cry. He hates seeing him all firm and untouchable. He's not that Cheerful Jongdae."I don't want to worry you. I don't want you to look at me like a weak patient, or a breakable figurine or someone that you always need to look after like a child and-" He felt Jongdae's grip loosens. It didn't just loosen, his lover's hand slip out of his grasp as Jongdae stood up, withdrawn himself suddenly with a detached expression across his face. Joonmyeon's heart shakes in pain. He cries out when his boyfriend turns his back on him and walks away, hearing his retreating footsteps and feeling the warmness of Jongdae's touch disappearing away.
"Jongdae! Don't leave please!" His tears soon wells in his eyes automatically."I'm sorry!" He feels both fear and pain. It was probably due to the intravenous fluid securely hooked on his right hand, the needle inside hurts and itches and he hates it. Or it was probably his fear of seeing Jongdae go and leave him behind, all alone in a room. It maybe was since he felt a tear steams at the corner of his squinting eyes when Jongdae was at the foot of his bed, only few steps from the door. He dreads the moment he hears the other walks out of his room with a loud slam. He will break down.
"It's not that i wasn't gonna tell you. I was but," He wanted to tell him that he's not just scared to tell him, but also because he did forget. A couple of times, he forgets that he isn't physically 100% well. Every time they're together, he feels nothing but glee and floating in cloud nine. He's always happy being around Jongdae that he had gotten addicted to his lover's presence. He feels alive and healthy inside and out. For the entire year and a half they've been together, he rarely experience any attacks thus contributes to his forgetfulness. And during those countable times when he did, it wasn't even severe. Evidently,environmental factors such as pollens and dust isn't something to be easily avoided specially when an nineteen years old boy is greatly in love to even realized that the bright smile and undeniable charm of his Boyfriend was literally taking his breath away in the middle of dusting the room clean.
"We've been in this relationship for almost two years now Joonmyeon. When will you mention about this? When you stop breathing and faint and i'm ing not there beside you?!" Jongdae's yell seems to shake the entire room. Joonmyeon fisted the sheets, his lips trembling. Jongdae just yelled at him and it's the first he heard him yelled in madness. It's one of the thing Joonmyeon hates. He can tolerate other people shouting at him but it sounds and feels different when it's coming for Jongdae. He feels afflicted with his lover's words.
"I don't want to see you looking down on me because of my poor health." He croaks in between his audible sobs, sniffing the clog mucus that blocks his nose. He tries to crawl to the edge of the bed to hopefully reach out for Jongdae, but the hooked IV restricts his movements with whimpers escaping his quivering lips when he unintentionally pulls it.
Jongdae swivels his head to Joonmyeon's bawling form when he hears him in pain. The raven haired boy rambled back to Joonmyeon's side, sitting on the bed with him and grabbing his hurt hand. Joonmyeon sniffs nosily, the corner of his lips gently rising when Jongdae affectionately kisses his stinging hand in attempts to smother the pain. His lover's warm tender lips, his particular gesture always works in every miraculous way.
"I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have kept it I'm sorry Jongdae I'm sorry." His words come out incoherently. Shoulders shrugging every time he snuffles. Jongdae lifts his chin up and Joonmyeon wanted to smile upon seeing Jongdae fully.
"You dummy." Pads of Jongdae's slender thumb dotingly mops away Joonmyeon's steaming crystal tears. Darkened, domineering eyes dissipates as a tender glow of Jongdae's whimsical eyes came back, blinking at Joonmyeon. Those eyes that he just loves and that warm gentle aura.
"I thought you were leaving me alone." He whines, still sniffling and now burying his face at the warm space of Jongdae's pale neck. He gets more whinier as Jongdae's arms hugged him snuggly inside the confinements of his chest.
"I wasn't. I would never leave you alone." Jongdae hums. His toxic voice now sounds nothing but comfort and gentleness as Jongdae kisses atop of Joomyeon's head. Rocking themselves gently that somehow lulls Joonmyeon to sleep but fights the urges back. He wants to stay awake for Jongdae.
"I'm sorry that i yelled at you, but i'm not sorry i got mad. You scared me. I did't know what to do." Jongdae stops rocking themselves and firms his hold around his boyfriend. Joonmyeon felt sorry for making things worse. He feels Jongdae's frustrations of being clueless. Just like the first time he had an attack. He was only six. Young and scared of not being able to breath, of not being able to see his parents, to not being able to play with his brother and Baekkie, to not being able to watch barney and pororo and eat ice cream, and to reread his favorite story books all because he thought he was dying.
"Joonmyeon, a mere asthma wouldn't make me look down on you or make me love you less. It won't because what I feel for you is not as shallow as you might think. I will worry ." Joonmyeon pulls his self out from his lover's embrace tentatively as he hears those words coming out from Jongdae's. "It's my job to worry about you, Joonmyeon."
Joonmyeon feels fine strings pulling the edges of his flushed lips. His cheeks gets warmer specially when Jongdae cups his small frame, looks straight into his soul, eyes shifting from one doe eye to the other before melting Joonmyeon's heart with an,
"I love you." Jongdae imploringly states.
Three syllables that can even be muttered in a split of three seconds however, in Joonmyeon's ears, it came out unhurriedly. Every word that seemed to have taken a minute to be fully articulate lingers in Joonmyeon's ears longer as it flows down to his beating heart.
Joonmyeon smiles, kisses Jongdae when the latter pursed his lips to met Joonmyeon's. He couldn't help but smile again. His smile that gave away his heart-filled of "I love you too." reply. His moisten cheeks were drying up with the help of Jongdae's fingers that wipes any tiny tears waiting to steam down."Let's not keep secrets from each other from now on okey? It's never healthy to be too secretive in a relationship and i know you know that."
Joonmyeon nods, apologizing again for making his lover worry and from hiding his condition. He's guilty and he's mad at himself for hiding it for too long that Jongdae had to witness it before he had the power to be honest and open. Joonmyeon wanted their relationship to work and last up to the end.
"Now, i want to know the things you've been hiding from me. Allergies, probably committing immoral acts before? Phobias?" Jongdae asks perkily.
Joonmyeon shook his head, cheeks ascending high as his lips spreads across giggling."None.. Just, just this." He said, playing with their fingers that were now intertwined.
"I have a phobia that I've been carrying around me for as long as I can remember it having." Jongdae resolutely announces, eyes morphing into serious doe eyes that were only staring at Joonmyeon."
"What is it?" Joonmyeon asks in a questioning look.
Jongdae's trails his fingers tips at Joonmyeon's every angelic features, holding his small frame only centimeters away from his."I have a great fear of losing you." He states solemnly.
Joonmyeon senses every steadfast movements of his world leisurely halted and all his eyes could ever see is Jongdae. He's entire being was overwhelmed. No one (with the exception of his family and Baekhyun) ever made him feel so valuable, precious, treasured, wanted and loved. Jongdae was the first who made him feel those strong and irrevocable emotions. He never felt so important to anyone else before that hearing those words makes him wish to whoever is in charge up there to never make a mistake of separating them because,
"So do me a big favor and stop hiding important things such as these from me or even simple things."
Jongdae's thumb fondly brushing on Joonmyeon's tender hand."So i can take care of you better." He adds with his signature broad smile. Showcasing him perfectly healthy teeth.
Joonmyeon etched forward, hand creeping at the back of his lover's neck to pull him into a kiss. Jongdae smiles, leaving Joonmyeon's hand for awhile to bring his bare hands at each side of his lover's small and soft features to crush their lips more and more against each other.
"We'll take good care of each other." Joonmyeon wheedled as their lips fitly melded together again.
A nurse came to check on Joonmyeon, but neither of them dared to stop what they were doing.
But Siwon clearing his throat rather harshly and screaming 'Get out!' upon seeing his powerless brother down on the bed, mewling and being profoundly kissed by a certain Jongdae on top, hand movingly under the patient gown of his brother, was another story.
•••
"Losing you is like living in a world with no air."
_J.S
"He's waking up guys!"
"Joonmyeon?"
"Will you be quite Baekhyun?! And get off the bed what are you wild cat?!"
" off Luhan.."
"Oh, so you wanna visit the emergency room a little later ?!"
"No. You two shut up and be quite!"
"S-sorry Kris.." The two disturbing voices soften down the second the deeper Baritone voice of Kris growled at them.
Joonmyeon carefully blinks his eyes open. The cream wall was the first thing he saw, still in a blurry version until a perfectly eye-lined eyes broods over him. He coughs to clear his dry throat as he rubs his eye.
"Baek." He calls, vision getting clearer and clearer.
"He's awake at last!" Baekhyun managed to shake the entire bed in relief. Luhan, who was standing behind Baekhyun, grabbed his leg and mercilessly pulled the drama Qing's limb. The poor Baekhyun came flying to the white tiles.
"Joonmyeon? Are you okey?" Luhan asked, stepping on the wailing Baekhyun on the floor. He held his friend's hand, he looked like he's about to cry in vexation. Joonmyeon nods, smiling at his friend reassuringly and patting Luhan's hand that was holding him still.
"I'm fine now Lu, please don't cry." He laughs cheerfully. Baekhyun rose up, dusting his , bending his hips and wincing in pain. He gritted his teeth and actioned on choking Luhan from behind, if Luhan didn't turn to looked back at him, he would have been laughing victoriously.
"I'm not crying you idiot." Luhan whines defensively, wiping some liquid at the corner of his eyes that he called "Sweats." Baekhyun rolled his eyes and find content in sitting on the bed beside Joonmyeon. Joonmyeon opened his mouth when the two was about to argue who should sit beside him but paused when he felt a kiss on his temples.
"I'm relieved you feel better."
Joonmyeon looks up and found his boyfriend Kris. His smile looks relieve and glad but his eyes was glowing with melancholy. Joonmyeon raises his hand and brushed his cold palm against Kris's cheek.
"Don't be sad Yifan. Look, I'm fine." He swings his body and giggled at his own silliness. Yifan smothers a depressed sighed and sat behind him, arms wanting to capture him into a hug.
Both Baekhyun and Luhan stood up from the bed when the two couples embraced each other. They don't want to break the bed with too much weight of four people. They smiled and looked away to give the two some private moments.
"Ahh.. Good thing you're finally awake." The door opens, interrupting Kris and Joonmyeon. A slick black haired man dressed in all white with the exemption of his caramel colored undershirt, walks in with a chart tucked in his underarm. He flashed them his one sparkly set of teeth of happy smile with a faint dimple at his right cheek. His low and soft voice made the other four tuned in. His fair and handsome assets that never failed to make the ladies scream during his school days and also presently, was sprinkling at them."Baby cousin." The man chuckles, ruffling Joonmyeon's hair when he reaches him. The nurse that accompanied his cousin sniggers at the back.
"Hyung." Joonmyeon acknowledges, sneering in embarrassment while yanking his cousin's hand on his head that didn't stopped messing his hair. One of the reasons why he never liked visiting his Pulmonologist. His own private respiratory physician is no other than his first degree cousin Lee Jonghyun, who despite their age and maturity, still treats him like the five years old Joonmyeon he plays with diaper years ago.
"Awww.. don't be too bitter. I'm happy to see you again apart from you health emergency." His cousin beam. Kris greeted his cousin politely, meanwhile Luhan and Baekhyun were giggling like worms behind when his cousin greets them with one of his undying smile. His friends have this so called crush with his cousin Jonghyun. Too bad he's married and have an eldest son on the way.
"So, tell me how you feel?" His doctor asked, drumming his pen on his patients chart. Smiling at him in a friendly non-patient approach. For a doctor who sings and plays guitar every time the hospital is kind enough to give him rest, people wouldn't believe his cousin is a medical practitioner on first glance. Joonmyeon was even surprised when his cousin told him he passed the medical licensure examination. For many years, they didn't know what their handsome ladies man of cousin been up to.
"I feel.. Fine, I guess?" He replies with uncertainty. Kris helps him sit on the bed properly as his cousin wore his stethoscopes on and taps the bell against his chest, asking him to inhale and exhale as he starts listening to his breath sounds.
"Fine doesn't sound good. When was the last time you had an attack?" He asks, turning to his nurse and prompting her to jot down his findings before looking at Joonmyeon again.
Joonmyeon thinks back when his last attack happened."About- seven years ago." He said, pulling the covers to his chest, feeling more colder. Jonghyun nods, scribbling some words on the patients history.
"Some young adults who had asthma remission history at the age on of eighteen or nineteen will relapse at twenty six. Seems like you're best friend is back. I'm sure you're well aware that asthma that had been genetically gifted to you isn't something curable." His doctor scratches his head, sitting on the bed and crossing his legs nonchalantly.
"I-I know hyung." He answered in a tiny voice. For the last four years, he's been healthy and free of serious health problems. But he knows better than to think his asthma is fully gone. He was expecting it to reoccur again sometime in the future, just that he didn't expect it to reoccur now. It blew him off like how Jongdae did on their first meeting after years of acting like dead.
"Your brother is one hell of a lucky guy for only inheriting good looks and athletic genes from the Lee side of our family. Lucky Bastard." He laughs, uplifting the atmosphere. "Mind telling me what were you doing before you passed out?" He inquires, eyeing Joonmyeon intently. Luhan and Baekyun exchanges looks at each other while Kris had his curious ears waiting.
"I was-" Joonmyeon nibbled his inner lip, downcast eyes focusing at the wrinkled sheets.
"You were?" Jonghyun prompts him to reply with an insisting expression. "You were out in the cold?" He guessed.
Joonmyeon nods vigorously with an affirmative yes. Luhan and Baekhyun kept quite at the back.
Jonghyun flips a page and begun writing some prescriptions. "You'll have mild disease at relapse so i want you to pay attention to your body now that your asthma is back okey? i'll give you a list of new meds you need." He said. Joonmyeon was thankful his cousin didn't stressed him any further. Kris would wonder why he was crying. His doctor scraps the paper and handed it to Kris. "And, congratulations, I'm giving you a week sick leave certificate as an early christmas present." He cackles, giving another paper to Kris. "Make sure that paper gets to his boss and not into a trashcan, will you Kris?"
"Will do." Kris smiles approvingly, folding the papers neatly and slipping it into his secret pocket. However, Joonmyeon was shook his head in protest.
"Hyung, I can't, I have work and-"
His cousin held up a hand to silenced him. "Joonmyeon, your health is getting jealous over your career so you better listen and take a week rest." Hands on Joonmyeon tensed shoulders. "And, objectively speaking, you don't look so good. You look paler than the usual and your eyes looks tired and falling out." He chided, checking Joonmyeon's eyes, tugging down his lower lids with his thumbs. "You haven't been sleeping well haven't you?"
"But-"
"Nope! I don't wanna hear any objections. Take a rest, don't stay out in the cold for long, eat healthy meals not some instant noodles or goodies from the vending machine. You need fruits, green leafy ewwy foods and regular exercise but don't push it too much, are we clear?" He wasn't looking at Joonmyeon but to Kris and his two best friends.
"We'll make sure he'll comply." Baekhyun answered with Luhan nodding.
"You're free to go. See me after a week." His doctor winks after shaking hands with the other three in the room. Joonmyeon rested his back on his inclined bed with a puff of his cheeks. His cousin walks about of his room, steps back when a new visitor was about to come in. New visitor bowed in front of Jonghyun respectfully before proceeding inside.
"Kyungsoo," Joonmyeon mustered out upon seeing his naturally wide-eyed friend stylist who rushes inside. Kris stood and excused himself, saying he'll need to ask some question to Dr. Lee that he forgot to ask. Joonmyeon nodded and averted his eyes to Kyungsoo who unanticipatedly launched a bear hug at him.
"Kyu-kyungsoo." He chokes, had his hands on his friend's chest to push me a little for a space to breath. Kyungsoo on the other hand, chuckles and let him go. He sat on the bed and grips Joonmyeon's hand.
"I'm sorry! I'm just so happy you're wide awake now. How are you? How's your breathing? Are you hungry? I can make you a nice soup or maybe spaghetti. You like spaghetti? oh! What did the doctor say?" Kyungsoo talked way to fast that Joonmyeon was overwhelmed, gaping at his visitor. Luhan and Baekhyun was too dumbfounded to react.
"Kyung, I'm okey. The doctor said I can go." Joonmyeon giggled after getting over with Kyungsoo's weird phase. "Thank you for helping me back there. I really appreciate it." He gave him one of his warm and grateful smile, gripping Kyungsoo's hand in return.
Kyungsoo laughed his soulful voice. Joonmyeon thinks his friend's voice would sound great if he ever sings. "Of course! What friends are for right?" He chimes, sitting comfortably on the bed."You really scared me back there Suho! Please take care next time okey?" He added with concern that deeply touched Joonmyeon.
Meanwhile, the corner of Baekhyun lips twitched in annoyance while watching the two talking too comfortably with each other while Luhan's ears wiggled, irked with what he sees and what he heard he hopes he didn't because he started feeling something unpleasant at the sight.
"I bought you fruits Suho. You want apple?" Kyungsoo thoughtfully offered, unwrapping the plastic wrapper of the already sliced-on-a-styrofoam-apple he brought. "By the way, I already told the rest of the superior staffs what happened. Don't worry about anything, I got it covered." Kyungsoo took out an apple, forked it and feed it to Joonmyeon.
Joonmyeon blinked at his friend amusingly. He swallowed the apple Kyungsoo offered. He can't believe he was feeling flustered in front of Kyungsoo. They shared a laugh together. Their sweet talks stopped when they felt a devilish and dark aura looming inside the room. More specifically to their side.
"Kyungsoo. You. Step back. Away from Joonmyeon." Luhan had the end of his forefinger on Kyungsoo's forehead, using it to pushed the poor dumbfounded Kyungsoo away from the bed and Joonmyeon. Kyungsoo's lower lip was slowly pursing out, fingers twiddling with his shirt.
Baekhyun crossed his arms and glared at Kyungsoo. He stood beside Luhan who was blocking Joonmyeon away from Kyungsoo.
"Guys!" Joonmyeon exclaimed.
"Wa-was there something I said?" Kyungsoo asked who was forced to stand away from Joonmyeon and looking outcaste. Luhan chuckled sarcastically who didn't care if Kyungsoo looked like a kicked puppy.
"You're being too close." Baekhyun emphasized. Didn't moved away when Joonmyeon was yanking him and Luhan to move. Kyungsoo looked confused for a moment who obviously didn't know how Joonmyeon's friends had been fighting over him and now someone's acting too close with their
Joonmyeonie.
"Guys stop. Kyungsoo's a friend too." Joonmyeon couldn't believe Luhan and Baekhyun treating Kyungsoo coldly. Kyungsoo is one of his close friends. He's the person who's always there for him when both of his best friends are not around.
"Fine. But keep your distance." Luhan threatens, giving Kyungsoo some space who in turn smile when he gets to sit back but not too close to Joonmyeon.
Joonmyeon mentally cried. The childish look on his friends faces and how they cook Kyungsoo with their sharp laser eyes told him that his two good best friends just found a potential rival.
•••
"Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air? Can't live, can't breathe with no air. It's how I feel whenever you ain't there. There's no air, no air."
_J.S
At 7 in the evening, Joonmyeon got discharged from the hospital. They didn't pay a single cent since his cousin told him its all on him. Part of his early Christmas present. Kris picked up all his prescribed meds at the pharmacy before driving them home to his place.
Joonmyeon feels like a boyfriend being accused of cheating at how he thoroughly explained to his best friends that 'there's nothing going on between him and Kyungsoo' if their platonic love is concerned. The motherly boy is just his friend and not his best best friend.
Baekhyun believed him while Luhan who was always the suspicious one didn't bought his explanation and sulked at the corner. He had to apologized to Kyungsoo on how his friends looked at him from head to foot with Haughty eyes. If he didn't scolded the two, they could've flying kicked him out of the hospital. It appeases him that Kyungsoo's an understanding person and wasn't offended (much).
When they arrived at Kris's place, Kris asked him to head straight to their shared room while he calls his male helper to transfer the mini refrigerator to his room so Joonmyeon's medications aren't too far to collect.
Joonmyeon removed his bag and flopped face first to his pillow. He can't believe his back to medications and inhalers again. He kicked his limbs and muffling groans on the pillow. He pulled his head up when his phone beeped. He tapped his password and saw two new messages. He tapped the first one.
From: Jonghyun hyung
Keep you eyes and nose dry.
To: Jonghyun hyung
What?
Hs sent his a reply when he was puzzled with his cousin's text. He immediately got a message back after sending it in less than five seconds.
From: Jonghyun hyung
Your friend, Kyungsoo was it? I talked to him at the station. I asked him what happened to you before you passed out so he honestly told me he saw you were crying. Strong emotions can trigger an asthma attack. Stress releases chemicals that can provoke your sensitive lungs.
So, keep you eyes and nose dry. It means don't cry or at least, try not to. Take care kiddo :)
Joonmyeon smiled at his concerned cousin. He will try not to cry. He hoped he can.
After sending a thank you text to his cousin, he scrolled and opened one unread message.
From: Yixing
Joonmyeon! we're still on for tomorrow right? I had my schedule cleared for tomorrow. And oh! I already informed Chen and he said yes. ^^ I'll see you tomorrow kie?
Joonmyeon ran his fingers through his hair in disgruntlement. It was Mostly directed to himself for being a lame idiot. He set a morning exercise activity with Yixing that he nearly forgot. His asthma attack blocked his every memory of before or was it entirely him who wanted to forget everything he saw.
He rocks himself, thinking how he can walk pass it all. Looking at the text again, he doesn't have the heart to say he's not going. The chinese man apparently cleared all his schedules to have a bonding time with him which, enviably will torture him once he sees the two wonderful couple tomorrow.
He needed someone to be there before he makes a fool of himself. Joonmyeon picks his phone again as he stood on his heel, opening the sliding door to the balcony while scrolling for a certain someone's contacts.
Luhan and Baekhyun. His two effective distraction and back up.
Since Luhan was first on his list, he tapped the call button and waited for the other one to answer.
Calling B. . .
•••
To: My Baozi <3
Hi Baozi! Did you noticed I wasn't at the set this afternoon? I'm sure you did :)
I accompanied Joonmyeon to the hospital. He had an emergency. :( did you missed me? I missed you! ;((
Luhan sent his text, tapping his finger at the side of his phone highly expecting a reply when the home screen changes into Joonmyeon's face. He taped the answered button right away.
"Yeah Joonmyeon?" Luhan answered. He was laid his back on his bed. Papers and scratches were scattered all over his sheets. He was making a list of ways to woo Xiumin's attention to him before sending a text to his future mate ."Is everything okey?"
"Yeah Lu, i'm fine."
Luhan let out a sighed of relief to hear his friend's reply. He was nervous it might have been something urgent. The suffocating scene replayed inside his head and he shivered seeing Joonmyeon's airless figure inside his head. As a friend, he was terrified. What if kyungsoo weren't there to see a breathless Joonmyeon? He can't bear the thought of not being there beside his friend when he was suffering from his illness.
"Luhan?" Joonmyeon called. The other line were all dead air when Luhan goes silent.
"I'm here. I'm sorry. I was thinking of something." He said. His pen slipping from his hold as he positioned himself up."What's up?"
"You see.. I kinda promised Yixing I'll go on a morning exercise with him at the sports complex and.. He's bringing Jon- C-chen with him and.."
"Joonmyeon.." Luhan interrupted.
"Yeah?"
"Did your Einstein brain shrank into a small brain of a squirrel or probably a cockroach? Are you stupid?! How could you agreed to go when you just had an asthma attack this afternoon?! Unless you wanna die! Just tell me if do, I'll make things easier for you." He nag. He grits his teeth in distraught. He loves Joonmyeon but sometimes he wanted to knock some sense inside that brain of his.
"But Luhan, I can't say no. He cleared his schedule for me. It's impolite to reject him." Joonmyeon reasoned, voice pleading. "Lu, I need you there with me. You and Baek. Please come.." Luhan rolled his eyes when Joonmyeon uses him persuasion powers on him.
"Xiumin coming?" He asks. If he'll ever go, he might as well see Xiumin there so he can execute his next move.
Joonmyeon thought for awhile in the other line. Yixing didn't mentioned the director's coming and he isn't sure if he'll ever be once Xiumin finds out his predator friend will be there."I'm not sure Luhan." He honestly said.
"Then I'm not sure if I'm coming too." Luhan answered, side-lying on his bed while yawning.
"Luhan..." His friend whined.
Luhan pinches the bridge of his nose. He was getting annoyed yet he can't ignore Joonmyeon's request. There's a big part of him that wouldn't want to see his friend in the middle of a distressful environment with two nauseating couple. "Fine. Go and call Yixing. Tell him to tag Xiumin along if he doesn't want to see his boyfriend's deformed face tomorrow. I'll go prepare my sport wear. I'll just relay the message to the ."
"Where is Baekhyun anyway?" Joonmyeon asked.
"Having with chanyeol in the other room. They're shockingly quite." Luhan casually responded. "I think they're in a 6-"
"Xi Luhan.." Joonmyeon interjected within a loud groaned. He doesn't want to hear Luhan's ually vulgar mouth.
"Okey goodnight." Luhan chortled.
•••
Joonmyeon scrolled his contacts again. Searching for Yixing's. When he finally found it, he tapped the call button and waited for the other to pick up.
It took a long time. He even tapped the call button again when no one was still answering. Two minutes passed until the other finally picks up.
"Hello?"
Joonmyeon fingers curled rigidly around his phone. It wasn't Yixing's voice, no. It wasn't timid and feebly soft. The voice sounded husky. A playfulness hidden in between timbre's. He sounded more like a native chinese now than his original roots is concern albeit, the fact still stands. The voice is still coming from that person.
"Joonmyeon? Still there?"
Joonmyeon inhaled. Filling his lungs with adequate air because he might need it a little later. "J-Jongdae, hi."
"I thought you hang up." Jongdae chimes. Joonmyeon did felt the need to hang up just now. "Ah..Sorry. Lay's at the comfort. He's showering so i answered the phone for him thought it's something important."
There was a 90% probability that they might be. But Joonmyeon was absurdly holding on to the 10% that they're probably not. He couldn't understand himself as to why he was even holding on.
"Joonmyeon?"
"Oh right!" He snaps. " um.. I was wondering about tomorrow. If Xiumin is ah... coming or not?" The reluctance in his voice made Jongdae bubble to soft laughter. Joonmyeon couldn't help but smile. How long has been since the last time they talked over the phone? Six freezing years?
He had waited for this moment. To hear Jongdae's voice again this clear and this close. His heart might have been torn and dump. But that laughter, as always, makes him smile.
"I'm guessing it's Luhan that asked you." Jongdae's laugher turns to shy giggles. "I'll make sure he'll come. He'll be very happy to see Luhan tomorrow."
"That's.. Tha-nks." No matter how Joonmyeon kept his voice in less slurring, he will consequently stammer.
"No problem.." Jongdae said, too relax sounding that Joonmyeon was actually envied his quirkiness.
The line suddenly became soundless, except the gushing of warm water coming from the shower in the other line and the ruffling of the trees in Joonmyeon's side. He don't know what to say more. And Jongdae was just quite on his own.
"I heard.. " Jongdae starts. "I heard you had an asthma attack earlier at the set.. Kyungsoo told us." His perky voice drops. Joonmyeon chuckled mentally. If he wasn't a fool, he'd think the other one was sounding concerned. "How are you feeling now?"
"Are you okey?" Jongdae adds. There wasn't any hesitation in his voice. He was straightforward. His voice sounds so clear as if they are just standing beside each other. Clear that sounds a little too soft.
Joonmyeon sank his teeth on his lower lip. Tears were in his eyes. His emotions closing in a sinful mixture of pain and gladness.
His heart can't help but reminisce how Jongdae cares about him when he was having asthma.
His heart can't help but reminisce..
•••
_K.S
Seven years ago..
On a rainy Friday night, a year after his asthma attack that Jongdae had tragically witnessed. Their usual couple sleepover night nearly didn't happen when Joonmyeon's brother Siwon surprised him and their family a weekend visit. Joonmyeon told Jongdae it's impossible to get away from his brother, who made it clear to him that they'll be having their brotherly bonding that night. His boyfriend who never wanted to break their Friday sleepover, said he'll find a way.
And his 'find a way' materialized into a human form Baekhyun. Joonmyeon was looking boldly discombobulated when he opened their front door and saw Baekhyun. Before he can ask his best fried his intentions, the drama Qing trudged inside their house shouting's Siwon's name.
"Hyung! Can I borrow Joonmyeon for tonight? we have this chapter in geometry that I find really head breaking and I kinda need Joonmyeonie's help." Baekhyun asks nicely to Joonmyeon's brother who was clicking channels on a remote control in their sofa. He sounded too nice that Joonmyeon was giving him a what? Expressions at the side which the drama Qing intentionally ignored.
His brother who's always a er of aeygo, looks up from the sofa and gazes from Baekhyun's blinking teary eyes and pouty lips to his brother's confused wrinkles. He sighed in approval with a dismissing wave when Baekhyun whinnied at Siwon theatrically .
Joonmyeon was dragged up to his own room. He was still muddled on his doorway while Baekhyun packed his things for their 'tutoring/sleepover' by himself. He was on his way to ask the other why he suddenly needed his help because Baekhyun practically loves geometry and the feeling is mutual between him and the particular subject. Baekhyun eats geometric problems for deserts (their geometry class is scheduled every after Lunch.)Baekhyun's even a part of the math team and now he needs his help? it was a lot impossible to believe.
"Baek, why do you need my-"
His friend didn't gave him time to speak as they glided down the flight of stairs, bidding goodbye to his parents and brother and forced to ran out of their residence.
His curious thoughts dissolves soon when they ran passed Baekhyun's house and headed straight to someone else's doorstep. They slowed their restless ran and halted in front of Jongdae's house.
Catching his breath, Joonmyeon almost fainted breathlessly when Jongdae approached him with a delighted grin. Baekhyun loosens his tight grip around Joonmyeon's wrist and topples Joonmyeon's backpack to Jongdae's arms that the latter shuffles backwards to catch it.
"There, boyfriend door to door delivery in exchange of L. Joe's number." Baekhyun said between pants. Jongdae chuckled amusingly, fishing a piece of paper from his pocket and laid it on Baekhyun's demanding hand.
"He said he wanted to meet you outside the school premises. He's free tomorrow so you better ring him a call tonight before someone fills his schedule." Jongdae states, wiggling his left brow at Baekhyun. Lee Byung hun aka L. Joe is Jongdae's classmate that Baekhyun have been drooling on for the past two months. Joonmyeon made grumbling noise beside Jongdae.
The drama Qing gapes for a good moments of two minutes, squealed in excitement after a second before drifting back to a glaring unbelieving expression.
"Don't you joke with me Jongdae, one pushed of a keypad and your boyfriend will be dragged home by his lovely hyung who have a severe brother complex." The deadly threat that seethes through Baekhyun's airy voice made the atmosphere breezier. Joonmyeon even scooted beside his boyfriend for warmth.
"Liar is not part of my personality list. Why don't you give him a call and see if I'm making things up." His boyfriend assuredly smirked, battling with Baekhyun's small glaring eyes as his arm rests around Joonmyeon's shoulder while hoisting the backpack to his left free shoulder.
Baekhyun finally nodded after Jongdae's short reassurance. He walks backwards, teasingly winking his eyelids at Joonmyeon and Jongdae. "Play it rough guys." He even squirms like a fangirl having unlimited feels that greatly made Joonmyeon blush beside his boyfriend. "Keep the hickey's away from public eyes!" His best friend's added thus adding to Joonmyeon's flustered cheeks.
"Hey! We-were not sleeping together like that!" He defensively faltered in response before Baekhyun's out of his sight.
He can't help but pursed his lower lip at the thought. Jongdae's sensual and affectionate. He's a hugger, always hungry for kisses and a great fan of skin ship. But his category of intimacy is not enough to get them down to bed. He could feel his boyfriend's unwillingness to speed their relationship up. He's both grateful and ungrateful with his boyfriend's behavior in all honesty.
"Why are you pouting like that?"
A low husky whisper sent butterfly vibrations through Joonmyeon's inner ears, cringing at the words. He slightly pushed the twittering Jongdae away from him, washing off his pouty lip away.
"How- how could you used my best friend! What- what if Siwon hyung knocks on Baekkie's door to check on me and I'm not there and- ugh!" He turns his back away from Jongdae with flailing arms to hide his truthful thoughts. Though his idea did created a bubble of worry inside his chest. What If his brother would really check on him? With his brother's personality, it's not impossible.
"I'm certain that's not the reason why you were pouting." Jongdae cackles, pinching Joonmyeon's warm left cheek. Joonmyeon sarcastically rolled his eyes faking a mocking smile. Despite their closeness as a couple, Joonmyeon's still reluctant to talk about sleeping with each other beyond the words imply. Jongdae, who Baekhyun bets to be the first one to ask about was uncommonly the one who never even showed a hint of lustful interest towards Joonmyeon. He's shamelessly disappointed a little. At first he feels like an extreme ert for thinking that way. When he got the courage to talk about it with Baekhyun who's the more experienced one in relation to intimacy, he assured him that it's normal to want Jongdae that way.
"Let's get inside." Jongdae coaxed. Drags his boyfriend into their warm house before Joonmyeon's imagination happen.
"I need you"
_K.S
"How do you exactly brush your teeth?" Joonmyeon asked out of his sheer curiosity.
After their quick late dinner, the both of them locked themselves in Jongdae's room. They decided to brush their teeth side by side together after washing separately (Jongdae slammed his comfort room's door at his lover's face when Joonmyeon asked for them to shower together. Joonmyeon guffawed loudly on his lover's bed at Jongdae's reaction.) Joonmyeon was quietly squeezing the toothpaste out on his toothbrush when Jongdae's manner of brushing his teeth intrigued him.
Jongdae glanced at Joonmyeon on the mirror as he was brushing his teeth with his right hand. Thick white froth brims his mouth as he diligently brushes his lower teeth. He raises his left hand telling Joonmyeon to let him finishing brushing first which the latter understandingly nodded in reply.
Joonmyeon wanders his eyes on the medium sized box just beside the faucet. He squints his eyes seeing three unused mouth wash and one half empty. Two dental floss, four tooth pastes still enclosed in their designated boxes, a roll of newly bought tooth brush's and he will bet his life that the tooth paste Jongdae just used earlier was full three days prior and now it's only a half-empty.
He shakes his head. Still can't believe Jongdae is this obsessed with oral care. Not that he minds or making a big issue about it. He loves how Jongdae takes good care of his teeth. He gets a good amount of benefit from it when their kissing or not. He just hope it won't make all his teeth fall out one day. He stares back at Jongdae who was wrapped up in brushing his teeth. He watched his hand's every move.
Joonmyeon feels his legs grew heavy from prolong standing. Save his craving neck as he intently observes how Jongdae brushes his teeth and if his wrist watch isn't broken or something, it's been ten freaking minutes since Jongdae started brushing his teeth.
"Jongdae stop! Your overdoing it already." He chided, concern stressed out in his pleading voice. He grasp his boyfriend's brush out of his mouth. Jongdae's feline eyes narrowed, his big smile is raining bubbles of fluoride paste as he fights the urge to gag.
"Jongdae it's not appropriate to brush your teeth that long. What if you'll get gingivitis or something?" Joonmyeon held Jongdae's mouth open after the latter rinsed his bubbled mouth. Jongdae shakes his head, sniggering as he closes his mouth from Joonmyeon's scrutinizing gaze.
"I'm fine. I've been practicing that kind of brushing since I learned how to brush my teeth alone." Jongdae laughs, taking Joonmyeon's own toothbrush and uncapping the cover. He held it through the running water before squirting a good amount of toothpaste on the soft bristle. He asks Joonmyeon's to rinse his mouth with the latter did so.
"Open mouth Joonmyeonie.." Jongdae jiggles as he wooed Joonmyeon.
Joonmyeon slowly opened his mouth. Jongdae stood close in front of him as he held his chin in place. Jongdae made his very own introduction of how he brushes his teeth. Joonmyeon was too preoccupied staring at Jongdae blinking eyes to even process the new information being fed to him. He gets attracted to those thick brows that twitches for fun. Jongdae's dark irises and how his eyes shapes in different expressions in accordance with his big wide smile. He smiled indiscreetly when Jongdae (too busy talking) didn't noticed how he bore holes on his face from too much gawking. Joonmyeon nodded after all his lover's talking. Jongdae inserts the brush and started brushing Joonmyeon's top right teeth, titling the brush slightly as the brittle begins to brush on the gum line. He did the same to the other top left until he reaches the bottom right when Jongdae asked him to gurgle. He rinsed his mouth and was dumbfounded when Jongdae squirted another batch of toothpaste.
"Whoe! what are you doing?" He exclaimed, stopping Jongdae from sticking the toothbrush inside his mouth.
"Umm? We're not done yet." Jongdae answered like the answer of Joomyeon's question was too obvious."Open your mouth Joonmyeon, wider." He instructed when Joonmyeon was too stunned to obey.
He sighed, letting his lover brush his teeth with overly meticulous back and forth brushing. He thinks he's trying to brush each tooth which will surely take them longer than the normal two minutes of brushing. He instinctively groans in fright when the pressure his boyfriend is putting on became too hard. Jongdae's focused eyes widen upon seeing his offended reaction.
"I'm sorry!" He deliberately apologized, giving Joonmyeon a small peck on his bubble free area right at the corner of his lips. Joonmyeon calmed, whining how he wanted to spit everything because he can't take the mint inside his mouth anymore.
After brushing his inside cheeks and his tongue, Joonmyeon thankfully spittles all the minty froth and endlessly cleanse and gurgled his mouth with water while Jongdae was watching him at his beside. Joonmyeon checks his opened mouth at the mirror as Jongdae cleaned his brush, kept it neatly and washes his hands.
Joonmyeon was almost kissing the blurry mirror as he inspect his mouth."Jongdae! I think my gum's are bleeding!" He exaggerated the moment he saw the reddened gum lines.
"What?"
Jongdae pulls him away from the mirror and tilted Joonmyeon's chin to get a closer look at his lover's gums."No it isn't." His light chuckled echoed around the comfort room. He looks at the absence of blood along the gum lines. "It's not bleeding. You're overreacting, of course it will look like one after giving it a good brush. It's actually pretty clean." He smiles, closing Joonmyeon's gawking mouth.
Joonmyeon stomps his foot as he peeks at the mirror again. "Jongdae my mouth is all numb! you used too much paste and now I can't-" Jongdae yank Joonmyeon's shoulder to his side and silenced his boyfriend's complaining mouth with his mouth and tongue, slipping passed the latter's widen mouth and glided inside Joonmyeon's cooled cavity, covering it fully with his own.
Joonmyeon's nerve cells short circuit for a little while before his brain finally made him realized what Jongdae was doing. His eyelids fairly closes as his back hits the cold wall with adoring figures. He curled his arms around Jongdae's neck, fingers gently tugging his lover's short raven locks when his boyfriend raised him up, his legs automatically encircling his lover's waist.
They tilted their head in perfect rhythm as the both of them were luxuriating over their private moment of torridly kissing each other against the wall, relishing the minty fresh breathes both of them are gasping out from each other. A feeble moan escapes from Joonmyeon lips when Jongdae hastily shifted him on top of the cold marbled sink, their lips emitting a slipping sound as their lips separates from a second when Jongdae settles him atop. Their needy lips met again when Jongdae tug his lover's neck down, his neck craning up to meet Joonmyeon's opened lips and calmly s his tongue inside again. Touching every corner of Joonmyeon's mouth while one palm exploring his lover's skin under his shirt.
Joonmyeon's not just warming up, the shivering atmosphere of the cold clammy comfort room accelerates higher than the dropped temperature as their lip locking was burning up everything. Joonmyeon was feeling breathless, his heart was pumping too fast that he can't keep up with it anymore, though he doesn't want to stop kissing Jongdae. His wrapped arms around his lover slowly untangles as his hands and fingers travels down and grips Jongdae's thin shirt behind. He wants to take it off so badly.
Jongdae slowly pulls his lips back briefly, strong arms around Joonmyeon's waist hugging his lover closer against him. They were panting against their parted mouth. Jongdae was the first one to smile, "Warm enough?" He sweetly asked, gave his breathless boyfriend a peck before lifting and carrying him out from the comfort room to his waiting bed.
"Y-yeah." Joonmyeon timidly replies, warm flushes of rosy petals decorated his cheeks at it flew up to the tip of his ears. He switched the lights off on their way out of the comfort room, swallowing laboriously when the numbing feeling inside his mouth was gone and was replaced by a warm, moistly sensations with distinct traces of Jongdae all over his mouth.
"No oral cavities would dare to monopolize your mouth Jongdae. They will be zap in nothingness before they even think of multiplying." He chuckled, telling Jongdae to walk carefully before they stumbled on the floor with how Jongdae carries him to his bed mindlessly. He got a loud laugh from his lover in return.
As soon as his head hits the smooth sheets when his boyfriend laid him down gingerly, so did Jongdae's lips on Joonmyeon's. A light pressing of their lips is enough to make Joonmyeon sighed in contentment. Jongdae d a large pillow and tuck it under Joonmyeon's head.
Jongdae laid on his side as for Joonmyeon laying on his back just at close proximity with Jongdae. He leans his head against his lover's chest as soon as a warm hand invaded his flat tummy under his cotton shirt. He grins at the warm moving hand as he let out a sleepy yawn. Jongdae touches is always warm and tender. Joonmyeon even thought once that he's having a fever just by how Jongdae felt so warm to touch. His hellion lover smirks at him, saying it's his normal body temperature. He's warmer compared to others. Jongdae is already normally warm, how much more if he's having a fever? He'll feel like a burning torch by then.
"Good night." Jongdae softly purred.
"Good-" Joonmyeon was already on his trip to dreamland before he even finished his words and consciously feeling Jongdae's good night kiss on his cheek.
"I need you,"
_K.S
Joonmyeon inhaled the fresh salty breezes of the ocean. It's chimes inside his ears made him sighed joyously. He excitedly approached the shoreline, bare footed. A bright happy smile plastered itself across his face as he felt the cold yet relaxing feeling of the ocean water. The sands that retracts as the water pulls back creating small waves, tickles his toes. He giggled, scanning the wide and peaceful Body of water. He loves the ocean. He loves the beach. He simply loves water. It never fails to calm him down.
He removed his shirt, dropped it on the sand that the wind eventually blew away. He fixed his eyes at the horizon and the inviting water, feet squelching on the waters as he strides further. He stopped until his senses told him to dive.
He jumps beneath the surface of the ocean before taking enough air inside his lungs. He swam into the depths. Feeling of belongingness rans through his veins as the coldness of the ocean enchanted him to pry deeper. He will forever love swimming. It's the only sport he knows and it's the best form of exercise for his body.
He swam freely, Enjoying the heavenly corals and the sight of fished that swam passed him.
When his saved air was slowly running out, he worked with his limbs and swum ashore to gasp a lungful of air. However, his mind panicked when no matter how much he swum himself up, he was kept on the same spot and unmoving. Instead of moving up, a fearful force was pulling him down.
He needed air. He needed air. Air air air.
His mind went hysterical when his chest tightens. A spurting bubbles coming from his nose when he failed to hold his remaining oxygen supply. Salty water entered his system through his mouth and lungs. He shuts his eyes closed as he acknowledged the thought that he was drowning and will then die if no one pulls him out in time.
The water was choking him and all his strengths was draining.
One name that came into his mind, he managed to mouthed the letters out before there was nothing left to struggle for.
"I need you,"
_K.S
Joonmyeon's entire body bustled into the real world. He immediately assumed into a sitting position when he opens his eyes and see nothing but darkness. The empty soundless room was the last of his hysterics. He laboriously gasp for air when he felt his breathes shortening. He brought a fist over his Chest as he pounds on it, looking around when he figured he was experiencing a nocturnal Asthma attack.
He turns to his right and that's when fear ate him fully.
He's alone.
Jongdae is not beside him.
He mentally cried. Tears were rolling down his cheeks finding an empty pillow beside him. Crying where Jongdae had gone to. His tears and clogging nose was worsening his condition. He can still seep air but it was not enough to ease the discomfort.
He turns to his left searching for his backpack. He brought an inhaler with him and it's safely tucked in one of its pocket. He moved his limbs out of the bed. Instead of walking over, he fell and rolled on the floor, his forehead hitting the surface. He can barely hear himself forming a painful groan. He shakes his head, crawling towards his bag that is now nearer to him.
He chokes. It scares him to hear himself wheezing in an attempt to gather back air. His chest feels like coiling fast, he opened his mouth wanted to shout his lover's name but he couldn't.
He pulls the bag straps when its finally an arm reach. He fuddled with the zipper and takes the inhaler out. He shakes the medication hurriedly and pressed for a shot. His eyes widen, hands clammy and sweating cold sweats when he found the inhaler empty after shaking it and puffing none out.
He helplessly shakes the device again and again but then he only received more fear. It was nothing but just a mere empty plastic.
He furiously threw it away. Aching his back with hands clenching his chest. Sweats were dripping on the carpet floor as he punch and muffles for air.
And like a person being called, the door opened softly. The light coming from the outside was lightening the dark and hopeless room. Jongdae, with a mug of hot milk on hand creeps in. Low creaking noise from the door as he pushes the knob calmly. His gradual footsteps were careful and calculated as if not wanting to disturbed someone who was supposed to be soundly curled up and sleeping on his bed.
When the scanning light caught a pale boy hopelessly whooping for air, sweats bathing his entire body and eyes almost closing but still trying to make a firm eye contact, Jongdae weakly drops the ceramic mug. Shreds of broken pieces strewed on the floor with a piercing noise. The warm milk floods and soaked the carpet as the soulless under shocked boy stared at his beloved.
"Jo-Joonmyeon!" He sprinted across the room and forcefully kneeled beside his lover. He brought the breathless Joonmyeon up and close to his chest.
"I-ca-can't," He managed to stutter words. Jongdae mouth swayed open when he comprehend what he was trying to tell him. Jongdae grabbed the fallen inhaler thinking Joonmyeon might have been heaving himself to reach it. When he held it in front of Joonmeyeon, the poor boy instantly shook his head and slap the inhaler out of Jongdae's hand.
He leans to Jongdae's chest, body curled up into a ball. He grips his lover's shirt painfully, nails unintentionally digging into his skin.
"Joonmye, wait! Hang on!" Jongdae used to be confident and beautiful voice cracked in every words he uttered. His arms and hands were convulsing that Joonmyeon felt it against his skin.
Jongdae's hand found the topped drawer of his nightstand. Might be due to his panic, wailing and terror-stricken emotions that gushed into him, he pulled the drawer using more than enough force and power he needed that sent the entire wooden boxlike compartment toppled on the floor with a loud thud. Jongdae threw the the useless objects. He picked one inhaler out of seven extra inhalers he bought and hurriedly fiddled it out with only his one hand since his other arm was occupied with Joonmyeon.
Jongdae bit the inhaler's cap and puffed the plastic out, the cap flying somewhere under the table. He shakes the inhaler vigorously and immediately brought the inhaler to his lover's mouth. Joomyeon grips the inhaler (in Jongdae's hand) with both hands like a street beggar finally receiving something to fill his stomach. He breathes out any remaining air he could as Jongdae presses the inhaler down delivering rescue meds as Joonmyeon breaths in. As the medication goes in, Joonmyeon breaths in deeply. He held his breath for a few second for his lungs to absorb the medication. Jongdae gave him his next puffs up until Joonmyeon's prescribed puffs of eight.
When he gratefully felt his chest calming, his lungs recoils and breathing getting back on track as the medication was taking its desirable effect, his gripping hands loosens as he locks Jongdae in his embrace. He cried at the space of his lover's neck, shoulder trembling harshly and pouting lips mumbles unintelligent words that Jongdae hummed in confusion. He hugs his crying boyfriend back with same affection but less tightness. He's afraid to cause another breathless episodes.
"I'm was so scared- i woke-then i can't, you weren't beside me." Joonmyeon wailed, sniffling on his lover's crumpled shirt.
"Stop crying, I'm here now." Jongdae hummed him to silence as he rubs comforting circles at Joonmyeon's back that soothes his restless rumbling.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't beside you when you woke up." He slowly rocks them, hushing softly, kissing Joonmyeon's shoulder and giving him more back rubs."But I'm here now. I won't leave you alone again I promise." His voice sounded hoarse and at the verge of breaking. Joonmyeon pulls away and saw Jongdae's bitter smile as he kisses his fear tears away.
"I'm sorry." He pleaded an apology.
Joonmyeon nodded straight away. There's nothing Jongdae can ever do that he can't forgive. His pursed lip, swollen from too much lip bitting, his puffy tear-filled eyes, his sniffling noises and his flustered cheeks saddened Jongdae from witnessing. Joonmyeon bit his lip back when he saw how lonely the latter's natural happy eyes looks like now. He knows what he's thinking. That he's not responsible enough of a partner.
"Don't blame yourself for what suddenly happened. You Helped me Jongdae. T-thank you." He mustered, wanting to ease the loneliness even just a tiny bit. Jongdae's paling lips was tempting to smile, and it did. It made Joonmyeon smile too.
They both held each other's faces and leans at the same perfect time. When their lips kissed, Joonmyeon cried one single tear of happiness as Jongdae whispers subsequent words on his lips. Thumb caressing the side of his warming neck.
"I'll always be right here with you."
He felt his entire body lifting as Jongdae carried him effortlessly off the carpet. He buried his neck at the crevice of Jongdae's neck and closes his eyes soon after his body was carefully laid on the bed.
"I'm gonna get you a glass of water kay?"
Jongdae stared down when Joonmyeon tugs the side of his pajama with a strong grip. "Don't leave me here." He whines.
Jongdae half-smiled at his lover's request and helps his boyfriend out of bed. They strides out of the room, avoiding the broken ceramics. Jongdae said he'll deal with it later. Joonmyeon sidled beside the other, arms connected around his lover's waist as Jongdae walks them smoothly down the flight of stairs cautiously.
Upon reaching the well lighted kitchen, Joonmyeon went for the faucet and gurgles adequate fluid into his dried up mouth, washing the remnants of the medication. He propped a hand on the border of the steel sink, his eyes beaming at the whirling water as the hollow drainage the liquid down.
He wipes his dampened lips with the back of his hand with disinterested thoughts. Asthma is one thing he doesn't feel proud of inheriting from the maternal side of his bloodline. He's own mother is asthmatic and thus sympathized with him when he's struggling. He envies his brother who was spared from the infamous lung ailment of their family. Before his thoughts dwells beneath his unwanted illness moreover, Jongdae's calling voice consequently made him spun around, lips curving into a tiny smile finding his boyfriend with a glass of water on hand.
He intertwined his fingers to Jongdae's right digits when he reached out for him. He sat on the stool and gulps the warm water down his dry land throat. Jongdae occupied the stool across him, watching his every quenching of the water.
"Don't feel guilty. It's, it's not your fault." Joonmyeon smiled dumbly, placing the empty glass on the table. "I wasn't suppose to sleep on my back. It's not safe for my lungs specially at night and," He scratches his forehead, turning his gaze away from Jongdae. He doesn't want to his lover to blame himself by not being there. It's beyond his control when it comes to his asthma attack. His lungs wouldn't give him hints when it'll planning to stop breathing for him. "I forgot."
Jongdae stood up. The stool squeaks finely as he rose. They looked at each other and sometimes Joonmyeon believes that his boyfriend have a lot of unspoken thoughts that he's not ready to share yet. "Let's get to bed." Jongdae motioned with his hand, didn't bother reacting to Joonmyeon's words. Joonmyeon brushed it off, maybe Jongdae isn't in the mood to talk about it. He doesn't want to push further.
They creaked back to Jongdae's room.The entire chamber was dim and gloomy. The moon's illuminating light that fugitively slithers through the half-closed window was the solitary light source in the room . They skittered inside, silenced etched between them since they scurried along side each other from the kitchen. Joonmyeon sat at the edge of the bed while Jongdae told him to sit still as he rummaged through his dresser. He sat back beside his lover with a blue cotton shirt.
"Change into this. Your shirt is soaked with sweat." Jongdae helped him strip off his wet sticky shirt, shooting it into the laundry basket like a ball. Joonmyeon's eyes whisked into tiny line crescent smiles when his lover turns his back on him to give him some privacy to change. One of the things he loves about him is how Jongdae respects him even in any trivial occasions.
Joonmyeon shuffles into his lover's shirt, smiling at Jongdae's familiar clothe detergent. He was slimmer than Jongdae's built and hence, making him look like a hanger wearing a loosely baby blue shirt. But he didn't mind. He back hugged Jongdae when he was fully dressed. He smiled, leans to his hug when a thumb endearingly brushes his clasped fingers.
"I need you,"
_K.S
"Jongdae, are-are you sure about this?"
"I told you, yes. C'mon."
"Your back and will hurt tomorrow morning. Let's not, okey?"
"Joonmyeon, this is for your comfort not mine. Come here now please."
"But you'll get hurt and-"
".. and I wouldn't care anyway." Jongdae yanked his retorting boyfriend towards him and hauled him on his lap as he places him in a comfortable horizontal position. Joonmyeon yelps in surprised but sat submissively on his lover's lap.
Jongdae parted his legs, sending Joonmyeon's first on the bed foam. He flexed his left leg to support his lover's back while adjusting the fluffy pillow against his back. He rest his back against the pillowed headboard, semi-sitting on the bed while Joonmyeon gathered his limbs and crawled into a ball of lump, head slanting over Jongdae's clavicle.
Jongdae sprang the thick blanket and swathed the warm garment around them. Joonmyeon cuddle into his boyfriend's as Jongdae warmly entwined his arms around his huddling lover closely into his embrace.
"I'll be able to alertly feel you in this kind of position in case something happens. Besides, this is more appropriate for you aside from sleeping in your left side." Jongdae pointed out. Joonmyeon nodded slowly, hands tugging the blanket closer to him. They stayed silent, either of them wanting to break the ice.
"I wish, I wish we'll stay like this." Joonmyeon vaguely states, his right forefinger feeling the outline of Jongdae's wrinkled free lower lips. Jongdae tilted his head down to peek at his lover."You won't leave me." Joonmyeon added. Jongdae's thin lined lips arches up, Joonmyeon's forefinger grazing along the thin lip as he felt his lover smiling down on him.
"I won't." Jongdae huskily said over his lover's parted lips before giving it a sloppy steadfast deep kiss. Joonmyeon let out a sudden squeak, breaking their kiss when a hand sneaking under the covers and under his shirt creeps inside and palms his tummy.
"Besides, we're gonna be married soon so I can't really walk out of your life simply because your dying to marry me. I'm just fulfilling my spousal duties as early as now."Jongdae nonchalantly said, received a low whacked on his arm as Joonmyeon glares at his lover in the midst of darkness. Jongdae chortled, kisses his lover's lips once again after saying he's just kidding.
"When's our wedding?" Joonmyeon played along.
"When we're both older."
"When will that be?" Feigning an impatient tone.
"When we're twenty." Jongdae confidently replied, chuckling at the end, a smug was precisely on his face.
"What?! That's like a year from now!" Joonmyeon grasped incredulously, though he's sure his lover is beginning to laugh at his reaction. He shakes the bed childishly when Jongdae chokes on his giggles.
"Don't you want to marry me that sooner?" Jongdae impishly asked in the middle of laughing his pretty vocals. Joonmyeon quitted, retracts his fingers from Jongdae's lips and kept it to himself.
If marrying someone at nineteen with the same is legal and free from the judgmental eyes of the public, he would happily marry Jongdae first thing in the morning. It doesn't matter where, as long as he'll be exchanging a lifelong and eternal vows only with Jongdae.
"Joonmyeon?" Jongdae calls when his lover became wordless. Joonmyeon twisted his body to face Jongdae. He gasped air before taking the necklace out from his shirt, Jongdae's shirt.
"Are you sure? About me?" He innocently asked. His question threw offending balls of water at Jongdae as he loosens his arm that slings around Joonmyeon's shoulder and had his defined jaw hanging. Joonmyeon panicked at how taken aback his lover looked like. Clasping Jongdae's hand in place on his tummy before it glissades away.
"I mean! we're, we're young and immature and reckless teenagers, we acts impulsively at times and what if, what if you'll changed your mind one day and realized that it's not me and then you'll-"
"Are you planning on breaking up with me? After a month? Or three?" The boy in front of him inquired. His former quirky tone fluctuates, skewed into a timbre of low, serious tensed voice with glint of hurt laced in his tone.
"No! it's- it's not that Jongdae." He exasperated, uneasily shuffling on the covers. He chewed his inner lower lip, titled his head to meet Jongdae's dark eyes that was barely seen in a dark room.
They had this subject a year ago. And his answer is still the same. He wouldn't break up with Jongdae even if his parents asked him to. Even if his brother straggled him, he wouldn't.
"Then what is?" Jongdae stiffening jaw relaxes hearing his startled reply. Joonmyeon stared at the pedant for awhile.
"What if you'll realized that it's not really me that you wanted to be with in the end Jongdae? What if one day you'll change your mind about me and then, and then you'll meet the one that you really wanted, you'll surely asked this back and what I'm trying to say is," He gasped some oxygen because he just mumbled all those words, stuttering in a fast pace."I wanted to. I wanted to marry you since the day you first talked about it, and when your mom told me and then- what if one day you don't-" A forefinger pressed vertically on his moving lips, interjecting his further blabbing. Jongdae pinched both of Joonmyeon's cheeks softly that made the latter squirm. He peppered Joonmyeon with cotton like kisses.
"What the hell have you been eating lately that made you think of all those things? I think your brain is still depriving of oxygen Joonmyeon." He let out a tumultuous laugh, bringing his pouting lover closer."I maybe young but I'm not stupid. I am capable of deciding for myself Joonmyeon. I wouldn't give you this pendant just so I can give you false hopes."
"I'm not going to take that back, Joonmyeon. I know what I want in life and you're the first one on my list." Jongdae adds, pressing their foreheads and lips. Joonmyeon smiled, laughing and giggling like a child.
"Really?"
"Really really." Nods Jongdae.
"It's 3am. I think it's time to sleep before you even think of anything else that could choke me." Jongdae whispers, more like persuading his other half to stop any nonsensical words from spilling. He positioned Joonmyeon back to his prior place, forcing Joonmyeon's enthusiastic head to rest on chest.
Joomyeon closed his eyes, humming serenely at their own little world of contentment and happiness. Jongdae's sweet humming and his innocent patting and caressing of his skin sent him to a deep peaceful sleep.
"I love you too."
_K.S
After a week since their crazy friday sleepover ( his brother didn't found out about it. Hooray.) Jongdae became Joonmyeon's personal nurse. Jongdae can't stand reading a book for more than an hour, so Joonmyeon was greatly amazed, even rubbed his eyes, when he caught his other half reading medical books regarding respiratory illness and some articles in his laptop. Jongdae kept his bedroom extra clean and free from dust and mess. He forced feed some healthy looking vegetables and fruits into Joonmyeon mouth that he tried his best not to hurl the jumbled foods and his boyfriend's efforts of taking care of him.
"Joonmyeon! Will you please get my music sheets? It's in my bag!"
Joonmyeon who was motionlessly sitting on the farthest bleachers, averted his eyes from the novel he's reading to look at his boyfriend who was huddled around on the grassy ground with his glee club friends. He fiddled the notebook closed to hiding when Jongdae rose up to call him out again.
"What!?" He shouted. Pretending to have never heard Jongdae's earlier words. He scrambled the reading material on the wooden bench, out of Jongdae's feline eyes. He was wise enough to place the small novel over his history book to make him look like the studios honor student he is to Jongdae. He's so into Harper Lee's, To kill the mockingbird and he can't afford to be caught up again in the middle by his prying, er of attention boyfriend.
"Music sheets. In my bag." Jongdae points his index finger at the bag beside Joonmyeon. He nodded, grabbing Jongdae's backpack and zipping it open.
"Seriously, how did Jongdae managed to pass his lower years with only a pad and a pencil case inside his bag?" He carried his lover's bag a lot of times before when Jongdae asked him to go home ahead, walk with Baekhyun ( when has things to finish at school.) and bring his bag with him so he'll have an obvious excuse to visit him later so his brother wouldn't bash on him. Jongdae's bag weighs like feather, only to find out that his boyfriend rarely brings books at school.
"I'm naturally smart that's why I passed." He recalled Jongdae confidently said when his curiosity got the better of him.
He scratched the back of his head. The music sheets weren't hard to find since Jongdae's bag looked almost empty. He pulled it out and placed it on top of his history book/novel. He was about to zip it close when some things caught his peripheral vision. He pulled out the small box from the bag and realized it was an inhaler. He peered inside again and saw not one but four bronchodilators inhalers secretly squeezed inside the inner pocket of the bag that was prominently bulging out.
"I should keep it somewhere invincible next time."
Joonmyeon looks up and Jongdae was currently in front of him and looking at him with a depressed frown." I know that you don't want people to make a big fussed of what you're having but i'm afraid you might ran out of inhalers again and i'm just-" His necktie was forcibly tug down, Joonmyeon's fingers embedded themselves into Jongdae's raven locks behind his head, pulling down to give him a fleeting kiss.
"You're worried." Joonmyeon, filling the blank words of his boyfriend's sentence."I'm not mad I'm amazed I'm, wow you actually bought this much?" He ransack his lover's bag and took out the inhalers and he found some of his prescribed drugs.
"Because you know how to freak me out the best, yeah." Jongdae twitches his left brow, making both of them burst to laughter. Their little moment was interrupted by Neil's shouting of"Hey! Where's the damn music sheets?!" Jongdae grabbed his sheets and told Joonmyeon that their little meeting will be over soon. He beetles back to his friend's and Joonmyeon was left with his thoughts.
He's not much of an attention getter. He's the youngest and have the weakest immune system in the family. Every time his asthma or even a simple cough and fever, his mother and brother will rush him to the nearest hospital while his dad was the less panicked one saying."Calm down dear, he's okey." He grew up not wanting too much attention from people. It's endearing but who would want to scare people all the time? Certainly not him. He doesn't want to be a burden. He doesn't want to worry anyone specially not Jongdae.
He d for his history/Novel beside him only to look around for it when it wasn't on the spot he last placed it. Cocking his head in confusion, he looks at Jongdae not too far only to facepalmed and groans in tantrums when his boyfriend was waving the novel at him with a sagely smirk.
"Ugh! Jongdae!" He burrowed his face in his face and sighed. He peeks through his fingers and saw his boyfriend laughing so hard at him. Neil was slapping the entire sheets for him to shut up and focus on their meeting before the world ends.
Joonmyeon leans back, had his arms crossed over. He breaks out into a smile observing how Jongdae keeps his attention on their meeting and not on pissing him off.
Jongdae had been around him and never stopped caring and worrying. He's worried about being in the center of Jongdae's attention but then, it flatters him too. It feels good to the heart knowing someone's there for him during his tough times and Joonmyeon, Joonmyeon thinks that having someone's undivided love and attention on him isn't that bad after all.
•••
"I need you now."
_K.S
Don't sound like you still do..
My heart might believe you.
Irregular tears fell from his filling eyes. He cups a hand over his mouth, hands clenching tightly around the metal railing. His cousin told him not to cry but it seems that he can't comply.
"Joonmyeon.."
"I'm fine now!" He laughed in fakery. Clearing his throat and sniffling vigilantly. It was hard to sound happy when he's voice wanted nothing else but to crack and break altogether. "I received help so I'm great now. It's nothing.."
Jongdae chuckles. Buying Joonmyeon enthusiasm until he stops making noises. "Kris is taking good care of you I bet." He said, as if trying to say he's right right?
The Mention of his boyfriend's name makes him whimper mentally. Kris was there with him and what was he doing talking to his past lover gnashing his teeth against each other just so he can't choke an audible cry?
The sliding door opens harshly. A displeased Kris looks back at him taking him wholly in a glare.
"What are you doing here? Joonmyeon it's cold. It's not good for your lungs. "Kris scolded, half his body poking out and a hand asking him to walk closer. "C'mon in right now babe.."
"I guess I'm right." Jongdae, who heard his boyfriend fussing over him for talking to someone on the phone outside the balcony were the temperature is down to freezing point. "I'll tell Lay you called Kay? good night Joonmyeon."
Before he could say anything back, the phone was cut. Jongdae hang up on him first.
Joonmyeon was always the first one to hang up the phone in the past. They'll always argue who'll hang up first and Jongdae would insist it should be Joonmyeon.
He chuckled looking at his phone.
And Kris's long firm arms around his shoulder that warmly wrapped themselves, a low deep whisper against his ear. Words such as 'Come inside where it's warmer babe' justified everything. Every reality that he should permanently imprint inside his head.
"Y-yeah." He's glad his voice remained monotonous otherwise he will worry Kris for looking all doleful by himself. He turned after secretly wiping his tears and let the blonde man tagged him inside their warm room.
Joonmyeon sat on their now shared bed while Kris approached over the center table. Filling the cup of tea he prepared for Joonmyeon before bringing the tray to his nightstand.
Joonmyeon was lost in his thoughts, eyes on the carpeted floor to even noticed Kris holding a cup of tea and slowly kneeling in front of him. His eyes widen seeing a floating cup of steaming fluid with an undesirable smell looming over. "What.. What is it?" He asks Kris who grinned back at him, hand holding his, gesturing him to take the cup.
"It's a herbal tea. It's good for people having lung ailments. "Kris made him grip the small cup while blowing off the hot steam for him. "I prepared it myself." He boast with a smug across his handsome face.
"You made this?" Joonmyeon asked in disbelief. Looking at the greenish drink Kris considered healthy. The unpleasant smell made his stomach churned in discomfort though. Joonmyeon's face crinkled into a frown, shaking his head and giving the tea back to Kris.
"Babe, it's herbal ginger tea. It's good for you." Kris held the cup only to shove it back to Joonmyeon.
"Yifan, it smells awful." Joonmyeon turns away whiningly when Kris insists on making him drink it. Kris laughed in his deep y voice from seeing his mature boyfriend acting childish. It amuses him.
"It has sun-dried ginger and organic tea leaves in it. I added some clove and a raw honey as the sweetener. It's not that bad at all." Kris straightens his back, leaning on Joonmyeon with eyes trying to give his stubborn boyfriend a glimpse of his glare. Just a little. "Babe, C'mon.." He cooed.
Joonmyeon gave up when Kris was trying hard in front of him, even bribing him to drink it. He sighed in surrender. He took the warm tea and force gulped it down his throat laboriously. Kris looked pleased when he gave the cup back empty.
"You made it?" Joonmyeon sounded doubtful while grimacing in distaste. Kris grumbled at his boyfriend's remarks.
"Just because I can't prepare dinner doesn't mean I can't make a decent Tea, Mister." Kris countered in defense, placing the tea on the table and observed his boyfriend's cringing feature due to the after taste of the tea.
"Yifan..?" Joonmyeon called after a brief time of getting over the awful taste.
"Hmmmmm?"
"It's.. It's my off tomorrow." Joonmyeon reluctantly informed.
Kris's face lightened ."It's not just tomorrow, but for the whole week remember? We should go out then."He smiled a gummy grin. His boyfriend rarely have off days and sick leave's so it's always a big news if he has a free time to relax. He wanted his lover to spend it with him. "Let's go out babe. Spend the whole week out of here. Just you and me."
Joonmyeon smiled. Kris always makes time for him. They were both busy specially Kris who has an entire company on his shoulders. But he always give an exclusive time for him. Weighting down the guilt he has inside moreover.
"Yeah.. Sure." He smiles genuinely but slowly became strained when he remembered Yixing."Yifan.. " He stuttered. Kris might not allow him in his condition.
Kris hummed on the crook of his neck as his blonde Boyfriend hugs him with affection.
"I'm going with Yixing tomorrow morning to do some healthy exercise at the sports complex and-" His words were left hanging when Kris pulls to look at him with a permanent disapproving frown.
"No Joonmyeon. You just had an asthma attack. You'll only stress yourself with any strenuous activity, no." Kris said with a shook of his head to express his strong disapproval.
"I won't do anything heavy. Just a healthy walk. Besides, my doctor told me I need to exercise." He pouts at Kris.
"No. I'll call Yixing.. I'm pretty sure he'll understand." Kris stood up walking close to his table where his phone is placed before Joonmyeon stops him into it.
"I won't go alone. I have Luhan and Baekkie with me. I promise I won't do anything aside from walking around the oval."He promised, stealing Kris's phone before he calls Yixing.
Kris groaned in frustration, deeply sighing until the wrinkles on his forehead ceased when Joonmyeon whined and embraced him.
"Fine but I'm coming." He negotiated.
Joonmyeon crinkled his nose. "You have work plus your father's visiting." He reminded him.
Kris knew his schedule for the next day and if he have to clear some unimportant and less urgent meetings or even ditch the president aka his father just to make sure Joonmyeon isn't curling, rolling on the ground and at the peak of fainting, then he would. "I'm coming." He said in firm finality.
Joonmyeon puff his cheeks. No ones stopping Kris when he wants to do something. "Okey." He nodded. It's no use to argue with Kris. Joonmyeon closes his eyes when his Boyfriend leans on him for a hug.
"Babe?"
Joonmyeon looks at Kris to listen to him but all he got was a kiss on the lips. Kris smiled after that brief pressed of their lips. Smiling widely when Joonmyeon was staring eyes wide at him.
"I love you." He said.
"Let me take care of you." Kris added in a soft whisper.
Joonmyeon was astonished. He heard it from him before. Only this time it sounded more meaningful. He feels how sincere Kris is with him. How he treats him with great love and importance.
He didn't realized he was crying until Kris wipes his tears. He hiccuped, hugged his Kris as tight as how his lover's arms feels around his waist. Kris might think he's just touched with what he said but to Joonmyeon, it was more than that.
Kris keeps him sane and grounded in the present. He should hold on to him. More than he did before.
"I love you too Yifan.." He answered back. His insides feels something different, but he pushed that feeling away.
Kris pulls him to stare at his crying Boyfriend, kiss his tears away before going down to his cheery lips to give a kiss that went deeper when Joonmyeon parted himself for him.
They walk back to their bed. Kris lovingly laid Joonmyeon on the soft sheets, wet kisses trailing down his boyfriend's cold flawless neck as his hands brushes up and down his boyfriend's sides asking if it's okey for him to take Joonmyeon's clothes off. He badly wanted to sleep with Joonmyeon again. It's been two or was it three weeks since the last time they slept with each other intimately. He instantly changes his mind when he remembered his Boyfriend just had an asthma attack. It wouldn't be wise to worn him out any further.
Joonmyeon fisted Kris's blonde locks of hair, whimpering moderately under his Boyfriend. Lips pressed together when Kris's kiss travels from his torso, to the side of his neck, up to his ear, bitting his earlobe gently before pausing.
"Joonmyeon..?" Kris managed to uttered despite the bottled up drive to take his joonmyeon now was raging inside him. He brought himself to Joonmyeon's eye level so he could get a clear view of his lover's angelic face and reaction.
Joonmyeon slowly looks at Kris's adoring brown eyes above him, waiting for whatever it is that Kris's about to say. "W-what?" He faltered, fingers combing Kris's blonde tresses. Kris smiled, though there were seriousness in those brown eyes of his.
"Will you marry me?"
Joonmyeon's heart stopped a beat.
***
Ohohohohohohoho hi guys! Thank you so much to those who greeted me! And GOd your comments made my bday more happier I swear I was so so happy! T_T
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Ugh. I should tag this story as ANGST. seems like I'm depressing all of you with my updates. T_T ugh. I'm really sorry but guys, I know all of you want to know what really happened bt suchen and how you wanted to see Chen suffering, it will be revealed a little later. Please be patient with my updates. :)
THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYs! ^^ hope you'll comment again. ^^
XOXO,
k.
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